FicWad

A/N: If anyone has any questions about the story or about self-mutilation feel free to ask me. I know I'm not the only person who is battling with this condition and I think if more questions were asked this condition would be seen in a different light. Not as people looking for attention but people looking for a way to survive. A great site for information on self-injury is self-injury (dot) net. I have included the song lyrics to “Final Destination” by Within Temptation at the beginning. This song describes perfectly how I feel when I want to cut. Maybe it will help some of you understand better.




Warnings For This Chapter: sexual situations, cutting mentioned




/Final Destination/ by Within Temptation

I escaped my final moment

But it's turning back at me

On every corner Ican feel it waiting

Just a moment, no awareness

I could easily slip away

And then I'll be gone forever




I'm searching

I'm fighting for away to get through

To turn it away




It's waiting, always trying

I feel the hands of fate, they're suffocating

Tell me what's the reason

Is it all inside my head?

Can't take it no more!




All around me Isee danger

And it's closing in on me

Every second I can hear it, breathing

I can't stand the fear inside me

Cause it's leading me astray

And it will be my ending




I'm searching

I'm fighting for away to get through

To turn it away




It's waiting, always trying

I feel the hands of fate, they're suffocating

Tell me what's the reason

Is it all inside my head?

Can't take it no more!




But no one faced what's coming my way

And I will let my fear fade away

Whatever may be, I'll have to find out




It's waiting, always trying

I feel the hands of fate, they're suffocating

Tell me what's the reason

Is it all inside my head?

Can't take it no more!




Chapter 10




Ginnyawoke early, the next morning. She felt a comfortable weight pressing beside her and smiled when she saw Harry. She giggled at his bed-tousled hair and blushed when she remembered their late night activities. His arm was slung over her and Harry held her tight against him, as if to protect her from some unseen danger. Taking astrand of her hair, she tickled Harry's nose with the end. She had to bite back a laugh when he wrinkled his nose and swatted her hand away. Once he seemed to have drifted off into deep slumber once more, Ginny repeated the process. This time Harry opened his eyes, grabbed her hand and used her hair to tickle her own nose.




“Payback.” Harry yawned. He leaned closer to her and brushed his lips against her cheek, causing Ginny to blush harder.




“I need to leave before Ron wakes up,” Ginny said, snuggling closer to Harry. She buried her head into his chest and breathed in his scent. How she loved his scent. He smelled like cedar and soap.




“I'm not ready for you to go.” Harry pouted. Ginny laughed and turned her head to kiss the corner of his mouth. She then scooted up so she could kiss him fully on the lips.




Harry groaned when her tongue brushed against his. He pressed her body closer to his, enjoying the feeling of her bare skin against his. Ginny could feel his hardness pressed against her thigh. In a moment of rare confidence, she snaked her hand between them and grabbed a hold of him.




“Gin . . . we . . .we shouldn't.” Harry contradicted his words by pressing against her hand.




“It's only 7:30. We have plenty of time.” Ginny drew her hand away. She kissed her way down his neck.



Harry growled before he grabbed her and pulled her on top of him. “Well, if you insist. . . .”




H/G




Harryand Ginny were among the first to enter the Great Hall that morning for breakfast. Halfway through the meal, Harry looked up at Ginny, who was munching on a piece of toast. “Don't you have a free period this morning?”




Ginny looked at him in surprise before answering, “Yes. You do, too.”




“Do you want to go to the Room of Requirement?” Harry asked quietly.




“Sure.” Ginny nodded in surprise, thinking he wanted a repeat of that morning.




After breakfast, Harry took Ginny's hand and led the way up to the seventh floor. Once they were safely in the room, Ginny looked around in surprise to find aloveseat was the only piece of furniture.




“Wha-” Ginny began.




“We need to talk . . . about last night.” Harry sat down on the love seat and pulled her down to sit next to him.




“What do you mean?” Ginny asked. Surely he didn't want to talk about their lovemaking, as it was hardly the first time. That could only leave. . . .




“Why did you do it, Ginny? I don't . . . I don't understand. If you didn't have another nightmare, what is it?” Harry asked.




Ginny looked down at their laced fingers and sighed. “I'm just stressed, Harry. Everyone expects so much of me because of my brothers. I just couldn't handle it anymore. O.W.L.s are this year, and the professors are piling on more homework than ever. I didn't complete my Potions essay the other night and Snape gave me a 'D'. I always get 'E's; this is the first'D' I've ever received.” A tear rolled down her cheek. Ginny pulled her hand away and wiped it away furiously.




“Stress is no reason to do that to yourself, Ginny. Remember what happened last time?” Harry shook his head in disappointment.




“Of course Iremember. I was the one laying in the Hospital Wing for several days, after all.” Ginny snapped at him.




“Look, I'm just worried about you. Don't take your anger, or frustration or whatever it is out on me.” Harry drew back from her.




Ginny stood up angrily.“Well, I'm sorry I'm so horrible to you!”




She turned to leave the room. Without thinking, Harry grabbed her hand to stop her. Ginny hissed in pain and drew her hand back. Tears fell down her face and she collapsed to the floor. Pulling her knees up to her chest, she buried her face in her knees. Harry quickly got to his feet and pulled her into his arms. He didn't know how much time passed while they sat like that, but when he glanced around at the only clock in the room he noticed it was nearly time for lunch.




“It's lunchtime. You should eat something,” Harry whispered into her hair.




“I'm not hungry,” Ginny protested.




“Please, eat. For me?” Harry attempted to persuade her.




“Fine,” Ginny agreed after several minutes of pondering.




No sooner had she consented then a small feast appeared in front of them, straight from the Hogwarts kitchen. Smiling, Harry stood up and made Ginny a turkey sandwich. After he fixed his own plate, he sat down next to her and handed her the sandwich.




They ate in silence. Once they were done, the food and plates magically disappeared. They sat in silence once more. Finally, Ginny spoke, “I felt numb, like I wasn't alive. The pain it . . . it brought me back to life. The blood made me realize that I was real.”




Harry scooped her up into his arms and sat her in his lap on the love seat. “I want to help you, Ginny, but I don't know how. I feel like you aren't letting me help you. I want you to get better, I don't want you to hurt anymore.”




“That's the thing, Harry. I don't know that I want the same. Yes, I want to get better, but . . . cutting is the only thing that helps. It's the only thing that makes the emotional pain go away. If you take that away from me, I don't know what will happen to me,” Ginny spoke into his chest.




“I can't make this decision for you, Ginny, but you need to talk to someone. Whether it's me or Hermione, one of your brothers or your mum, you need to talk to someone.” Ginny opened her mouth to speak but Harry put a finger over her lips to silence her. “Let me finish. I know you will only talk when you're ready, even though I wish you were ready now. When you realize that you need to talk, instead of cut, that will be a very large step for you. I know it'll be difficult at the same time, but I'm here to support you. No matter what, I'll always be here for you.”




Ginny looked up at him and gazed deeply into his eyes. “What did I do to deserve you?”




“I think the real question is, what I did to deserve you.” Harry kissed her gently on the lips.




“We've already missed most of our classes for the day. We should go before your brother comes looking for us.” Harry took one of her bandaged hands in his, kissing it tenderly before he led her out of the room.




H/G




Beforethey knew it, Christmas break was upon them and most of the population of Hogwarts was on the Hogwarts Express on their way home. Ginny's wounds from the previous week were beginning to scab over. She happily shed her bandages and replaced it with an ample amount of concealment cream.




Ron and Hermione had easily accepted her excuse of a potions accident and asked no questions. Hermione was suspicious, but kept her doubts to herself. She decided she would ask Ginny about it once they were settled into Ginny's room at the Burrow.




Harry and Ginny enjoyed their time alone together on the train, as they would be surrounded by Weasleys throughout the holiday. Ron and Hermione had Prefect duties, but joined them for the last thirty minutes of their journey. Molly, Arthur, Bill and Fleur greeted them at Kings Cross Station. The foursome was very surprised to see Fleur there. Ginny noticed adiamond ring on Fleur's left hand. She nudged Harry and nodded towards the ring. Harry's eyes widened and he hugged Ginny closer to him.




Ron also noticed the ring, but was much less subtle about it. “So, Bill finally got up the courage to propose, eh, Fleur?”




Fleur beamed at him and nodded. “Oui. 'E was ever so romantic. A candlelight dinner and everyzing.”




“Congratulations!” Ginny hurried to give Bill a hug and then half-heartedly turned to Fleur. She had not quite warmed up to her now future sister-in-law.




“Ginny, would you be a bridesmaid at ze wedding?” Fleur held Ginny's hands when she pulled back from the embrace.




Ginny winced slightly, but quickly covered it up by readily agreeing. “I would love to!”




“Of course, my little sister Gabrielle will be maid-of-'onour.” Fleur turned to Harry. “She is so excited to be seeing you again, 'Arry. She'as 'ad quite a crush on you ever since you rescued 'er from ze Black Lake during ze Tournament two years ago.”




Harry smiled awkwardly and tried to find something to say finally settling with,“Congratulations.”




Molly sensed Harry's uneasiness and came to the rescue. She pulled him into a motherly hug. “Harry, dear, I'm so glad you decided to come. I left Charlie and his girlfriend in charge of keeping dinner warm. You look peakish. Let's get you home so you can eat.”




Harry returned the hug. He had long ago lost his awkwardness with Molly Weasley's hugs. “Thank you for having me, Mrs. Weasley.”




“Please, dear, call me Molly. You are almost of age, after all.” Molly patted his cheek fondly.




“Well, thank you, Molly.” Harry blushed.




“Come on, you lot. Mistress Bones provided us with some Ministry cars to come and get you. I imagine the drivers are quite eager to get back to the Ministry.” Arthur led the way out to the cars. There were two cars. They could all have fit comfortably in one car but with Harry, Ron, Hermione and Ginny's luggage, two owls and a cat, they needed the extra car for their things.




Once at the Burrow, they were introduced to Charlie's girlfriend, Anneliese Kruegar. She was German, but spoke fluent English, with only a slight accent. She had met Charlie while training to become a dragon trainer in Romania. They had quickly hit it off and began dating not long after. Anneliese was very interested in Hogwarts and asked many questions.




“I understand that you haff Houses at Hogwarts. Ve had something similar at my school in Germany, only the Houses vere chosen by gender. All the boys vere in one House, and all the girls in another. Of course, my school vos much smaller than Hogwarts,” Anneliese explained. They listened as Anneliese explained the other differences between her school and Hogwarts.




After dinner, Ginny hurried upstairs to start on the massive amount of homework she had been assigned over the break. Harry joined her in her room. He spread his books out on her bed while Ginny took the desk. Harry was halfway through his Defence Against the Dark Arts assignment when he looked up to check on Ginny. She was fast asleep at her desk. Harry smiled and silently packed up his belongings. He put them on her bedside table and went over to her. He scooped her into his arms and laid her down on the bed. Harry pulled the covers up over her and kissed her gently on the cheek before gathering his books. He waved his hand to turn the light off and quietly closed the door behind him.




Harry bumped into Hermione in the hallway on her way to bed. “Ginny's already asleep. She passed out while doing a Potions assignment,” he informed her.




“Harry, can we talk?” Hermione asked abruptly.




“Sure.” Harry looked at her with surprise. He sincerely hoped she was not suspicious about Ginny's wounds. She had seemed to have accepted her explanation.




Harry followed her out into the garden. The moon provided the only light outside. Harry sat down on a bench and waited for Hermione to begin.




“Is Ginny all right, Harry?” Hermione finally spoke.




“Yes, why do you ask?” Harry answered too quickly.




“Something's off with her. I was going to ask her about it tonight, but didn't get the chance. I was just wondering if you knew anything about it,” Hermione explained.




“Ginny's fine, Hermione. Nothing's going on. She's just stressed over all of her homework,” Harry told her.




“Well, if you're sure. But I'd still like to talk to her about it.” Hermione stood up to leave.




“Wait, Hermione!” Harry paused, wondering how he could stop her from talking to Ginny.




“Yes, Harry?” Hermione finally asked.




“Ginny's fine. Don't worry about her. It'll just stress her out more if you ask her about it.” Harry tried to persuade her.




Hermione thought about it for a moment. “All right, I'll wait. But if she gets any worse will you please let me know?”




Harry nodded. “Of course.”




Harry sighed after Hermione had left. He had a very strong inkling that she wasn't going to keep her word very long at all.

A/N: If anyone has any questions about the story or about self-mutilation feel free to ask me. I know I'm not the only person who is battling with this condition and Ithink if more questions were asked this condition would be seen in adifferent light. Not as people looking for attention but people looking for a way to survive. A great site for information on self-injury is self-injury (dot) net. I have included the song lyrics to “Final Destination” by Within Temptation at the beginning. This song describes perfectly how I feel when I want to cut. Maybe it will help some of you understand better.




Warnings For This Chapter:cutting mentioned




/Final Destination/ by Within Temptation

I escaped my final moment

But it's turning back at me

On every corner Ican feel it waiting

Just a moment, no awareness

I could easily slip away

And then I'll be gone forever




I'm searching

I'm fighting for away to get through

To turn it away




It's waiting, always trying

I feel the hands of fate, they're suffocating

Tell me what's the reason

Is it all inside my head?

Can't take it no more!




All around me Isee danger

And it's closing in on me

Every second I can hear it, breathing

I can't stand the fear inside me

Cause it's leading me astray

And it will be my ending




I'm searching

I'm fighting for away to get through

To turn it away




It's waiting, always trying

I feel the hands of fate, they're suffocating

Tell me what's the reason

Is it all inside my head?

Can't take it no more!




But no one faced what's coming my way

And I will let my fear fade away

Whatever may be, I'll have to find out




It's waiting, always trying

I feel the hands of fate, they're suffocating

Tell me what's the reason

Is it all inside my head?

Can't take it no more!




Chapter 10




Harryand Ginny were among the first to enter the Great Hall that morning for breakfast. Halfway through the meal, Harry looked up at Ginny, who was munching on a piece of toast. “Don't you have a free period this morning?”




Ginny looked at him in surprise before answering, “Yes. You do, too.”




“Do you want to go to the Room of Requirement?” Harry asked quietly.




“Sure.” Ginny nodded in surprise, thinking he wanted some alone time with her.




After breakfast, Harry took Ginny's hand and led the way up to the seventh floor. Once they were safely in the room, Ginny looked around in surprise to find aloveseat was the only piece of furniture.




“Wha-” Ginny began.




“We need to talk . . . about last night.” Harry sat down on the love seat and pulled her down to sit next to him.




“What do you mean?” Ginny asked. Surely he didn't want to talk about her staying the night with him, as it was hardly the first time. That could only leave. . . .




“Why did you do it, Ginny? I don't . . . I don't understand. If you didn't have another nightmare, what is it?” Harry asked.




Ginny looked down at their laced fingers and sighed. “I'm just stressed, Harry. Everyone expects so much of me because of my brothers. I just couldn't handle it anymore. O.W.L.s are this year, and the professors are piling on more homework than ever. I didn't complete my Potions essay the other night and Snape gave me a 'D'. I always get 'E's; this is the first'D' I've ever received.” A tear rolled down her cheek. Ginny pulled her hand away and wiped it away furiously.




“Stress is no reason to do that to yourself, Ginny. Remember what happened last time?” Harry shook his head in disappointment.




“Of course Iremember. I was the one laying in the Hospital Wing for several days, after all.” Ginny snapped at him.




“Look, I'm just worried about you. Don't take your anger, or frustration or whatever it is out on me.” Harry drew back from her.




Ginny stood up angrily.“Well, I'm sorry I'm so horrible to you!”




She turned to leave the room. Without thinking, Harry grabbed her hand to stop her. Ginny hissed in pain and drew her hand back. Tears fell down her face and she collapsed to the floor. Pulling her knees up to her chest, she buried her face in her knees. Harry quickly got to his feet and pulled her into his arms. He didn't know how much time passed while they sat like that, but when he glanced around at the only clock in the room he noticed it was nearly time for lunch.




“It's lunchtime. You should eat something,” Harry whispered into her hair.




“I'm not hungry,” Ginny protested.




“Please, eat. For me?” Harry attempted to persuade her.




“Fine,” Ginny agreed after several minutes of pondering.




No sooner had she consented then a small feast appeared in front of them, straight from the Hogwarts kitchen. Smiling, Harry stood up and made Ginny a turkey sandwich. After he fixed his own plate, he sat down next to her and handed her the sandwich.




They ate in silence. Once they were done, the food and plates magically disappeared. They sat in silence once more. Finally, Ginny spoke, “I felt numb, like I wasn't alive. The pain it . . . it brought me back to life. The blood made me realize that I was real.”




Harry scooped her up into his arms and sat her in his lap on the love seat. “I want to help you, Ginny, but I don't know how. I feel like you aren't letting me help you. I want you to get better, I don't want you to hurt anymore.”




“That's the thing, Harry. I don't know that I want the same. Yes, I want to get better, but . . . cutting is the only thing that helps. It's the only thing that makes the emotional pain go away. If you take that away from me, I don't know what will happen to me,” Ginny spoke into his chest.




“I can't make this decision for you, Ginny, but you need to talk to someone. Whether it's me or Hermione, one of your brothers or your mum, you need to talk to someone.” Ginny opened her mouth to speak but Harry put a finger over her lips to silence her. “Let me finish. I know you will only talk when you're ready, even though I wish you were ready now. When you realize that you need to talk, instead of cut, that will be a very large step for you. I know it'll be difficult at the same time, but I'm here to support you. No matter what, I'll always be here for you.”




Ginny looked up at him and gazed deeply into his eyes. “What did I do to deserve you?”




“I think the real question is, what I did to deserve you.” Harry kissed her gently on the lips.




“We've already missed most of our classes for the day. We should go before your brother comes looking for us.” Harry took one of her bandaged hands in his, kissing it tenderly before he led her out of the room.




H/G




Beforethey knew it, Christmas break was upon them and most of the population of Hogwarts was on the Hogwarts Express on their way home. Ginny's wounds from the previous week were beginning to scab over. She happily shed her bandages and replaced it with an ample amount of concealment cream.




Ron and Hermione had easily accepted her excuse of a potions accident and asked no questions. Hermione was suspicious, but kept her doubts to herself. She decided she would ask Ginny about it once they were settled into Ginny's room at the Burrow.




Harry and Ginny enjoyed their time alone together on the train, as they would be surrounded by Weasleys throughout the holiday. Ron and Hermione had Prefect duties, but joined them for the last thirty minutes of their journey. Molly, Arthur, Bill and Fleur greeted them at Kings Cross Station. The foursome was very surprised to see Fleur there. Ginny noticed adiamond ring on Fleur's left hand. She nudged Harry and nodded towards the ring. Harry's eyes widened and he hugged Ginny closer to him.




Ron also noticed the ring, but was much less subtle about it. “So, Bill finally got up the courage to propose, eh, Fleur?”




Fleur beamed at him and nodded. “Oui. 'E was ever so romantic. A candlelight dinner and everyzing.”




“Congratulations!” Ginny hurried to give Bill a hug and then half-heartedly turned to Fleur. She had not quite warmed up to her now future sister-in-law.




“Ginny, would you be a bridesmaid at ze wedding?” Fleur held Ginny's hands when she pulled back from the embrace.




Ginny winced slightly, but quickly covered it up by readily agreeing. “I would love to!”




“Of course, my little sister Gabrielle will be maid-of-'onour.” Fleur turned to Harry. “She is so excited to be seeing you again, 'Arry. She'as 'ad quite a crush on you ever since you rescued 'er from ze Black Lake during ze Tournament two years ago.”




Harry smiled awkwardly and tried to find something to say finally settling with,“Congratulations.”




Molly sensed Harry's uneasiness and came to the rescue. She pulled him into a motherly hug. “Harry, dear, I'm so glad you decided to come. I left Charlie and his girlfriend in charge of keeping dinner warm. You look peakish. Let's get you home so you can eat.”




Harry returned the hug. He had long ago lost his awkwardness with Molly Weasley's hugs. “Thank you for having me, Mrs. Weasley.”




“Please, dear, call me Molly. You are almost of age, after all.” Molly patted his cheek fondly.




“Well, thank you, Molly.” Harry blushed.




“Come on, you lot. Mistress Bones provided us with some Ministry cars to come and get you. I imagine the drivers are quite eager to get back to the Ministry.” Arthur led the way out to the cars. There were two cars. They could all have fit comfortably in one car but with Harry, Ron, Hermione and Ginny's luggage, two owls and a cat, they needed the extra car for their things.




Once at the Burrow, they were introduced to Charlie's girlfriend, Anneliese Kruegar. She was German, but spoke fluent English, with only a slight accent. She had met Charlie while training to become a dragon trainer in Romania. They had quickly hit it off and began dating not long after. Anneliese was very interested in Hogwarts and asked many questions.




“I understand that you haff Houses at Hogwarts. Ve had something similar at my school in Germany, only the Houses vere chosen by gender. All the boys vere in one House, and all the girls in another. Of course, my school vos much smaller than Hogwarts,” Anneliese explained. They listened as Anneliese explained the other differences between her school and Hogwarts.




After dinner, Ginny hurried upstairs to start on the massive amount of homework she had been assigned over the break. Harry joined her in her room. He spread his books out on her bed while Ginny took the desk. Harry was halfway through his Defence Against the Dark Arts assignment when he looked up to check on Ginny. She was fast asleep at her desk. Harry smiled and silently packed up his belongings. He put them on her bedside table and went over to her. He scooped her into his arms and laid her down on the bed. Harry pulled the covers up over her and kissed her gently on the cheek before gathering his books. He waved his hand to turn the light off and quietly closed the door behind him.




Harry bumped into Hermione in the hallway on her way to bed. “Ginny's already asleep. She passed out while doing a Potions assignment,” he informed her.




“Harry, can we talk?” Hermione asked abruptly.




“Sure.” Harry looked at her with surprise. He sincerely hoped she was not suspicious about Ginny's wounds. She had seemed to have accepted her explanation.




Harry followed her out into the garden. The moon provided the only light outside. Harry sat down on a bench and waited for Hermione to begin.




“Is Ginny all right, Harry?” Hermione finally spoke.




“Yes, why do you ask?” Harry answered too quickly.




“Something's off with her. I was going to ask her about it tonight, but didn't get the chance. I was just wondering if you knew anything about it,” Hermione explained.




“Ginny's fine, Hermione. Nothing's going on. She's just stressed over all of her homework,” Harry told her.




“Well, if you're sure. But I'd still like to talk to her about it.” Hermione stood up to leave.




“Wait, Hermione!” Harry paused, wondering how he could stop her from talking to Ginny.




“Yes, Harry?” Hermione finally asked.




“Ginny's fine. Don't worry about her. It'll just stress her out more if you ask her about it.” Harry tried to persuade her.




Hermione thought about it for a moment. “All right, I'll wait. But if she gets any worse will you please let me know?”




Harry nodded. “Of course.”




Harry sighed after Hermione had left. He had a very strong inkling that she wasn't going to keep her word very long at all.