FicWad

A million doubts were starting to flood through my head. Was Lucius being truthful when he said I was the only girl he wanted? I wished there was a way I could just know for sure whether or not he meant what he was saying. For all I knew, his words could be big fat lies like the ones Walden had given me. I loved Lucius, but what if he was just using me?

Wanting to trust but unsure of whether or not I could, I looked up at Lucius suspiciously and said, "What makes you different then?" Lucius' right eyebrow went up further and he took each other my hands very gently as he asked with a completely blank expression, "What makes me different that what, Cissa?"

"From the rest of the guys," I said as if it were the most obvious thing in the world. "You're not like any of them. You know, Tom, Walden, and Severus...well, they're all so different than you. How can you love me, Lucius? How can you? I'm ugly and just a piece of shit like Bella and Tom keep saying. I should probably go hang myself outside Bella's window for Christmas. That would probably be the best Christmas present ever for her."

I sighed and let the image of me hanging limply from a pole outside Bella's bedroom window float into my head. Would Bella care that I was dead? Would she even remember that I was her sister? Or was I now an enemy forever? I silently cursed. This was all Tom's fault. If it weren't for Tom, Bella and I would be as close as we always had been.

"Narcissa," Lucius said in a low voice. He never used my real name unless he wanted something serious. Wondering what it was that he wanted to say, I looked up and met his eyes. In that same low, flat voice, Lucius continued, "If you keep talking like that, I'm going to go hunt down your sister and believe me, I'll give her more than just the Cruciatus Curse. She didn't know what she was saying earlier when she called you all those fucking things. Fuck her. She's the one who's never going to be happy in life."

Maybe that was true, but I wasn't exactly happy in life either. On the contrary, I felt like I was getting more and more depressed by the day. It wasn't my fault, but a cloud of misery seemed to follow me everywhere. When I didn't say anything, Lucius took a deep, calming breath. He seemed to exhale all the tension in his body and was back to his normal demeanor.

Bring out clasped hands down to my sides, Lucius said, "I don't know why I love you. I don't know why everything burns inside when you touch me. All I know is that I do indeed love you. And I will always love you too. We could have so much together..." Lucius traveled off and I'm pretty sure he was thinking of the future. I let my mind wander off to the future too. A future with Lucius was looking quite good. Maybe we would be married and have a big house and...

Lucius' voice broke back into my daydreams, "And about your body...you know, I really don't care that much what you look like. I do wish you'd quit saying you're fat though. You're anything but that. You're too bony if anything. Now is not the time for me to lecture you on that though. Let me just say that you're perfect."

I rolled my eyes, totally not believing Lucius. Releasing my hands, Lucius said, "You're perfect to me and that's what matters. I'll do anything for you. And I mean anything. Believe me, I don't say that to many people. And please, Cissa, calm down a bit. Forget Bellatrix and Tom. They're just motherfuckers who like to mess with you. Don't let them. They don't deserve to mess with you."

Since Lucius had released my arms, I crossed them over my chest once more and looked at the floor. I wanted to believe Lucius. I wanted his words to be the truth. What if he was just giving me lies though? I didn't get why I was always so suspicious all the time now. I didn't use to be this bad. Being around people like the Death Eaters had certainly changed me.

Lucius leaned down so that our faces were mere inches apart and so I was forced to look directly at him. His gray eyes looked right into mine and a few strands of blonde hair slipped from behind his right ear and fell forwards to brush up against my face. Brushing the stray strands of hair away irritably, Lucius said, "I'm sorry about this morning. I should've been more careful. I should've known that Tom would've had Bella or some other Death Eater following us around."

I was going to open my mouth and tell him that it wasn't his fault, but Lucius was already going on, "That's all in the past though now. We can't change the past, but we can change the future. I can see you don't trust me right now. I swear I will gain your trust as the future goes on though. I swear to god that I will. I'll never let you down. I'll be there to be your protector and friend. Tom won't ever separate us. And someday soon, I promise I'll make love to you. Destiny brought us together. You can't deny it."

I wanted to deny it, but I found Lucius was right. I couldn't deny it. From the moment we had met, both of us had had a strange infatuation with each other. Lucius had instantly felt attracted to me and I had felt the same way towards him. Everything Lucius was promising me for the future sounded so good and beautiful, but for some reason, I remained sad. I crumpled up against his chest and said in a muffled voice, "I don't want to do it though. You can't see me naked. Ever. I'm too fat and you'll ditch me for sure."

Pushing me back slightly from his chest, Lucius gave me a disapproving look and replied, "We've already been over this. Besides, in all my dreams, you're always naked when I lay you down in the bed." Lucius said the words a-matter-of-factly, but I could see a slight undertone of pink creep into his pallid cheeks.

I was totally speechless for a moment. For once, I didn't have an easy retort on the tip of my tongue. Instead, my brain was swimming. Lucius dreamed about me naked? I couldn't deny that I had done the same about him...but still. It meant he was more interested in me than I even realized. I had thought he had been all opposed to the whole sex deal.

Taking advantage of my momentary silence, Lucius leaned down and kissed the place right between my breasts. The place where he had kissed burned and tingled when he brought his lips away. Releasing my hands and taking a step towards the door, Lucius said, "I really need to get to class though. If I stay much longer, I'll be late. Actually, I'm already late, but nevermind that. I'll see you later. Remember, Tom can't tear us apart even if he sends bitches like your sister after us as spies. Tom's just another student like us. What's the worst he can do?"

With that said, Lucius gave me a very sweet smile that made my heart melt in my chest. Flicking his robes around him, Lucius peered in both directions before exiting the broom closet and striding down the hall like all was right with the world. I figured I should probably go off and hurry towards class as well. Like Lucius said, we were definitely late. I didn't really want to go off to class though. It was the last place I wanted to be. So instead, I just rested against the wall for a few minutes.

As I rested there, I thought about what Lucius had said. I was really debating about his last promise. You know, the one about Tom not tearing us apart no matter what. There was just something about Tom that denied he was like every other student at Hogwarts. Tom certainly wasn't like every other student. He was something more. Something burned and pulsed within Tom that nobody else possessed. There was an evil embedded deep within his soul that had to be freed.

Regaining my strength, I decided it wasn't going to do me any good to sit around and contemplate Tom. It wasn't like my worries were going to change the predicament I was now in. Frowning, I sighed and stepped out of the broom closet and started off towards class. Little did I know just what Tom truly was or what he would become.

~ ~ ~ ~

The rest of the day had been hell. I couldn't shake off a feeling of impending doom. I tried to tell myself that nothing was wrong, but after a while, I couldn't deny it anymore. Something was obviously not right and I knew exactly what it was. Bella could be reporting to Tom what she had seen Lucius and me doing at any moment. What would happen then? Maybe I didn't want to know.

I had ended up at Potions really late. When I arrive breathless and disheveled in the doorway, everyone had turned to stare at me. I knew I must look like hell, but there had been no time to fix my hair or wipe the sweat off my face. If I had taken time to do that, I would've missed all of Potions and Professor Slughorn would've thought I was ditching.

Trying to ignore all the stares that immediately followed me into the classroom, I explained to Professor Slughorn that I was very sorry for being late and that I would do my best to make sure it never happened again. Luckily, the Professor accepted my apology and didn't even bother marking my tardiness. I liked Professor Slughorn more and more by the day. He was definitely my favorite Professor. He treated all the pure bloods best and gave me special treatment. What wasn't to like about that?

The only good thing that happened during the rest of the day was at Arithmancy. I know what you're thinking; Arithmancy is usually my worst class, so what made it so good? It was good because I had somehow managed to get every single problem right from last week's homework. Professor Cassiopia had been overly pleased with me. She had beamed at me and praised me in front of all of the class. That just earned me more stares. I didn't really appreciate the stares, but the praise was always nice.

Of course, I hadn't really been the one who had earned the score. It had been Natasha that had done it for me. She certainly hadn't been lying when she said that her best subject was Arithmancy. I would definitely have to see if I could get her to do my homework again sometimes. I know that's kind of cheating, but I have enough stress going on right now without Arithmancy added.

Finally, the day's classes ended and I was now sitting by myself in the Great Hall. I wasn't eating. Food was the last thing I wanted right now even though I hadn't eaten for two days. Besides, I was way too worried to think about much else. I hadn't seen Lucius again at all the whole rest of the day. Don't ask me why, but for some reason, I just had a really bad feeling in my gut.

Feeling rather down, it took me a moment before I heard the quite sobs of someone sitting nearby. Immediately distracting me from my own misery, I looked towards the source of the sobs. A head of long dark hair obscured a pallid face beneath that was no doubt crying. It was Severus. Wondering what Severus was upset about, I impulsively got up from my chair and went to sit over by him.

Hoping that he wasn't going to mind the intrusion of his privacy, I gently put a hand on his shoulder and said in a quiet voice, "Severus? Are you alright?" I still couldn't see his face from beneath the sheets of black hair, but I still heard a few more sobs. A moment later, they finally stopped and Severus looked up at me.

Oh god, he looked terrible. His face was ghostly white, his eyes were dark and sleepless, and it was obvious that he had been crying for a long time. Apparently, I wasn't the only one who had problems. Wanting to comfort him and hear his story, I put my whole arm around his shoulder and asked, "What's wrong?"