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Panting, sweating, trembling, and shaking, Lucius tried to remain upright. The attempt was totally futile though. He grabbed the back of the chair and leaned heavily against it. His gray eyes were wide and haunted, beats of sweat trickled down his face, and his robes were disheveled and the outer one was actually ripped.

It didn't take me too long to get out of my paralysis. I ran across the room as fast as I could to reach the love of my life. Gazing at him with horror, I gasped, "Lucius...what happened to you? Are you alright?" Lucius tried to speak, but all that came out was a little groan of pain. He winced at tried again, but failed. His breath was coming in short puffs and every one was a struggle.

"What should I do?" I asked him in horror. "Should I get Madam Pomfrey?" I leaned forward to rest a hand on his shoulders. I was about to press my lips against his neck when he did something totally out of character. Still struggling for breath, Lucius used the last of his strength to lean away from me. Eyes still unfocused and glazed, he replied, "No, of course not. Get out of here, Narcissa. Get up there to your dormitory now. I mean it! Go!"

I stared at Lucius in puzzlement. Why did he want me to go up to the dormitory? I didn't want to go there. I wanted to stare here and help him. He definitely needed help - that much was clear. Not moving an inch away from him, I stood my ground and replied, "No, I won't leave you. You need help. What can I do for you? I'll anything. Just tell me what to do."

Lucius jerked his head around, blonde hair spilling everywhere, and looked behind him at the door to the boys' dormitory. Turning back to look at me with those wild eyes, Lucius used the last of his breath to hiss, "Get the fuck out of here, Narcissa. I'm serious." Lucius' words had no effect on me. No way was I going to leave him here like this.

Shaking my head stubbornly, I refused, "No, I won't. I'm going to stay right here with you." I reached forward and tried to take one of his trembling hands. Lucius' face was unreadable for a minute and then it contorted into a sneer I hadn't seen for a very long time. He frowned at me and replied, "Don't you get it, Narcissa? I don't want you. Go. Now." Lucius gave me a slight shove.

Stumbling backwards, I felt hurt and shock flood through me. Lucius didn't want me. Was he being serious or was it just one of those spur of the moment kinds of things? I looked at him with shock and betrayal. Lucius looked nervously behind him at the door once more and then gave me another sneer. Feeling tears well up in my own eyes, I turned and ran to the girls' dormitory without even looking back. I flew through the door, ignored my sister sitting on the end bed, and ran until I reached my bed.

Once I was to the bed, I collapsed on top of it. Big, racking sobs shook me as I lay there and tried to make sense about what had happened. Tom had obviously been torturing Lucius in some sort or another. That much was clear. The rest of the story was rather fuzzy though. Why had Tom been torturing him and why had Lucius turned against me all of the sudden?

I decided to start with question one. I didn't see why Tom would torture Lucius. Lucius was one of the best wizards in Slytherin for his age and was one of Tom's most loyal Death Eaters from what I could see. Thinking back, I tried to remember Lucius' conversation with Tom. Tom had been telling him not to repeat his "felony" or else he would torture a woman.

That was kind of strange, I didn't see what a girl had to do with the situation at all. The only girls I knew were Bella and Natasha. Lucius didn't really seem to have anything to do with them lately, so why would Tom bother punishing them? It didn't make any sense at all to me. Was there something going on between one of them and Lucius that I didn't know about?

After thinking this through for a few moments, I finally realized how stupid I was being and how everything suddenly made sense. The female Tom had been threatening to torture next time was me. He had tortured Lucius for continuing to see me after he had forbade us to see each other. Bellatrix (the little tattletale) must've gone running to him to spill out the whole tale of finding Lucius stripping me in the broom closet. Tom would of course be furious and want to take out his revenge by torturing Lucius.

A hard rock formed in the pit of my stomach and a big wave of guilt crashed over me. I was the reason why Lucius had been tortured. If it weren't for me, Tom wouldn't have hurt him. I felt like I was drowning in my own guilt. It washed over me and seeped through all of my veins. I felt awful. How could I ever make this up to Lucius? I wished that Tom had tortured me instead of him.

I still hadn't been able to answer question two though. Why had Lucius been so abrupt with me in the common room? And why had he said that he didn't want me? All I wanted to do was comfort him, love him, and take care of him. It wasn't like I was going to try to torture him or anything. The shove had hit me a lot harder mentally than it had physically. Lucius had actually pushed me away from him. Another tear leaked down my cheek. I couldn't seem to make sense of the situation.

As I lay sobbing in my own misery, I finally came up with a reason for Lucius' behavior. It wasn't a reason I liked to think about, but it was the only and most likely reasoning I could come up with. Lucius had finally agreed to Tom's request. He had decided never again would he go through that torture and so therefore, never again would he be caught alone with me.

It all made sense. It almost made too much sense really. No wonder Lucius wanted me gone away from him. I didn't blame him. I don't think I probably would've been able to stand the torture he had been put through tonight. I was already weak and exhausted. I probably wouldn't even have lasted five minutes under Tom's torturing process.

A little click sounded from the opposite end of the dormitory. Wanting something to distract myself from the awful situation that I had just been a witness to, I peered down the hallway. Emerging from the single bathroom was Natasha. She looked really ill like she had just gotten sick or something. Her hands were shaking slightly, her hair was a mess, and she was much too pale.

Nonetheless, when she caught my eye, she headed over to my bed instead of collapsing on her own. Taking a shuddering breath, Natasha perched on the edge of my bed and closed her eyes for a few minutes. I sat up to give her more room on the bed. For some reason, I was very thankful to see her right now. It helped so much to have someone to talk to and relate to.

Finally, Natasha took a deep, shuddering breath and spoke, "Are you alright, Narcissa? What happened? You look like you've just lost your baby or something." I had to admit that Natasha's analogy was kind of queer. Why would she be comparing my situation to a mother losing her child? And what did Nat know about that kind oif thing anyways?

A lot of questions started revolving in my head, but I shoved them away for later. Right now, I would just tell Natasha what had happened to Lucius. That was all she needed to know. Pushing back my sobs so Natasha could hear what I was saying, I replied, "It's Lucius..." I tried to go on, but my voice got caught somewhere in the back of my throat.

Giving me a sympathetic look, Natasha leaned over and gave me a hug. I collapsed in her arms and let her comfort me. We hugged for a good ten minutes before I had calmed down enough to go on. When I finally had caught my breath, I continued, "Tom forebade us to see each other anymore. We love each other too much though, so we did it anyway. To get back at us, Tom tortured Lucius in the dormitory. I could hear his screams all the way from the common room. And now...now Lucius doesn't want anything to do with me."

Natasha's face filled with fury and she looked like she would like to punch someone. Eyes narrowing, she started out in a loud voice, "Fuck To-" she didn't finish her sentence and paused when she looked at something or someone over my shoulder. Curious to see who had stopped her from speaking, I turned around as well to find a big pair of brown eyes staring at the two of us.

Surprisingly enough, the person staring at us was Bellatrix. When she say me looking at her, she met my eyes for a single second. Deep within them, I could see something along the lines of sympathy. However, before either of us could speak or acknowledge each other, Bella turned away and exited out of the dormitory. I was slightly tempted to follow her. It was partially her fault that Lucius had been tortured and also, I remembered very clear what she had said about me earlier.

Once Bellatrix had left, Natasha turned back to me and gave me a compassionate look, "I'm so sorry, Narcissa. I really am. Tom can be very cruel right now. Unfortunately, your dear sister doesn't seem to realize that. But don't worry too much. If Lucius is the right guy for you, you'll end up with him in the end. It'll all work out. You'll see."

Natasha's words were comforting, but I wasn't sure whether or not I believed them. Would all really work out? It seemed like nothing ever worked out in this hellish situation I was stuck in. Trying to quiet my sobs, I shot another look at Natasha out of the corner of my eyes. She still didn't look well and her hand was still shaking ever so slightly.

Concern for her taking precidence over everything else, I gave her a worried look and said, "Enough about me and my shitty love life. What's up with you? Are you alright? Don't deny that you're sick. It's plain to the whole world that something is wrong." My words might have been a little bold, but I didn't want Natasha to fake that she was totally okay. She definitely wasn't.

A sad little smile appeared on Natasha's lips and she replied to me, "Alright, fine, I won't deny it. I'm just slightly sick. It's nothing serious though. I am exhausted though." She did look exhausted and truth be told, I was quite exhausted too. Suggesting the only thing that made sense to do, I said, "Maybe we shoudl go get some sleep then? I'm pretty tired too."

"Good idea," Natasha agreed, giving me a grateful smile. She climbed off of the bed slowly and proceeded across the room to where her bed was. Once she had tucked herself in, she waved to be and said, "Goodnight, Cissy." I waved goodnight to her as well and thought how odd a thing it was how your worst enemies could become your best friends and vise versa.

~ ~ ~ ~

The last few weeks before Christmas seemed to drag on and on for forever. I was starting to think they would never come. They were pretty torturous for me. Nothing seemed to go right at all. I had failed the last five of my tests, I was still fat even though I wasn't eating, and there was, of course, the whole problem with Lucius.

I knew that it shouldn't really be a problem. If I was less selfish, I would've been glad that Lucius was staying away from me. After all, that meant that he would never have to suffer at the mercy of Tom again. Unfortunately, I was pretty selfish though. Everything within me missed Lucius. I missed the way he smiled at me, I missed the sneer he gave others, and I really missed that amused look he gave me when he found something I had said to be funny.

Days weren't the same without seeing him striding into a room looking like he was on top of the world or seeing him doing something simple like studying for a test. I never heard those three words that I held so dearly to my heart and I never heard anyone say that they loved me. I felt neglected, unwanted, worthless, and just like a piece of trash that everyone was trying to get rid of.

I tried to stop myself mentally from wanting Lucius. There was no point in dwelling over it. After all, like Natasha had said, if Lucius and I were meant to be together, then we would end up together. But what if we weren't meant to be together? I couldn't imagine myself without Lucius for the rest of my life. The thought sent depression dripping through all the cells in my body.

However, regardless of how I tried to control my mental self, I could not control my physical self. My lips craved the soft caress of Lucius' mouth, I wanted him down on top of me and slipping those buttons off my sweater so he could get underneath it, and I wanted his hands on all those intimate parts of my body that I wouldn't let anyone else touch.

I couldn't tell anyone about any of this though. It was just one of those emotions that you kept wadded up instead and never let anyone else see. Besides, Tom obviously just wanted to pretend that Lucius and I had been together. A little frown came over my face when I realized that Tom had won the battle. Lucius had chosen to obey him, give up our relationship, and break my soul.