FicWad

Warnings For This Chapter: sexual situations, cutting




Disclaimer: Yet again, I own nothing.




Chapter Nineteen




Theroll of thunder and the clash of lightning woke Ginny early Monday morning. Knowing sleep wouldn't return to her, she went to her desk and began to compose a letter.




Dear Bill,




I can't wait to see you and the rest of the family. I'm really surprised that you and Fleur decided to go ahead and get married. I'm just glad that you're happy and have found someone you want to spend the rest of your life with. I may only be fifteen, but I honestly believe I've found that with Harry.




I understand that you wish Percy could be there for your wedding, but I wouldn't hold your breath. He isn't likely to pull the stick out of his own arse. I would volunteer to do it for him, but as he never comes around that would be hard to do. At least the rest of the family will be there, and we want to be there. That's what really counts.




I'm glad that my dress isn't pink. Ican imagine you're pleased about that as well. It can be a real menace having red hair. I'm sure gold will look fine. Fleur seems to have good fashion sense, so hopefully I won't look completely horrible at the wedding.




Fleur really cares about you, I can see that much. I want to like her. I just . . . I feel like she's taking you away from me. I don't want anything to change between us. You're my favorite brother and I love you so much. I'm afraid you won't be around anymore. Not after you get married.




I would be lying if I said I was happy that you told Fleur about me. What all did you tell her? Does she know that I've been hurting myself? She probably thinks I'm crazy. I certainly don't want her or anyone else to pity me. I hope you were right when you said she didn't. I'm going to try really hard to like her. I don't want to hate the person you spend the rest of your life with.




I can't wait to see you at the match. I know we'll win. Harry almost never fails to catch the Snitch. And, of course, Ron and I will be there to help the team along. Ron really has improved quite a bit. He doesn't seem as afraid of the Quaffle as he was when he started out. The Gryffindors have started up a new rendition of 'Weasley Is Our King'.




I love you and can't wait to see you.




Love,




Ginny




Satisfied with the letter, Ginny put it in an envelope. She looked at the clock. At half past six, no one would be awake yet. Ginny pulled on her uniform and slipped into her cloak. She hurried down to the Entrance Hall. Pulling the hood over her head, Ginny made her way to the Owlery. She slipped several times, and by the time she returned to Gryffindor Tower, she was covered in mud.




“Where've you been?” Harry asked. The thunder had woken him and he had decided to go downstairs and read his newest Stephen King novel.




“I was sending a letter to Bill.” Ginny smiled when she saw him. Harry whipped out his wand, pointed it at Ginny and muttered a quick /Scourgify/.




“Thanks.” Ginny took off her cloak and laid it over the back of a chair to dry by the fire.“What're you doing up?”




“The thunder woke me up.” Harry took Ginny's hand and pulled her down onto his lap.




“Same here.” Ginny wrapped her arms around his neck. “I borrowed Hedwig. I hope you don't mind. I thought, seeing as I don't have an owl myself, she might as well get something to send. I know you don't really have anyone to send a letter to. Not since. . . .”




Ginny couldn't bring herself to mention Sirius. She didn't want to get Harry upset. But he understood.




“Of course I don't mind. I'm sure she'll enjoy being able to deliver something.” Harry sighed. “I should probably send Remus a letter. Let him know how I've been doing.”




“That's a good idea.” Ginny nodded in agreement.




Harry smiled at her. He brought his hand up to her face, stroking her cheek with his thumb. “Do you have any idea how much I love you?”




“Yeah. I do.” Ginny replied softly. “Because I love you just as much.”




Harry bent his head down and captured her lips in a kiss. His mouth moved over hers sensually. Ginny leaned back on the sofa and pulled Harry down with her. His body blanketed hers. She could feel him hard through his jeans. Smiling against his lips, Ginny rubbed herself against him. Harry pulled back abruptly, his forehead resting on hers. His eyes were still closed. He shuddered before opening them. His usual emerald green eyes were dark with lust.




“Why do you do this to me?” Harry moaned.




Ginny moved again, smiling wickedly.“Because I love you. And I enjoy it.”




Harry stood up suddenly, scooped her into his arms and carried her up the stairs to his dormitory. He opened the door carefully and kicked it close. Being careful not to make any noise, Harry laid Ginny down on his bed. He laid down beside her and pulled the curtains closed.




“Are you going to finish what you've started?” Harry asked her.




Ginny pulled him down on top of her.“I always do.”




H/G




“Everything'sgoing to be fine, Ginny.” Harry squeezed her hand reassuringly.




“You don't know that. I can't tell her. What if she gets mad?” Ginny asked.




“She won't be mad. She wants to help you. That's her job.” Harry came to a stop before opening the door to Dumbledore's office. “Please, let her help you.”




“I hope you're right. Let's just get this over with.” Ginny turned the door knob and entered the office. Dumbledore was nowhere to be seen. Instead, Healer Seacrest sat behind his desk, hands folded in front of her; apparently she had been waiting for them.




“Please. Sit down.” Healer Seacrest smiled kindly at them. “How have you been since our last session, Ginny?”




“Fine.” The lie came easily to her; after all she had been lying for years about her mental state.




“Really?” Healer Seacrest raised an eyebrow. “Have you cut yourself?”




Ginny looked down at her hands. She had been dreading this. Finally, she nodded.




“Why?” Healer Seacrest asked softly.




“I feel like I'm never going to get better. Talking isn't helping me. Not now. I just don't know what to do. Everyone is expecting me to get better and to stop this, but Idon't know that I want to. I don't want to let them down,” Ginny explained.




“You can't stop for anyone else, but yourself. And you won't stop until you're ready.” Healer Seacrest looked up from her parchment.




“I know.” Ginny sighed.




“Now, I've spoken with your parents. I want to start you on daily Cheering charms. You can do the charm yourself, as long as you produce one powerful enough to help you all day. Using a Cheering charm any day can make you dizzy or nauseous at first, but that should subside after a few days.




“Do you have any questions?” Healer Seacrest asked.




“How long do I have to do this?” Ginny was alarmed. She didn't want to perform a Charm on herself daily. It sounded rather dodgy to expose herself to one daily.




“That all depends on your recovery. Even after you recover you might have to perform the charm for a while afterwards. Of course if you become pregnant you will have to stop. We are still unsure how Cheering Charms affect afetus,” Healer Seacrest explained.




Ginny blushed. “You-you don't have to worry about that.”




“I was a teenager once too.” Healer Seacrest smiled knowingly at the young lovers. “Having an intimate relationship, such as the one you have with Harry, can be helpful with your recovery.”




“How long do you think it will take me to get well again?” Ginny asked what she wanted to know the most.




“Each case of self-mutilation is different. I've had some take months, while others take years. The problem is, Ginny, you've come to depend on it. When something bad happens you feel the need to cut. It’s hard for you when you feel this craving, you want to give in. Until you can begin to fight it, and recognize when you need to talk and not cut, your recovery will truly begin.”




“I'm going to try to talk more. I'm not sure that I want to get better yet,” Ginny admitted.“But I do know I want to be happy, and if that means giving up hurting myself, then I'll do it.”




Healer Seacrest smiled at her. “I'm impressed. That's a big step, Ginny. I think we'll leave this session here. I would like you to begin performing the Cheering Charms immediately. If you have any problems or something alarms you about the charm, please, don't hesitate to contact me.”




Ginny and Harry stood up. Harry shook Healer Seacrest's hand. “Thank you.”




“You're welcome. Take care of yourselves. I'll see you next Monday.” Healer Seacrest began to pack her stuff while Harry and Ginny headed back down the spiral staircase.




“I'm proud of you, Ginny.” Harry spoke after a moment of silence. “I know that was hard for you.”




Ginny nodded but didn't speak the rest of the way to Gryffindor Tower. Once inside, she gave Harry a kiss before heading to her dormitory to begin her homework.




H/G




“Kill . . . kill . . . so hungry . . . for so long. . . .” The giant basilisk moved past her as Tom Riddle watched it leave.




“You've done well, Ginevra. I'm proud of you. Opening the Chamber, releasing the basilisk, killing those roosters, all because I told you to.” Tom Riddle reached for her.




Ginny stepped back. “I don't want to do this anymore, Tom. I'm hurting people. People I care about.”




“Its too late, Ginevra. You belong to me!”




Ginny woke with a jolt. She climbed out of bed and was reaching for her razor before she knew what she was doing. Only half-conscious of her actions, she brought it down to her wrist and reopened her biggest scar. She only stopped when the blood poured over her wrist and onto the floor.




Ginny came to her senses immediately. Sobs racked her small body as she cast a quick spell to clean the floor and hurried to the loo. She covered her wrist in paper towels before hurrying to Harry's dorm.




Harry's curtains were drawn but a dim light came from the other side. Ginny pulled back the curtains, crying harder when Harry's eyes widened at the sight of her. He had acopy of /Quidditch Through the Ages /in his lap. Harry was up in a flash, taking all the necessary medical supplies out of his trunk. He didn't speak until he finished bandaging her wound. When he was done, he pulled Ginny down onto his lap and finally asked, “Why?”




“Nightmare.” Ginny sobbed against his chest. Harry nodded, but chose to keep silent.




Minutes passed by slowly. After awhile, Ginny whispered, “I wasn't thinking. I just . . . I reacted to the dream. I'm so sorry, Harry. I didn't want to hurt or disappoint you.”




“It's all right, darling. I love you. You know that. I just wish you had come and got me,” Harry replied sadly.




“I know. And if I had thought of that I would have,” Ginny muttered into his chest.




Harry sighed. “Come on. Let's get some sleep.”




Ginny laid down beside him, her head still buried in his chest. Harry rubbed her back soothingly, until her even breathing told him she was asleep.




Before he fell into a deep slumber, Harry vowed he would get Ginny to accept the fact that she could come to him, no matter what. She had to let him help her. She had to.