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Warnings For This Chapter: cutting




Disclaimer: I still don't own Harry Potter.




Chapter Twenty-Two




Pain is inevitable; suffering is optional.

- Anonymous




Ginnywoke early the morning after she received the letters from Bill and Charlie. Her stomach grumbled loudly. Ginny climbed out of bed and pulled on a pair of jeans and a t-shirt. It was Saturday and today she was going to Hogsmeade with Harry. With that thought, Ginny left her dormitory and made her way up to Harry's. She found his bed and pulled back the curtains.




“Harry!” Ginny shook his shoulder.




“Wha-Ginny?” Harry blinked sleepily at her. Ginny gave Harry his glasses and he sat up. “Thanks. Are you all right? Is something wrong?”




“Yes, something's wrong.” Harry frowned instantly. “I'm hungry!”




Harry laughed. “Don't scare me like that.”




“Come on!” Ginny pulled on his arm. She finally gave up on forcing him out of bed and went to his trunk. After rummaging around, Ginny pulled out a pair of jeans and a shirt. She threw it at him. “Get up!”




Shaking his head, Harry got out of bed. He changed into the clothes Ginny had given him and soon found himself being dragged down to the Great Hall.




Ginny hadn't been lying when she said she was hungry. Harry finished eating long before she did. When Ginny was done, she followed Harry to the common room. They had decided to wait for Ron and Hermione before they left for Hogsmeade. Ginny remembered the letters she had received from Bill and Charlie and went upstairs to retrieve them. She came back downstairs with the letters, some parchment, a quill and an ink well. Harry watched Ginny with amusement as she began to write.




Dear Charlie,




I can't believe you're actually getting married; even more than that I can't believe Anneliese is pregnant. I would be lying if I said I was mad or even disappointed. I agree with you that it is time for you to settle down. Of course, Bill is two years older than you and he only got married two months ago. Anyway, I know you'll be a terrific father.




Don't worry about me telling Harry about his surprise party. He hates surprises and I can't wait to see his face! Yes, I know I'm evil. I was raised with six brothers, after all. I'm glad you decided to wait until summer to get married too. Maybe Dumbledore will let Harry come early because of the wedding. It's worth a try at least.




I bet Mum is unbearable right now. She's going to have three grandchildren in the course of two months. I better be one of the first people to hear from you when you know the sex of the baby or else I'll Bat-Bogey Hex you.




As for me, I wish I had as much confidence as you do. It gets harder with each passing day, but so far I haven't given in to the urges. I know you and the rest of the family are here for me, as well as Anneliese. I was really touched that she chose to share her story with me. I can't imagine losing asibling, yet alone a twin. She seems really nice too. I like talking to her. I'm kind of afraid if I tell her too much she won't like me anymore. I know it's stupid but I can't help thinking that way. Please don't tell her I said that. As I said, I know it isn't true but I feel that way. It doesn't stop me from talking to her though, so I don't really see it as a problem, so please just don't tell her.




Keep me posted on everything going on at home. I know you don't live there anymore, but I'm sure Mum makes sure you're there for Sunday dinner. Take care of Anneliese and that little one! I love you.




Love,




Squirt




After Ginny signed the letter, she slipped it into an envelope and sealed it. She wrote Charlie's name on the envelope and set it aside. Ginny grabbed another piece of parchment and started to write again.




Dear Bill,




I would love to be Alianora's godmother. I love the names by the way, but Alianora Ginevra? She'll hate you for the middle name; you know how much I hate it. Regardless, I'm honored you're naming her after me.




Things have been going well around here. Healer Seacrest is really helping me. I haven't hurt myself in two months! It gets harder with each passing day, but so far I've resisted temptation. I know it's going to get harder and I just hope I don't give in.




I hope you write back soon.




Love,




Ginny




“Want to go to the Owlery with me?” Ginny asked.




“Sure.” Harry stood up and followed her.




By the time they got back, Ron and Hermione had woken up and eaten breakfast, so they all set off for Hogsmeade. Harry and Ginny spent most of their time on the hill by the Shrieking Shack, snogging. At two o'clock, they headed for the Three Broomsticks to meet Ron and Hermione. They were almost there when Draco Malfoy bumped into her.




“Sorry,” he mumbled before hurrying off. Harry and Ginny watched him go.




“He's been acting very peculiar this year,” Ginny said in astonishment.




“Did Malfoy just apologize to you?” Harry asked.




“Yeah. I think he did,” Ginny replied. She grabbed Harry's hand and pulled him into the Three Broomsticks, determined not to go Malfoy another thought.




Ron and Hermione were already sitting at a table in the back corner. Harry went to get two butterbeers while Ginny joined her brother and Hermione at the table. They hadn't been sitting there long when Malfoy came up to the table and cleared his throat.




“Hi. Can I sit here?” Malfoy asked awkwardly.




“Are you kidding me?” Ron asked with disbelief.




“Ronald!” Hermione scolded. She turned to Malfoy and smiled. “Of course you can.”




As long as Malfoy was being civil, Hermione decided she would be as well.




Malfoy took a seat at the end of the table and turned to Harry. “I've been wanting to talk to you. Iknow I've been awful to all of you for a long time, but I need your help.”




“I'm leaving.” Ron stood up, pulling Hermione with him. She smiled apologetically before following him out the door. Malfoy took Ron's vacant seat across from Harry.




“What could you possibly need /my/help with?” Harry drank some butterbeer.




“It's my father. He's forcing me to become a Death Eater. He's given me a month to commit a dark act. If I refuse, he'll kill me. I don't want to die but I won't become one of /them/. I don't know who else to turn to. I'm being shunned by my own House because of this. I need your help. Please,” Malfoy pleaded.




“What kind of dark act?” Ginny asked.




“The worst one. Murder.” Malfoy grimaced as the words left his mouth.




Harry thought everything over for aminute.“All right. We'll go to Dumbledore. There really isn't anything I can do other than that.” He eyed him suspiciously.“You wouldn't happen to be lying to me, would you?”




“I swear, Po-I mean, Harry. I'm not lying. I refuse to turn into someone who kills for pleasure. It's not right. Just because my father thinks it is doesn't mean I feel the same way,” Draco told him.




“Harry, I think he's telling the truth,” Ginny put in.




“Thank you. I assure you I am,” Draco said sincerely.




“All right. If Ginny believes you, I guess I do too.” Harry nodded.




Ginny put down her mug and link her fingers through Harry's on the table. Draco's gaze fell to where their hands were connected, his eyes running over Ginny's wrist. Draco noticed the numerous dark scars that decorated her left wrist.




“What happened to your wrist?” Draco asked. Ginny looked down at her arm. She immediately pulled her arm back.




“Nothing,” Ginny mumbled.




“Did you do that to yourself?” Draco persisted.




“No.” Ginny looked away.




“You did. You're lying. That's-that's fucked up.” Draco wrinkled his nose in dislike.




“SHUT THE HELL UP, MALFOY! You/don't /talk to her like that. /Ever/.” Harry stood up.




To Ginny's horror, everyone in the pub had turned around to look at them. She pulled on his arm. “Harry, sit down!” Harry looked around and sat down with a sigh.




“I'm sorry! I didn't mean anything by it. It's just . . . why would someone do that to themselves?” Draco asked.




Ginny sighed. “Not that any of this is your business, but this definitely isn't the time or place to have this discussion.”




Ginny stood up and left the building. Harry and Draco followed her. They walked in silence all the way to Hogwarts and up to the seventh floor to the Room of Requirement. Once they were inside, Ginny sat down on the floor in front of the fireplace, her back to both Harry and Draco.




“I know you think this is crazy. Hell, sometimes I think I'm crazy. But I'm not. I've been through alot in a short amount of time. Sure, I'm alive, but that doesn't mean I came out unscathed. Until a little while ago, I was almost constantly in pain. I hurt so much . . . mentally . . . that I'd do anything to make it go away. But no matter what I did . . . it didn't go away. Nothing worked; nothing but this.” Ginny raised up her arm to indicate what 'this' was.




“You-you should talk to someone. . . .” Draco said awkwardly.




Ginny turned around. “I do. Every Monday Harry and I meet with a Mental Healer; it’s not exactly something I want people knowing.” She turned back to the fire.




Draco sighed and sat down beside her.“This isn't healthy, Ginny. You could kill yourself.”




Ginny glanced at him, her eyes flashed dangerously. “You think I don't know that? I've been in the Hospital Wing twice this year, in case you haven't noticed.”




“No. I hadn't. But I don't have classes with you, so I wouldn't,” Draco admitted.




“I know that it isn't healthy, and I know it's bad for me. I know I need to stop. And I'm trying. Ihaven't hurt myself in two months,” Ginny told him.




“That's good. Do you still ever want to hurt yourself?” Draco asked.




“Sometimes. Pain is inevitable, but suffering . . . suffering is optional. I started cutting so Iwouldn't suffer, giving it up is a bitch. Sometimes, I feel like I'm dead inside, even with the daily Cheering Charms Seacrest told me to perform. The only solution for that is to cut, but I can't. So, I go through each day being numb, until finally I wake up and I'm alive again. At least for a little while. If one thing goes wrong one day, I feel like my whole world is collapsing, and the only way to stop it is to hurt myself. But now I can only watch while it collapses.” Silent tears fell down Ginny's cheeks.




“It's all right, Ginny. I'm here.” Harry pulled her into his arms.




Draco sighed. “Ginny, I know I'm not your favorite person in the world, but if you need someone to talk to . . . you could talk to me if you wanted. I understand if you don't want to, it's just an offer.”




Ginny looked up from Harry's chest.“Thank you, Draco. That means a lot to me.” She dried her tears and stood up. “Why don't you two go talk to Dumbledore? I have some homework to work on.”




Harry wasn't fully convinced she was all right, but he figured Hermione would know if something was wrong, so he agreed.




They weren't with Dumbledore long. Draco told Dumbledore everything, including the hostility towards him in his own house. Dumbledore immediately moved him to the vacant Slytherin Head Boy's room for his own safety. The only thing that posed a problem was Draco's birthday, which was June 5th. Dumbledore explained to him that his parents were responsible for him until that date. In the end, he decided to think the matter over before he made any decisions.




Ginny had hurried up to Gryffindor Tower after she left the Room of Requirement. Not saying a word to anyone, she ran up the staircase and into her dormitory. Drawing her curtains around her bed Ginny reached under her bed and pulled out her razor. She brought it to her left arm. Ginny pushed the razor into her skin and pulled it back and forth. The blades cut away at her skin; blood bubbled up from the wound and ran down her arm. Ginny was crying harder now. She threw the razor into her box and pushed it back under the bed.




Hiding her arm as best she could, Ginny went to wait for Harry in his dormitory. She didn't know how long he would be, so she laid down on his bed. Ten minutes later, Harry found her asleep in his bed. He was alarmed to see the blood flowing freely from her wrist, dripping on the floor. Harry hurried to his trunk and got out his medical supplies. He applied antiseptic to Ginny's wrist before he carefully wrapped it up. Harry cast aquick Cleaning charm on the floor before he climbed into bed beside Ginny. He wrapped his arm around her waist and pulled her close. With a wave of Harry's hand, the curtains around his bed closed.




It would take a long time for Harry to fall asleep that night.