Categories > Celebrities > Fall Out Boy > Forget me not
I stayed at his house, which seemed like days, when really it had just been a few hours, and as sure as I thought it was going to be awkward, it wasn’t. He was the greatest guy in the world. For some reason I felt closer to him then I did with Patrick at the moment, only being that it felt like I was lied to. And apparently this baby was Paul’s.
“I have a question and I don’t know if I should ask it, but considering I don’t know any answers to anything in my life right now, I’m just going to ask you.” I said, Paul laughed.
“ok, anything,” and he turned towards me.
“Patrick thinks this baby is his, and you said it’s yours. Whose baby is it actually?” I was nervous that he would get mad, but I know that he knew that me and Patrick were still together.
“We said that we would tell everyone it was Patrick’s and then when you had the baby, we would get a DNA test done, without him knowing, and then if it came back mine, then you would leave Patrick and live with me.” he smiled, and for some reason that just didn’t sound fair. I mean, how would I leave a guyw who was literally there for me everyday?
“is everything ok?” Paul asked, he wouldn’t take his eyes off of me, it seemed to be that way with everyone.
“Yeah, I’m fine, just thinking that’s all. I should probably get going, I kinda left in a hurry today and I left my phone in the car, so no one would bother me. I’ll text you.” it was weird with those words leaving my mouth, was that something we did all the time?
And as if he knew what I was thinking “ yeah, that’s something we used to do all the time. Especially with a secret affair.” he laughed at that. “and don’t forget to delete anything and everything I send you, cause Patrick tends to go through your phone.” he winked at me and walked me outside. We stepped on to the porch and he kissed me goodbye, and I had the feeling I was going to miss those lips more than I ever thought possible.
I got into my car and sure enough I had a million missed calls, 36 text messages, and everyone in the world was looking for me. I turned the gps on so I would know where I was going, and for a split second I thought about just staying with paul. Or never going back to either of them. But I knew I had to go back eventually and atleast let them know I was never coming back.
For some reason the fact that Paul told me that Patrick liked to go through my phone, really pissed me off, and I couldn’t stop thinking about and it made me think he didn’t trust me. And then it brought me back to a night a few months before the accident.
**
I walked in to the house, to Patrick sitting at the table with something in his hand. I walked over to him and kissed him on the cheek and noticed my phone was in his hand.
“why do you have my phone?” I asked reaching for it, but he pulled back his arm.
“when did you plan on telling me?” he wouldn’t look at me, and I knew that meant he was mad.
“telling you what?” I reached in to the fridge for a bottle of water, and at that moment he whipped my phone across the kitchen and it startled me, I wasn’t sure what to do, he had never been like this before.
“TELLING ME ABOUT YOU AND PAUL. WHEN THE FUCK WAS I SUPPOSED TO FIND OUT? I LOVE YOU MORE THAN ANYTHING IN THE WHOLE FUCKING WORLD. AND THIS IS WHAT I GET? I’VE BEEN NOTHING BUT HONEST AND CARING AND YOU DO THIS TO ME? I ASKED YOU TO MARRY FOR FUCKS SAKE.” He sank back down in his chair, and I was shocked, I didn’t know what to say.
“Patrick, it means nothing, I promise, he means nothing to me, and he came onto me. We were nothing more than friends to me, I never wanted him like that” and we both knew I was lying through my teeth.
“who knew?” he asked quietly.
“no one knew, Patrick, because I didn’t want anyone to go behind your back about it and leave you in the dark.” I said and I leaned up against the counter.
“so you thought you’d keep it to yourself, and just be able to live with it. I’m glad to know I was so easy to forget, all the nights you spend fucking him.” he spat those words at me, and it hurt to the core, but I did this to myself.
“I love you, I didn’t mean to do this, and for a second I lost myself. I could never love him the way I love you. You’re everything to me.” I was trying to sound convincing.
“I was everything to you until you spent the night with him.” he got up and I didn’t follow. I heard the front door slam shut and I jumped at the sound. I picked up my phone and looked through it for his number.
“hey, it’s Kayla. He found out about us.” I said and I hung up. Where ever in the world he was, he would eventually have to hear that voicemail. I just hope it crushed him like it crushed me.
Patrick never did come home that night, and I wound up falling asleep on the couch. I woke up to Patrick sitting across from me. And I sat up.
“can you promise me right now, that you will end it?” he asked, and the way his voice sounded, made it seem like he had been crying all night just like me. But not for the same reasons.
“yes, I can.” I said quietly, but I never looked at him.
“Kayla, I love you. And I don’t know what I would do without you. And I’m sorry but it ripped me apart knowing that I’m not the center of your universe like you are to mine. I want to work on things, and I’m willing to see the other side of this, because of our lifestyles, and I’m willing to let this go. If you never talk to him again.” that last line was like a knife to my heart, how could I do that?
“ok, done deal. I’ll call him and let him know. If that’s ok. I mean I kinda have to tell him.” as I started getting up.
“fine, but I want to hear what you tell him.” he said as he followed me.
The phone started ringing and he picked up. “Hey baby.” and I could hear the smile in his voice, I could see him twisting up the corners of his lips and smiling that smile. It made it much worse.
“did you get my voicemail?” and I moved my face from the receiver cause I felt like I was going to cry. I had my back to Patrick but I could tell he was watching my every move.
“no, oh wait, yeah I did.” he laughed.
“Patrick found out about us. And this is me calling to say goodbye.” the last line was the hardest and I couldn’t even say all of it. Because I felt like I was going to break at any moment.. Paul was dead silent, and then I heard him breathe.
“and there’s nothing I can do to change your mind. Even though I love you.” he trailed off. And I could hear everything I was feeling in those words.
“no there’s nothing you can do, and I don’t love you. I love Patrick and I need to make it work with him. For the sake of my life. He’s everything to me, and you came in and fucked everything up. You were a mistake, Paul, one I will always regret.” I just wished he would understand that I was saying this to him not because I felt that but because Patrick wanted to hear that.
“I’m sorry you feel this way, but I will always love you. And I know this mean goodbye, but always remember, I will never hate you.” and I think the fact that he said that to me, the fact that he killed me with kindness, made me break down, and I slammed down the phone. I pulled myself together and turned around.
Patrick was looking at me smiling.
“Thank you.” he kissed me and then walked in to the other room.
It had been about 6 months after everything had happened that I ran into Paul again. We were both at star bucks at the same time. Patrick was out of town, and the sight of him made me go weak. I got dizzy and I didn’t know what to say,
“Hey.” he smiled at me, as if nothing had ever happened.
He looked good, and I knew I shouldn’t be talking to him, but Patrick would never know.
“hi, how are you?” and I smiled at him.
“I’m good. It’s weird seeing you.” and he laughed.
“can we talk? Cause there’s a lot I have to explain.”
“yeah, I would love that.” and we started walking to the nearest park. I told him everything. And he finally understood why I said all of those things, not because I wanted to but because I had to.
We spent an amazing evening that night together. And I was more in love with him than ever. About 6 weeks later, I started getting sick, and then found out I was pregnant.
***end flashback
“I have a question and I don’t know if I should ask it, but considering I don’t know any answers to anything in my life right now, I’m just going to ask you.” I said, Paul laughed.
“ok, anything,” and he turned towards me.
“Patrick thinks this baby is his, and you said it’s yours. Whose baby is it actually?” I was nervous that he would get mad, but I know that he knew that me and Patrick were still together.
“We said that we would tell everyone it was Patrick’s and then when you had the baby, we would get a DNA test done, without him knowing, and then if it came back mine, then you would leave Patrick and live with me.” he smiled, and for some reason that just didn’t sound fair. I mean, how would I leave a guyw who was literally there for me everyday?
“is everything ok?” Paul asked, he wouldn’t take his eyes off of me, it seemed to be that way with everyone.
“Yeah, I’m fine, just thinking that’s all. I should probably get going, I kinda left in a hurry today and I left my phone in the car, so no one would bother me. I’ll text you.” it was weird with those words leaving my mouth, was that something we did all the time?
And as if he knew what I was thinking “ yeah, that’s something we used to do all the time. Especially with a secret affair.” he laughed at that. “and don’t forget to delete anything and everything I send you, cause Patrick tends to go through your phone.” he winked at me and walked me outside. We stepped on to the porch and he kissed me goodbye, and I had the feeling I was going to miss those lips more than I ever thought possible.
I got into my car and sure enough I had a million missed calls, 36 text messages, and everyone in the world was looking for me. I turned the gps on so I would know where I was going, and for a split second I thought about just staying with paul. Or never going back to either of them. But I knew I had to go back eventually and atleast let them know I was never coming back.
For some reason the fact that Paul told me that Patrick liked to go through my phone, really pissed me off, and I couldn’t stop thinking about and it made me think he didn’t trust me. And then it brought me back to a night a few months before the accident.
**
I walked in to the house, to Patrick sitting at the table with something in his hand. I walked over to him and kissed him on the cheek and noticed my phone was in his hand.
“why do you have my phone?” I asked reaching for it, but he pulled back his arm.
“when did you plan on telling me?” he wouldn’t look at me, and I knew that meant he was mad.
“telling you what?” I reached in to the fridge for a bottle of water, and at that moment he whipped my phone across the kitchen and it startled me, I wasn’t sure what to do, he had never been like this before.
“TELLING ME ABOUT YOU AND PAUL. WHEN THE FUCK WAS I SUPPOSED TO FIND OUT? I LOVE YOU MORE THAN ANYTHING IN THE WHOLE FUCKING WORLD. AND THIS IS WHAT I GET? I’VE BEEN NOTHING BUT HONEST AND CARING AND YOU DO THIS TO ME? I ASKED YOU TO MARRY FOR FUCKS SAKE.” He sank back down in his chair, and I was shocked, I didn’t know what to say.
“Patrick, it means nothing, I promise, he means nothing to me, and he came onto me. We were nothing more than friends to me, I never wanted him like that” and we both knew I was lying through my teeth.
“who knew?” he asked quietly.
“no one knew, Patrick, because I didn’t want anyone to go behind your back about it and leave you in the dark.” I said and I leaned up against the counter.
“so you thought you’d keep it to yourself, and just be able to live with it. I’m glad to know I was so easy to forget, all the nights you spend fucking him.” he spat those words at me, and it hurt to the core, but I did this to myself.
“I love you, I didn’t mean to do this, and for a second I lost myself. I could never love him the way I love you. You’re everything to me.” I was trying to sound convincing.
“I was everything to you until you spent the night with him.” he got up and I didn’t follow. I heard the front door slam shut and I jumped at the sound. I picked up my phone and looked through it for his number.
“hey, it’s Kayla. He found out about us.” I said and I hung up. Where ever in the world he was, he would eventually have to hear that voicemail. I just hope it crushed him like it crushed me.
Patrick never did come home that night, and I wound up falling asleep on the couch. I woke up to Patrick sitting across from me. And I sat up.
“can you promise me right now, that you will end it?” he asked, and the way his voice sounded, made it seem like he had been crying all night just like me. But not for the same reasons.
“yes, I can.” I said quietly, but I never looked at him.
“Kayla, I love you. And I don’t know what I would do without you. And I’m sorry but it ripped me apart knowing that I’m not the center of your universe like you are to mine. I want to work on things, and I’m willing to see the other side of this, because of our lifestyles, and I’m willing to let this go. If you never talk to him again.” that last line was like a knife to my heart, how could I do that?
“ok, done deal. I’ll call him and let him know. If that’s ok. I mean I kinda have to tell him.” as I started getting up.
“fine, but I want to hear what you tell him.” he said as he followed me.
The phone started ringing and he picked up. “Hey baby.” and I could hear the smile in his voice, I could see him twisting up the corners of his lips and smiling that smile. It made it much worse.
“did you get my voicemail?” and I moved my face from the receiver cause I felt like I was going to cry. I had my back to Patrick but I could tell he was watching my every move.
“no, oh wait, yeah I did.” he laughed.
“Patrick found out about us. And this is me calling to say goodbye.” the last line was the hardest and I couldn’t even say all of it. Because I felt like I was going to break at any moment.. Paul was dead silent, and then I heard him breathe.
“and there’s nothing I can do to change your mind. Even though I love you.” he trailed off. And I could hear everything I was feeling in those words.
“no there’s nothing you can do, and I don’t love you. I love Patrick and I need to make it work with him. For the sake of my life. He’s everything to me, and you came in and fucked everything up. You were a mistake, Paul, one I will always regret.” I just wished he would understand that I was saying this to him not because I felt that but because Patrick wanted to hear that.
“I’m sorry you feel this way, but I will always love you. And I know this mean goodbye, but always remember, I will never hate you.” and I think the fact that he said that to me, the fact that he killed me with kindness, made me break down, and I slammed down the phone. I pulled myself together and turned around.
Patrick was looking at me smiling.
“Thank you.” he kissed me and then walked in to the other room.
It had been about 6 months after everything had happened that I ran into Paul again. We were both at star bucks at the same time. Patrick was out of town, and the sight of him made me go weak. I got dizzy and I didn’t know what to say,
“Hey.” he smiled at me, as if nothing had ever happened.
He looked good, and I knew I shouldn’t be talking to him, but Patrick would never know.
“hi, how are you?” and I smiled at him.
“I’m good. It’s weird seeing you.” and he laughed.
“can we talk? Cause there’s a lot I have to explain.”
“yeah, I would love that.” and we started walking to the nearest park. I told him everything. And he finally understood why I said all of those things, not because I wanted to but because I had to.
We spent an amazing evening that night together. And I was more in love with him than ever. About 6 weeks later, I started getting sick, and then found out I was pregnant.
***end flashback
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