Categories > Books > Harry Potter > inheirtance
Reviews
inheirtance
(#) dennisud 2010-12-27
Many grammatical errors slowed the reading down quite a bit!
But essentially a goo premise though rusehed excluding the mistakes.
BTW wouldn't Hermione be lady granger as she's a magical AND so she should be head of house as her father isn't but a squib?
dennisud
P.S. get a beta reader to fix your spelling and word usage problems!Author's response
would you be willing to be my betainheirtance
(#) ROBERT_1958 2010-12-27
I do not understand "Debts owed to the Potter Family (Both financial and life)".
"Weasley family (1895 (Loan), 1920 (loan), 1945 (Loan), 1993 (Life))
Bones family (1980 [James saved Amelia])"
I see where it says James saved Amelia. Why is nothing said about the Weasley family?
"The Leaky Cauldron owns 50%
The ministry of magic building"
I see a part of The Leaky Cauldron ownsowned by Harry. I do not see the part of The ministry of magic building that Harry owns. Why?
I see a part of Daily Prophet Harry owns, but not The Daily Prophet building. Why?
Does Harry own Hogwarts as he is the heir to two of the Hogwarts Founders?
Why did the Head of the DMLE not hold Dumbledore till he could be brought before the whole Wizengmot?
If Harry owns Hogwarts he should FIRE Dumbledore & Snape, and expell anyone who couses trubble at Hogwarts.
Looking for more of this fine story.
inheirtance
(#) aredphxbird2 2010-12-28
Harry's list of inhertence is long.
I pity the Weasley family now if Arthur doesn't get Molly inline between the loans and Ginny's life debt.
I would like to see the bill Harry give Vernon Dursley for overdue rent for about 13 years.
The worst family I really pity is the Malfoys.six loans and three life debts,I would like to see Lucius Malfoy's face when Harry and Gobblins call in on the loans atleast with compounded interest.
Thats all for now.
inheirtance
(#) Cateagle 2011-01-04
You've got an interesting story here but grammar errors, such as mixing plural subjects with singular verbs, tend to distract the reader from it.inheirtance
(#) Staryfury0901 2019-01-01
Your math's a bit off. I left off the zeros and just added the Billion and Millions and got over 16 Billion galleons. Another thing, when you get the time I suggest going back into this and editing it better. Please don't take any of this as flaming your work as I'm truly not trying to. I am trying to be helpful. I'm also enjoying this. Trust me when I say you could do a lot worse while writing this! If you think I'm kidding try reading the first chapter of Harry Potter and the Super Robot War on ff.net. Good luck! I hope you can unscramble sentences and everything that goes along with writing a story on the fly! You'll need it! The later chapter improve greatly.
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