Categories > Celebrities > My Chemical Romance > From The Earth To The Morgue
Chapter 15
1 review"It feels pretty normal right now, don't you think?" The first 2 paragraphs are written by me. The rest is written by my co-author.
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Mikey sighed as he looked out the window of the bus. The rain was pouring outside, the drops like giant tears falling from the dark grey sky. He and Gerard had been through so much, but he felt like maybe, they just needed to talk. They were both broken pieces, wishing to break into each other, go back to the way that things had used to be. What they were now was just a shadow of the past.
They were so far into imperfection at this point, and even though no one was perfect, this wasn’t what they were supposed to be. Neither wanted to see the other brother fall, or go. They didn’t want to see the other back out in the cold. The air that escaped Mikey’s lungs at that moment filled him with an indescribable feeling. It wasn’t fear, it wasn’t sadness, but it wasn’t courage or happiness, either. It was like a shade of grey, never being able to decide. Either way, the first responsibility that they had was to make sure that they didn’t run away. They needed to find each other on solid ground, where they used to be.
Mikey could feel Gerard looking at him every so often, but neither one of them said a word, even though they both knew that that was probably all they really needed to get themselves back on track. Only a few steps down this road to recovery, and they had already hit quite a few bumps. It made Mikey wonder if they really could do this, to really return themselves back to the way things were before they had begun this downward spiral. So many words flooded his mind that he could say, but they never quite made it from his mind to his lips, dying somewhere along the way.
He was so afraid to makes things worse he couldn’t even begin to make an attempt to make things any better. It made him feel terrible, that he was so afraid to do anything, but if he made one wrong move it was hard to not think that it was that one thing that was going to push them over the edge, and they’d lose each other.
Gerard was all Mikey needed, and if he was gone, then there wouldn’t be anything left for him. When he was scared, Gerard would always be there to take his hand. When he was sad, Gerard would be there for however long he needed him to make him happy again. And even when everything was perfect, and they were just being, Gerard was always there to share in the moment. The idea of that not happening anymore was enough to form a lump in Mikey’s throat, and almost make him choke.
They were more than brothers, even if people couldn’t see it when they looked at them. Even if no one else could tell that anything was wrong with them, even if they seemed like they were as close as they all remembered them being, there was no denying this fog that surrounded them. It made the air in the room thick, difficult to breathe in.
Soon enough, Gerard’s eyes slid away, and focused on something else. Mikey could feel his muscles unclench as he slid down into his seat a little bit more. There was still only silence in the room, the only noise barely breaking it being the rain outside.
“Gee?” Mikey finally breathed, unsure if his brother was still there.
A slight hesitation followed, and Mikey wondered briefly if his brother was just as nervous about beginning the healing as he was. “I’m here.” Gerard finally murmured back, as if reading Mikey’s thoughts. But the warmth of his brothers’ eyes didn’t return to him, he was still looking somewhere else.
“Okay,” Mikey nodded, relieved. Even if they weren’t going to talk yet, there was some strange satisfaction in knowing that he was still there, he was still hanging on.
“I’m always going to be here, Mikey.” Gerard sighed, finally breaking the silence and looking back at his baby brother once again. “I promise. You don’t need to check for me.”
Mikey nodded and made eye contact with his brother for the first time in a while, and smiled at the hope and trust that he could see there. His own eyes became glossy, as he stood and reached for a hug from Gerard. As his brothers arms curled around him, he felt safe once more. No matter where they were, when he and Gerard were together, it could substitute as home.
“Do you think it’ll ever be normal again?” Mikey asked hopefully, looking at his brother, arms still tight and unmoving around him.
“It feels pretty normal right now, don’t you think?” Gerard asked back playfully. Mikey blinked and realized he was right. This is how he wanted it to feel all the time again. He wanted to feel safe and sound, warm in his brother’ embrace, as they continued on with their lives and did all the things they could with each other.
They had dealt with a lot through their lifetime, and those things had never been able to tear them apart before. Mikey wasn’t going to let this be the thing that did, and he knew Gerard has no intentions of this either. This was just another one of those bumps they had to get over, and things could even out along the road sometime, eventually. Things would never be smooth, but they could make it as perfect as possible if they worked on it.
That was something they’d known for a long time. They were always going to be together, even when they felt like they were miles apart.
They weren’t done yet, but this was a real fresh start, and there was going to plenty of time to talk about everything in the future, no secrets or shields. They didn’t need those when it was just the two of them anyways.
They were so far into imperfection at this point, and even though no one was perfect, this wasn’t what they were supposed to be. Neither wanted to see the other brother fall, or go. They didn’t want to see the other back out in the cold. The air that escaped Mikey’s lungs at that moment filled him with an indescribable feeling. It wasn’t fear, it wasn’t sadness, but it wasn’t courage or happiness, either. It was like a shade of grey, never being able to decide. Either way, the first responsibility that they had was to make sure that they didn’t run away. They needed to find each other on solid ground, where they used to be.
Mikey could feel Gerard looking at him every so often, but neither one of them said a word, even though they both knew that that was probably all they really needed to get themselves back on track. Only a few steps down this road to recovery, and they had already hit quite a few bumps. It made Mikey wonder if they really could do this, to really return themselves back to the way things were before they had begun this downward spiral. So many words flooded his mind that he could say, but they never quite made it from his mind to his lips, dying somewhere along the way.
He was so afraid to makes things worse he couldn’t even begin to make an attempt to make things any better. It made him feel terrible, that he was so afraid to do anything, but if he made one wrong move it was hard to not think that it was that one thing that was going to push them over the edge, and they’d lose each other.
Gerard was all Mikey needed, and if he was gone, then there wouldn’t be anything left for him. When he was scared, Gerard would always be there to take his hand. When he was sad, Gerard would be there for however long he needed him to make him happy again. And even when everything was perfect, and they were just being, Gerard was always there to share in the moment. The idea of that not happening anymore was enough to form a lump in Mikey’s throat, and almost make him choke.
They were more than brothers, even if people couldn’t see it when they looked at them. Even if no one else could tell that anything was wrong with them, even if they seemed like they were as close as they all remembered them being, there was no denying this fog that surrounded them. It made the air in the room thick, difficult to breathe in.
Soon enough, Gerard’s eyes slid away, and focused on something else. Mikey could feel his muscles unclench as he slid down into his seat a little bit more. There was still only silence in the room, the only noise barely breaking it being the rain outside.
“Gee?” Mikey finally breathed, unsure if his brother was still there.
A slight hesitation followed, and Mikey wondered briefly if his brother was just as nervous about beginning the healing as he was. “I’m here.” Gerard finally murmured back, as if reading Mikey’s thoughts. But the warmth of his brothers’ eyes didn’t return to him, he was still looking somewhere else.
“Okay,” Mikey nodded, relieved. Even if they weren’t going to talk yet, there was some strange satisfaction in knowing that he was still there, he was still hanging on.
“I’m always going to be here, Mikey.” Gerard sighed, finally breaking the silence and looking back at his baby brother once again. “I promise. You don’t need to check for me.”
Mikey nodded and made eye contact with his brother for the first time in a while, and smiled at the hope and trust that he could see there. His own eyes became glossy, as he stood and reached for a hug from Gerard. As his brothers arms curled around him, he felt safe once more. No matter where they were, when he and Gerard were together, it could substitute as home.
“Do you think it’ll ever be normal again?” Mikey asked hopefully, looking at his brother, arms still tight and unmoving around him.
“It feels pretty normal right now, don’t you think?” Gerard asked back playfully. Mikey blinked and realized he was right. This is how he wanted it to feel all the time again. He wanted to feel safe and sound, warm in his brother’ embrace, as they continued on with their lives and did all the things they could with each other.
They had dealt with a lot through their lifetime, and those things had never been able to tear them apart before. Mikey wasn’t going to let this be the thing that did, and he knew Gerard has no intentions of this either. This was just another one of those bumps they had to get over, and things could even out along the road sometime, eventually. Things would never be smooth, but they could make it as perfect as possible if they worked on it.
That was something they’d known for a long time. They were always going to be together, even when they felt like they were miles apart.
They weren’t done yet, but this was a real fresh start, and there was going to plenty of time to talk about everything in the future, no secrets or shields. They didn’t need those when it was just the two of them anyways.
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