Categories > Celebrities > My Chemical Romance > Fly Me Away
BABETTE
I approached the café with my stomach pounding to the beat of a thousand butterflies. There was a guilty churning in my chest because I knew I wasn’t supposed to be here. I spotted Clara instantly. She was decked out in a red and black rockabilly cocktail dress, six in stilettos and seamed stalkings. I on the other hand was wear a pair of muddy red Converse, a black shirt and a pair of tore up skinny jeans. I carefully sat down in front of her. She removed her heart shaped sun glasses and puckered her blood red lips.
“That’s a pretty gnarly scar. How’d ya get it?” she asked, her green eyes piercing me like daggers. I tried my hardest not to break her intense gaze.
“Let’s stick to business shall we?” I said, turning the subject back to why I was here. Clara pursed her pretty lips and sighed heavily.
“So you wanna know about me and Gerard I take it?” she asked, taking a sip of her water. I nodded curtly. “I’ve known Gee for a long time. Since we were juniors in high school. We were best friends, and he took me to prom as a friend. But when he dropped me off he kissed me and then I guess we just started dating. We dated all through high school and up until his last year at SVA.” Clara explained.
“Gerard made me the happiest girl in the world. He was sweet, sensitive, caring, adorable, and not too bad in the sack.” She added with a wink. I held back a bit of vomit that gurgled in my throat at the thought of Gerard with Clara. “But all too soon things started to get a little rough between us. He was getting really, really involved in his art and I felt like I was being left behind.” He voice trailed off.
“And? What happened?” I asked, wanting to hurry and leave already so Gerard wouldn’t notice I was gone too long.
“I was tired of being put in second place to his work, so I left.” She said so simply it was like a slap in the face. “And here’s a little advice, from me to you; Gerard’s number one fan will always be Gerard.” She said lowly, leaning in closer to me.
“What the hell does that mean?” I asked loudly as she stood up from the small café table.
“You’ll figure it out soon enough, trust me.” Clara promised. I hoped she was wrong. I hoped to god she was wrong.
I drove home, my mind scrambling. What did she mean? Was it that Gerard didn’t really care about me? That he didn’t care about anybody but himself? I know that wasn’t true in the least bit. I had seen him act out favors for and hug and kiss crying teenage girls on the cheeks simply because they were his fans and he loved them all as if they were children. Some shows he would get really emotion because of the fans reaction to the performance. He cared about them so much that it would keep him up at night sometimes.
But maybe what Clara had meant was that Gerard would always put work before people. I bit my lip and thought about how busy he had been lately. So busy I had to surprise him and resort to sneaking out just so that we could fool around. Ever since recording this new album he seemed less and less there for everybody, even Mikey, whose mental health was beginning to dwindle along with mine. Gerard was getting too caught up in work. He was putting his loved ones second.
I didn’t have much more time to ponder these things because as I pulled up in the drive way, I saw Gerard standing by the door with his arms crossed over his chest. My heart dropped and my stomach flipped. I had some serious explain to do.
“Gerard, wait.” I said as I approached him. It was too late though. Gerard marched me down the hallways and into the bedroom.
“You were out with her, weren’t you?” he asked bitterly. I sat down and nodded. Gerard paced the room and shook his head.
“Good god what am I going to do with you?” he barked. I cringed a little bit at the shock of how loud he had gotten. “Why couldn’t you have just left it alone like I told you to? Huh?” he snapped. I didn’t look at him. I couldn’t look at him, I couldn’t bare it.
“What did she tell you? That I cheated on her? That I lied? That I was abusive or something? She is a liar Babes, a fucking liar. What did she say to you?” He ranted on. I finally found my voice.
“She didn’t say any of that! She just said that she left you because she was tired of being put second.” I said defensively. Gerard stopped in his tracks and sat down on the bed.
“Is it true?” I said deftly. Gerard nodded.
“I made the mistake of kissing her one night, a long time ago. I didn’t know what I was getting myself into. She was crazy, a total wreck. We had absolutely no self esteem between us. She didn’t always look the way she does now y’know. I guess the relationship became too much and I just pushed it away, smothered it.” Gerard explained calmly.
“What happens when you try to smother us?” I asked, feeling better now that he had stopped yelling at me, even though I totally deserved it.
“I already did, with booze and pills. But you pulled me through, you stuck with me. And that’s something Clara has never done.” Gerard said quietly. My heart did a little flutter in my chest and I went and sat next to him on the bed.
“I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have done this. I should’ve listened to you.” I mumbled, leaning against him. He sighed and kissed the top of my head.
“Why didn’t you?” he asked. I sighed, too.
“I was insecure. I mean, Clara is so gorgeous and her face is perfect…” My voice trailed off. Gerard turned and took my face in his hands and stared me straight in the eye.
“No, your face is perfect. Perfect for me, anyway.” He added. I flushed and hugged him. He gently pushed me away and got up and was walking out of the room. “I can’t deal with you right now. I need to take a drive.” He mumbled as he grabbed his coat. I nodded and fought back the guilty tears that were threatening to make themselves shown.
Why was I so stupid? Why did I have to go and hurt him like that? I wouldn’t be surprised if he came back and asked me to pack my things. I deserved it anyway. I buried down in the covers and the quilts and hid myself from the world. I hadn’t felt so ashamed in a long time. I didn’t deserve a guy like Gerard, I really didn’t.
“Babs? You in here?” asked Mikey’s voice from the doorway. I made a loud noise to let him know where I was. “Oh. I heard you and Gerard, uh talking.” He said, gingerly taking a seat close to where I was hiding.
“I bet the whole house did.” I grumbled bitterly. Mikey was silent and I knew it was true. “Not to be mean or anything, but why are you here?” I asked after a few moments of silence.
“I just wanted to make sure you were okay. I saw Gerard drive off. Do you know when he’ll be back?” Mikey explained. The tears were getting harder and harder to push back now. I didn’t deserve to be a part of this sweet, caring and gentle family.
“No I don’t…I’m sorry.” I said after a pause.
“Sorry about what?” Mikey asked, sounding confused.
“Everything I’ve done wrong. I fucked up big time.” I muttered, covering my leaky eyes with the bases of my wrists in a sad attempt to shove the tears back into my eyes. It only squeezed them out faster.
“It isn’t your fault.” Mikey said so quietly I barely heard him. He put his hand on my back even though he couldn’t see it properly.
“What?” I asked.
“I said it isn’t your fault. You’re only human Babs. People make mistakes all the time. This will work itself, it’ll pass. I promise.” He said, I could hear that earnest smile of his in his voice and found myself smiling along, and crying too.
“Thank you Mikey.” I said, grinning wryly as the tears wet my cheeks. He told me it was no problem and leaned down to kiss my head, but actually kissed my shoulder. I didn’t tell him this.
“Well, I’ll let you come down when you feel better. Dinner will be ready in an hour.” He told me.
“Alright. Thank you.” I said again. I could sense him smiling again.
“Love you, sis.” He said before leaving. My heart burst with a sudden rush of affect toward him. I wanted to chase him down the hallway and hug him until his head popped off, but I didn’t. Instead I just curled up in the fetal position and fell asleep…
I approached the café with my stomach pounding to the beat of a thousand butterflies. There was a guilty churning in my chest because I knew I wasn’t supposed to be here. I spotted Clara instantly. She was decked out in a red and black rockabilly cocktail dress, six in stilettos and seamed stalkings. I on the other hand was wear a pair of muddy red Converse, a black shirt and a pair of tore up skinny jeans. I carefully sat down in front of her. She removed her heart shaped sun glasses and puckered her blood red lips.
“That’s a pretty gnarly scar. How’d ya get it?” she asked, her green eyes piercing me like daggers. I tried my hardest not to break her intense gaze.
“Let’s stick to business shall we?” I said, turning the subject back to why I was here. Clara pursed her pretty lips and sighed heavily.
“So you wanna know about me and Gerard I take it?” she asked, taking a sip of her water. I nodded curtly. “I’ve known Gee for a long time. Since we were juniors in high school. We were best friends, and he took me to prom as a friend. But when he dropped me off he kissed me and then I guess we just started dating. We dated all through high school and up until his last year at SVA.” Clara explained.
“Gerard made me the happiest girl in the world. He was sweet, sensitive, caring, adorable, and not too bad in the sack.” She added with a wink. I held back a bit of vomit that gurgled in my throat at the thought of Gerard with Clara. “But all too soon things started to get a little rough between us. He was getting really, really involved in his art and I felt like I was being left behind.” He voice trailed off.
“And? What happened?” I asked, wanting to hurry and leave already so Gerard wouldn’t notice I was gone too long.
“I was tired of being put in second place to his work, so I left.” She said so simply it was like a slap in the face. “And here’s a little advice, from me to you; Gerard’s number one fan will always be Gerard.” She said lowly, leaning in closer to me.
“What the hell does that mean?” I asked loudly as she stood up from the small café table.
“You’ll figure it out soon enough, trust me.” Clara promised. I hoped she was wrong. I hoped to god she was wrong.
I drove home, my mind scrambling. What did she mean? Was it that Gerard didn’t really care about me? That he didn’t care about anybody but himself? I know that wasn’t true in the least bit. I had seen him act out favors for and hug and kiss crying teenage girls on the cheeks simply because they were his fans and he loved them all as if they were children. Some shows he would get really emotion because of the fans reaction to the performance. He cared about them so much that it would keep him up at night sometimes.
But maybe what Clara had meant was that Gerard would always put work before people. I bit my lip and thought about how busy he had been lately. So busy I had to surprise him and resort to sneaking out just so that we could fool around. Ever since recording this new album he seemed less and less there for everybody, even Mikey, whose mental health was beginning to dwindle along with mine. Gerard was getting too caught up in work. He was putting his loved ones second.
I didn’t have much more time to ponder these things because as I pulled up in the drive way, I saw Gerard standing by the door with his arms crossed over his chest. My heart dropped and my stomach flipped. I had some serious explain to do.
“Gerard, wait.” I said as I approached him. It was too late though. Gerard marched me down the hallways and into the bedroom.
“You were out with her, weren’t you?” he asked bitterly. I sat down and nodded. Gerard paced the room and shook his head.
“Good god what am I going to do with you?” he barked. I cringed a little bit at the shock of how loud he had gotten. “Why couldn’t you have just left it alone like I told you to? Huh?” he snapped. I didn’t look at him. I couldn’t look at him, I couldn’t bare it.
“What did she tell you? That I cheated on her? That I lied? That I was abusive or something? She is a liar Babes, a fucking liar. What did she say to you?” He ranted on. I finally found my voice.
“She didn’t say any of that! She just said that she left you because she was tired of being put second.” I said defensively. Gerard stopped in his tracks and sat down on the bed.
“Is it true?” I said deftly. Gerard nodded.
“I made the mistake of kissing her one night, a long time ago. I didn’t know what I was getting myself into. She was crazy, a total wreck. We had absolutely no self esteem between us. She didn’t always look the way she does now y’know. I guess the relationship became too much and I just pushed it away, smothered it.” Gerard explained calmly.
“What happens when you try to smother us?” I asked, feeling better now that he had stopped yelling at me, even though I totally deserved it.
“I already did, with booze and pills. But you pulled me through, you stuck with me. And that’s something Clara has never done.” Gerard said quietly. My heart did a little flutter in my chest and I went and sat next to him on the bed.
“I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have done this. I should’ve listened to you.” I mumbled, leaning against him. He sighed and kissed the top of my head.
“Why didn’t you?” he asked. I sighed, too.
“I was insecure. I mean, Clara is so gorgeous and her face is perfect…” My voice trailed off. Gerard turned and took my face in his hands and stared me straight in the eye.
“No, your face is perfect. Perfect for me, anyway.” He added. I flushed and hugged him. He gently pushed me away and got up and was walking out of the room. “I can’t deal with you right now. I need to take a drive.” He mumbled as he grabbed his coat. I nodded and fought back the guilty tears that were threatening to make themselves shown.
Why was I so stupid? Why did I have to go and hurt him like that? I wouldn’t be surprised if he came back and asked me to pack my things. I deserved it anyway. I buried down in the covers and the quilts and hid myself from the world. I hadn’t felt so ashamed in a long time. I didn’t deserve a guy like Gerard, I really didn’t.
“Babs? You in here?” asked Mikey’s voice from the doorway. I made a loud noise to let him know where I was. “Oh. I heard you and Gerard, uh talking.” He said, gingerly taking a seat close to where I was hiding.
“I bet the whole house did.” I grumbled bitterly. Mikey was silent and I knew it was true. “Not to be mean or anything, but why are you here?” I asked after a few moments of silence.
“I just wanted to make sure you were okay. I saw Gerard drive off. Do you know when he’ll be back?” Mikey explained. The tears were getting harder and harder to push back now. I didn’t deserve to be a part of this sweet, caring and gentle family.
“No I don’t…I’m sorry.” I said after a pause.
“Sorry about what?” Mikey asked, sounding confused.
“Everything I’ve done wrong. I fucked up big time.” I muttered, covering my leaky eyes with the bases of my wrists in a sad attempt to shove the tears back into my eyes. It only squeezed them out faster.
“It isn’t your fault.” Mikey said so quietly I barely heard him. He put his hand on my back even though he couldn’t see it properly.
“What?” I asked.
“I said it isn’t your fault. You’re only human Babs. People make mistakes all the time. This will work itself, it’ll pass. I promise.” He said, I could hear that earnest smile of his in his voice and found myself smiling along, and crying too.
“Thank you Mikey.” I said, grinning wryly as the tears wet my cheeks. He told me it was no problem and leaned down to kiss my head, but actually kissed my shoulder. I didn’t tell him this.
“Well, I’ll let you come down when you feel better. Dinner will be ready in an hour.” He told me.
“Alright. Thank you.” I said again. I could sense him smiling again.
“Love you, sis.” He said before leaving. My heart burst with a sudden rush of affect toward him. I wanted to chase him down the hallway and hug him until his head popped off, but I didn’t. Instead I just curled up in the fetal position and fell asleep…
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