Categories > Celebrities > My Chemical Romance > Fly Me Away
BABETTE
Days turned into weeks and I found myself spiraling down in a deep, dark hole of despair. It sounded cliché, but I felt as though I was sinking. Every day was worse than the last. I felt bitter, sad, angry with myself, angry with the people around me, and just plain down the rest of the time. Gerard didn’t know it, but I cried as soon as he fell asleep and when I was in the shower. I didn’t want to worry him. He needed to focus on the album, not my stupid little problems.
I would cry because I was frustrated with myself. Why was I feeling this way? Why couldn’t I just put it to the side like I had done so many times before? I gave up hope on myself after two weeks of feeling this way. There was no light at the end of the tunnel at this point, there was no getting better. This was something I couldn’t beat, something I couldn’t handle anymore. I was out of control of myself and had no idea how to get it back. I felt dead inside, I wanted to end.
But things with Mikey had gone south as well. He was constantly prone to seemingly random crying fits and angry outbursts. This got so bad that he eventually had to take a break from the band and live with their unofficial den mother, Stacy Fass. Stacy made sure he went to his therapists and they had just recently diagnosed him Bi-polar Disorder. Now he was on a bunch of rainbow medications to help level out his emotions.
With all this extra stress on Gerard, I couldn’t bare putting my own weight on his already burdened shoulders. So I kept it all in. I held it inside as well as I could, only crying and letting it out when I was sure I was alone.
But then it happened.
It was a Tuesday, at two in the morning. I got a call from Elodie, the first one in weeks. She was crying, very hard. I could barely understand what she was saying.
“Elle, honey what’s wrong? Is Benny okay? Are you okay?” I asked, trying to be quiet even though Gerard was already awake.
“No, we’re both fine. Its mom.” Elodie wept. My heart stopped. After Elodie and mom made up, mom accepted her back and let her move back home with Benny. It was like after everything we had all become so much closer.
“Is mom okay?” I asked through a tightening throat. I could barely breath, I couldn’t swallow. Gerard sensed something was wrong and hugged me. I was too focused to notice.
“No, she died. She had a heart attack. I just got back from the hospital with Benny.” Elodie cried. I felt like I was the one who had died at that very second.
“Elodie, just calm down. Everything is gonna be okay. I’ll call you in the morning.” I stammered. Elodie agreed and we hung up.
“Hey, what’s going on?” Gerard asked. I started to wheeze, tears falling rapidly from my eyes, more and more with every breath. “Babes, breathe, Babes. Tell me what’s wrong? What’s going on?” Gerard said, his voice worried and fretful. I choked down a few gulps of air before saying anything.
“My mom is d-dead.” I stuttered. I literally couldn’t breathe through the tears. I was choking. I couldn’t even ask Gerard for help so I wrapped my hands around my throat to signal my distress.
“Whoa, Babes. Guys! Somebody help!” Gerard called out, patting my back gently as I fought for every gasp of air. After a few seconds, Frank and Bob came running into the room and turned on the lights.
“Shit what happened?” Bob asked.
“I’ll go start the car. We’re going to the hospital.” Frank said before running off. The edges of this bizarre scene were starting to go black and fuzzy. I tried to scream but it came out a raspy panicked grunt. Gerard picked me up and started carrying me out the door, Bob following behind.
“Stay with me Babes, come on.” Gerard urged me. I blinked a few times, trying to expel the growing black edges. They just kept growing and growing. Every time I blinked I wanted to keep my eyes closed because my lids were getting so heavy.
“Babes, stay with me!” I heard Gerard shouting. It sounded so morphed and distant. I was holding on, barely, by a string. Gerard was shouting and shaking me but I couldn’t make out what he was saying or where we were anymore. I was scared, but I didn’t even care anymore. With this endless depression and the death of my mother maybe this was best. Maybe I was dying. Maybe I was getting my wish…
Days turned into weeks and I found myself spiraling down in a deep, dark hole of despair. It sounded cliché, but I felt as though I was sinking. Every day was worse than the last. I felt bitter, sad, angry with myself, angry with the people around me, and just plain down the rest of the time. Gerard didn’t know it, but I cried as soon as he fell asleep and when I was in the shower. I didn’t want to worry him. He needed to focus on the album, not my stupid little problems.
I would cry because I was frustrated with myself. Why was I feeling this way? Why couldn’t I just put it to the side like I had done so many times before? I gave up hope on myself after two weeks of feeling this way. There was no light at the end of the tunnel at this point, there was no getting better. This was something I couldn’t beat, something I couldn’t handle anymore. I was out of control of myself and had no idea how to get it back. I felt dead inside, I wanted to end.
But things with Mikey had gone south as well. He was constantly prone to seemingly random crying fits and angry outbursts. This got so bad that he eventually had to take a break from the band and live with their unofficial den mother, Stacy Fass. Stacy made sure he went to his therapists and they had just recently diagnosed him Bi-polar Disorder. Now he was on a bunch of rainbow medications to help level out his emotions.
With all this extra stress on Gerard, I couldn’t bare putting my own weight on his already burdened shoulders. So I kept it all in. I held it inside as well as I could, only crying and letting it out when I was sure I was alone.
But then it happened.
It was a Tuesday, at two in the morning. I got a call from Elodie, the first one in weeks. She was crying, very hard. I could barely understand what she was saying.
“Elle, honey what’s wrong? Is Benny okay? Are you okay?” I asked, trying to be quiet even though Gerard was already awake.
“No, we’re both fine. Its mom.” Elodie wept. My heart stopped. After Elodie and mom made up, mom accepted her back and let her move back home with Benny. It was like after everything we had all become so much closer.
“Is mom okay?” I asked through a tightening throat. I could barely breath, I couldn’t swallow. Gerard sensed something was wrong and hugged me. I was too focused to notice.
“No, she died. She had a heart attack. I just got back from the hospital with Benny.” Elodie cried. I felt like I was the one who had died at that very second.
“Elodie, just calm down. Everything is gonna be okay. I’ll call you in the morning.” I stammered. Elodie agreed and we hung up.
“Hey, what’s going on?” Gerard asked. I started to wheeze, tears falling rapidly from my eyes, more and more with every breath. “Babes, breathe, Babes. Tell me what’s wrong? What’s going on?” Gerard said, his voice worried and fretful. I choked down a few gulps of air before saying anything.
“My mom is d-dead.” I stuttered. I literally couldn’t breathe through the tears. I was choking. I couldn’t even ask Gerard for help so I wrapped my hands around my throat to signal my distress.
“Whoa, Babes. Guys! Somebody help!” Gerard called out, patting my back gently as I fought for every gasp of air. After a few seconds, Frank and Bob came running into the room and turned on the lights.
“Shit what happened?” Bob asked.
“I’ll go start the car. We’re going to the hospital.” Frank said before running off. The edges of this bizarre scene were starting to go black and fuzzy. I tried to scream but it came out a raspy panicked grunt. Gerard picked me up and started carrying me out the door, Bob following behind.
“Stay with me Babes, come on.” Gerard urged me. I blinked a few times, trying to expel the growing black edges. They just kept growing and growing. Every time I blinked I wanted to keep my eyes closed because my lids were getting so heavy.
“Babes, stay with me!” I heard Gerard shouting. It sounded so morphed and distant. I was holding on, barely, by a string. Gerard was shouting and shaking me but I couldn’t make out what he was saying or where we were anymore. I was scared, but I didn’t even care anymore. With this endless depression and the death of my mother maybe this was best. Maybe I was dying. Maybe I was getting my wish…
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