Categories > Celebrities > My Chemical Romance > Fly Me Away
BABETTE
The emergency room nurse was slowly and carefully stitching up my arm. I was crying quietly for fear of the pain and embarrassment. It didn’t hurt though; they had numbed it down completely. All I could feel was a slight tugging and she pulled thread through my soft skin. But still I cried. Gerard held my other hand the entire time and mumbled little encouraging things like “it’s gonna be alright” and “don’t cry sweet heart, you’ll be fine”.
“Are these scars going to fade?” I asked, looking from my wrist to the nurse. She sighed and chewed on her cheek.
“Well, these smaller ones will but these three are going to be on you for a long time.” She said, sounding disappointed in me. I realized I would probably have the scars for years, maybe forever, and cried a little harder at the thought of being condemned to long sleeved shirts and wrists bands for the rest of my life.
“There, all better. Now the anesthetic will wear off in a few hours. Just take some pain medication and put ice on it and you should be fine.” The nurse said, tying off my final stitch. I sniffed pathetically and itched the side of my nose. “Are you sure you don’t want to go the psychiatric ward? It isn’t what you’d think it would be at all. We’ve got a very nice facility up north too if you’re interested.” The nurse offered. I shook my head fervently.
“I am not crazy!” I snapped at her. She sighed again and put her tools away.
“Well we can’t force you because you’re over eight teen. But if you change your mind, give us a call. Please look after her.” She said, patting Gerard on the shoulder as she left. Gerard sighed and took a seat next to me, resting his head in his hand. He looked emotionally and physically exhausted and I felt dead inside.
“I’m putting you on suicide watch when we get home. You’re not leaving my sight for anything.” Gerard said very firmly. I said nothing. I deserved it. I knew I would never have the heart to pick up another razor ever again, but I could understand Gerard worrying about me. Of course he didn’t believe me. I wouldn’t have believed me if I was him either.
“Can we please go home?” I asked weakly. I hadn’t slept at all and I was dead tired and emotionally drained from the night’s grim adventure.
“Yeah, let’s head home. I’ll go sign you out okay. You go wait in the car.” Gerard instructed. He eyed me nervously as we walked back into the waiting room and I headed toward the door. He didn’t want me to be left alone with my own thoughts I guess. Understandable after all I had put him through tonight. I don’t think I would ever forgive myself for this.
I sat in the car and stared at myself in the mirror, crying and disgusted by what I saw in it. There was something seriously wrong with this picture. Life shouldn’t be this painful and fragile. Life should be fun and something you enjoy, right? Maybe it was me. Maybe it was all my fault. God I was so stupid. Those little highs I would get have no resulted in wrecking a great relationship and permanent damage on my skin. I stared at my wrists. I would probably have these mark forever, or at least a few years. I was such an idiot.
Gerard got back in the car and we drove home in silence. I had run out of tears and was just sitting there, watching the road with aching, blood shot eyes. Gerard looked over at me once and a while and bit his lip before turning his attention back to driving. We pulled up to the house and everybody was still sleeping. We quietly snuck back into our bedroom and shut the door. Then we crawled under the covers and laid there, facing each other. Gerard cradled my hands in his and I shut my eyes.
The emergency room nurse was slowly and carefully stitching up my arm. I was crying quietly for fear of the pain and embarrassment. It didn’t hurt though; they had numbed it down completely. All I could feel was a slight tugging and she pulled thread through my soft skin. But still I cried. Gerard held my other hand the entire time and mumbled little encouraging things like “it’s gonna be alright” and “don’t cry sweet heart, you’ll be fine”.
“Are these scars going to fade?” I asked, looking from my wrist to the nurse. She sighed and chewed on her cheek.
“Well, these smaller ones will but these three are going to be on you for a long time.” She said, sounding disappointed in me. I realized I would probably have the scars for years, maybe forever, and cried a little harder at the thought of being condemned to long sleeved shirts and wrists bands for the rest of my life.
“There, all better. Now the anesthetic will wear off in a few hours. Just take some pain medication and put ice on it and you should be fine.” The nurse said, tying off my final stitch. I sniffed pathetically and itched the side of my nose. “Are you sure you don’t want to go the psychiatric ward? It isn’t what you’d think it would be at all. We’ve got a very nice facility up north too if you’re interested.” The nurse offered. I shook my head fervently.
“I am not crazy!” I snapped at her. She sighed again and put her tools away.
“Well we can’t force you because you’re over eight teen. But if you change your mind, give us a call. Please look after her.” She said, patting Gerard on the shoulder as she left. Gerard sighed and took a seat next to me, resting his head in his hand. He looked emotionally and physically exhausted and I felt dead inside.
“I’m putting you on suicide watch when we get home. You’re not leaving my sight for anything.” Gerard said very firmly. I said nothing. I deserved it. I knew I would never have the heart to pick up another razor ever again, but I could understand Gerard worrying about me. Of course he didn’t believe me. I wouldn’t have believed me if I was him either.
“Can we please go home?” I asked weakly. I hadn’t slept at all and I was dead tired and emotionally drained from the night’s grim adventure.
“Yeah, let’s head home. I’ll go sign you out okay. You go wait in the car.” Gerard instructed. He eyed me nervously as we walked back into the waiting room and I headed toward the door. He didn’t want me to be left alone with my own thoughts I guess. Understandable after all I had put him through tonight. I don’t think I would ever forgive myself for this.
I sat in the car and stared at myself in the mirror, crying and disgusted by what I saw in it. There was something seriously wrong with this picture. Life shouldn’t be this painful and fragile. Life should be fun and something you enjoy, right? Maybe it was me. Maybe it was all my fault. God I was so stupid. Those little highs I would get have no resulted in wrecking a great relationship and permanent damage on my skin. I stared at my wrists. I would probably have these mark forever, or at least a few years. I was such an idiot.
Gerard got back in the car and we drove home in silence. I had run out of tears and was just sitting there, watching the road with aching, blood shot eyes. Gerard looked over at me once and a while and bit his lip before turning his attention back to driving. We pulled up to the house and everybody was still sleeping. We quietly snuck back into our bedroom and shut the door. Then we crawled under the covers and laid there, facing each other. Gerard cradled my hands in his and I shut my eyes.
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