Categories > Celebrities > My Chemical Romance > Fly Me Away
BABETTE
Four weeks. Four times I had cut myself. Twelve scars up each of my arms. That was what had happened over the last month. I figured out that if I cut them shallow they would heal faster and then I could do it again next week. The bloodshed was addicting along with the high that came from watching myself. It was the only thing that made me feel better about all that had happened. Little did I know that something that seemed so sweet was about to turn sour.
It was late, very late, and I was at it again. This time I went deeper than I ever had before. I had never gone this far before. It was a new boundary to push, something new to risk. Part of me was scared that I would slip and something would go wrong but another part of me was cooing “relax, enjoy it”. I had made three deep slits in my left wrist and was about to work on my right arm when there was a knock at the bathroom door.
“Babes, you in there? I gotta take a piss!” Gerard called from the other end of the door. my heart stopped and my stomach did a flip inside of me.
“Yeah, one second!” I called, scrambling around, trying to collect myself. I yanked the sleeves of my shirt down and grabbed a maxi pad from under the sink to make it look more natural but all it did was smear the blood on the counter. I tried to blot it up with the tissue paper I had set out but there was too much of it to clean. The whole bathroom sink looked like a scene from a gory horror film.
“I’m coming in!” Gerard called after about ten seconds. I was really starting to panic. What would he do? What would he say? Was there still time to hide it? Was there any way out of this sticky situation? All of these options flashed in my mind, each one more hare-brained than the last.
And before I even had time to brace myself the door swung open and there stood Gerard. For a second he looked like he really had to pee, but then he surveyed the gruesome scene around him and I watched in terror as his face morphed from confused to shocked to angry.
“What the fuck?” he asked, his brow crinkled. I couldn’t tell f it was in anger or in confusion. It seemed like both. His hazel eyes danced from the counter to the bloody razor in the sink then to my arms which were leaking blood through the sleeves of my shirt.
“What?” he asked, obviously unable to comprehend what was just thrown in his face. I chomped down on my lower lip and braced myself for the imminent explosion. “What? What are you doing? What’s going on?” he asked, stepping closer and turning on the lights to get a better view.
“Babes, you didn’t. You didn’t. Please tell me you didn’t.” he said, his voice cracking and his eyes becoming glassy when the reality hit him. I swallowed hard and so did Gerard. He was probably trying to gulp down the lump in his throat.
“Wh-why?” he asked, gesturing to the bloody tissues and other paraphernalia. I just kept silent. “WHY?” Gerard yelled, making me flinch. Blood dripped from my arms to the floor, pooling around my bare toes. Gerard stared at it for a few seconds before letting out a small yelp and biting his lower lip. If I thought I felt guilty about Clara, then this was a new kind of regret. I wanted to die at seeing him get like this over my selfishness.
“Come here!” he ordered, grabbing my stinging and bloody arm and frog marching me down the hall. “We’re going to the hospital. I’m putting you in the psyche ward.” He said haughtily as he led me. I stopped in my tracks and ripped my arm away from him.
“No, you cannot make me!” I shouted, jumping back. Gerard made another move to grab my arm and I screamed bloody murder. Then I turned on my heel and ran to the kitchen, Gerard in hot pursuit. I was about to run down the other hallway when Mikey suddenly appeared in the door. I must’ve woke him up. Since he had leveled out on his medications he had come back to the band, but was still taking it easy. He saw my wrists and instantly knew what had happened. I turned the other way around to see Gerard in the opposite doorway. I was trapped.
“Sit down.” Gerard said sternly. I did as I was told. Mikey blinked at me in sadness and in shame and I couldn’t bare to look at either one of them.
“You need to be put in a fucking mental hospital Babes, you are hurting yourself!” Gerard said, sounding as if he was begging. I crossed my still bleeding arms over my chest.
“No, you can’t make me.” I said, holding my ground despite seeing all the pain well up in his eyes.
“Babes-.” Gerard began. I opened my mouth to protest but Mikey interrupted us both.
“Gerard she’s right.” He said softly. We both looked at him, confused. “After what you did you should’ve been put in a mental hospital but she had enough faith in you not to do that.” He explained.
“This is different, Mikey.” Gerard said firmly.
“No, it isn’t. You were hurting yourself with drugs and booze. Babs is doing the same thing but in a different way. The only real differences are the means and the fact that you took it a step further and actually tried to kill yourself.” Mikey reminded him. Gerard looked down. “I’m not saying what she’s doing is right. All I’m saying is that you have to remember what’s fair. Now if you’ll excuse me, I’m going back to bed.” He said before turning and leaving me alone with Gerard.
“He’s right.” Gerard mumbled in defeat, taking the seat across from me. I nodded. “Why babes? Why are you doing this to yourself?” Gerard asked hopelessly.
“I guess I wanted closure. For my mother’s death, for leaving everything behind… I guess I just needed something to remind me that I’m alive and to make me feel.” I said, the words spilling out of my mouth faster with each sentence.
“I understand.” Gerard said. He understood better than anybody else would. I nodded and looked down. The blood was getting everywhere now and my shirt was ruined entirely.
“You do have to go to the hospital tonight though. It looks like those are gonna need stitches.” Gerard said, gesturing subtly to my slits. I nodded again, seeming to have lost my voice.
“Come on honey, let’s get going. Its gonna be one long ass night.” Gerard sighed, putting his arm around me as we got up and made out way to the front door.
Four weeks. Four times I had cut myself. Twelve scars up each of my arms. That was what had happened over the last month. I figured out that if I cut them shallow they would heal faster and then I could do it again next week. The bloodshed was addicting along with the high that came from watching myself. It was the only thing that made me feel better about all that had happened. Little did I know that something that seemed so sweet was about to turn sour.
It was late, very late, and I was at it again. This time I went deeper than I ever had before. I had never gone this far before. It was a new boundary to push, something new to risk. Part of me was scared that I would slip and something would go wrong but another part of me was cooing “relax, enjoy it”. I had made three deep slits in my left wrist and was about to work on my right arm when there was a knock at the bathroom door.
“Babes, you in there? I gotta take a piss!” Gerard called from the other end of the door. my heart stopped and my stomach did a flip inside of me.
“Yeah, one second!” I called, scrambling around, trying to collect myself. I yanked the sleeves of my shirt down and grabbed a maxi pad from under the sink to make it look more natural but all it did was smear the blood on the counter. I tried to blot it up with the tissue paper I had set out but there was too much of it to clean. The whole bathroom sink looked like a scene from a gory horror film.
“I’m coming in!” Gerard called after about ten seconds. I was really starting to panic. What would he do? What would he say? Was there still time to hide it? Was there any way out of this sticky situation? All of these options flashed in my mind, each one more hare-brained than the last.
And before I even had time to brace myself the door swung open and there stood Gerard. For a second he looked like he really had to pee, but then he surveyed the gruesome scene around him and I watched in terror as his face morphed from confused to shocked to angry.
“What the fuck?” he asked, his brow crinkled. I couldn’t tell f it was in anger or in confusion. It seemed like both. His hazel eyes danced from the counter to the bloody razor in the sink then to my arms which were leaking blood through the sleeves of my shirt.
“What?” he asked, obviously unable to comprehend what was just thrown in his face. I chomped down on my lower lip and braced myself for the imminent explosion. “What? What are you doing? What’s going on?” he asked, stepping closer and turning on the lights to get a better view.
“Babes, you didn’t. You didn’t. Please tell me you didn’t.” he said, his voice cracking and his eyes becoming glassy when the reality hit him. I swallowed hard and so did Gerard. He was probably trying to gulp down the lump in his throat.
“Wh-why?” he asked, gesturing to the bloody tissues and other paraphernalia. I just kept silent. “WHY?” Gerard yelled, making me flinch. Blood dripped from my arms to the floor, pooling around my bare toes. Gerard stared at it for a few seconds before letting out a small yelp and biting his lower lip. If I thought I felt guilty about Clara, then this was a new kind of regret. I wanted to die at seeing him get like this over my selfishness.
“Come here!” he ordered, grabbing my stinging and bloody arm and frog marching me down the hall. “We’re going to the hospital. I’m putting you in the psyche ward.” He said haughtily as he led me. I stopped in my tracks and ripped my arm away from him.
“No, you cannot make me!” I shouted, jumping back. Gerard made another move to grab my arm and I screamed bloody murder. Then I turned on my heel and ran to the kitchen, Gerard in hot pursuit. I was about to run down the other hallway when Mikey suddenly appeared in the door. I must’ve woke him up. Since he had leveled out on his medications he had come back to the band, but was still taking it easy. He saw my wrists and instantly knew what had happened. I turned the other way around to see Gerard in the opposite doorway. I was trapped.
“Sit down.” Gerard said sternly. I did as I was told. Mikey blinked at me in sadness and in shame and I couldn’t bare to look at either one of them.
“You need to be put in a fucking mental hospital Babes, you are hurting yourself!” Gerard said, sounding as if he was begging. I crossed my still bleeding arms over my chest.
“No, you can’t make me.” I said, holding my ground despite seeing all the pain well up in his eyes.
“Babes-.” Gerard began. I opened my mouth to protest but Mikey interrupted us both.
“Gerard she’s right.” He said softly. We both looked at him, confused. “After what you did you should’ve been put in a mental hospital but she had enough faith in you not to do that.” He explained.
“This is different, Mikey.” Gerard said firmly.
“No, it isn’t. You were hurting yourself with drugs and booze. Babs is doing the same thing but in a different way. The only real differences are the means and the fact that you took it a step further and actually tried to kill yourself.” Mikey reminded him. Gerard looked down. “I’m not saying what she’s doing is right. All I’m saying is that you have to remember what’s fair. Now if you’ll excuse me, I’m going back to bed.” He said before turning and leaving me alone with Gerard.
“He’s right.” Gerard mumbled in defeat, taking the seat across from me. I nodded. “Why babes? Why are you doing this to yourself?” Gerard asked hopelessly.
“I guess I wanted closure. For my mother’s death, for leaving everything behind… I guess I just needed something to remind me that I’m alive and to make me feel.” I said, the words spilling out of my mouth faster with each sentence.
“I understand.” Gerard said. He understood better than anybody else would. I nodded and looked down. The blood was getting everywhere now and my shirt was ruined entirely.
“You do have to go to the hospital tonight though. It looks like those are gonna need stitches.” Gerard said, gesturing subtly to my slits. I nodded again, seeming to have lost my voice.
“Come on honey, let’s get going. Its gonna be one long ass night.” Gerard sighed, putting his arm around me as we got up and made out way to the front door.
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