Categories > Celebrities > My Chemical Romance > When Words Just Aren't Enough
“Did you feel responsible for your mother’s death?” One of the guys asked after I had been silent for a few minutes. I looked up.
“Well, I am. I killed her.” I replied. Aimee shook her head.
“Did you stab her, Mr. Way?” she asked I shook my head. “Did you shoot her?” Again I shook my head. “Then how could you be responsible?” She asked. I sighed.
“She died of a heart attack because she was so mad at me.”
“No she didn’t. It’s a coincidence.” Aimee stated. I shook my head.
“No. She died and it was all my fault. My step dad told me so when he got home from the hospital.” I began, looking back down at the floor as I continued my story.
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My step dad came shuffling into the house at 5 am the next day. I was sitting on the floor in the middle of the living room next to the coffee table I had smashed to bits when I had gotten home from school. I looked up hopefully and he scoffed at me.
“Your mother is dead.” He stated. “She’s dead and it’s all your fault. You piece of shit.” My eyes filled with tears.
“No! It’s not my fault!” I shouted as I stood up. He came over to me, tears in his eyes and shoved me down as he began to sob.
“It is! It’s all your fault! Mikey told me everything at the hospital! I know what you did and I know what you said! You spoiled piece of shit! All your mother ever did was give you everything you wanted, and you killed her in return.” He shouted, standing over me. I lay on my back, pieces of broken ply wood and glass poking my back, arms, and legs, crying.
“I killed mom.” I whispered, sobbing harder.
“You did! You killed her!” He screamed as he grabbed me by my shirt and pulled me to my feet. Mikey came running down the stairs.
“STEVE! PUT HIM DOWN!” He screamed as he came running at our step father, fists up.
“I could kill you both! He killed your mother and you’re standing up for him?!” Steve shouted as he threw me back down and pushed Mikey down next to me as he attempted to help me up.
“He didn’t kill mom!” Mikey shouted, beginning to cry.
“I did! I killed mom! I deserve to die, just let him kill me.” I shouted as the man from next door ran into the still-open front door.
“Everything okay in here?” He asked as he came over to help me and Mikey up. Mikey remained silent, staring wide-eyed at Steve.
“Everything is fine.” I eventually whispered.
“Let me help you down to your room, kid. You look like you’re in a bit of bad shape.” Our neighbor said as he lead me toward the basement, where I had always slept.
“I’m fine.” I stated as I pulled loose of his grip and ran down the stairs to my bedroom, Mikey running right behind me. I slammed my bedroom door shut and could hear Steve and our neighbor begin a shouting match.
“Are you okay, Gerard?” Mikey asked as he switched my lights on. I sat down on the bottom stair and started to cry. It dawned on me.
I had killed my mother.
“I’m sorry Mikey! I’m so sorry!” I screamed through my sobs as he began to hug me. “I killed mom. I’m so sorry Mikey. I really didn’t mean it. I’m so sorry!”
“Gerard, you didn’t kill Mom! You didn’t!”
“I did, Mikey. She’s dead and it’s all my fault! And I’m so sorry! I’m sorry Mikey!” I whispered as Mikey picked me up and put me in my bed.
“Shh! Gerard, you need to calm down and go to sleep.” He whispered as he pulled my covers up around me. I continued to sob as he began to push my hair out of my face. “You didn’t kill mom. Mom would have died even if you didn’t argue with her. Please stop saying you killed her.” Mikey whispered. I nodded and swallowed my sobs. He was my younger brother, and I needed to be strong for him. I patted the bed next to me and he climbed in. I hugged him and we began to cry together. We cried for hours. When the sun rose and the sun started to come through my curtains, Mikey looked up.
“Should we go to school?” He asked between sobs. I shrugged.
“What do you want to do?” I asked. Mikey laid back down.
“Sleep.” He replied. He turned to face away from me and stopped crying. After five minutes, his breathing became deeper and more even and I assumed he was asleep. I sat up to go get some water. “Please don’t leave me alone.” He begged, slightly beginning to cry again. I laid back down and hugged him from behind. “I’ve been alone all day, Gerard. I just want to feel normal for a few minutes even if it’s only while I fall asleep.” He whispered. I nodded.
“I’m sorry Mikey. I’ll stay here.” I whispered as I too decided to sleep.
When I woke up, Mikey was gone from my room. I went upstairs and sat on the couch. The pieces of the coffee table were gone and all the things I had thrown around the room had been cleaned up as well. I looked around when I heard slow footsteps coming down the stairs. It had to have been Steve. I stood up and ran for my bedroom, stopping dead in my tracks as I heard my mother call out my name. I ran over to the stairs where it had come from and was paralyzed in shock. She was zipped up inside of a body bag, standing two steps from the bottom. I stared at her for a moment, trying to run away before she called my name again.
“Gerard.” It was so faint, so gravelly, so scary, I couldn’t believe it was my mother. The body bag began to unzip and her hand, blue from lack of oxygen, fell out. I screamed and ran away from the stairs, toward my bedroom, locking myself in. As I began to run down the stairs, my mother appeared on the bottom stair, slowly stalking up them.
“I’m coming for you, Love.” She whispered in her gravelly, inhuman voice.
“Go away!” I shouted, paralyzed in fear once again.
“Don’t speak to me like that!” She shouted as she disappeared from the bottom of the stairs. I let out a sigh of relief and turned around, coming face to face with her, shrieking again as her hands wrapped around my throat. I began shrieking, and clawing at her to get her off of me. “I’m going to kill you, Love. Just like you killed me!” She screamed as her grip on my throat tightened.
I woke up screaming, in a cold sweat. Mikey was gone from my room, but I could hear him running through the house to get down to the basement.
“Are you okay?” He demanded as he came running down the stairs. I nodded.
“I’m fine.” I whispered. “I’m going out.” I said as I stood up, slid my shoes on, and pushed my way past him.
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“You went to go buy drugs, didn’t you?” Aimee asked. I nodded.
“I did.”
“What did you buy?”
“An eight ball of coke and a dime of weed.” I replied. She nodded.
“Seemed like the simplest solution?” She asked. I shook my head.
“I needed to relax, but I also didn’t want to fall back asleep.” I stated
“Well, I am. I killed her.” I replied. Aimee shook her head.
“Did you stab her, Mr. Way?” she asked I shook my head. “Did you shoot her?” Again I shook my head. “Then how could you be responsible?” She asked. I sighed.
“She died of a heart attack because she was so mad at me.”
“No she didn’t. It’s a coincidence.” Aimee stated. I shook my head.
“No. She died and it was all my fault. My step dad told me so when he got home from the hospital.” I began, looking back down at the floor as I continued my story.
________________________________________________________________________
My step dad came shuffling into the house at 5 am the next day. I was sitting on the floor in the middle of the living room next to the coffee table I had smashed to bits when I had gotten home from school. I looked up hopefully and he scoffed at me.
“Your mother is dead.” He stated. “She’s dead and it’s all your fault. You piece of shit.” My eyes filled with tears.
“No! It’s not my fault!” I shouted as I stood up. He came over to me, tears in his eyes and shoved me down as he began to sob.
“It is! It’s all your fault! Mikey told me everything at the hospital! I know what you did and I know what you said! You spoiled piece of shit! All your mother ever did was give you everything you wanted, and you killed her in return.” He shouted, standing over me. I lay on my back, pieces of broken ply wood and glass poking my back, arms, and legs, crying.
“I killed mom.” I whispered, sobbing harder.
“You did! You killed her!” He screamed as he grabbed me by my shirt and pulled me to my feet. Mikey came running down the stairs.
“STEVE! PUT HIM DOWN!” He screamed as he came running at our step father, fists up.
“I could kill you both! He killed your mother and you’re standing up for him?!” Steve shouted as he threw me back down and pushed Mikey down next to me as he attempted to help me up.
“He didn’t kill mom!” Mikey shouted, beginning to cry.
“I did! I killed mom! I deserve to die, just let him kill me.” I shouted as the man from next door ran into the still-open front door.
“Everything okay in here?” He asked as he came over to help me and Mikey up. Mikey remained silent, staring wide-eyed at Steve.
“Everything is fine.” I eventually whispered.
“Let me help you down to your room, kid. You look like you’re in a bit of bad shape.” Our neighbor said as he lead me toward the basement, where I had always slept.
“I’m fine.” I stated as I pulled loose of his grip and ran down the stairs to my bedroom, Mikey running right behind me. I slammed my bedroom door shut and could hear Steve and our neighbor begin a shouting match.
“Are you okay, Gerard?” Mikey asked as he switched my lights on. I sat down on the bottom stair and started to cry. It dawned on me.
I had killed my mother.
“I’m sorry Mikey! I’m so sorry!” I screamed through my sobs as he began to hug me. “I killed mom. I’m so sorry Mikey. I really didn’t mean it. I’m so sorry!”
“Gerard, you didn’t kill Mom! You didn’t!”
“I did, Mikey. She’s dead and it’s all my fault! And I’m so sorry! I’m sorry Mikey!” I whispered as Mikey picked me up and put me in my bed.
“Shh! Gerard, you need to calm down and go to sleep.” He whispered as he pulled my covers up around me. I continued to sob as he began to push my hair out of my face. “You didn’t kill mom. Mom would have died even if you didn’t argue with her. Please stop saying you killed her.” Mikey whispered. I nodded and swallowed my sobs. He was my younger brother, and I needed to be strong for him. I patted the bed next to me and he climbed in. I hugged him and we began to cry together. We cried for hours. When the sun rose and the sun started to come through my curtains, Mikey looked up.
“Should we go to school?” He asked between sobs. I shrugged.
“What do you want to do?” I asked. Mikey laid back down.
“Sleep.” He replied. He turned to face away from me and stopped crying. After five minutes, his breathing became deeper and more even and I assumed he was asleep. I sat up to go get some water. “Please don’t leave me alone.” He begged, slightly beginning to cry again. I laid back down and hugged him from behind. “I’ve been alone all day, Gerard. I just want to feel normal for a few minutes even if it’s only while I fall asleep.” He whispered. I nodded.
“I’m sorry Mikey. I’ll stay here.” I whispered as I too decided to sleep.
When I woke up, Mikey was gone from my room. I went upstairs and sat on the couch. The pieces of the coffee table were gone and all the things I had thrown around the room had been cleaned up as well. I looked around when I heard slow footsteps coming down the stairs. It had to have been Steve. I stood up and ran for my bedroom, stopping dead in my tracks as I heard my mother call out my name. I ran over to the stairs where it had come from and was paralyzed in shock. She was zipped up inside of a body bag, standing two steps from the bottom. I stared at her for a moment, trying to run away before she called my name again.
“Gerard.” It was so faint, so gravelly, so scary, I couldn’t believe it was my mother. The body bag began to unzip and her hand, blue from lack of oxygen, fell out. I screamed and ran away from the stairs, toward my bedroom, locking myself in. As I began to run down the stairs, my mother appeared on the bottom stair, slowly stalking up them.
“I’m coming for you, Love.” She whispered in her gravelly, inhuman voice.
“Go away!” I shouted, paralyzed in fear once again.
“Don’t speak to me like that!” She shouted as she disappeared from the bottom of the stairs. I let out a sigh of relief and turned around, coming face to face with her, shrieking again as her hands wrapped around my throat. I began shrieking, and clawing at her to get her off of me. “I’m going to kill you, Love. Just like you killed me!” She screamed as her grip on my throat tightened.
I woke up screaming, in a cold sweat. Mikey was gone from my room, but I could hear him running through the house to get down to the basement.
“Are you okay?” He demanded as he came running down the stairs. I nodded.
“I’m fine.” I whispered. “I’m going out.” I said as I stood up, slid my shoes on, and pushed my way past him.
________________________________________________________________________
“You went to go buy drugs, didn’t you?” Aimee asked. I nodded.
“I did.”
“What did you buy?”
“An eight ball of coke and a dime of weed.” I replied. She nodded.
“Seemed like the simplest solution?” She asked. I shook my head.
“I needed to relax, but I also didn’t want to fall back asleep.” I stated
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