FicWad

My name is Jenna Cook. I live with my parents, Samuel and Isabella Cook. I'm seventeen, anorexic, and according to some people, completely insane. You're probably wondering why I'm telling you this. Well, my belief is that if you want to understand a person, you have to know their deepest secrets and darkest dreams. That's why I'm telling you this.

Ever since I was fifteen, food had sort of ruled my life. It took over my mind, body, and everything else in between. The monster started taking over when I was over at my best friend's house. Elizabeth and I had been best friends for as long as I can remember. Elizabeth had her cousins over the day when the monster first took its root with me. One of her cousins, Nicolas Swann, was rather good looking. I was never much of a flirt, so I pretty much stared at him the whole time I was at Lizzy's house. Unfortunately, Nicolas noticed me staring and noticed my blushes. Nicolas obviously didn't like me and didn't want my attention. Before he left, he whispered in my ear, "Stay away from me. You're just a fat, ugly bitch. I'm not even sure why Elizabeth is friends with you."

That comment hurt. Bad. I can't even describe how much emotional pain I went through all because of one little boy's comment. But for some reason, it mattered more to me than anything else I had ever heard before. The worst part was that it was true. I had never seen myself as fat before. In my opinion, I just looked normal. I had always been average and I had been happy that way. No longer. When I next looked in the mirror, all I could see was fat and ugliness. I sank to my knees and cried in front of the mirror for hours.

After I was finally smart enough to realize that crying isn't going to help a situation out at all, I decided I had to do something about all this. Something big that was actually going to take care of my problem. So I swore to myself that I would do whatever it took to get thin. I didn't care what it took; starvation, pills, making myself vomit, or anything else that could help me. That oath was what sent me into a black abyss which I fell deeper into everyday until I was stuck inside it and couldn't find my way out.

But let's rewind a little bit to about a year ago. I was sixteen and Elizabeth was seventeen. We both lived in Port Royal about five minutes walking distance away from each other. Elizabeth's father was a governor and got along quite well with my father, Samuel. It was great how our families got along so well. After all, Elizabeth was my only friend. I lived next door to a girl called Giselle, but she was rather uppity and never wanted anything to do with me.

It was a day in late May when my father came into my bedroom. I was sitting on the bed, trying to stitch up one of his shirts. Unfortunately, sewing is not really one of my talents and all I had managed to do so far was stab myself with the needle several times. A little trickle of blood spilled down my index finger. I glared at it, wishing my glare would make the bleeding stop.

"Jenna?" a voice called and there was a knock on my door. Only too eager to set my stitching aside, I rested it next to me on the bed and called, "Yes?" The door opened and my father stepped in. He was wearing a fine blue suit and looked like he was going somewhere special or to a fancy occasion. My eyebrows lifted when I saw him.

Father looked around the room and down at my stitchery. I swear he frowned at it, but perhaps that was just my imagination. I stared up at my father and tucked a messy strand of light brown hair behind my ear as I said, "Good morning, father. How are you? You look like you're dressed for a special occasion."

Lifting his eyes off my stitchery, father nodded, "Yes, actually we are going to a special occasion today. By 'we', I mean you and me. Your mother will not be attending. She wishes to stay home." From the tightness in father's eyes, I could tell he didn't approve of this. He obviously wanted mother to come along as well. He liked to do things as a family.

Personally, I didn't even care where we were going as long as I had the chance to get out of the house for a little while. I didn't think it was fair how women were expected to just stay inside and stitch all day long while men were doing much more exciting things in the world outside of the house. So when I heard we were going out, a smile instantly spread across my face.

"Great! So what time are we leaving?" I asked father, still smiling happily. I was more than happy to ditch the sewing and get out of the house instead. My father smiled at my reaction, pleased that someone was happy about going out. He clapped a hand on my shoulder and smiled, "I thought you might like to go to the ceremony with your friend, Elizabeth. I have it arranged so that you can ride in a carriage with the Swanns if you'd like. How does that sound?"

My heart jumped at the thought of going to whatever ceremony it was that I was going to with Lizzy! It would be so much fun. I clapped my hands together excitedly and nodded to my father, "That sounds wonderful! Should I walk over to Elizabeth's house now?" I stood up, all ready to leave this very second if I needed to.

Father looked me up and down and then shook her head, "No, not yet. Can you change into something a little more...appropriate? Meaning a dress that doesn't have any blood stains on it?" Father pointed to my sleeve, indicated a spot where a drop of blood had fallen from my fingertip earlier when I had stabbed myself with the needle.

I blushed and nodded, "Yes, father. After that, am I free to go?" Father nodded and turned to walk out the door. I watched him leave and then hurried to my wardrobe to find something to wear. I found a cream colored dress with a low neckline and a matching pearl necklace. It wasn't nearly as nice as the dresses Elizabeth was wearing, but there was nothing I could do about that. My family simply wasn't as wealthy as hers and therefore didn't have as much money for things like fancy dresses.

I stripped quickly and slipped on the dress, careful not to look at myself too carefully in the mirror. The monster hadn't taken hold of my mind completely yet, but it was pulling me towards the edges of insanity. Whenever I looked in the mirror, I instantly got worked up and most likely would have an anxiety attack. I couldn't bear to look at myself. Who was that fat and ugly young woman looking back at me in the mirror? She was so hideous! How could anyone want to be friends with her?

Luckily, I managed to get dressed without looking in the mirror. Before I could get trapped in front of it for the next few hours, I quickly stood up and hurried out of my door. I stepped down the stairs as quickly as I could and then ran towards the door. Unfortunately, mother caught me on the way out and gave me a funny look.

"Where exactly do you think you're going, young lady?" mother asked, putting her hands on her hips. Uh oh, this was trouble. Mother was very strict and she didn't like me going out of the house. I have no idea why. She said that the streets were "impure" and I would lose my "purity" by going out. Needless to say, she's quite religious.

"I'm going to a ceremony with Elizabeth and the governor," I told mother a-matter-of-factly. "Father has it all set up." I edged towards the door, hoping my mother would just let me go and not ask questions. Sadly, that was not her way and I could already see several more questions were going to follow as she opened her lips.

"I thought I told your father that you should stay home. I don't like you going to these big ceremonies," mother tapped her chin nervously and looked me up and down. "Well, I guess it's too late now. Why don't you have father bring you over to the Swann's house? I don't like you walking all the way over there by yourself."

"Mother, I'll be fine," I told her, doing my best not to roll my eyes. I was sorely tempted to leave her standing here and go running out the door. My mother and I were pretty much opposites in every way. I continued on, "It's five minutes to Elizabeth's house. I'm sure I can survive five minutes of walking." I couldn't help but roll my eyes here.

The monster inside me was part of what was telling me to walk. After all, riding along in a carriage if you had the choice to walk was very stupid. Riding was fat, lazy people. Walking was much better for you. I was already fat enough, so a little bit of walking certainly wasn't going to hurt anybody. Sadly, mother disagreed, she shook her head at me, but didn't say anymore.

Figuring that was my permission to go, I quickly stepped towards the door, pulled my shoes on, and stepped outside. It was a beautiful day out. The sky was a deep cerulean blue, the sun was shining, and a few fluffy clouds floated by. I could tell it was going to be a pretty good day. Luckily, I had been able to skip breakfast and lunch and was feeling really good.

I skipped over to Elizabeth's house, watching the clouds as I went. On my way there, I accidentally bumped into someone since my eyes were focused on the clouds and not the space in front of me. I quickly stopped and jerked to a halt, apologizing immediately, "Oh my god, I'm so sorry! I wasn't watching where I was going. I'm sorry!"

The person I had bumped into turned around to look at me. He was quite a bit taller than me with dark brown hair tied at the nape of his neck. He had matching dark brown eyes and a friendly smile. It was William Turner, the blacksmith's apprentice. Lizzy was friends with him, but they weren't really aloud to mingle since she was a governor's daughter and he was merely an apprentice.

"Miss Cook?" William asked with surprise. "It's good to see you. How are you faring this fine day?" William had the cutest smile ever. He was so innocent looking. He could be considered quite attractive, but my heart didn't leap when I looked at him. I guessed that my soul mate was still searching for me out there somewhere. Well, if I had a soul mate anyways.

"Mr. Turner," I said with a nod of my head, "I'm going well, thank you. I'm actually going to Elizabeth's right now. We're going to a ceremony together." At my words, Will's eyes immediately lit up and he nodded vigorously. Smiling, I added, "Oh, so you know of the ceremony too! Are you going there as well?"

"As a matter of fact, I am. Well, going to Elizabeth's house, I mean. Not the ceremony. I don't know if I would be allowed there. But I must drop off a sword at the governor's house. I'm going to pick it up right now. I should probably see you at Elizabeth's house in a few minutes if all goes well. Until then." Well tilted his head at me and smiled before striding away.

I waved after Will before going back to my skipping. This time, I kept my eyes in front of me. A few minutes later, I reached the governor's mansion. It was a beautiful home. Every time I saw it, I realized just how lucky Elizabeth was to live here. The mansion was probably three or four times the size of our house and much more intricate.

The mansion might have looked intimidating to some, but I was use to it and had no problem striding right up to the door and knocking on it. The door opened prompts by Governor Swann himself. That was surprising. Servants typically opened the door. He must be expecting someone. I gave a quick curtsy and said, "Hello, Mr. Swann!"

"Miss Cook, how nice it is you were able to make it! I daresay Elizabeth will be pleased to see you. She's been talking about you all morning. She's in her bedroom, right up the stairs to the left. But I suppose you know that since you've been here so many times," the governor told me, cuffing me lightly on the shoulder with a friendly smile on his face.

"Yes, I do, Mr. Swann," I told him, already heading up the stairs. "I'll see you soon!" I hurried up the stairs much faster than any lady should to get to Elizabeth's room. Once there, I knocked on the door and wrung my hands impatiently as I waited for the door to open. Finally, five minutes later, the door popped open and Elizabeth stuck her face out.