Categories > Celebrities > My Chemical Romance > Living In a World Without You
Gerard’s POV
I cannot believe Frank knew I was having a sex dream. Oh god, I hope I didn’t moan his name. Well I doubt that because he still asked who I was dreaming about. That was a close one.
I walked into the building, following only a few feet behind Frank. I stared at him, mesmerized by his graceful walk; the slight seductive sway of his hips, the way he flipped his hair in the wind. I wanted him so badly it literally hurt, leaving an empty feeling to linger in my gut. I had been such deep thought that I hadn’t realized he stopped walking and I ran into him. I muffled an apology before realizing why he had stopped. Bert was standing on the opposite side of the hall talking to his band mate Quinn. He looked over at me and smiled, I smiled back as he handed the beer he had been holding over to Quinn and began walking toward Frank and I.
“Frank! Gerard! Hey!” He said excitedly.
“Bert.” Frank greeted through gritted teeth. Bert didn’t seem to care; his eyes were fixed on me the entire time.
“Hey Bert” I smiled and bit my lip nervously. He pulled me into a quick bear hug, pulling away and staring into my eyes.
“I’ve missed you so much” His smiled got even bigger.
“Why? Is being a coke whore not as satisfying when you don’t have anyone to bring down with you?” Frank said with his teeth still clenched together, pure rage in his eyes.
Bert mustered out something between a sigh and a laugh, looking at me again. “See you on stage Gerard”
When Bert was out of sight Frank grabbed my shoulder and pulled me to face him. “Are you out of your fucking mind? Why did you hug him? Or even acknowledge him, for that matter. Do you not remember what he did to you?”
I rolled my eyes. “He didn’t do anything, Frank. I was the one that chose to do cocaine, he didn’t force me.” I loved that he cared, but it was honestly annoying that he kept blaming Bert for my mistakes.
Frank looked hurt at what I said, changing the subject. “We’d better go set of up for the show”
I nodded, following him once again toward the stage. Did Frank think so low of me that he thought I was going to relapse or something? This brought any spirit that I had left down to hell; I was sober, and happy… well, about as happy as I could get. The last thing I wanted to do was get back on drugs and have Frank avoid me completely like he did when I was always drunk, I would drown myself in a deeper pit of depression each day he didn’t talk to me.
I mindlessly sung along to the songs we were practicing. The crew played with the stage lights, frank jumped off a few of the amplifiers, and at the end of our sound check Bob playfully threw his drumstick to the other side of the theater, it was a small place compared to where we have preformed before.
I had been sitting in the backroom for a few hours before Bert came in and said it was time for my band to perform. When I stood up he eyed my body up and down seductively, it was extremely uncomfortable and what made it ever more awkward was that he was drenched in sweat from performing. So I walked out of the room as fast as I could just in time to do the band’s routine high five circle that we always do before we perform.
“How are you mother fuckers tonight?!” I screamed at the crowd. They cheered and jumped around. This is what I live for. We were a few songs when I decided I should act a little crazy. I rubbed my hand down my chest and grabbed my crotch. The crowed went wild, nothing was better than rousing up a bunch of teenagers. I put my hands up in the air so they would scream louder. But I felt hands wrap around me and start rubbing my chest and making their way down to my dick. Oh shit, I could feel myself getting hard. Think Gerard, think!
I ran over to the side of the stage grabbing Bert who had been sitting there watching us. “How would l like it if we sang Under Pressure?!” The crowd screamed louder than they had before, so the answer was obvious. I turned to Bert “How about it?” He smiled and ran to get another microphone.
*
We were in the parking lot where our tour buses were parked and everyone was going to TGI Fridays to celebrate the first show of the tour.
“Come on Gerard! Come with us!” Mikey begged.
“I’m sorry guys, but today is just not my day. Go ahead without me, I’ll hang with you guys some other time.” I looked to the other side of the parking lot and noticed that Bert was going onto his tour bus; he must not have been going either. Frank seemed to notice too and was biting his lip nervously.
“I’ll stay too” He said
“The hell you are! Come on Frank, let’s go do some jello shots” Bob said, wrapping his arm around Frank’s shoulder and making his way across the street to the restaurant; everyone followed.
I climbed onto the bus, turned on the coffee burner, and sat down on the table where my laptop was. I was mindlessly looking at some Playgirl pictures before noticing that Bert had walked in and was standing not even 3 feet away from me glancing over my shoulder. I immediately clicked out of the site, turning bright red.
“Damnit, I clicked on the wrong site.” I said nervously.
He laughed, sitting down next to me “You don’t have to explain anything to me dude, I look at that stuff sometimes too” There was a smirk on his face.
“You do?” I asked, completely dumbfounded.
“Yeah” He scooted closer to me. “I’ve really missed you Gerard, and I am so sorry for… you know. I really hope we can be close like we used to.”
My palms started sweating. “I’d like that.” He scooted even closer. Oh god this felt so wrong, I was in love with Frank! But then again, I would never have him so why spend my life being miserable and lonely, right?
He put his hand on my cheek and pulled me in closer to him. Our lips were only inches away, holding our position as if deciding whether he wanted to kiss me or not. Tension was building in my stomach and my heart was beating fast. I couldn’t wait any longer so I forced my lips on to his, leaving them there for a while before he started to move his mouth. All I could hear was the smacking of our lips; I hadn’t kissed someone in such a long time.
“Bert?” I managed to say in between kisses.
Kiss
“Hmmm?”
Another kiss
“This doesn’t mean anything”
Longer kiss
“Does it?”
“Only if you want it to.” He whispered before running his tongue along my lower lip. I opened my mouth allowing him access; I could faintly taste alcohol on his mouth as my tongue pressed against his. He lifted his free hand up to my head and ran his fingers through my hair while I rested my hands on his shoulders and straddling his lap. A moan escaped his lips and was muffled in my mouth. Just then, my phone rang from my front pocket sending vibrations through my groin. I gasped, backing away hesitantly and grabbed it out from my pocket.
*New Text Message from Frank:
“Hey, what r u doing? U okay?”
I slid the phone back in my pocket. “Now where were we?” Bert said as a grabbed my face again.
He leaned in. “Stop” I said turning my head and getting off of him and leaning against the kitchen counter.
“Did I do something wrong?” He asked confused, biting his lip.
I looked down at my hands “No, no you didn’t do anything wrong. It’s just… I don’t think we should be doing this, I mean we’re only friends.” I looked back up.
“Oh, I'm sorry. I just can’t help myself”
I ran my fingers through my hair, still tasting the stale beer from Bert’s mouth. “Neither can I...” I said, blinking away tears.
I cannot believe Frank knew I was having a sex dream. Oh god, I hope I didn’t moan his name. Well I doubt that because he still asked who I was dreaming about. That was a close one.
I walked into the building, following only a few feet behind Frank. I stared at him, mesmerized by his graceful walk; the slight seductive sway of his hips, the way he flipped his hair in the wind. I wanted him so badly it literally hurt, leaving an empty feeling to linger in my gut. I had been such deep thought that I hadn’t realized he stopped walking and I ran into him. I muffled an apology before realizing why he had stopped. Bert was standing on the opposite side of the hall talking to his band mate Quinn. He looked over at me and smiled, I smiled back as he handed the beer he had been holding over to Quinn and began walking toward Frank and I.
“Frank! Gerard! Hey!” He said excitedly.
“Bert.” Frank greeted through gritted teeth. Bert didn’t seem to care; his eyes were fixed on me the entire time.
“Hey Bert” I smiled and bit my lip nervously. He pulled me into a quick bear hug, pulling away and staring into my eyes.
“I’ve missed you so much” His smiled got even bigger.
“Why? Is being a coke whore not as satisfying when you don’t have anyone to bring down with you?” Frank said with his teeth still clenched together, pure rage in his eyes.
Bert mustered out something between a sigh and a laugh, looking at me again. “See you on stage Gerard”
When Bert was out of sight Frank grabbed my shoulder and pulled me to face him. “Are you out of your fucking mind? Why did you hug him? Or even acknowledge him, for that matter. Do you not remember what he did to you?”
I rolled my eyes. “He didn’t do anything, Frank. I was the one that chose to do cocaine, he didn’t force me.” I loved that he cared, but it was honestly annoying that he kept blaming Bert for my mistakes.
Frank looked hurt at what I said, changing the subject. “We’d better go set of up for the show”
I nodded, following him once again toward the stage. Did Frank think so low of me that he thought I was going to relapse or something? This brought any spirit that I had left down to hell; I was sober, and happy… well, about as happy as I could get. The last thing I wanted to do was get back on drugs and have Frank avoid me completely like he did when I was always drunk, I would drown myself in a deeper pit of depression each day he didn’t talk to me.
I mindlessly sung along to the songs we were practicing. The crew played with the stage lights, frank jumped off a few of the amplifiers, and at the end of our sound check Bob playfully threw his drumstick to the other side of the theater, it was a small place compared to where we have preformed before.
I had been sitting in the backroom for a few hours before Bert came in and said it was time for my band to perform. When I stood up he eyed my body up and down seductively, it was extremely uncomfortable and what made it ever more awkward was that he was drenched in sweat from performing. So I walked out of the room as fast as I could just in time to do the band’s routine high five circle that we always do before we perform.
“How are you mother fuckers tonight?!” I screamed at the crowd. They cheered and jumped around. This is what I live for. We were a few songs when I decided I should act a little crazy. I rubbed my hand down my chest and grabbed my crotch. The crowed went wild, nothing was better than rousing up a bunch of teenagers. I put my hands up in the air so they would scream louder. But I felt hands wrap around me and start rubbing my chest and making their way down to my dick. Oh shit, I could feel myself getting hard. Think Gerard, think!
I ran over to the side of the stage grabbing Bert who had been sitting there watching us. “How would l like it if we sang Under Pressure?!” The crowd screamed louder than they had before, so the answer was obvious. I turned to Bert “How about it?” He smiled and ran to get another microphone.
*
We were in the parking lot where our tour buses were parked and everyone was going to TGI Fridays to celebrate the first show of the tour.
“Come on Gerard! Come with us!” Mikey begged.
“I’m sorry guys, but today is just not my day. Go ahead without me, I’ll hang with you guys some other time.” I looked to the other side of the parking lot and noticed that Bert was going onto his tour bus; he must not have been going either. Frank seemed to notice too and was biting his lip nervously.
“I’ll stay too” He said
“The hell you are! Come on Frank, let’s go do some jello shots” Bob said, wrapping his arm around Frank’s shoulder and making his way across the street to the restaurant; everyone followed.
I climbed onto the bus, turned on the coffee burner, and sat down on the table where my laptop was. I was mindlessly looking at some Playgirl pictures before noticing that Bert had walked in and was standing not even 3 feet away from me glancing over my shoulder. I immediately clicked out of the site, turning bright red.
“Damnit, I clicked on the wrong site.” I said nervously.
He laughed, sitting down next to me “You don’t have to explain anything to me dude, I look at that stuff sometimes too” There was a smirk on his face.
“You do?” I asked, completely dumbfounded.
“Yeah” He scooted closer to me. “I’ve really missed you Gerard, and I am so sorry for… you know. I really hope we can be close like we used to.”
My palms started sweating. “I’d like that.” He scooted even closer. Oh god this felt so wrong, I was in love with Frank! But then again, I would never have him so why spend my life being miserable and lonely, right?
He put his hand on my cheek and pulled me in closer to him. Our lips were only inches away, holding our position as if deciding whether he wanted to kiss me or not. Tension was building in my stomach and my heart was beating fast. I couldn’t wait any longer so I forced my lips on to his, leaving them there for a while before he started to move his mouth. All I could hear was the smacking of our lips; I hadn’t kissed someone in such a long time.
“Bert?” I managed to say in between kisses.
Kiss
“Hmmm?”
Another kiss
“This doesn’t mean anything”
Longer kiss
“Does it?”
“Only if you want it to.” He whispered before running his tongue along my lower lip. I opened my mouth allowing him access; I could faintly taste alcohol on his mouth as my tongue pressed against his. He lifted his free hand up to my head and ran his fingers through my hair while I rested my hands on his shoulders and straddling his lap. A moan escaped his lips and was muffled in my mouth. Just then, my phone rang from my front pocket sending vibrations through my groin. I gasped, backing away hesitantly and grabbed it out from my pocket.
*New Text Message from Frank:
“Hey, what r u doing? U okay?”
I slid the phone back in my pocket. “Now where were we?” Bert said as a grabbed my face again.
He leaned in. “Stop” I said turning my head and getting off of him and leaning against the kitchen counter.
“Did I do something wrong?” He asked confused, biting his lip.
I looked down at my hands “No, no you didn’t do anything wrong. It’s just… I don’t think we should be doing this, I mean we’re only friends.” I looked back up.
“Oh, I'm sorry. I just can’t help myself”
I ran my fingers through my hair, still tasting the stale beer from Bert’s mouth. “Neither can I...” I said, blinking away tears.
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