FicWad

Gerard’s POV
3 weeks had passed since the tour started, Frank has still been questioning me about what’s been going on with Bert and I but he has nothing to worry about because I've managed to stay strong so far. We’ve been finding time alone and have just been talking, completely innocent but Frank always comes in and causes Bert to leave. It’s bad enough that I can never be with him, but he has to prevent me from even talking to anyone that makes me happy too? Of coarse he would be the one to do this to me.
We get a week off and decided to stay in the city we last preformed in instead of going home. We were in West Chester, Pennsylvania sitting in the lobby of a hotel waiting for Mikey to finish checking us in.
“Alright I got the keys. I call having my own room, now who’s rooming with whom?” Mikey asked
“I’ll room with Gerard” Frank said putting an arm around my shoulder. I looked behind me at Bert, his face seemed to fall. Ray was with Bob, Bert was with Jepha, and Dan was with Quinn.
We walked up to our rooms; luckily they were all in the same hallway and either across or next to each other. I walked into my room, it had two beds. I sighed, with a mixture of relief and disappointment, because now I didn’t have reason for getting close to him but I also didn’t want to slip up in my sleep and get too close to him. He plopped down on the bed and curled up in the sheets, he looked up at me and we looked each other in the eyes for the longest time. He was so beautiful, his eyes felt like they were moving me towards him, as if he was the moon and I was the ocean but I knew I would only be pushed away and back into the deep sea once again. There was a knock at the door, it made us both jump and a part of me was lost when our eyes tore away. I turned to open the door. It was Bert.
“Hey Gerard, I was about to go down stairs and smoke a cigarette. Do you want to come with me?”
I looked back at Frank; I couldn’t tell if he was listening or not but I could really use a distraction right now. “Yeah of course”
We walked down to the lobby and outside of the hotel together, where he lit my cigarette. I inhaled, tilted my head back and let my breath go. I automatically felt relaxed, nicotine filling my lungs and flowing through my veins, getting that piece of me back that Frank had torn away when we were looking in each other’s eyes. I looked to my side and saw that Bert was staring at me.
“What?” I asked with a smirk.
His face turned pink. “Sorry, I didn’t realize I was staring... You know I heard about this cool bar a few blocks from here. It’s called The Note and that dude from Jackass owns it, do you want to check it out?”
I nodded and we started walking. Neither of us saying a word to each other, just walking and smoking. We got to the bar and stood in the line that was building up in the front, there was a lot of commotion, I noticed that Bam Margera was pointing and laughing at some dude lying on the ground with his pants off. He noticed us standing in line.
“Oh my god, Gerard fucking Way and Bert McCracken! Get your asses in my bar, free drinks for both of you all damn night!” He escorted us in and let us sit in a VIP booth. He told the bartender to give us whatever we wanted. She automatically handed us two beers, I froze. I really wanted to drink it; it wouldn’t really do anything anyways. Its just one beer, that can’t hurt anyone right? I brought the bottle up to my lips.
Bert looked at me with a worried look “I though you didn’t…”
“I won’t tell if you don’t”
We talked and drank for the next hour. I started feeling dizzy, and I then noticed the pile of empty bottles on the table. I was twelve beers deep. Shit. Bert and I were sitting on the same side of the booth, and I was definitely feeling drunk. He was resting his head against my shoulder, and his hand started rubbing the inside of my thigh.
“You’re sh-so hot Gerard”
“Mmm that feels good... Let’s go back t-to the hotel, sh-so we can have sh-some fun.” My mind wasn’t speaking for me; I hardly knew what was going on around me or what I was even saying. Words were just rolling out of my mouth. What kind of fun was I talking about? Did I want to have that kind of fun?
-BLACK OUT-
I looked around. I was in a small room with silver doors, it was moving; I must be in the elevator of the hotel. Bert was sucking on my neck “I want to f-fuck you sh-so bad” He reached a tender spot on my skin and a moan escaped my lips.
-BLACK OUT-
My back got slammed up against a wall; I saw a long line of doors and crappy wall paper. I must be in the hallway right outside Bert’s hotel room. We were kissing; one hand caressing my chest and the other was stroking my crotch outside of my jeans. I was moaning uncontrollably, and as I did Bert pushed his body up against mine closer than it was before. His kisses were violent, shoving his tongue hard against mine and our lips were pressing so hard I think they were beginning to bruise.
I heard a door open. “What the fuck?!” It was Mikey
Bert backed away from me completely leaving me there with no support to hold my drunken body up. I collapsed to the floor and I saw Mikey run towards me. Bert ran into his room gripping his stomach and holding a hand over his mouth, leaving me to face my brother.
“Gerard what happened… Are you drunk?!” He laid my head in his lap and checked my eyes. My eyelids were heavy, and I'm pretty sure I was going cross-eyed.
“Mikey I'm… I'm sh-so f-fuckin wasted” I began to laugh uncontrollably. Mikey eyes filled with tears and he helped me up and dragged me into his hotel room taking me into the bathroom where I was disoriented by a blinding light. The room began to spin; I leaned over the toilet bowl and started puking my brains out. Mikey was rubbing my back and told me everything was going to be okay but I couldn’t understand him anymore, so he either learned a different language or I was slipping out of consciousness. After I was done I fell back on the floor of the bathroom and passed out.
*
I woke up disoriented. Where the hell was I? I looked around and noticed that Mikey was sitting on the edge of the bed. Why was I in Mikey’s room? A few memories from last night began to flow back in my brain. I remember making out with Bert in the elevator, and I remember falling down… Wait, why did I fall down? Oh no. I got drunk last night! The headache of a hangover hit me at that moment.
“Yeah, he got drunk last night… no… I caught him and Bert practically dry fucking in the hallway… I don’t know… Yeah I don’t think we should finish this tour… Well Bert got him drugs last time… okay… Bye” He sighed and looked back at me seeing that I was awake.
I rubbed my eyes “What happened last night?”
He sat down next to me and I sat up straight, my head was spinning. “You got fucking drunk with Bert. What the hell were you thinking? And why were you kissing Bert?”
“I don’t know. I guess I wasn’t thinking, please don’t tell Frank” I looked down, ashamed.
“Sorry Gerard but I have to tell Frank so he can watch you and make sure you don’t fuck up again… Why did you feel the need to drink again?” He looked at me, tears filling his eyes.
“I … I had a moment of weakness. I needed to numb the pain” Shit. I probably shouldn’t have said that, now he’s going to ask me questions.
“What pain? Gerard what's wrong? Talk to me.” The tears were falling down his face now.
It made me start to tear up as well. “Nothing, forget I said anything. I just love someone and I can’t have them, let’s just leave it at that” My face fell in my hands.
He wiped off his cheeks. “Come on; get cleaned up so we can go talk to the guys.”
I got up and felt nauseous, I ran to the bathroom and through up. I'm such a fucking idiot, I ruined years of being sober and everyone was about to find out how weak I am… So why didn’t I regret it?