- Lulu smirked faintly. "I'm sorry, Yuna, but he should have knocked." The leather felt soft and comforting against her skin as she threw the garment over her head slid into the black sheath of her gown.
You tease us! But that's ok. :)
"When the Calm comes, who knows?" Lulu allowed possibilities to hang in the air, feeling the weight of the impossible. "Maybe then I'll think about it."
Could this be a heartbreaking foreshawdowing for the long-awaited Resurrection IV?
Sometimes Lulu thought the Summoner should have tried the sword's art; she had a masterful way of slipping right past one's guard. "Oh?"
I like the way you paint Yuna. It's accurate and subtle. She doesn't parade her power. She keeps it quiet, interpersonal and often unspoken. But it is also undeniable.
"Good." Yuna giggled and gave her a final squeeze before releasing her. "Sorry, I just can't help but imagine you two being all grouchy and gruff together, like an old Ronso couple."
Apt in-game simile! I like those.
"Hey," Rikku protested, looking up from the hilt of the sword she was tinkering with, a replacement for Auron's missing weapon. "We all want Yunie to win! We're just not willing to let her die. If you think for one moment--"
I'd suggest having someone other than Rikku say this, as she was constantly nagging the party to turn around. Unless there's something I'm not grasping here.
Is this the end of this arc? It sounds like it could be.
Again, bravo. I always enjoy your writing, you know. You know what I think? It would be interesting to try and write something with you. I've never attempted team-writing before, and I think our writing is similar enough to mesh. Just a idea, of course. :)
Author's responseI don't know why simple conversations took me so long to write.
Teasing the readers -- I kept wanting to dwell on Lulu's almost painful beauty while I had her nekkid in this chapter, but there wasn't really a place for it. Yuna's used to it. :)
Resurrection IV -- will be Zanarkand through the end of the game, with an epilogue I wrote long ago that may or may not be its own piece. I am going to be a bit self-indulgent and prolong that part of the story.
Rikku's protest: I may have framed that somewhat clumsily. Rikku's attitude towards the pilgrimage was complicated. She wanted Yuna to turn around, but starting at the edge of the Calm Lands, she and Tidus shifted to trying to brainstorm ways for Yuna to survive. When Tidus and Yuna came back from their watery liason, Rikku said that she guessed that if Yuna really REALLY wanted to go, then they should go with her. Even up on Mt. Gagazet, when they were looking down at Zanarkand...Rikku claimed: "I'm not saying we shouldn't go. But shouldn't we think about it some more? There's gotta be some kind of way we can save you, Yuna!" Now, I think Rikku wasn't really fooling anybody, but my thought in this conversation was that Auron's telling Lulu that it's all right to stay behind if she's too shaky-- that was also the meaning of his words in the tent just before he stepped out, that others will see Yuna to the end if need be-- but he hides his true meaning by pretending to be telling Tidus and Rikku, the two doubters, to stay behind if they're not fully committed to the quest. Rikku both is and isn't fully committed. By this point in the story she has fairly well resigned herself to Yuna's pilgrimage and keeps going, hoping against hope that she and Tidus will find some way to save her.
This isn't quite the end of an arc, although I'm struggling a little to find my way to the end. I vaguely had in mind that a night spent at the Ronso village before they ascend the summit will give Auron and Lulu a little more quality time.
As for collaborating -- possibly someday; I love your writing so much, and we do think similarly! But Trekqueen has first claim on me, and I'm also avoiding committing to anything else right now, as I always turn online recreation into "work" until I burn out. I've just spent two years being obligated to an online community 2-8 hours a day, every single day, in a heavy-duty moderator position, and I only just retired to free myself up to play a bit, so I want some time where nobody is relying on me for anything. :)
- I like the way that Auron is so awed at the sight of a sleeping woman. That seems remarkably sweet to me and also quite likely given the way Auron's life seems to have gone from what little can be pieced together from the game.
I find Yuna's intrusion on the scene to be amusing and her embarrassment is charming and I just know that is how she'd react to such a thing, with the sort of shock a child shows when her parents kiss.
I like the way that Auron becomes awkwardly businesslike in an attempt to cover up their liason and make it seem more innocent.
I like the way you compare Lulu and Yuna's magics and the different ways they feel and behave.
I like Lulu's prediction about Rikku and her reaction to the idea that Rikku might be jealous of her.
I really enjoy this focus on the relationship between Yuna and Lulu. I find the rapport you describe between them quite touching.
I rerally adore the implication that Yuna is asking Lulu to watch after Rikku not just for the reasons she speaks out loud, but also because she doesn't want Lulu to miss her too much. That's lovely and very like the selfless Yuna.
I'm glad that Yuna finally figured out what was going on between Lulu and Auron. I enjoy the gentle way she insinuates her knowledge and the fact that she wishes them well.
Lulu's thought that Yuna might send Auron and her questioning whether she could forgive that is insightful of you.
"Her white shoulder peeking out from under his coat hit Auron in the gut, and he wondered whether he should have been so quick to dismiss Wakka's and Tidus' ongoing debate whether the sorceress dressed that way to boost their morale or torment them." I would just change the wording of this to "the sight of her white shoulder . . ." just to clarify as currently it sort of seems like Lulu's shoulder physically hits Auron.
"In her mind's eye, Lulu could see the piers of the temple tinted pink by sunrise while Yuna clung to her hand and poured out her wish to become Summoner with shining eyes, or Lulu had admitted to herself and to her friend how she truly felt about Chappu one spare word at a time." I think I would separate the part about Lulu's confessions from the rest of the sentence because in the first bit I am thinking that Lulu is recalling a specific scene from her memory, but the second memory seems to contradict that. Also, keep modifiers close to their subject "Yuna clung to her hand and poured out her wish to become Summoner with shining eyes." Here you are saying that Yuna wants to become a shining-eyed Summoner, although what you mean to say is that Yuna's eyes are shining while she explains her wish.
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