FicWad

Mistaken Words

Disclaimer: Nope still don't own

The Truth of Lies

Heero walked with a comfortable stride down the isles of the shuttle towards where Ash relaxed appearing as though he had not a care in the world. He himself was feeling anything but that comfortable, the muscles in his neck and shoulders were like rock from stress, and nothing he did seemed to loosen them. Yet that was only a minor discomfort something easily forgotten, he had dealt with it long enough already. They had been traveling for nearly fourteen hours to reach their destination, and in less than half an hour they would be there, and Heero would be free once more.

An internal voice mocked him bitterly at that thought, but he had been forcing that part of himself aside for so long, it could not longer be heard. Frustration and anger boiled through him in turns, leaving him always just on the edge of control. For the first time in his life it was an effort to keep this war form appearing on his hard features, only years of practice and an iron will kept him the victor. His body thirsted, yet he knew that no amount of water would quench his need, Ash had denied him his release at the cottage, but there was nothing stopping him now, not now that they were back.

Dante would have what he wanted, and in the end Heero...

The Japanese man shut his mind away from that subject; the last thing he wanted to be thinking about right now was Relena. He could feel her eyes watching him coldly, from where she sat rigidly in her chair. Heero had done everything he possible could to avoid her, despite the questions that it raised with Ash, nevertheless there were few places that he could go on this small shuttle that the princess would not be within speaking distance. Ash conversed with her often, though not always were the conversations two sided, the former pilot did his best not to pay attention but his training was too good, he was constantly hearing ever word spoken.

Heero's hand clenched painfully, removing the princess from his mind, he was not going to think about her, not now...later...

Light conversation filled the compartment, as Ash's men spoke idly amongst themselves. All the black combat gear had been discarded for cloths more appropriate for the colony's climate. Heero had donned a pare of blue jeans, with a white T-shirt, and a blue button down oxford left open over top. He no longer wore tank tops, as they revealed that which he wished to remain hidden. ~/So much has changed/~ he thought darkly. Nothing was as it had been three years before, but that was a time in his life he was not going to think about now...

Coming to a stop beside the seat Ash lounged comfortably in, he glared down at the other man. "We'll be there is less than half an hour," was his monotone report.

As expected a tiny smile touched upon Ash's face, "I'm sure I can guess where you'll be heading."

Heero suppressed his angry growl refusing to notice just how much resemblance Ash held with a one-time friend. There were just too many thoughts; he did not want to let in just yet...

"I'll complete the mission," he grated softly prussian orbs like daggers.

Ash appeared completely and totally unaffected by the look, which would have sent most men running. His eyes flickered lazily over to where Relena sat her guard Jake seated at her side keeping a silent vigil. "Are you going to remain here? Or are you heading back to the cockpit?" it was an innocent enough question, yet with the glance he seemed almost to be asking if Heero where going to continue to hide.

It was an effort to repress the urge to kill Ash, or at least maim him, but somehow the physically and emotionally exhausted pilot managed it. As he forced himself to take a seat on Ash's far side. Leaning wearily back in the chair, Heero let his head drop back against the rest, eyes remaining open though heavily lidded.

"When was the last time you slept?" all humor had left Ash's voice when he spoke now, keeping his tone low, so the conversation would remain between them only. "And I mean more than two hours," he added as an after thought.

For a moment Heero considered ignoring the question, perhaps feigning sleep, but he knew right away Ash would not fall for such a ploy. Still it was several moments of long silence before his head shifted not lifting from the rest to view his companion, "Not since we left the colony."

Ash's brow lowered slightly at this, "And I know you haven't been eating either," this was not a question.

The Japanese man rolled his eyes, what should Ash care if he choice to sleep or eat, he had gone longer stretches than this during the war. He shuddered back from that line of thought knowing it would only lead him down paths he did not want to be traveling while his mind was so clear. But soon, soon it would not be a problem...

"Just let it go..." He breathed turning his attention to the window, which should have been displaying the wonders of a star filled universe. But all the blinds had been pulled; they did not want to give any indication of their colony's location in relation to the ones around it. It was far safer for them that their cargo did not know where they were being taken.

"You're going to run yourself into an early grave, but I don't know why I should care," Ash mumbled to himself with a voice clearly more annoyed than he felt.

Silence fell between them, and Heero let his eyes slide closed, allowing his other senses to pick up on the loss. Absently he tuned his hearing into the breathing that was going on around him, distinguishing certain people for the uniqueness of the sound. It was surprising to him that the shuttle would be quiet enough for him to do this, but he supposed everyone was anticipating the return home. He sensed Ash turning to look at him, and could almost see the gleeful smile painted upon his lips. Without moving anything else, Heero shot his right hand across his body, and caught the other man's wrist in a vice like grip.

Opening his eyes slowly the Japanese man regarded the one who sat beside him. Ash did not appear surprised by Heero's sudden movement; in fact his plain featured face was still smiling. His smile faded suddenly as Ash's brow knitted together with concern; "You should eat something before you go, it will make tomorrow easier."

"Just let it go," Heero repeated with a sighed throwing Ash's hand back to him before closing his eyes once more. The eyes never stopped watching him, the concern never left the feel of them upon Heero's form. His frustration built rising up in the back of his throat before he released it with another sigh, "I suppose you'll be coming too."

"Have I ever not? What makes you think this will be any different?"

Heero let it go at that, there was not point rehashing old arguments, which got him nowhere. The silence returned and this time Heero hoped it was for good, if he had been in the mood to talk before, this short conversation had certainly killed it. Letting his eyes close once more Heero tried to focus upon anything other than what his mind was laying before him, yet even this was not enough to get him speaking with Ash, he just kept counting down the minutes, it would not be long now, he was so close...

A soft ringing caught Heero's attention, and he cracked one eye open just enough to watch Ash fish through his pockets for the small cell phone he was carrying. "This is Ash," he said, the tone of his voice saying he already knew who it was calling.

"Everything went according to plan," Ash responded to the question only he could hear.

"Yes sir...We'll be docking in less than five minutes," he glanced over to Heero, mouthing the name 'Dante' though it wasn't necessary, the Japanese man had already known. "You'll be waiting there?"

Heero turned his eyes away, not finding the half conversation interesting, his thoughts in turn strayed to Dante. The leader of the Free Born, a man of great dignity and intelligence, in many ways he reminded Heero of Treize, they were both men of great stature, something that stood out among the more common leaders. He was some what of an enigma though, desiring peace for his people, and at the same time willing to take steps to secure that peace while very likely throwing the rest of the world into turmoil. Heero doubted anything serious would come from their abduction of Relena, Une and the rest would do everything possible to keep that under wraps.

Dante was a secretive man, not always sharing all of his plans with his men, and perhaps this was something to be looked upon as a valuable trait. The less information was floating around, the less likely it was to make it into the hands of someone who would exploit it. Heero was not one of the few Dante gave information too freely. The Japanese man had preferred riding silently on the side lines, an observer, and a great asset when the time came. He had found a place among the Free Born something he was not altogether sure he could find anywhere else, but then he had never really given himself the chance to try.

~/Not this...not now.../~ he thought darkly pulling his mind away from thought and back to what was happening around him. Ash had finished his conversation with Dante and was now leaning back easily, eyes studying the ceiling with deep interest. The shuttle trembled suddenly, as it eased its way into the colony's docking bay, and settled to rest on the metal flooring. Heero drew in a breath, they had made it, and his release was within reach.

He wasted no time coming to his feet, and was not the only one. Within seconds the whole shuttle was buzzing with activity. Soldiers moved this way and that gathering together all that they had brought, and prepared to leave the shuttle. Ash stretched up pulling down his bag and Heero's where it had been stored before the Japanese man had made his way to the cockpit. Heero's eyes flickered on their own accord to where Relena waited not seeming to have noticed they were there. Jake had gathered together her bag and his own, and was motioning for her to rise when Ash stepped in.

"That's fine Jake, Heero and I will take it from here, go on back to your family," the older man smiled and passed Relena's bag over before departing from the shuttle along with the others.

Shouldering his pack, Heero watched from the isle, face a dark mask as Relena came to her feet and stepped before Ash at his bidding. Her guards had already been removed from the shuttle, both out from the drugs they had been given. What Dante planed to do with them Heero neither wanted to know nor cared, none of this was his problem anymore. She strode past the Japanese man eyes straight ahead as though she did not even see him. Something stirred within him at that but he crushed it, not yet...

Heero was the last one to disembark from the shuttle, finding the docking bay to be just as busy as it had been on board. Men and women rushed around performing different tasks, all of which had to be done, they seemed to pay no mind to those who left the shuttle, or even that Relena Peacecraft herself was standing among them. His prussian eyes focused upon a group of men standing at the foot of the stairs, eyes upturned waiting for her. Dante wore a cordial smile upon his face when Relena appeared. He stood out among the crowed standing almost a full head taller than the other men around him, Heero supposed women would find him handsome, with his clean shaven face and gentle eyes. But Heero only saw someone he couldn't full trust.

Ash guided Relena down the stairs with a hand upon her elbow, and a bright smile on his face. Heero trailed along behind, his visage remaining dark and hard. "My Lady, I apologize for the way in which my men had to take you," Dante began with a fluid bow, one that held the same sincerity that Ash's did.

"They didn't have to take me at all," she told him coldly, back straight head held high though it barely reached the mid point on his chest.

Dante smiled down at her, clearly having nothing to say in response to that at least not here in the middle of the hanger. "If you would," he began motioning for her to walk along side him; "There is much I think you'd like to know."

Ash glanced back at Heero, jerking his head in the direction the others had moved off in without a word he followed silently behind. His job had been completed; he had delivered her into Dante's hands, now there was nothing left to do, but fight the memories. Dark eyes shifted around in search of a car, or bike, anything that could get him to his destination quickly; too much time had passed already. Dante lead the large group over to where a couple of limos waited engines still running, Heero ignored those, his attention focusing on the small black car that waited empty beside them.

It was this that he and Ash moved towards, the taller man cutting across to take the drivers seat. "Are you not coming Ash?" Dante called in question, he stood beside one of the vehicles Relena at his side. Her eyes burned their way into Heero's head, and he desperately wished his mind was clouded with drink, anything to dull that piercing edge.

"No, Heero and I have business in the city," he responded one arm resting on top of the car, as he already had the door open and one foot in.

"You two did a fine job, I thank you," Heero shuddered internally at the praise he had never been comfortable with it from anyone, least of all in a situation like this.

Heero reached for the door handle before him, wanting to be away from here; it was very difficult to fight off the memories when they were standing right in front of you. "Heero!" his head came up slowly when he heard the feminine voice. Relena was staring right at him, an ice cold fire burning deep within her eyes, "I believed in /you/!" it was spat with all the venom she had been keeping pent up since he caught her in the tree. And it struck Heero like a punch to the gut; all thought left him, his mask stayed strong and true, revealing only what he wanted them to see.

As best he could with only mechanical movements Heero slid into the car, his last futile hope shattering around him like a wall of shining glass. Her words echoed endlessly within his head mocking him, with his foolish hope, something he should never have allowed himself to hang onto. Heero wanted to fall in upon himself, but there was no safe refuge there, only the memories he would give anything to forget. The car pulled away silence filling the inside, but he was only half aware of it as he fought to remain indifferent. To give in now was to break completely, something he could not afford; he was still a soldier.

Unfortunately Ash was not content with just the silence, "You want to tell me what that was about?" he questioned eyes briefly glancing away from the road he was following.

The former pilot remained completely silent pretending he had not heard; thinking about it was not an option, the need to explain himself became too great. He began to feel closed in as though all of this had been for nothing, that Relena's words had stripped away everything...

But he could not...would not, think of that with his mind so clear.

"I know there's something going on there," Ash continued never daunted by his silence; "You spent the entire time avoiding her, and I know it was just her, it had nothing to do with patrolling..."

Heero tried to hold back a sigh as he glared at the other man; Ash was not going to let this go. Reaching forward he flicked on the radio, it didn't matter what station so long as it was playing loud. Yet his all too subtle hint did not deter Ash, who simply shut the radio off, and continued to speak. "You shot her over three years ago, why on earth would her comment affect you now?"

Silence was his only response, Heero leaned back in his seat eyes looking straight ahead arms crossed.

"I hope you don't try and deny that it's affecting you, 'cause I can see it in your eyes," he twisted in his seat now that they were at a stoplight. "You can't remain silent forever."

As they started to move again Heero's thoughts turned to escape, Ash would not let up no matter how many of his questions were ignored, or how often he was threatened. It was not something Heero though he could deal with right now, not on top of keeping his memories at bay. Glancing out the window, he knew they were not all that far from the pub that he frequented, nor were they really traveling all that fast. Suddenly jumping from the car became a lot more appealing. Testing the handle he found the door to be locked, but a quick search had his fingers on the lock; pulling it up he tested the latch again, still it did not open.

A soft laugh brought Heero's head about, "Child safety locks," Ash smiled evilly; "You won't be jumping from this car, so you might as well tell me what's up."

Heero's glare darkened if possible, "Just drive the damn car."

"You know, with the amount of stress that you live in it's a wonder you don't fifty ulcers," the other man shook his head in something that was almost pity. "I just want to help you Heero," it was the first time his voice had actually sounded sincere.

"I don't need your help," the Japanese man told him flatly cold hard eyes turning to regard him for a brief moment

"Oh yes you do!" Ash countered quickly, "You're just to stubborn and full of pride to admit it."

"Hn..." his fist clenched, Ash would counter everything he said no matter what it was; the best course lain before him was to say nothing at all.

Heero kept his head turned slightly away; eyes watching the people they passed, it was almost the afternoon hours, and the entire colony would be abuzz with activity. And at the same time the pub would be all but empty, just the way Heero liked it. Yet even when the bar was full, there was an obvious ring about him that no one crossed. Ash had made sure of that shortly after Heero had begun to rely on alcohol's calming effects to relieve the harshest of memories. It was something he tried not to need too often, Heero hated having to need anything, but nothing else every seemed to help. He hated having Ash and others watch out for him, but if they didn't naïve people got hurt thinking him an easy target.

Thankfully his use of alcohol was not that frequent, other than these few times, he never touched the stuff. But these few times raised a lot of questions with Ash, his already nosy friend, now wanting to know what specifically drove him to these lengths. Somehow he managed to avoid the seemingly endless line of questions, and became a wonder to him that Ash even remained around him, considering how very little he knew about Heero.

His sharp ears picked up the soft click deep within his door, a signal to him that Ash had disengaged the child locks, and they had arrived at their destination. Almost breathing a sigh of relief Heero stepped from the car, casting his prussian eyes on the old building that housed the pub. He had chosen this one in particular for its remote location, though the bar was frequented by many it did not have the crowds, which many of their new bars did. Crowds were something Heero could definitely do without.

Walking calmly into the bar, Heero found that his hands were almost shaking with his anticipation, and he focused for a moment on stilling them; he did not want to give Ash anything further to use against him. Nick the bartender smiled as they walked in, coming to stand closer to them with a glass in one hand and a drying towel in the other. He kept a clean and quiet little pub, something he had always wanted to do when he retired; and it was the pleasant atmosphere as much as his good prices, which drew the patrons.

"A little early isn't it?" he questioned good-naturedly eyes skipping off of Heero's hard expression to focus on Ash who stood behind him.

Ash chuckled, "We just got back and felt like celebrating," he informed the older man, whose eyes flicked back to Heero with a knowing look.

The Japanese man sigh with exasperation, "Rye," was his cold order. Nick nodded his head, the smile leaving his face as he filled a glass for Heero and passed it to him. With his drink in hand Heero turned towards the table that was unofficially his whenever he would come. It was slightly apart from the rest of the room, right near the back exit, and a window, allowing him to relax with the knowledge of two escapes.

Taking a seat with his back to the wall, he watched Ash occupy the seat across from him with a foaming mug of beer in one hand. He liked to drink but he never let himself get carried away when Heero was here, that bothered the Japanese man, and he had considered trying to find another bar. However that held problems and annoyances he'd rather avoid then go through again. At standing only five foot three inches Heero was small, even for women's height he was short; it didn't bother him, but it did have people guessing his age. And the problems didn't end there, the first time he had come to Nick's bar and had managed to convince him of his age, there had been a great deal of concern over the amount of alcohol he had been consuming. Since the effect was based on height and weight, Nick had been afraid he was going to kill himself. Not possible considering his quick metabolism, his body worked so fast that if he did not take the adult dosage of some medications he got no effect at all.

Heero took a long drink form his glass, savoring the harsh burn as the rye slid down his throat, spreading its warm fingers through him. Even if he managed to find another bar, convince them that he was of age, and wouldn't kill himself; word would inevitably make it back to Ash. Despite his best efforts he just stood out too much.

"Heero...earth to Heero..." his eyes came up hard and angry; "You can't be drunk yet my friend you haven't even finished your first drink."

"What?" Heero drained the last of the rye and signaled for more, he caught Nick's slight nod before returning his attention to Ash.

"Feel any better now?" the question was one of honest concern, but Heero simply shrugged in reply.

Accepting his new drink he watched the dark liquid swirl around the clear glass, he had never needed such relief before. But committing himself to this mission had proved the uses of alcohol. Heero shuddered at the memory of that first night, only the desperate dream to finish what he had only just before started kept himself form drinking enough to kill. He had to be able to tell them, to explain, but now it was looking like explaining would get him nowhere...

Ash sipped at his beer thoughtfully, "Do you want to talk about it now?"

"Talk about what?" Heero demanded with a sigh draining his glass again, the liquors affect wasn't coming fast enough for him.

"About what happened between you and Relena," he said in a voice which screamed 'that should have been obvious.'

Heero brushed a hand down his face as he waited for more, and slammed his palm down upon the smooth polished wood, "Nothing happened."

"That bullshit, and you know it!" Ash flared.

For a moment Heero did not see the table before him, but rather an assembly hall filled with delegates and people of power. All listening to one young woman, with the power to unite them all. He had waited purposely in plain sight, knowing Quatre would feel his presence, that it was necessary to his mission that one of them see him. His mask had been particularly hard to keep that day, as he watched the assassin take up his gun aiming it for Relena's heart...

"...are you even listening to me anymore?" his friend called with frustration, leaning across the table to look into Heero's shielded eyes. "Take it easy, you have all night to drink yourself into the ground, nothing saying it has to take place in the first hour."

Heero was surprised to find yet another full glass in his hand; his thoughts had been so focused inwards that he had not even noticed he'd finished the one before. A grunt was all he gave Ash as he tasted the fine liquid, mind drifting off yet again.

The only year of peace he experienced had been hard for him; nowhere he went did he fit in. So much of him was soldier that his body knew no other way to react, and that caused nothing but tension for the people he was around. It had not been long before he had caught wind of the Free Born, a rather large group of people living upon one colony who too found it difficult to adjust. He had fallen in with them not knowing what else to do, the other pilots had all seemed to settle easily into the new found peace, and although Relena was a stabilising force in his life. He found it simply was not enough, he could not talk to her, and expect her to understand what he was going through, she was not a warrior, and had dreamed of peace for all her life.

None of them knew of any of this; he didn't know why he could not speak of his troubles to the others, but something stopped him. Heero had had no intentions of withdrawing from them completely, he had only hoped his time among the Free Born might help him adjust. It was in that first year that he had caught wind of an internal group among Dante's men. It was only a whisper here and there; something spoken of in dark corners, but it had set off alarms in Heero head.

Glancing up Heero was beginning to feel a rather strong effect from the alcohol he had already consumed, and was met by Ash's hard stare. "I've never seen you zone out so much," he commented, one finger drawing little designs with the perspiration his beer was leaving on the table.

Heero shrugged, he had never been thrown into this situation before. One hand lightly brushed at the left side of his chest, feeling the rather large hard lump beneath the material of his shirt. It was supposed to be a brand, in the shape of a phoenix, the defining mark of the Inner Circle. But Heero had not wanted that permanent mark upon his body, so he faked it. But what difference did that make now...?

Shuddering as he drained another glass, Heero tried to count how many that had been but he was no longer sure. From the looks of it Ash was still on his first beer. The bar was beginning to fill with noise, as some of its regular patrons came in from finishing work. "I suppose it would be wishful thinking, to think that was your last drink?" it was not really a question.

The Japanese man motioned for more, and more was brought. "This isn't healthy," Ash voiced, not for the first time, but Heero ignored it, he had done a lot in his life that would not be considered healthy.

He saw the great hall again, everything still as the last word of a magnificent speech echoed across the open space. Everyone was still held bound and captive, unaware of the threat that was growing, everyone but Quatre. His sky blue eyes stared in disbelief, frozen as Heero raised his gun eyes trained on something other that the young president. The shot was fired a single resounding bang and Heero watched as the princess fell back, blood staining her pale blouse.

~/That's at least what Quatre saw/~ Heero thought bitterly, draining his rye. ~/But does anything else matter now?~/ Relena's words tore through his mind then, and he shut his eyes tightly against their harsh reality. To gain access to the Inner Circle, Heero had had to sever all ties that he held with his friends, it had to be believable, and the only way he could do that was to become a traitor.

Heero was surprised when he brought the cup to his lips again and found it full. Ever since that day three years ago, he had been trying to discover who ran the Inner Circle, and what their goal in all this was. But he only had two contacts among them, everything was passed through word of mouth, and in all these years he had barely made any headway at all. Yet he could not give up, he had to finish this mission, to protect the peace no matter the cost, so he could tell them...

Tell them...

He finished off that glass, head remaining down, no longer really aware of who or what was around him, Ash was still near by and that was about all he could sense.

Two shots had been fired that day, though only one was heard that was what Quatre could not see, that was what none of them knew. It was his painful secret. His bullet had found its mark, as had everyone before it over the years, but that mark had not been Relena. It had been the shoulder of the assassin who had tired to take her life that day. He had led them to believe it was him, they were all living a lie, one he had hoped to explain to show them what had truly happened, to place himself back among the people he realised he needed.

~/I believed in you/~ what hope was for that now?

Thanks for reading!

A Reaction:

"You really scared me last night Heero," he said suddenly eyes locked intently on his friend, Heero's head didn't even come up. "To be honest you're still scaring me now."

Heero finished off the rest of his breakfast, and without a word or even acknowledgement that Ash had spoken, walked over to the sink and dropped his utensils in. He kept his head down, and eyes shielded, whether that was caused by the headache, or an attempt to hide what was in his cobalt eyes Ash didn't know. "C'mon, how long do you intend to keep this self-pity act going?" he demanded, it didn't matter to him what reaction Heero gave so long as there was one, so long as there was an end to this dead silence.

But the words did not find their way to Heero's anger, they did not pull forth an indignant remark, they did nothing. The Japanese man walked back out into the living room eyes staring at nothing as he just stood there, like a statue on display. Ash came up beside him quickly and just watched him, studied ever detail of the mask he had donned yesterday. It was different from the mask that he had worn at the cottage, that one held emotion, though they were so mixed and beaten down that Ash could not put names to them. This one was simply nothing as though he had lost everything...

I believed in you...

Relena's words called out in his mind, a glowing beacon leading him towards the answer, though it was not one he had ever imagined he'd meet. "You love her..." the words were a whisper of his realisation, but they reached Heero's ears, and suddenly the mask was gone replaced with pain. And if that was not answer enough his reaction was, Heero spun suddenly and iron hard fist connecting with the wall, dispelling an explosive amount of force. His face was a thunderhead...of...grief. It was an emotion Ash had not thought Heero even knew, yet there it was clear ringing conformation.

Morganeth Taren'drel