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Mistaken Words

Disclaimer: nope don't own.

A Reaction

Ash watched his intoxicated friend very carefully, a growing worry within him at how despondent Heero had become. He sat there across the table head down right hand gripping his empty glass. Never before had he ever seen the Japanese man lose himself so completely; alcohol effected Heero differently. Where as most men would lose motor skills and concentration, say and do things they would not consider while sober, Heero was very different. He became quieter if that was possible, on edge, dangerous. A few people had learned the hard way no to touch him while he was like this, as he no longer recognised friend from foe, everything was a threat.

"Heero...?" he tried tentatively, his half-emptied mug resting forgotten beside him. Slowly his head came up revealing unfocused eyes and a pale face, the smaller man seemed suddenly to remember where he was, and raised his glass towards the bar.

All things considered, Ash really didn't think his friend needed any more, tomorrow would be a rough day for Heero; no need to add alcohol poisoning to the list. Nick walked over, both hands empty, but the Japanese man was no longer paying any attention. This set off alarms in his head, and he wanted to shake his friend, and probably would have, if he wasn't afraid it could cost him his life. "I don't really think he should be having anymore," Nick said looking at the smaller man critically.

"No I agree, but I haven't decided how to get him out of here yet," every other time Heero would get up and leave on his own, this was the first time that he showed no signs of budging.

Nick took a seat at the table careful to keep his distance from Heero, "What brought this about?"

"Your guess is as good as mine," he returned with a sigh, "I've been trying all day to get him to tell me, but when he wants to be silent you could shoot him and he wouldn't utter a sound."

The older man nodded his head pale eyes flickering over to the Japanese man, a light of unmistakable worry shining in the back of them. "I have to admit I'm a little concerned, we started 'watering' down the rye about an hour ago, and I don't recall him ever acting this way before."

Ash nodded, that had him concerned too, considering the way Heero would drink he had asked Nick to start tampering with the alcohol. They always waited until he was drunk so he wouldn't notice, "It's worrying me too," he admitted quietly.

"If you can, you may want to try and get rid of what's in his stomach, that could help," Nick offered; though his voice did not sound to convinced that that would be possible.

He snorted, "Easier said then done." He ran a hand through his short hair, "Well, he might do it on his own, he hasn't eaten anything in several days," he shrugged eyes never leaving his friend. "No matter what happens, he's going to wish he was dead tomorrow."

"Personally I don't know why they do it," Nick asserted.

That caught Ash by surprise, "You sell the stuff! You of all people should know why!"

The old man shrugged one shoulder, "I sell, and I watch, but that doesn't mean I understand."

"Well sitting here isn't going to make anything better for him," Ash said pointing a thumb in Heero's direction.

Nick came to his feet at that, folding his arms and looking as Ash sternly, "Just remember to give him lots of water." He then turned and began walking back to his bar, muttering under his breath about the foolishness of some people.

Ash watched him for a moment before returning his attention to his friend, "Heero," he called again softly, the only reaction he received being his head rising slight, "It's time to go." Silently he hoped this would be enough to get the Japanese man moving. Unfortunately Heero remained where he was eyes locked upon his empty glass.

"C'mon Heero say something!"

Nothing...

Leaning across the table Ash decided to take a risk, he snapped his finger suddenly by Heero's right ear. The small man gave no reaction, as much as he was relieved to be alive and in one piece, this lack of regard terrified him. Standing Ash quickly made his way to Heero's side, but hesitated once he got there, still unsure if he could touch his Japanese man. Several moments passed before he came to the decision, there was no other option. "Heero, we have to leave now," he said softly into the other man's ear, wanting to have his attention before he took his arm.

Heero's head rose a little at this, a slight jerk, which made Ash jump violently. But nothing came of it; he just watched through unfocused eyes. With a slow breath he bit the bullet and took Heero's arm...his heart racing Ash opened his tightly closed eyes to see his friend sitting, uncaring to the human contact. Sighing in relief he gave a light tug on the arm while gently saying, "It's time to go." To Ash's immediate surprise Heero stood, he seemed a little unsteady on his feet, at least in comparison to the other times he had been in this state. However, he was in far better condition than most of the other patrons.

Keeping a hand on Heero's arm, Ash slowly directed them from the bar, pausing at the counter only long enough to pay the bill. That was also something Heero usually did. His eyes flicked endlessly between where he was going and the expression on the Japanese man's face; desperately wanting to see something other than the mask devoid of all feeling. The mask was nothing new, but never before had it appeared that the only thing behind the mask was a void filled with emptiness. Ash knew Heero had emotions like everyone else, he only hid them away pretending they didn't exist, as though he didn't know how to handle them.

Ash found himself breathing a sigh of relief when he had Heero seated in the car, though his concern for his friend had not lessened any. He wanted desperately to know what it was that Heero wasn't telling any of them. There was definitely something between them, or at least had been at one time...but what? Heero had tried to kill her in cold blood... that was not really something that could breed a deep relationship.

He forced his mind from such thoughts, knowing without any answers he'd simply drive himself crazy. Tearing his eyes from the road for a brief second Ash looked over to where Heero sat silently beside him, his eyes staring listlessly out the window. "Hey Heero, you still with me?" he asked quietly, hoping to get a verbal response back; there was not even a reaction to say Heero had heard. "We're almost home Heero, then you can sleep," Ash spoke the words more for his benefit, then that of his Japanese friend.

Driving the car down into the underground parking lot, Ash had no trouble finding Heero's spot. He didn't know if his friend simply did not own a car or left it somewhere else; knowing Heero somewhere else was very likely. Ash did not immediately leave the car, but waited, eyes scanning around, looking to see if there was any other life among the rows of vehicles. Not seeing another soul, he left the car. He did not particularly relish the idea of someone seeing his friend in this state, and if it could be avoided he would.

The apartment Heero had chosen was an interesting pick; it had three easy escapes other than using the front door. Which to Ash said a lot about Heero's character, or at least his mental state, and he was fairly sure that the small man was wired into the security system, using his own knowledge to up its range and effectiveness. It totally blew Ash's mind sometimes when he realised just how on edge Heero was at all times, it was a wonder the stress of his life had not yet killed him. But then there were these times, and although Heero did not relax with the drink in the way other men did, it was a drastic difference from his normal life.

Heero gave him no trouble when he went to pull him from the car, but came automatically to his feet, though his movements were lacking the fluidity they usually possessed. Guiding Heero by the arm once more Ash made his way to the emergency fire escape, feeling that was the best option for getting up to Heero's apartment on the third floor. He was unsure if this particular door was being monitored or not, Ash had a feeling it was but he and Heero had gone up it more than once without hesitation. It was a great relief for Ash to see that Heero could climb the stairs on his own, whether his motivation came from himself or the hand on his arm was a mystery to Ash. Yet so long as they made it to Heero's rooms it wouldn't matter.

The eerie silence was unnerving, not that Heero was ever one to fill a quiet void, but this just seemed to hold to many similarities to the silence of death for Ash's comfort. Poking his head out into the hall, he found it devoid of all life, this apartment building was full to capacity but thankfully people were not constantly moving about. Ash wondered if anyone around here even knew of Heero's existence, some how he doubted it, and he was not about to make his presence known. Reaching into his pocket Ash removed his keys; he had had one made shortly after he became friends with the quiet man. He didn't know what it was but something had tugged at him that despite Heero's obviously cold and disinterested nature he wanted to be a friend to him, to watch out for the man who seemingly had no one watching him at all.

Together they entered Heero sparely furnished apartment, and he flicked on the lights. The building itself was very nice, and well-kept. Heero had just not seen the need to add any personal touches to the rooms when he had come here. No pictures hung on the walls save the ones Ash had brought himself and without permission had placed where he thought best. It had surprised him to no end to return the following day and find them where he had left them.

Ash moved forward through the spacious apartment with his unresponsive friend walking along beside. There were two full bedrooms, but Heero only used one, and the other he left completely empty, and very clean. He was not entirely sure what the Japanese man used it for but he assumed it was training. They walked on past it and came to Heero's darkened room, Ash jumped in complete surprise when some life returned to his friend as Heero walked past him ducking into the bathroom. He remained in the doorway one hand gripping his chest, and breathing hard, but some hope had returned to him, as he hoped Heero had snapped out of it.

Walking over to the bed Ash turned one of the lamps on, filling the room with its gentle glow. He wondered how Heero could surround himself with such nothingness, and had he always been that way? Ash would have given a lot to know what the Japanese man had been like while he guarded the princess, but he doubted if it had been much different than this. Heero had been in the bathroom for quite a while before Ash began to hear sounds of him throwing up. Without hesitation he crossed the room, and tested the knob, pleased to find it unlocked. By the time he got in there nothing more was coming up but dry heaves.

Filling a glass with water he passed it to his friend once Heero could stand, and watched as he drank the liquid down, making sure he took it all. Ash studied him in the large mirror as he wet a cloth down so Heero could bath his face. There was still nothing registering in those impossibly deep eyes, Heero was functioning but for all intents and purposes he was dead to the world. Heero walked on slightly unsteady feet back into his bedroom, and without so much as a word stripped down to his boxers and crawled into his bed.

Ash waited, he wanted to get some form of reassurance from his friend that everything would be all right now. Yet nothing came Heero's eyes had closed and his breathing clearly told Ash he was not about to wake any time soon. Nevertheless Ash was not about to leave, and he didn't intend to until this was all sorted out, and he finally knew what had got to his friend so completely. With a shake of his head and a sigh, Ash went in search of a comfortable place to sleep, but halted when his eyes landed on the phone. He wondered if Dante was looking for him, chances were the Free Born leader wanted to know what had happened to Heero.

He pulled the phone across the table, and seated himself on the comfortable couch, Ash was grateful that despite Heero's spartan life he did not feel the need for wood furnishing. Dialling the private number Ash leaned casually back, propping both feet up on the table.

"Hello?" Dante's rich voice greeted him on the third ring.

"Dante, it's Ash," he spoke easily dropping his free hand behind his head in a relaxed manner.

"Ash where are you? I expected you'd be back an hour ago," Dante's voice sounded surprised, an emotion the leader did not use often in public places. It was just one of the reason Ash thought the Dante made such a good leader, nothing could catch him off guard...well not nothing. Heero had on a few occasion but he really didn't count.

His eyes flickered to the darkened hall, which led to Heero's room; "Sorry, I got caught up with Heero."

"What was that all about anyway?" he inquired, clearly referring the strange occurrence in the docking bay.

Ash gave a half laugh, though there was no mirth within it, "Your guess is as good as mine, but I'm almost positive it had something to do with Relena." He cast his eyes towards the ceiling almost lazily; "Which reminds me, how is the Princess?"

There was a short pause, "Are you on a secured line?"

"No worries," Ash assured turning his gaze to the phone that was the only thing adorning the table his legs rested upon; "This is Heero's phone, of course it's secured."

"She's sleeping."

"I take it she didn't agree..." there hadn't been much hope in Ash's mind that she would but Dante was ever the optimist.

The Free Born's leader sighed, "No, I explained our reasons but it simply wasn't enough, she won't give us anything this way."

"When are you going to start plan B?"

"Tomorrow morning," Dante responded in a low voice; "I told her all about it in an attempt to get her to reconsider..."

Ash sat forward in his seat, racking his free hand through his hair, "She's a stubborn one, that's for sure. How long do you think it will take?"

"Getting her ready," he seemed to consider that for a moment; "Shouldn't take more than a day to day and a half. But extracting the information," there was a distinct shrug in his words, "Who can say?"

"Alright...well good luck with that, I'll be in tomorrow once I'm sure Heero's going to live."

"It's that bad is it?" despite the question Dante did not sound all that surprised, "Do you think you'll find out what's behind all this?"

Ash sighed, "Doesn't look promising but I'm not about to give up yet."

After a quick goodbye Ash returned the receiver to the cradle, and once more leaned back. He had known the options that awaited Relena; he was one of the few people Dante trusted enough to reveal everything to, and he had desperately hoped Relena would co-operate. "Well there's nothing I can do about it now," he reasoned quietly to himself lying down on the soft couch. Still he could not help but wonder what Heero's reaction would be to hearing what Relena was being asked to do. Ash was determined to get something out of his friend, anything he just had to discover what button to push. And any wrong one could have dangerous side effects.

*

Ash bolted up suddenly, his mind jumping from a state of sleep to complete wakefulness. For a moment he was entirely disoriented, having no memory of where he was or how he had come to be there. Hazel eyes scanned the almost barren surroundings trying to realign his thinking, he was at Heero's apartment, they had been out drinking. Ash was on his feet then, eyes darting down to his wristwatch to see the time. It was almost seven o'clock, and there was no sign of Heero.

Running a hand down his face, Ash walked with a slight stumble down the hall towards Heero's silent room. He hesitated for a moment at the closed door, rapping his knuckles upon the smooth wood. There was no answer, no sound what so ever. With great caution, considering how unpredictable Heero had proven to be on occasion, Ash slowly pushed opened the door, and glanced into the darkened room.

He found Heero lying on his back appearing to be fast asleep, the shallow rise and fall of his chest was not all that reassuring for Ash. His skin looked clammy, and his eyes slightly sunken, he was dehydrated, and rather severely by the looks of it. Briefly Ash consider his meagre options, he certainly couldn't let Heero sleep any longer, but how was he to wake him? Not only that but was Heero so bad off he'd be in better hands with a doctor than here in his own home? Ash didn't think that would be the best choice, he had been given a vague idea once about Heero's opinion of doctor's in general when he had suffered a mild case of alcohol poisoning.

That had been the first time he had ever drank in front of Ash. At the time Ash had not known enough himself to stay sober and Heero had had to be admitted to the hospital. It had surprised him to walk into his room, and find an obvious cold seething anger in his deep eyes; Heero had been out of that room before anyone had even thought to bring up his release papers. Ash had tried on more than one occasion to discover what it was that he didn't like, he wanted to help his friend make sure he got the cared he needed. But this was just another subject that Heero never opened up on, and Ash knew that if he called the hospital now the small man would be out the nearest window when he woke.

This didn't leave him all that many options, but he had to do something. Ash gave himself a shake, the longer he stood here awash with indecision the more likely Heero might not wake from his sleep. "But how do I wake him?" he questioned aloud, a small part of his mind actually listening for an answer. Walking deeper into the room Ash threw back the curtains allowing the artificial sunlight to spill in bathing the room with its warm glow. It would kill Heero when he opened his eyes, but Ash hoped it might draw him from his sleep. Turning back to his friend he saw no change, "Heero..." he called not really expecting to get any reaction.

"Okay so there's a wolf in your bed...how do you get him out?" he asked almost sardonically, not really sure how to vent the concern he was feeling. Ash walked quickly from the room an idea forming in his head; he needed to find a pole. Walking into the kitchen his eyes scanned around until they cam to rest on a broom tucked away in one corner, he pulled it too him with satisfaction then began making a quick search of the cupboards. What he sought was a large glass, and when he found it, Ash filled it with cold water, and returned to Heero's room.

Ash rested the glass on one of the nightstands, and took hold of the bristled end of the broom. Unfortunately it wouldn't give him a great amount of distance, but he felt that he would be able to get away if Heero was to lung. With a slow relaxing breath Ash leaned away from his friend and poked him in the side with the broom calling to him as he did.

Heero's reaction was swift, his arm shot out taking hold of that which poked him and wrenched it from Ash's hands throwing it across the room. He was ready to bolt at this, fully expecting Heero to be on his feet ready for the attack. But the Japanese man was not; in fact his eyes weren't even opened. This caused Ash's worry to triple, "Get out of here," Heero mumbled angrily.

"Not a chance," Ash almost growled, his nervousness, and fear being replaced by determination. "You've been asleep for too long, so sit up and drink this," he ordered, taking the glass into his hand.

His friend visibly winced when his eyes cracked open, most likely with the intention to glare Ash into and early grave. "Go to hell..." but there was no fire behind those words. His voice sounded dry and raspy, almost faded thin.

"Look I'm giving you two options here, either you wake now and drink what I give you," he brought the glass forward into Heero's line of view. "Or I'm going to have to admit you to the hospital for dehydration," Ash was not so sure now that that would be an impossible feat.

"You wouldn't be able too," was his last monotone attempt.

Ash just smiled, though it felt forced; "I wouldn't have too, the paramedics would, and I don't think you could fight them off right now." In a way despite what the Japanese man was saying it was a relief to have him talking again.

Heero glared in silence for several minutes, obviously not wanting to give in, but he did finally force himself to a sitting position and take the drink offered to him. His hands shook ever so slightly as he brought the refreshing water to his lips, yet he managed not to spill a drop. Ash moved across the room to draw the curtains granting his friend a little relief from the headache that he must have been feeling. Turning back he found Heero had finished his water, and he quickly took the glass and refilled it in the bathroom. Handing it back Ash expected some sort of comment to brush him off, but nothing came, he simply accepted the glass once more and began to drink.

"I'm going to go make us something for breakfast, okay?" he more than half expected Heero to tell him he wasn't hungry, but the Japanese man said nothing he didn't even look up. ~/He's remembered.../~ Ash thought sadly, he did not think now was the time to start prying but he really wanted to help his friend before he left. With a sad shake of his head Ash walked from the silent room and made his way to the kitchen rummaging through both cupboards and fridge to see what there was to be had. There was not surprisingly very little, a lot of foods that would keep for a long period of time, such as caned foods and rice.

From what he knew of the silent man Ash did not gather that Heero had had much of a family life, or even any upbringing surrounded by his heritage. Nevertheless rice seemed to be as much of a staple for him as it had been for his ancestor. No surprise, Heero's family was just one more thing his 'overly' talkative friend never discussed. Yet this one was not so hard to explain away, there were signs obvious ones that Heero had suffered abuse throughout his life. His body carried many scars that were not the mark of a victory in battle. These were old, fading, barely holding anything more than memory. Ash was fairly sure he was the only one to see them, other than the paramedics and doctors who tended to him that one time; Ash had been asked a lot of questions that night, but what answers could he possibly give, when he himself had been seeking them.

Distantly Ash register that the water of the shower had been turned on, and he breathed a sigh of relief; a part of him had been worried Heero would remain in that bed forever. His thoughts turned inward once more, as his hands prepared the meal. Heero sported one scar unlike the others, it was not the work of a whip or knife, of a cigarette or broken glass; no this had been intentional, the shape itself had purpose.

He had been branded, at what time Ash did not know, though the scar tissue did not look new, it was in the shape of a phoenix, wings spread in flight. Something like that you had to chose to do, and that was what made it stand out all the more in Ash's eyes; Heero had never struck him as the type of man to do something like that. By this point he hadn't even bothered asked why it was there, a part of him just chalked it up to a night of drinking, though that explained little, and only made more questions.

Ash was startled from his thoughts as Heero walked with an eerie silence into the dinning room. He came up to the island that separated the kitchen from the room he was standing in, and took a seat on one of the stools. His face was once again that devoid mask, though his eye did show some of the pain he was feeling, Ash didn't think there was any way to conceal it all, not with how his head had to be splitting. He studied the small man as he finished the preparations, noting how Heero hid everything about himself, from the physical to the mental revealing nothing but unanswered questions.

Placing the food in front of his friend, Ash waited tersely to see if he would eat it. Slowly Heero's hand mechanically reached for the fork. Ash silently shook his head, this had to end no one could remain this 'dead' for long, but he knew Heero would push it to the limits if given the opportunity. All he needed was a reaction, yet even on good days that was something the Japanese man almost never gave, so how was he to get one now? As Ash began to eat he decided that that was all he could really hope for, to discover what got to Heero so completely was an idealistic dream, a reaction though, that was something he could do.

"You really scared me last night Heero," he said suddenly eyes locked intently on his friend, Heero's head didn't even come up. "To be honest you're still scaring me now."

Heero finished off the rest of his breakfast, and without a word or even acknowledgement that Ash had spoken, walked over to the sink and dropped his utensils in. He kept his head down, and eyes shielded, whether that was caused by the headache, or an attempt to hide what was in his cobalt eyes Ash didn't know. "C'mon, how long do you intend to keep this self-pity act going?" he demanded, it didn't matter to him what reaction Heero gave so long as there was one, so long as there was an end to this dead silence.

But the words did not find their way to Heero's anger, they did not pull forth an indignant remark, they did nothing. The Japanese man walked back out into the living room eyes staring at nothing as he just stood there, like a statue on display. Ash came up beside him quickly and just watched him, studied ever detail of the mask he had donned yesterday. It was different from the mask that he had worn at the cottage, that one held emotion, though they were so mixed and beaten down that Ash could not put names to them. This one was simply nothing as though he had lost everything...

I believed in you...

Relena's words called out in his mind, a glowing beacon leading him towards the answer, though it was not one he had ever imagined he'd meet. "You love her..." the words were a whisper of his realisation, but they reached Heero's ears, and suddenly the mask was gone replaced with pain. And if that was not answer enough his reaction was, Heero spun suddenly and iron hard fist connecting with the wall, dispelling an explosive amount of force. His face was a thunderhead...of...grief. It was an emotion Ash had not thought Heero even knew, yet there it was clear ringing conformation.

Ash was left in complete stunned shock, as Heero stormed from the room, his reaction finally given. ~/This is crazy/~ his mind screamed, how could he love her, he tried to murder her in cold blood. But despite that small piece of information, the more Ash's mind turned the new realisation over the more answers it gave. As to why Heero had acted the way he did at the cottage, always avoiding Relena, his mask a wash of all those beaten down emotions; he had been at constant war against himself then. Seeing everything now in a new light Ash looked back on yesterday afternoon, now for the first time witnessing the full effect of Relena's words.

He sadly shook his head eyes studying the hall he disappeared into, "So you are human," he whispered softly, wishing there was something more he could say for his friends comfort. But comfort had never been something Heero sought. He racked a hand through his short hair; Dante would want to have this information, as many questions as had just now been answered, Ash felt a thousand had taken their place.

Thanks for reading

For The Mission:

"I called him in sick at work, so I think we'd best leave it till tomorrow."

Dante nodded his agreement, "And you're sure you can get him to come?"

"I'll do my very best," an evil grin touched Ash's face, "I have a few cards I can play against him if the need should arise."

"That's good to hear," Dante sat himself once more behind his desk, "I'll make the arrangements, let's hope this works." His voice was incredibly serious, and Ash knew exactly why, "He's a wild card in all this, and if we want to locate a Gundam pilot we certainly can't loose out only ace." Relena was everything to the mission, and until they gained the information they sought everyone would be balanced on the edge of a knife.

Morganeth Taren'drel