FicWad

I knew that I loved Nikki from the first time that I saw him. He had the look and the attitude that I had always thought that rock stars should have. It was the I’ll do whatever I want and fuck you if you think that’s a bad idea attitude. That was why if I had a plan for something destructive, Nikki was right there with an idea that was ten times worse. It became apparent pretty quickly that a part we were dangerous but together we were lethal.
He’s the reason I have Mighty Mouse on my shoulder and Mayhem covering my torso. He encouraged me to get my first tattoo, which was just the beginning. At this moment in time I have a much bigger problem then what new tat I should have on my skin. I realized that not only do I love Nikki but I’m IN love with Nikki. I know that no matter what if he fund out it wouldn’t end well.
He walks into the room and I pretend to be reading a magazine that I found on the floor. The last thing that I needed was to be caught staring at his ass. I hear him clear his throat so I look up.
“T-Bone, I’m glad to see that you’ve found something to read but you must be having a hard time with it.”
He’s smirking at me, that lop-sided smirk that is sexy as hell so I know that he must be up to something. I look at the magazine I’m holding, not noticing anything odd. “No. Why?” As I talk I pull the cap off of my half-empty bottle of Jager.
Nikki steps forward so he’s right in my personal space. Normally I would relish the opportunity to be this close to him but right now he’s making me uneasy. Before I can stop him he pulls the magazine out of my hands. “Tommy, it’s upside down.”
I shrug and drain the bottle of booze. I’m hoping that he’ll just chalk it up to me being drunk. I shudder to think about what he would do if he knew the truth. What would any of them do?
Vince would kick me out of the band or at least have a meeting behind my back and turn everyone against me. I know that Nikki would be thoroughly disgusted. How many times had we laid completely naked together?
Maybe I should explain this. Nikki had a really shitty childhood. I’m not trying to turn this into a pity party; I’m just stating simple facts. I think that his fucked up childhood is one of many factors that contribute to the way that Nikki is.
Me, I just like attention. I love being naked, I love being held and I love the feeling of warm skin against mine. Nikki doesn’t sleep with anything on so when he crashes with me we’re naked. I’m absolutely on cloud nine when we sleep together (no sex) and he lets me hold him.
At night, after he’s asleep, I hold him close enjoying how easy he seems to breathe, enjoying the curve of his body and how perfectly he seems to fit against me. It’s during those hours I can pretend that he loves me. I know this isn’t healthy but at the same time I can’t help it.
I’ll be the first to admit that Nikki is attractive. Even when Nikki was at his worst I still thought that underneathe it all was a beautiful man. For me, it’s more than just looks; anyone with eyes (and a nose) can tell you that eight days without a shower, or three months wearing the same clothes isn’t pretty. But I will say that he is beautiful.
And now he’s sitting right next to me and damned if he didn’t smell like Gardenias. I figured that must have been in my head. I lean over and try to subtly smell him. I should have known that there was no way that was going to work.
Nikki backed up. “Man, what are you doing?”
I shrugged. ‘Yeah, like he’s really gonna believe that I didn’t know that I was smelling him? Sure. And maybe he’ll have a reasonable explanation as to why he smells like a flower. After all I may believe that scents are not gender specific but he does. “You smell good.”
Nikki scrunched his nose. I guess that was the wrong thing to say. I mentally smacked myself in the forehead, I should have made up an excuse; I should have told him that he had a bug in his hair or something to that effect. That he would have believed and be marginally okay with. Not the other pitiful excuse that I blabbed; man, why do I have to be so pathetic?
I shrug it off and feel awkward. I love Gardenias especially if I’m homesick or miss my mother; the Gardenia is her favourite flower and it’s mine ever since I was small. As I looked at Nikki something seemed to change. I didn’t know if it was the alcohol or what but his eyes seemed softer, he nodded his head and now I’m thoroughly confused. Had I spoken? I couldn’t remember.
Much to my surprise Nikki sat closer to me on the couch and wrapped an arm around my shoulders. His smell was intoxicating, he smelled so good.
“I’m sorry man I had no idea.”
Once again, I had no clue what the hell he was talking about. I clamped a hand over my mouth as I realized that I must have spoken out loud. I relaxed and laid my head on his shoulder. Before I could really comprehend what I was doing I was drifting off to sleep.
I had half expected to wake up alone; propped up by pillows or something to that extent. What I hadn’t expected was that I would wake up to Nikki playing with my hair and talking to Vince and Mick. I pretended to still be asleep that way I could listen in on what they were talking about but also so I could lean against Nikki. Something I rarely get to do.
Nikki was talking and since I had moved closer to his chest I found the thumping of his heart combined with the deep rumble of his voice comforting. Never mind the fact that he still smelled like my favourite flower. I kept my breathing even.
“I think that something is up with T-Bone.”
I heard Mick shift in his chair. “Why do you say that?”
Nikki threaded his fingers through my hair. I had to use every ounce of self-control that I had not to moan and push into his touch. “He’s been acting really off lately and I don’t think that it’s all about being homesick.”
“Do you think it’s drugs? Maybe too much alcohol and not enough common sense?”
I mentally scoffed; leave it to Vince to make everyone think that I was doing drugs. Once again I could feel Nikki shift, he was trying to get more comfortable (I presumed without waking me up). A tear slid down my cheek before I could stop it.
I heard Mick sigh before he spoke. “He’s crying.”
I felt Nikki thumb the tear away as gently as he could; I also felt him take a deep breath. “He’s been doing that a lot lately.”
I was shocked; if I had been crying in my sleep I wasn’t aware of it. And that was the only time that I could have been crying. I’m naturally sensitive but I work really hard to keep my emotions in check around my friends. Don’t get me wrong, they’re all a great bunch of guys but they wouldn’t understand and I’m pretty sure that Nikki would be the first one to make fun of me.
I stirred slightly; I had decided that enough was enough. Nikki moved the hand that he’d been using to play with my hair.
“Look who’s finally awake.”
I smiled, sat up and yawned. If Nikki knew that I’d been faking it he didn’t show it. Mick gave me a look; it was a look that I was very familiar with. It was his way of telling me that we needed to talk.