FicWad

I rolled over in bed. There was no way I was going to get any sleep, and my mind kept on wondering back to the boy at the diner. There was something about him and the way he stared at me. There was just something so vacant about his honey eyes. I rolled over on the mattress once again, this time with a soft sigh. It was pointless thinking about him. All of them for that matter. William, the girl named Stacy, the group of boys William had been eating with. I never wanted to run into any of the again. I didn't need friends, or family, or anyone really. They would all end up hurting me in the end.
Sure they start out nice and caring. And over time you get 'closer' to the point that you can tell them everything. And then it all starts going downhill. The people that actually take an interest in my life always end up dying, or they were just liars. I groaned lightly. This wasn't the thing I wanted to think about, in fact, I didn't want to think about anything.
I wondered vaguely how much it would cost to get me out of my mind. How long it would take to find someone who would be willing to sell. Drugs were always an easy thing to get, and it was even easier to find people who would be willing to sell. I could probably find one in a park. Some dumb stoner who wouldn't know how much I had to give. Because I'd be willing to pay anything to get me to forget. I'd have to wait for the sun to rise again to find someone worth buying from.
I got up and checked the time. It was around four, so I knew none of my family members would be up. And tomorrow being Sunday, they would be at church. Which would leave me home alone.
I smiled at the thought as I crept over to the door to my room, opening it silently before looking up and down the hallway. Not a single light was on, which was an excellent sign. Of course, it made it hard to see, but hey, it was better than sitting in my room. I walked down the hall slowly and silently, wondering around the house that I hadn't had a chance to explore. I had to admit, it was a pretty house on the inside. But it was too modern. I loved the older, more Victorian styled houses. They always just seemed so perfect.
I found the kitchen and grabbed an apple that was sitting picturesque on the marble counter. I went over to the sink, being as quite as I could, I rinsed it off. It looked organic, and it made me laugh. It was a humorless laugh, empty and ironic. They wouldn't want their precious child to eat non-organic food, now would they? Because that would be bad parenting. I heard a noise and stopped my quite laughter, hoping I hadn't gotten caught out of my room.
It was silent. I felt my heart go back to it's normal pace, not even noticing that it had sped up earlier. I wondered around for a minute until I found the living room in the dark. I found a flashlight off the shelf, and turned it on. I skimmed the books and albums that were on the bookshelf.
There was a photo album labeled as 'Urie' and I couldn't resist pulling it off the shelf. I sat on the floor, my back against the wall so I could watch all the doors in the silent house. Opening the book on my lap, I took the apple in my right hand, the flashlight in my left. I took a bite of the small shiny red apple, looking over the pages that had my mother and her father on them.
I remember my grandpa like I had just seen him yesterday. Like it hasn't been three years since I was sitting on his lap like a five year old while he gives everyone doughnuts with plenty of sprinkles. He loved sprinkles. I took a small bite of the apple as I let a smile grace it's self on my lips. A real smile. I flipped the page, this one had a family picture with my mom, her sister, grandpa, grandma, and my mom's brother. He was older than my mother and her sister. When he was eighteen, he went off to join the army. He never came back.
I took another bite of the apple, licking at the juice that was starting to run down my hand. I turned the page, looking at the picture of my mother's sister on the swing while my mother pushed her. They were twins, and the only way anyone could tell them apart was by the scar that was above my mothers right eyebrow. They were so young in the picture, at least four years younger than me. I let a tear roll down my cheek as I turned the next page. They were in a park, standing on a bridge. My mom was pointing down at some ducks that were in the river, my mom's sister looked unhappy.
I heard another rustle, this time it was followed by a flood of light. I closed the book, putting it on the floor in front of me as I saw my cousin walk through the room. He took one look at me, and then spoke, walking over to me quickly.
"What are you doing with mom's photo album?" He asked quickly and quietly. With just the right amount of anger to fit his soccer players body. I stayed quite, keeping my head down so I was staring at his feet. "She's going to kill you if she finds out you were touching her stuff with your grubby hands." I glanced at my hands. They were perfectly clean. Unless you're considering my past, in which case, their the filthiest things ever. I stayed silent, waiting for what was going to happen next. "Hey duchebag, why aren't you listening to me?" I felt his hand grasp my shoulder, and he pulled me to my feet. I noticed that he was talking quietly, like he was avoiding waking up his parents.
I didn't blame him.
"You just wait till school starts. My friends and I are going to beat the crap out of you." I could hear the smirk in his voice. What is with this family and wanting to hit me? "But right now, I don't want to wake up my dad. So you're going to have to deal." I continued to stare at the floor. "Oh, what the hell?" He punched me hard in the stomach and walked away. I grabbed my stomach, holding it as the pain rippled through. I picked the apple, photo album, and flashlight off the ground, putting the flashlight and album away before walking back in the kitchen, tossing the dirty apple into the wastebasket.
Who could possibly enjoy living here?
I walked back to my room, knowing that I didn't want to get caught again. It was no fun with the people I was living with. I flopped back down on my bed. What was I supposed to do? It was only four thirty. I got clothing, making sure that there was long sleeves and skinnys. Not that I had much of anything else to wear. I was running out of clean clothes. I carried the clothing to the washroom, turning on the shower before stripping. I caught a glimpse at myself in the mirror and had to look at my scarred body for a moment.
I was hideous.
No one could ever love something as used as I was. I moved closer to the mirror, staring at my messy brown hair. It looked like I hadn't combed it in days, and it was nice and greasy. My eyes were dull and lifeless, with dark bags under them. I looked sick. Stick thin and sick. The way my skin hugged my bones made my scars all that more vibrant against my pale skin. I ran a hand through my hair, pushing it out of my face as I leaned against the counter. There was something seriously wrong with me.
I couldn't take it anymore.
Staring at my body was making me sick. I grabbed a razor and slashed my arm. I wanted to stop. I wanted to just let all of it heal so I wouldn't look as horrible. But I couldn't stop. It was the one thing that kept me alive. Funny how it's probably going to be the thing that will kill me.
I got in the shower, leaving it on cold as I quickly washed my hair and body, scrubbing hard enough to make my skin bleed. Like the soap could wash away my sins. I stepped out of the shower, turning off the water. The tile floor was cold, and the water running off my legs made it slick. I grabbed hold of the wall, trying not to fall as I grabbed a towel and dried my body quickly. I got dressed before I could look at the mirror and quickly walked out of the room, getting the things I always have on me before leaving.
It was cloudy out today, I'm guessing it's an odd occurrence in Nevada, and i couldn't help but smile. I didn't mind the weather, it'd be there no matter what my opinion on it was. The sun still wasn't completely in the sky, but you could tell by the color of the clouds that covered the sky like a blanket, that it was slowly rising. They were a fiery red, with tints of orange. I kept walking, not sure as to where I was going. Maybe a coffee shop to get a nice morning cup. That would actually be a brilliant thing.
I smiled, knowing that I had a place to go. Something to look for. It seemed to make everything slightly better. And the best part? There was no one in sight that looked like anyone wanted to be friends with me.
I got a nice cup of milky-coffee and a package of candy, walking into a busy park, waiting to see if I could find someone willing to sell a little grass to me as I popped a piece of candy into my mouth. It was sweet and fruity, a little gummy in the shape of an octopus. I scanned the park with my eyes, looking over the mothers with their kids, the family's that had yet to be destroyed. I couldn't help but feel slightly jealous. I've always belonged to a dysfunctional family, and now it's gone. There were some teenagers here and there, and I tried to ignore those that were staring at me like I was some kind of freak show. There was a group of three teenagers, all wearing ragged and baggy clothing that hung loosely on them. Two of them were wearing beanies, and I couldn't help but smile. They couldn't be anymore obvious about the fact that they were stoned out of their minds. I finished of my cup of coffee, tossing the remains into a nearby wastebasket before walking over to the group of two boys and one girl that were probably only a year or two older than me. I stood by them for a moment until one of the boys noticed, reaching out his hand from his spot underneath the tree in the soft grass, looking like he was trying to get me to move closer to him.
"You new?" He asked in a slow and overly calm voice, a slight smile on his face. I smirked a little.
"Yup. I'm guessing that you'll sell?" I asked as I sat down across from him, the shade from the tree just barley covering my back.
"Ha, not to kids, no." He said laughing lightly as he looked up at the sky. I couldn't help but cringe. Did I really look that much younger than what I was?
"I'm probably just as old as you. And I have candy." I said pulling out the bag of candy and dangling it in front of him. He clutched his stomach and nodded.
"As long as you have money to go with it." He said with a smile. I nodded, pulling out some money as he pulled out a small bag. And we exchanged them. I let him keep the rest of my candy, putting my pot into my pocket before starting for home. By now, my 'family' should have already left for church. Which would leave me home alone to get baked and eat everything in sight.
I climbed through the window, something that I could do effortlessly now, soon enough I should make it look graceful. I wondered out of my room slowly, making absolutely sure that no one else was home. Or at least that none of my family was home. I wondered into the kitchen, running into what I assumed was a maid. She stood there staring at me for a minute, looking slightly scared and confused.
"I don't think I've ever seen you before." She said in an accent that I couldn't place. I had to agree with her, it's not like I've seen her around.
"I'm Brendon." I said sticking out my hand. She looked slightly surprised and nodded, shaking my hand with a small and callused hand.
"Lindsey. Are you the nephew I've heard so much complaining about?" I nodded, and she smiled. She was a fairly pretty girl, and I couldn't help but wonder how she had become a maid. "Your aunt gave me this to slip under your door. It's a schedule I think." She said handing me a small envelope. I took it, shoving it in my pocket without a second thought. She went back to her dishes and I shifted from foot to foot uncomfortably for a second, biting my lip gently.
"Do you want me to help?" I asked and she stood completely still, like a spooked animal.
"No one's ever asked to help." She said slowly and I smiled walking over and helping her without a second thought.
"So how did you start working for my dreadful family?" I said trying to start small talk. I hated the silences that was between us. It just seemed out of place.
"I can't remember. I know that I didn't have any money, and my boy left me while I was pregnant. So i moved in with one of my friends, and this was the only job I could find. But how I ended up with this house, I just can't remember." I frowned. I really did feel sorry for her, it just wasn't fair for her to have to go through with all of that, and then have to deal with my relatives.
"That sucks." I said as I continued to help her was the dishes. I wanted to say more, but I knew if I said something, it would probably make her feel horrible. I had that effect on people. She put away the last dish, and thanked me with a smile. And my family just happened to walk through the door. Her head dropped, and she muttered something along the lines of 'fuck'. I couldn't agree with her more.
"Brendon, your room now!" My uncle screamed, storming over to me to get a nice grip on my shoulder so he could push me down the hallway to my room. I muttered a simple sorry to the maid. "I don't want to see your face for the rest of the day." He said somewhat angrily before slamming the door shut in my face. I grabbed my lighter off of the top of my dresser and shrugged, walking into my washroom.
I didn't need to think, that's what drugs were for. I sat in the shower, sinking down the dry wall before pulling out the small bag filled with god's drug. It wasn't anything I wasn't used to. And it didn't take long for me to be smoking an expertly made joint. Soon enough, my mind was feeling nice and hazy. And it was hard for me to process any thought at all. Time seemed to stop as everything blurred.

I'm not sure when I passed out, all I remembered was waking with a sick feeling as I sat up on the floor of my room. My head pounded, and my stomach wouldn't stop churning. I stayed upright for a few minutes, leaning against my dresser as I attempted to remember everything that had happened. I sighed at the realization that in my high state of mind, I decided to go to the kitchen to get some food, and my aunt and uncle saw me, screeching in their hideous voices while I tried to get some munchies. And of course, it entitled them to beat me until I went back to my room. And my uncle knocked me out.
My head throbbed again and I sighed. Screw having another meal, I was going back to sleep. I crawled over to my mattress-bed and allowed my eyes to close. But as always, sleep didn't come easy, and I stayed laying there as I watched the light from the sun fade from my room slowly.


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Special thanks to rkeeler for the review last chapter. And is it just me, or is anyone else in love with their new CD? Anyway, updates will be soon for both stories when I have time to write. And I've also been planning on something else that you lovely viewers might be allowed to see. If I decided to post it. Love you allll~
-xoxo Pansy.