FicWad

I stiffened with a gasp and then hesitantly hugged her back. I glanced over to ensure Vilqua hadn't seen. He was constantly talking about Harly. It was fucking annoying too. He was in love with the redheaded country girl. I couldn't help but to realise that...I did too. Of course it had to be her.

"I really must thank you, Zia," she whispered.

"I was just helping out a friend..." I breathed.

"Think of a way for me to thank you," she said quietly right into my ear.

I can think of something. "Really, it's okay. I wanted to help you, Harly."

She pulled away, stared at me, and then to the sky.

"Aren't the clouds beautiful?" she asked with a smile.

"Yeah," I scoffed.

"You know, they make me feel how I felt before all of the drugs."

"How did you feel?"

She looked at me and replied, "Happy..."

I smiled at her and then laid back in the grass. She also laid back and began talking and pointing at cloud formations. I wasn't really listening to her unless she laughed. It was more along the lines of I was watching her happiness and true self show through. It was almost entrancing. Fuck me....I was going to even think of hooking up with my best buddy's fantasy girl? Fuck I'm horrible!

It started to get dark, so they called us in for out caf dinner. No straightjacket required! And the dinner looked and smelled fan-fucking-tastic! Only then had I noticed that Doc Brown wasn't there. Maybe that's why it was so nice all of a fucking sudden. I grabbed my tray of delicious-looking food and took my seat beside Vil. We were all (me, Vilqua, Sally, and Harly) staring at the strangly new food. Why was it that one doctor made all the difference in the world? What? Were they going to let us go next? Know what? Scratch that....It'll probably come true if I think it....Don't want that, now do I?

"Are you guys thinking the same thing that I am?" Vil asked.

"That, after Doc Brown apparently left, we're getting pampered?" I wondered.

He nodded his head, his hair falling into his dark eyes. Sally and Harly both agreed, then I realised that no one had heard Harly's real voice.

"Hey, Harly," I started and she looked up at me. "Is there something that you'd like to show to the rest of the group?"

Sally and Vilqua set their gazes on her and she shook her head.

"No, not really. Why, did I show you somethin' that I'm gonna regret later on?" she sighed.

I smiled and she then realised what I meant as Sally and Vilqua began smiling and gasping and shit. I figured she'd catch on quicker than she did, but I guess I was wrong....I shook my head, sighed, and took a big bite of the magnificent-looking pizza. It was so fucking good! As they were talking, I was actually enjoying what would probably be gone the next day. I was just glad I got to go outside again, even though I'll feel it in the morning. Turns out, if you never go outside, you're more prone to sunburns...

After dinner, I walked up to Myra to have her put the straightjacket back on me when we were back in the Group Room, but she shook her head.

"No more straightjackets, honey," she smiled. "Doc Brown isn't working here anymore, which means you're more free than you've ever been in your ten years here."

I gasped and then had to go tell Vilqua. As soon as I saw him and Harly making out, I sighed and turned around, walking slowly back to the sofa. I sat down on it and pulled my knees up to my chest. I know I shouldn't have been jealous...but I was...

"Zia?" someone asked and then sat beside me. I looked over and saw it was Sally. "What's wrong honeybuckle?"

"Nothing..." I replied, turning my head away.

"Tell me, darlin'," she said.

"There's nothing wrong..."

"Zia, I know you're lying."

"Fine. It's Harly and Vilqua."

"Ah, I see. You love her too, don't you?"

I nodded slowly and unsurely. I didn't want to be fucking talking about this with her.

"You and Vil..." she chuckled. "Y'all are more alike that y'all think..."

"Don't insult me like that," I sighed.

"I'm only tellin' the truth."

"I don't care. Now, please, if you would? Leave me to my sulking."

She nodded and got up, walking away. I sniffled and buried my face in my knees so that no one could see. I was so fucked up in the head, I didn't even know love was real anymore, but now...when I look at her, my heart races, when she laughs, I smile, when she talks to me, I get butterflies. Dammit....I promised myself I would never put this heart through that shit again. After Mitchie left was when I just gave up all hope on anything. I didn't want to hurt anymore. Then was when it happened. I wanted to die again. I wanted to leave this body behind and just...die....I looked up, wiped my eyes, and then stood from the sofa. I sneaked by Myra and the others and into the caf. I then slipped into the kitchen and started the faucet. I looked around and found where the steak knives and such were. I grabbed the biggest one there. Then, I heard the door swing open and close with a gasp before I felt them grab me and yank the knife from my grip. I fought back.

"No!" I cried. "Let me go! Let me the fuck go!"

They didn't, so I just fell limp and then they let go and I fell to my knees. I looked at my hand and saw that where they had taken the knife from was sliced open and I was bleeding. If I could just get to the faucet....The water stopped and I looked up. It was Harly. She fell to her knees in front of me after grabbing a cloth and pressed it to the cut.

"What were you thinking?" she demanded.

I looked away from her. I wasn't going to admit it, because that would only mean more pain headed my way.

"Zia Mitchell Evans, answer me!" she exclaimed.

I shook my head and then hung it, allowing my bangs to cover my eyes. A tear fell onto her hand, and at first I thought it was her own, then I realised that it was mine.

"Zia..." she breathed.

She found something to tie the cloth to my hand with and then wrapped me in her arms.

"Was it your mom?" she wondered.

"No," I cried.

"What was it, then?" she asked.

I hesitated and after a moment of silence, I said, "You..."