Categories > Celebrities > My Chemical Romance > Goodbye And Goodluck
DESOLÉ
Two weeks passed like the blink of an eye while Gerard and I stayed lost in the throws of young love. I was head over heels, crazily, madly addicted to him. Every moment I could I got my hands on him. His kisses were so sweet I could hardly bare to pull myself away. We had even resorted to making out in the bathroom before and after shows when nobody was around. And nobody had found out a single detail about our relationship…yet.
“Follow me!” Gerard hissed, suddenly. We were backstage before the show and I had maybe an hour to finish getting ready. He had swooped in behind me to whisper in my ear and then walk away as if he had just brushed against me. Not thinking twice, I turned around as casually as I could and followed me around backstage without it being too noticeable. He led me into a bathroom where he shut and locked the door before attacking me and smothering my mouth with his.
“I’m sorry, I just couldn’t wait until tonight.” he breathed heavily as I pulled my shirt over my head. I nodded and kept my lips on his face and his neck. I surely wasn’t going to protest this, even though it was probably the dumbest, most risky thing we could do as lovers.
Gerard sat me up on the sink and I wrapped my legs around his waste while he worked on unbutton his and my pants. The exhilaration of having a quickie in the bathroom was crazy. My heart was racing and so was my mind. And even though I was mainly focused on Gerard’s lips on my neck, there was something in the back of my mind whispering “you’re gonna get caught”. I felt naughty, dirty and pretty turned on.
Gerard let out a quiet and hushed moan as he entered me and I allowed my head to fall back. I pulled him closer to me, feeling his heart pounding madly inside his chest just like mine was. Keeping quiet was one of the biggest challenges considering how magnificent he felt inside of me. I buried my face in his hair and bit and nipped at my neck, almost making me yelp.
Just the thrill of being penetrated on a bathroom sink sent my body reeling. Already, I threw my head back and bit my lip, fighting the moans and groans that were trying to tumble out of my throat. Gerard grabbed my face a kissed me, pausing for a few seconds while he came.
We lingered for a moment or two, still sweating and panting. I gripped his leather jacket, the one he’d had for years and years that was falling apart at the seams. I rested my head on his shoulder. He pressed his nose next to my ear. I could hear him breathing in my ear. I could feel his heart pumping beneath his ribs. His hands were trembling, as was the rest of him
“You’re shaking…” I whispered, trying to catch my breath. Gerard nodded and too a moment to button his pants and I did the same. Then we held onto each other a little bit longer. I wanted just fall asleep right there with his arms wrapped so tightly around me. I kept kissing his neck, wanting to smooch his shivers away. I felt him toying with the ring that was still on the necklace.
Everyday for two weeks I wore that necklace. And just about every night we met up while everybody else was out partying. Gerard never asked me to go back to his tour bus after he gave me his ring, probably because it was so risky. But everyday while waiting for the sound check to finish I sat there, twirling it playfully in my fingers, occasionally slipping it on my ring finger imagining what a real diamond ring would look like.
“We should go… you have to get ready.” Gerard said and my heart was instantly filled with woe and sadness. I sighed and kissed his neck one more time. We pulled apart and I found my shirt. He left the bathroom first, leaving me one last kiss for good luck. I waited a few minutes before leaving along with him.
That night I threw myself into the performance. I danced, I sang, I twirled, I did perfect splits and cartwheels. I felt amazing and confident. Having hundreds of kids creaming your name over and over again, begging for more was my favorite about being a musician. I craved the attention, believing I would die without it.
“Where’d you get that necklace?” Milo asked, eyeing me as we walked off stage. I hadn‘t realized that I had been playing with it. “You had your hands on all through the show.” he said. My stomach dropped and I had to think on my feet.
“Oh, a fan gave it to me a while back.” I lied, giving him a quick peek before stuffing it back down my blouse. Milo looked like he didn’t fully believe me and I looked away. It hurt so much to lie to him, after all these years of best friendship. We passed Gerard and Lindsey. I felt his eyes on me as I stood there, signing papers and taking pictures with my adoring fans.
“Gerard, what happened to you wedding ring?” I heard Lindsey ask in a worried tone from across backstage. “You always wear it during the show.” I looked over to see her holding Gerard’s hand, pouting.
“Oh shit! I must’ve lost it onstage tonight! God damn it!” he said, faking regret and distress. I fought a smirk as a camera flashed in my face. Lindsey smiled at his “compassion”.
“Don’t worry baby, we’ll get you a new one before the wedding.” She said, pulling him into a hug. I always felt my stomach churn whenever she hugged or gave him a peck on the lips. He avoided them as best he could without seeming like something was wrong, but sometimes, like this, there was no avoiding it.
I watched as she leaned in to kiss him passionately on the mouth. Her eyes were closed and she was smiling. Those lips had belonged to me only hours ago. But then again noting about him really belonged to me. I watched as Gerard had his eyes on me, shooting me an apologetic glance. I looked away, unable to take anymore. Then the terrible thought hit me; had he been having sex with Lindsey as well as me?
At first I shook it off. No, he wouldn’t do that to me. He couldn’t be! But the thought had already rooted itself deep in my mind. What if he had? I mean. some nights we couldn’t meet up. What if they were fooling around then? After all it had been about a month and a half since we started our affair. He had duties to fulfill as the future groom.
I tried to push it out of my head, I tried to forget that worry, that terrible jealousy. But it was too late, images of them locked in each other’s embrace were already flooding my mind. Images that were making me tear up. I rushed away from the stage to the tour bus. I knew that Gerard had saw me and was probably wondering what was wrong. I would have to talk to him about this. There would be no way I could get this out of my head…
THAT NIGHT
“Tonight in the bathroom was great baby.” Gerard said, greeting me with a kiss as he snuck into the tour bus. I semi returned it, my mind still racing from all these probably irrational thoughts.
“Can we talk Gerard?” I asked, biting my lowers lip. I sat down on the small sofa. Gerard nodded and took a seat next to me.
“How are things with you and Lindsey?” I asked quietly. He looked really confused. I couldn’t just say it outright. No, it was much to painful.
“I dunno…why? What are you getting at?” He asked, putting his arm around me. I scooted away a little bit.
“Do you love her Gerard?” I asked, trying not to let my voice break. He furrowed his eyebrows and stared at me for a minute.
“As a friend yeah, but I’ve never loved anybody the way I love you Desolé.” he promised, pressing his nose and lips up against my cheek. I felt my frost bitten spirit beginning to thaw out just at the simplicity of his touch. I stood up suddenly. I felt a sort of urgency in this question. I could feel the words rising along with the lump in my throat…
“Are you having sex with Lindsey?” I asked very bitterly. My voice cracked when I said her name and I could feel my eyes starting to bubble over with tears. Gerard sat in bitter silence and I already knew the answer. But I wouldn’t say anything until he said it.
“Answer me, please.” I begged, trying to swallow but finding that my throat was all locked up.
“Yes, okay! Yes we have had sex, but it was only once okay!” He snapped suddenly. Those words, so powering and hurtful. I got a major head rush and collapsed to my knees, dizzy with the room spinning. I got a painful shock when I realized this is probably how Lindsey would react if she ever found out.
“When? Why? How could you?” I asked, using the base of my wrists to try and push the tears back into my eyes, but only squeezing them out faster.
“I dunno, maybe a week after we started having sex! I tried to tell her no but it just sort of happened. I’m sorry, okay? Oh god, you’re crying? No, please don’t cry Desolé, please.” Gerard said, sounding angry with himself. When he saw the tears he jumped down to the floor to pull me into his embrace.
“Are you just using me for sex? Is it because you don’t get enough from Lindsey? Is that all that our relationship is?” I spat, impatiently wiping the tears from my eyes.
“What? No! Never! How could you even think I would take advantage of you like that! I love you, more than the waking world. You know that.” he said, moving my hands away from my face and kissing my nose. I sniffed and blinked at him.
“I am so sorry I did this. Its not going to happen again, I promise.” He said, pulling me into a close hug.
“Gerard, no. we still have a month left on tour with MSI before they split for Europe. We both know that in that time, you and Lindsey will have sex. And the jealousy is going to drive me mad. I don’t think we should be together anymore Gerard.” I said, the tears coming even harder as I said that last sentence.
“What? No, no, no! Don’t do this to me! I just got you back! You can’t leave me again.” Gerard said, giving me a firm squeeze. I could hear the desperation in his voice and I continued to sob into his shoulder.
“This isn’t right! Its too complicated! I’ll get jealous and you know it. I feel awful, lying to Milo day in and day out. I don’t think I can do this anymore.” I said, trying to show him all the facts. “Is the lying, the cheating, and the sneaking really worth all of this?” I asked him.
“Desolé, I love you, and that is worth everything.”
Two weeks passed like the blink of an eye while Gerard and I stayed lost in the throws of young love. I was head over heels, crazily, madly addicted to him. Every moment I could I got my hands on him. His kisses were so sweet I could hardly bare to pull myself away. We had even resorted to making out in the bathroom before and after shows when nobody was around. And nobody had found out a single detail about our relationship…yet.
“Follow me!” Gerard hissed, suddenly. We were backstage before the show and I had maybe an hour to finish getting ready. He had swooped in behind me to whisper in my ear and then walk away as if he had just brushed against me. Not thinking twice, I turned around as casually as I could and followed me around backstage without it being too noticeable. He led me into a bathroom where he shut and locked the door before attacking me and smothering my mouth with his.
“I’m sorry, I just couldn’t wait until tonight.” he breathed heavily as I pulled my shirt over my head. I nodded and kept my lips on his face and his neck. I surely wasn’t going to protest this, even though it was probably the dumbest, most risky thing we could do as lovers.
Gerard sat me up on the sink and I wrapped my legs around his waste while he worked on unbutton his and my pants. The exhilaration of having a quickie in the bathroom was crazy. My heart was racing and so was my mind. And even though I was mainly focused on Gerard’s lips on my neck, there was something in the back of my mind whispering “you’re gonna get caught”. I felt naughty, dirty and pretty turned on.
Gerard let out a quiet and hushed moan as he entered me and I allowed my head to fall back. I pulled him closer to me, feeling his heart pounding madly inside his chest just like mine was. Keeping quiet was one of the biggest challenges considering how magnificent he felt inside of me. I buried my face in his hair and bit and nipped at my neck, almost making me yelp.
Just the thrill of being penetrated on a bathroom sink sent my body reeling. Already, I threw my head back and bit my lip, fighting the moans and groans that were trying to tumble out of my throat. Gerard grabbed my face a kissed me, pausing for a few seconds while he came.
We lingered for a moment or two, still sweating and panting. I gripped his leather jacket, the one he’d had for years and years that was falling apart at the seams. I rested my head on his shoulder. He pressed his nose next to my ear. I could hear him breathing in my ear. I could feel his heart pumping beneath his ribs. His hands were trembling, as was the rest of him
“You’re shaking…” I whispered, trying to catch my breath. Gerard nodded and too a moment to button his pants and I did the same. Then we held onto each other a little bit longer. I wanted just fall asleep right there with his arms wrapped so tightly around me. I kept kissing his neck, wanting to smooch his shivers away. I felt him toying with the ring that was still on the necklace.
Everyday for two weeks I wore that necklace. And just about every night we met up while everybody else was out partying. Gerard never asked me to go back to his tour bus after he gave me his ring, probably because it was so risky. But everyday while waiting for the sound check to finish I sat there, twirling it playfully in my fingers, occasionally slipping it on my ring finger imagining what a real diamond ring would look like.
“We should go… you have to get ready.” Gerard said and my heart was instantly filled with woe and sadness. I sighed and kissed his neck one more time. We pulled apart and I found my shirt. He left the bathroom first, leaving me one last kiss for good luck. I waited a few minutes before leaving along with him.
That night I threw myself into the performance. I danced, I sang, I twirled, I did perfect splits and cartwheels. I felt amazing and confident. Having hundreds of kids creaming your name over and over again, begging for more was my favorite about being a musician. I craved the attention, believing I would die without it.
“Where’d you get that necklace?” Milo asked, eyeing me as we walked off stage. I hadn‘t realized that I had been playing with it. “You had your hands on all through the show.” he said. My stomach dropped and I had to think on my feet.
“Oh, a fan gave it to me a while back.” I lied, giving him a quick peek before stuffing it back down my blouse. Milo looked like he didn’t fully believe me and I looked away. It hurt so much to lie to him, after all these years of best friendship. We passed Gerard and Lindsey. I felt his eyes on me as I stood there, signing papers and taking pictures with my adoring fans.
“Gerard, what happened to you wedding ring?” I heard Lindsey ask in a worried tone from across backstage. “You always wear it during the show.” I looked over to see her holding Gerard’s hand, pouting.
“Oh shit! I must’ve lost it onstage tonight! God damn it!” he said, faking regret and distress. I fought a smirk as a camera flashed in my face. Lindsey smiled at his “compassion”.
“Don’t worry baby, we’ll get you a new one before the wedding.” She said, pulling him into a hug. I always felt my stomach churn whenever she hugged or gave him a peck on the lips. He avoided them as best he could without seeming like something was wrong, but sometimes, like this, there was no avoiding it.
I watched as she leaned in to kiss him passionately on the mouth. Her eyes were closed and she was smiling. Those lips had belonged to me only hours ago. But then again noting about him really belonged to me. I watched as Gerard had his eyes on me, shooting me an apologetic glance. I looked away, unable to take anymore. Then the terrible thought hit me; had he been having sex with Lindsey as well as me?
At first I shook it off. No, he wouldn’t do that to me. He couldn’t be! But the thought had already rooted itself deep in my mind. What if he had? I mean. some nights we couldn’t meet up. What if they were fooling around then? After all it had been about a month and a half since we started our affair. He had duties to fulfill as the future groom.
I tried to push it out of my head, I tried to forget that worry, that terrible jealousy. But it was too late, images of them locked in each other’s embrace were already flooding my mind. Images that were making me tear up. I rushed away from the stage to the tour bus. I knew that Gerard had saw me and was probably wondering what was wrong. I would have to talk to him about this. There would be no way I could get this out of my head…
THAT NIGHT
“Tonight in the bathroom was great baby.” Gerard said, greeting me with a kiss as he snuck into the tour bus. I semi returned it, my mind still racing from all these probably irrational thoughts.
“Can we talk Gerard?” I asked, biting my lowers lip. I sat down on the small sofa. Gerard nodded and took a seat next to me.
“How are things with you and Lindsey?” I asked quietly. He looked really confused. I couldn’t just say it outright. No, it was much to painful.
“I dunno…why? What are you getting at?” He asked, putting his arm around me. I scooted away a little bit.
“Do you love her Gerard?” I asked, trying not to let my voice break. He furrowed his eyebrows and stared at me for a minute.
“As a friend yeah, but I’ve never loved anybody the way I love you Desolé.” he promised, pressing his nose and lips up against my cheek. I felt my frost bitten spirit beginning to thaw out just at the simplicity of his touch. I stood up suddenly. I felt a sort of urgency in this question. I could feel the words rising along with the lump in my throat…
“Are you having sex with Lindsey?” I asked very bitterly. My voice cracked when I said her name and I could feel my eyes starting to bubble over with tears. Gerard sat in bitter silence and I already knew the answer. But I wouldn’t say anything until he said it.
“Answer me, please.” I begged, trying to swallow but finding that my throat was all locked up.
“Yes, okay! Yes we have had sex, but it was only once okay!” He snapped suddenly. Those words, so powering and hurtful. I got a major head rush and collapsed to my knees, dizzy with the room spinning. I got a painful shock when I realized this is probably how Lindsey would react if she ever found out.
“When? Why? How could you?” I asked, using the base of my wrists to try and push the tears back into my eyes, but only squeezing them out faster.
“I dunno, maybe a week after we started having sex! I tried to tell her no but it just sort of happened. I’m sorry, okay? Oh god, you’re crying? No, please don’t cry Desolé, please.” Gerard said, sounding angry with himself. When he saw the tears he jumped down to the floor to pull me into his embrace.
“Are you just using me for sex? Is it because you don’t get enough from Lindsey? Is that all that our relationship is?” I spat, impatiently wiping the tears from my eyes.
“What? No! Never! How could you even think I would take advantage of you like that! I love you, more than the waking world. You know that.” he said, moving my hands away from my face and kissing my nose. I sniffed and blinked at him.
“I am so sorry I did this. Its not going to happen again, I promise.” He said, pulling me into a close hug.
“Gerard, no. we still have a month left on tour with MSI before they split for Europe. We both know that in that time, you and Lindsey will have sex. And the jealousy is going to drive me mad. I don’t think we should be together anymore Gerard.” I said, the tears coming even harder as I said that last sentence.
“What? No, no, no! Don’t do this to me! I just got you back! You can’t leave me again.” Gerard said, giving me a firm squeeze. I could hear the desperation in his voice and I continued to sob into his shoulder.
“This isn’t right! Its too complicated! I’ll get jealous and you know it. I feel awful, lying to Milo day in and day out. I don’t think I can do this anymore.” I said, trying to show him all the facts. “Is the lying, the cheating, and the sneaking really worth all of this?” I asked him.
“Desolé, I love you, and that is worth everything.”
Sign up to rate and review this story