Categories > Celebrities > My Chemical Romance > Goodbye And Goodluck
DESOLÉ
Gerard and I remained together in the end. He had kissed me a thousand times and told me over and over again how bad he would be hurting if lost me once again. I returned all of those kisses, telling how I could never bare to part from him like that again. I wanted him to know how badly I craved him and how much I needed him. He promised me he would hold Lindsey back as long as he could and so whatever it took to prevent them from having sex. I knew it would have to happen eventually though and the jealousy was already driving me mad.
But there was something else in the back of my mind, something bigger and much more important. I’d begun to go through this sort of change I guess you could say. Some days I couldn’t eat without getting sick and other days I’d throw back anything you set in front of me. My weight was fluctuating like crazy and my mood was always off the wall. Gerard had noticed the change but didn’t say anything. Milo noticed and tried to talk to me about it, but I honestly had no answers for him. I wanted it to end, but having no idea what it was, I was unable to solve it. Whatever it could be, I just hoped it would past before it put even more strain on Gerard and my relationship.
Gerard and I were making out in my bunk, playing around and taking it slow tonight. I think we were both in a more passionate mood. We probably wouldn’t have sex. I think we just wanted to cuddle and kiss for tonight. Once again, Gerard was refusing to leave until I had fallen asleep.
“I have to go take out my contacts. I’ll be right back.” I said, giving him a kiss before heading to the tour bus’s tiny little bathroom. I pulled out my medicine bag and started to rummage for my contact lens case. Then I saw something; a tampon, unopened. I stared at it for a minute, trying to think of the last time I’d had to use one. Feeling a little light headed and confused, I checked the calendar on the wall.
“What are you doing?” Gerard asked as I ran my finger of the smallish boxes representing days until I found a big red “X” over one of them. “Is something wrong babe?” he asked, peering over at me from the bunk. I held up my hand to silence him before counting on my fingers.
My stomach dropped.
No, no it couldn’t be. This couldn’t mean…could it? I counted again and looked at the calendar again with trembling fingers. Six. Six weeks since I had my last period. I was two weeks late. Gerard and I had been having sex all throughout that time…only using protection some of the time. No, I couldn’t be…
Pregnant.
Could I? I felt the world crashing around me, roaring in my ears. I got a massive head rush and sat down on the floor. Gerard was beside me suddenly, asking if I was alright. I shook my head, unable to find words on how awful the situation was.
“Tell me what’s wrong!” Gerard shouted finally, impatient with my silence.
“I don’t know how to say this.” I stammered through chattering teeth. Gerard took my hands in his, the only solace that I could find in this mess.
“Just tell me. How bad could it be baby?” Gerard said. I laughed gravely. How bad could it be? How could it get any worse?
“Gerard I’m two weeks late on my period.” I said. He looked confused for a second.
“And that means…?” he asked. I rolled my eyes.
“And that means I might be pregnant, with your baby!” I exclaimed miserably. Gerard froze, clearly going through the same shock wave that I had. We both sat there, stunned at this news.
“What are we gonna do?” he asked. “I mean, we have to keep it secret of course, nobody can know. Maybe we’ll just have to keep this under wraps.” he said.
“And what are we gonna tell people when I get huge?!” I yelled. I was angry. I was angry at myself for letting this happen. It was so easily avoidable. But I guess I just never thought that it could happen to me.
“Oh god what are we gonna do?” he asked, burying his face in his hands. “Ah, this is all my fault. I should’ve used condoms more often! Holy shit we are so screwed!” he panicked.
“Gerard it is not your fault. It isn’t anybody’s fault. We got ourselves into this mess, and we’ll figure a way out. I guess the only thing to do now is get a test.” I shrugged, feeling an odd indifference to all this. I guess my brain just couldn’t handle this kind of stress, so it was blocking it all out.
“Yeah, we should. Everything is going to be okay.” Gerard said, taking me in his arms. “Let’s sneak out and get a test tonight, right now.” he said suddenly.
“Right now?” I asked as he stood up and took me with him. He nodded and led me out the door of the bus and onto the cold night time streets.
We hailed a cab and drove to the nearest gas station. Gerard held my hand the entire time. When we got to the gas station, Gerard paid the fair and waited outside while I went in a bought every brand of pregnancy test that they had as a safety precaution. I wanted to be sure about this, no matter what the new was going to be.
The entire drive back to the bus was silent except for our Spanish can driver yakking away on his cell phone. Gerard still held my hand, the only notion I had that told me things would work out. I could only hope at this point.
Gerard and I remained together in the end. He had kissed me a thousand times and told me over and over again how bad he would be hurting if lost me once again. I returned all of those kisses, telling how I could never bare to part from him like that again. I wanted him to know how badly I craved him and how much I needed him. He promised me he would hold Lindsey back as long as he could and so whatever it took to prevent them from having sex. I knew it would have to happen eventually though and the jealousy was already driving me mad.
But there was something else in the back of my mind, something bigger and much more important. I’d begun to go through this sort of change I guess you could say. Some days I couldn’t eat without getting sick and other days I’d throw back anything you set in front of me. My weight was fluctuating like crazy and my mood was always off the wall. Gerard had noticed the change but didn’t say anything. Milo noticed and tried to talk to me about it, but I honestly had no answers for him. I wanted it to end, but having no idea what it was, I was unable to solve it. Whatever it could be, I just hoped it would past before it put even more strain on Gerard and my relationship.
Gerard and I were making out in my bunk, playing around and taking it slow tonight. I think we were both in a more passionate mood. We probably wouldn’t have sex. I think we just wanted to cuddle and kiss for tonight. Once again, Gerard was refusing to leave until I had fallen asleep.
“I have to go take out my contacts. I’ll be right back.” I said, giving him a kiss before heading to the tour bus’s tiny little bathroom. I pulled out my medicine bag and started to rummage for my contact lens case. Then I saw something; a tampon, unopened. I stared at it for a minute, trying to think of the last time I’d had to use one. Feeling a little light headed and confused, I checked the calendar on the wall.
“What are you doing?” Gerard asked as I ran my finger of the smallish boxes representing days until I found a big red “X” over one of them. “Is something wrong babe?” he asked, peering over at me from the bunk. I held up my hand to silence him before counting on my fingers.
My stomach dropped.
No, no it couldn’t be. This couldn’t mean…could it? I counted again and looked at the calendar again with trembling fingers. Six. Six weeks since I had my last period. I was two weeks late. Gerard and I had been having sex all throughout that time…only using protection some of the time. No, I couldn’t be…
Pregnant.
Could I? I felt the world crashing around me, roaring in my ears. I got a massive head rush and sat down on the floor. Gerard was beside me suddenly, asking if I was alright. I shook my head, unable to find words on how awful the situation was.
“Tell me what’s wrong!” Gerard shouted finally, impatient with my silence.
“I don’t know how to say this.” I stammered through chattering teeth. Gerard took my hands in his, the only solace that I could find in this mess.
“Just tell me. How bad could it be baby?” Gerard said. I laughed gravely. How bad could it be? How could it get any worse?
“Gerard I’m two weeks late on my period.” I said. He looked confused for a second.
“And that means…?” he asked. I rolled my eyes.
“And that means I might be pregnant, with your baby!” I exclaimed miserably. Gerard froze, clearly going through the same shock wave that I had. We both sat there, stunned at this news.
“What are we gonna do?” he asked. “I mean, we have to keep it secret of course, nobody can know. Maybe we’ll just have to keep this under wraps.” he said.
“And what are we gonna tell people when I get huge?!” I yelled. I was angry. I was angry at myself for letting this happen. It was so easily avoidable. But I guess I just never thought that it could happen to me.
“Oh god what are we gonna do?” he asked, burying his face in his hands. “Ah, this is all my fault. I should’ve used condoms more often! Holy shit we are so screwed!” he panicked.
“Gerard it is not your fault. It isn’t anybody’s fault. We got ourselves into this mess, and we’ll figure a way out. I guess the only thing to do now is get a test.” I shrugged, feeling an odd indifference to all this. I guess my brain just couldn’t handle this kind of stress, so it was blocking it all out.
“Yeah, we should. Everything is going to be okay.” Gerard said, taking me in his arms. “Let’s sneak out and get a test tonight, right now.” he said suddenly.
“Right now?” I asked as he stood up and took me with him. He nodded and led me out the door of the bus and onto the cold night time streets.
We hailed a cab and drove to the nearest gas station. Gerard held my hand the entire time. When we got to the gas station, Gerard paid the fair and waited outside while I went in a bought every brand of pregnancy test that they had as a safety precaution. I wanted to be sure about this, no matter what the new was going to be.
The entire drive back to the bus was silent except for our Spanish can driver yakking away on his cell phone. Gerard still held my hand, the only notion I had that told me things would work out. I could only hope at this point.
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