FicWad

Sup peeps? Next chapters down there. Cheers for the review, much appreciated :D
I only skimmed some'a this :L so very sorry for any mistakes :L See you down beloowwwwww

Shit. Shit shit shit shit shit. Gerard thinks I tried to fucking commit suicide. Why the FUCK did the stupid doctor tell the school nurse what had happened!? Fair enough the school needed to know why I was off, but they didn’t need to tell them what they thought they knew. I didn’t try and kill myself. It wasn’t me…I think.
--FLASHBACK--
I was woken by a bright light. My first thoughts were: I'm dead. I'm walking towards the bright light. I'm dead. I knew this day would come. I didn’t have anyone to say goodbye to. I died unloved. Great. Perfect. …At least I got into heaven.
Then the light moved away, which I discovered was a lamp. I looked up to see a figure in a white coat. A doctor. I was in a hospital. Shit.
I shot up on panic, wincing at a shooting pain I felt from the side of my neck. My hand’s reflex action was towards my neck where I felt the pain. I felt a bandage all the way around my neck.
My breathing got heavy. I can’t stand hospitals; I always go into a state of shock whenever I wake up in them, which isn’t often. But now I can feel a bandage around my neck! What’s going on!?
The doctor put his hands on my shoulders. He slowly lay me down while speaking. “Miss Gillett, calm down. I’ll call your dad in and explain everything to you.” He walked out of the room to fetch my ‘dad’.
Step-dad. That’s what he is. No blood relation to me. I would prefer to be walking towards the bright light than see that pricks face again.
As I sat there, I tried to recall what had happened. I remember being beaten up by Ryan and the others…then Gerard's house…then…David. He cut my wrists…and then…he hit me. That was it. He hit the side of my neck. I remember the pain. I was as if I had just been punched with a massive amount of force, but it stung a little.
Then I remembered blood. Blood pouring from the top of my shirt as well as my wrists. The bastard stabbed me. He stabbed me with the intension of killing me. He tried to KILL me!
The doctor walked in with David behind him. My breath got caught in the back of my throat. David took a seat in the chair beside me.
The doctor stood at the end of the bed, reading from a clip board. “Right, Stacie, you have been unconscious for a few days, almost five. You’d lost a lot of blood from your injuries. You will be kept here until Sunday to recover.” He put the clipboard down o the table at the end of the hospital bed. “Do you remember what happened?” Concern shown in his voice.
I stared at the doctor for a moment, contemplating whether to tell him exactly what happened, exactly what had been happening. I looked at David, he cold stare told me he knew what I was thinking. I looked back at the doctor. A few words and this would all be over. The hurt, the pain, the physical and mental, the violation and beatings. It would all be over.
“Yes.” I stated firmly and clearly. This is it. I'm going to tell the doctor everything. No lies. The truth, to get away from this stupid life of mine.
The doctor sighed and nodded. “I'm hoping what you tried to do won’t happen again.” I looked at him in confusion as he picked up the clipboard from the table and read it. “You have a long and hopeful life ahead of you. Nothing should make you want to end it.” He was still not looking at me. He was lying. Fucking doctors. They’re fucking liars. I had nothing to live for. I had no future. I was going to die through exhaustion soon.
But...did he think I tried to kill myself? Is that what everyone else thought? I can clearly remember David hitting me then blacking out. That was it. I didn’t try to kill myself! All I do is self harm! Self harm is a way of hurting yourself without suicidal intentions! Surely they must have seen my wrists and figured out I did it to myself, being doctors; they should know that self harm is a coping mechanism. Not an attempt to kill yourself. So why would I stab myself in the neck? I couldn’t even stand up straight after David volunteered to help me cut myself, how the fuck would I be able to hold a knife to my neck!?
I stared at the doctor, confused and angry. I felt someone’s hand rest upon mine. I turned to see it was David’s.
“Stacie, I found you on the floor in the hallway as I came down the stares.” He brought his free hand to my face and stroked it. “I called the ambulance as soon as I saw you. I couldn’t loose you.” He started to ‘sob’. He buried his head next to y hand. “I couldn’t loose you the way I lost your mother.”
I stared at him coldly. No sympathy shown on my face, no anger, no regret, no happiness, nothing. If he was lying, why couldn’t I? I wanted to show rage on my face, the fact that the doctor even said ‘I’ll give you a minute’ made me angrier. The bastard believed him, and so did every other stupid doctor or nurse I’d come across, they’d either believe mine or David’s lies because they were too fucking snobby to be concerned with a stupid self harming little girl.
When the doctor closed the door, I snatched my hand away. David slowly raised his head, his face the same colour as it always is, no red rimmed eyes, no sign of tears. How could a trained doctor buy that lie? Bastard.
“What’s wrong, Stacie?” he asked, in a mockingly sweet, high-pitched tone.
“Fuck you, you bastard. Get away from me.” I said, staring straight ahead of me, not looking at him.
“But, why? Stacie, I saved your life.” He gripped onto my bandaged wrist.
I turned my head sharply to look at him. “You wanker. YOU fucking tried to kill me!” I said, my voice raised. I could feel my face heat up, turning red with rage.
He calmly smiled. “No Stacie, I tried to save you. I didn’t try and kill you. Don’t you remember?” he tilted his head slightly, looking innocent from anyone who was looking at him from behind. But I was looking at what the doctors couldn’t see, the sick smile he showed on his face, mocking me. “You slit your wrists. Then you somehow had the strength to stab yourself in the neck.” He stroked my hair. “Don’t you remember?”
I stared at him blankly. “Remember what? You stabbing me in the neck?” I said, clenching my fists.
David shook his head. “I didn’t do anything. You slit your wrists, Stacie, you lost a lot of blood, it’s not surprising that you started hallucinating.” He looked at me dead in the eyes, his face firm and cold.
I looked away from his glare, thinking. What if I was hallucinating? Maybe I did cut too deep, maybe I did try and take my own life, but my mind couldn’t bare the thought of it, so it made up a hallucination. It seems too unlikely, but then again, so was the life I live.
I shook my head, trying not to believe a word he was telling me, it was all lies, it had to be.
“I don’t know where you got the energy from to stab yourself in the neck from, the amount of blood spilling from your wrists should have made you pass out straight away.” David was shaking his head, mocking a confused look.
I was beginning to believe him even more. I wouldn’t be surprised if I tried to kill myself, it’s a shit life anyway, but what I remember seemed so real. I didn’t know what to believe. I could’ve done it. I could’ve kill myself…but I didn’t. I'm alive in a hospital bed.
I would much rather be dead.
--END OF FLASHBACK--
I walked into Art, apologized for being late and took a seat near Gerard.
Miss Greene walked toward the back of the classroom where me and Gerard were seated. “Gerard, would you mind fetching Stacie a blank canvas from the cupboard, please?” she said to Gerard.
He nodded and left his seat, walking towards the front of the classroom.
She turned to me again. She had her hair down, it was medium length and wavy. She had small, tight plaits with random pieces of hair, and a plait going across her forehead. She wore a floral dress, mainly shades of brown, but with a few different shades of pink too. She was very hippy like, and being an art teacher who encourages us to go outside and draw on a sunny day, she can’t fit into the stereotype anymore perfectly. “We’ve started on our projects Stacie, the rest of the class have already had two lessons on it. This can be on whatever you would like; it’s completely up to you. You can use whatever resources you need, just make your art piece as unique as possible.”
Gerard had come back it the blank canvas and put it on the stand in front of me.
“You will be using canvas, yes?” she asked, looking over Gerard's work, but directing her speech to me.
I nodded. “Yeah, can’t think of anything else really.” I mumbled.
Her head snapped in my direction. “Yes you can Stacie. Don’t limit yourself. There is a whole world full of amazing things waiting to be explored and used for art. Art isn’t about limits and neither is life. You can only limit yourself.” She smiled at me. “Well…and so is the time.” She said, rolling her eyes. “Stupid deadlines.” She mumbled. “Your projects need to be handed in within the next two weeks, and seeing as you have missed a couple of lessons, I can allow you to come back two nights after school or if you have any free lessons to work on your project. That way you’re not missing out.” She said, smiling.
“Thanks miss.” I mumbled and she walked off to help someone who had their hand up.
I leaned over to Gerard. “Dude, I have no idea what ta fucking do.”
Someone spoke from behind me. “Me.”
I turned around to see who had made such a stupid statement. It was Daniel. He had a white plaster which covered most of his cheek, which was slightly puffy.
What the fuck was he doing here!? He wasn’t even in my art class! I swear down he didn’t even take art! “Shut the fuck up, or it wont only be a cheek that I stab.” I said, trying to be as intimidating as possible. It was pretty hard, considering I was rather short and sitting down. I found myself getting aggravated. I wanted to hit something, someone. That bastard was right there.
“Whoa, calm down. Didn’t know you’re on your period.” He said, smirking.
That was it. I leaped out of my seat, ready to pound him.
Gerard, however, was watching what I was doing, ready to react. He grabbed onto my arms, just under my shoulders, standing in front of me, blocking me from Daniel.
“Piss off Daniel.” He said between clenched teeth, looking at me with his back to Daniel.
“So, you’re on yours as well? Always knew you weren’t a guy.” He smirked again.
Gerard turned his head around to look at Daniel. I could only see his jaw clench, his hair was covering thee side of his face that I could’ve been able to see.
Daniel rolled his eyes. “I only came to get some paper.” He said while walking in the direction of the door.
The little fucker’s all talk. He can’t fight, gets his friends to beat up people for him and still succeeds at pissing me off.
I looked up at Gerard; he still had a tight grip on my arms. He was frowning at me, his eyes filled with a mixture of concern, worry and anxiety, but that amazing colour still shining back at me.
I hadn’t noticed that his grip had loosened form the top of my shoulders and were no longer there. They were slowing moving down my arms and he stopped at my wrists. He attempted to pull them towards him, gently, but I pulled away and guarded myself with them, pressing them against my chest, resting my chin on my hands.
I was looking down at the floor, avoiding eye contact with Gerard. I didn’t want him to know I attack my wrists with whatever I could find. I'm pretty sure he knew by now, and if he was eavesdropping on my conversation then there was no doubt that he knew. I didn’t want him to see though; maybe he was one of them people who went with ‘seeing is believing’.
“Contrast.” Gerard said, interrupting my thoughts.
I looked up at him, very, very confused.
He chuckled. “Use contrast in your project.” He moved back to his seat.
I peered over at his canvas, but he moved his arm to cover his work. “Don’t try it.” He said, sticking his tongue out at me.
“Fine.” I mocked, crossing my arms and turning my canvas away from him.
I really didn’t know what to do. Contrast. How did he think that would help me? All I could think of was black and white contrast. Which then led my thoughts to chessboards. Then the black and white army. That’s contrast, right?
I got a pencil and drew on the canvas, a wavy line at the bottom, then attempted to draw a chess piece castle, but broken and battered with cracks. It was distorted, but at the same time not, because the wavy line underneath (which was the edge of the chess board) made what I had started off with seem distorted.
I looked at the clock. It was two minutes until the end of the lesson, so I started to pack my stuff up.
I couldn’t be bothered to deal with school today. I wasn’t in the mood for it. It started off badly and, knowing my luck, could only get worse.

Yeah really didn’t know how ta end this :L I'm rather tired, so ima go sleep now, would appreciate a review when I wake up ;) hint hint nudge nudge
Good niiiggghhhhhtttttttt xxxx