Categories > Original > Humor > The Tummy Wars Series

Tummy Wars pt. 6

by Cereal_junkie 0 reviews

Installment six. Yes, they probably never will really end. Enjoy.

Category: Humor - Rating: PG-13 - Genres: Fantasy,Humor - Published: 2011-04-22 - Updated: 2011-04-23 - 6881 words

Tummy Wars pt. 6

Autumn: Yes. It's me again, and I would like to tell you all that I am finally ending "Tummy Wars". This will be the last skit. Looks sad

Candy: You're kidding?!? I know you. You wouldn't just end something like this so suddenly. What are you up to?

Autumn: Me? Why, nothing! Pretends to be shocked

Candy: Yeah, sure...

Autumn: Shaddup, or I'll turn your nose into a bat!

Candy: You can do that?

Autumn: Well actually, I'm not really sure. I'm not all that experienced in magic yet. I might mess it up. Laughs nervously and scratches her head

Candy: Oh hell no! You aren't testing your magic on me then!

Autumn: Oh Jeeze! It's not like I'm going to kill you! You're such a coward!

Candy: Coward nothing! I just don't want to end up as a fat blob of deformed flesh!

Autumn: I think you're overreacting. Watch this; I can turn a stick into a cat.

Candy: Oh I can't wait to see this.

Autumn: Concentrates and points at a stick, mumbling odd words under her breath

The stick rises and stops for a second before shooting upward and disappearing, leaving what looks like a tear in reality where it disappeared

Candy: What did you do?!

Autumn: I don't know, but it doesn't really look all that much like a cat, does it?

Candy: How can you be so calm about this?!

The hole becomes bigger and a group of people fall out of it

Blue haired guy: Where the hell are we?

Candy: Autumn...I think you may have just opened a wormhole to another dimension.

Autumn: I did. Well, I'm outta here. Tries to take off

Candy: Oh, I don't think so! Holds her back You are going to help me fix this wormhole before something comes out of it that we won't be able to stop.

Autumn: But I want to go get drunk damn it!

Blue haired guy: Walks up to Candy and Autumn, looking back and forth between the two Hey. Can either of you two tell me where it is that I am?

Candy: Ooooh. I can do more than that! Do you want to come home with me cutie?

Lavender haired woman: Comes up, looking more than slightly peeved No he would not! Come on Dyus. Let's go ask someone else!

Autumn: Wait! Don't mind my friend here. She's a little...perverted. You said his name is Dyus, right? My name is Autumn. What's yours?

Lavender haired woman: It's Lyra. It's nice to meet you.

Autumn: Same to you. I can tell you where you are. This place is called the minds, and it's a very different place than where you came from.

Dyus and Lyra: You know where we came from?

Autumn: Well, sort of. I have a very limited knowledge of it. Let's just say that I know the god of your world.

Lyra: ???

Dyus: Well, it actually looks a little more...peaceful here than it was where we came from.

Autumn: Yeah. The minds is a relatively peaceful place actually.

Red head Neko: Boobs! Grabs Candy's chest

Candy: Well hello yourself! Grabs the girls f-cups They're bigger than mine!

Dyus and Lyra: Not again. Both sigh and shake their heads at the same time

Autumn: Points at the girl groping Candy Paine, right?

Dyus: How did you know that?

Autumn: I'm just strange like that.

Candy: Oh! I see what you did now! You somehow opened a wormhole that connects the minds with Dan's mind. These are his characters.

Dyus: You know the creator?

Autumn: We both do. That's what I meant earlier when I said I knew the god of your world.

Lyra: Well that explains it a little bit better. I was confused for a moment. I thought you were talking about Lahara.

Autumn: Noooooo. I wouldn't claim to know her. I don't know any of you. I just know of you. I'm actually glad to be able to meet you all. This might give me a chance to do something I've always wanted to do since I learned about your world.

Dyus: And what's that?

Candy: This ought to be good. Still grabbing Paine's chest

Autumn: Gives Candy a dirty look Well, I've always wanted to meet Lady Tazzin actually.

Dyus, Lyra, and Paine: What?!?

Autumn: Yeah. She's seems awesome from what I've heard.

Lyra: Holds Dyus back as he tries to attack her You might want to leave before this gets messy.

Autumn: Already on it. I don't want to be torn to pieces by a pissed off Obelisk. Takes off

Candy: Laughs She won't get far.

Lyra: What do you mean? Lets go of Dyus as he finally calms down a bit

Candy: This. Holds up a remote and pushes a big red button on it

Autumn: Gahhhhhhhhh! What's happening?!? Zooms back, pulled by an unseen force and stops after she reaches the manhole in the middle of the street

Candy: Laughs again I put a few small, powerful electromagnets in the lunch I made you earlier. I designed them so they would only be attracted to the other magnets I made. I placed the others under the street so they would move you instead of you moving them. Now you can't take off unless I let you.

Autumn: Argh! Damn you woman! Turn these magnets off! If you don't I'll cast another spell and I'll make sure it goes wrong!

Candy: Oh no you don't! Takes something out of her pocket and throws it at Autumn's face

Autumn: What the- Gets cut off by a strip of some kind of adhesive cloth that covers her mouth Mffff mhhhh mhhh mffff. Nhhhhhhhhhhh!

Candy: Wow. I amaze even myself sometimes. I guess working on my aim paid off.

Autumn: Gives Candy a dirty look

Dyus: Cracks his knuckles Now that you can't move...

Autumn: Thinks Oh crap...

Lyra: Now Dyus...don't go overboard. You can hurt her a little, but leave at least a few body parts intact okay?

Candy: Ahhh, don't worry about it. She can't do anything about it right now.

Lyra: Yeah, but still...

Dyus: Starts to walk toward Autumn menacingly

Autumn: Starts struggling against the magnetic force, waving her arms like a mad man

Fred: Walks up to them from a side street I knew she'd completely lose her mind one day. What the hell is she doing?

Candy: She's a magnet.

Fred: ...What?

Candy: I tricked her into eating some small magnets I designed earlier so she couldn't just take off when I wanted her to stick around. Laughs It was too easy.

Fred: That guy looks like he's going to beat her up. Are you going to let him do that?

Candy: I'm thinking about it. Scratches her chin nonchalantly

Fred: Looks at her suspiciously Hey you want to go to the bar later?

Candy: Sure. I could use a drink.

Fred: Ha! I knew it! You aren't Candy! Who are you really?!?

Candy: What do you mean? Of course I'm Candy! Becomes nervous

Fred: You're lying! Candy doesn't drink because it would interfere with her job! She told me! You're an imposter! Points at her accusingly

Candy: Smiles darkly I're very perceptive. Too bad you won't live long enough to enjoy my compliment! Pulls out a gun

Fred: Fuck this! I'm out of here! Runs back down the side street, ducking behind buildings and out of site of the Candy impersonator

Imposter: So, who wants to mess with me next, huh?

Autumn: Mhhhh hhhhhm hhhmmm!

Imposter: ...Huh?

Autumn: Grrrrrrrrr!

Imposter: Walks over and takes the cloth off her mouth

Autumn: Holy crap! Who are you?!?

Imposter: Haven't you already guessed?

Autumn: Nods If I'm right, I know exactly who you are.

Imposter: Smiles again Who is it that you think I am then?

Autumn: The muffin man!

Imposter: ...What the hell is wrong with you? I'm the Shifter you idiot!

Autumn: The...Shifter? Never heard of you.

Shifter: What?!? You lying bitch!

Autumn: Picks her ear What were you saying now?

Shifter: Facepalms Okay. Never mind. I'm just going to kill you!

Autumn: No! Wait! I was just messing around! Of course I know who you are! I've heard all about you! Laughs nervously as the Shifter points the gun at her

Shifter: Go on then. Tell me something that might interest me and I might just let you live.

Autumn: Well, ha ha...I don't know if you even care, but I'd love to be your apprentice.

Shifter: Apprentice? What kind of nonsense is this?

Autumn: It's not nonsense! I swear! I've said it so many times now that I've actually lost count!

Dyus: Under his breath Dirty rat.

Shifter: I have no need for an apprentice. What else have you got?

Autumn: Looks around nervously Well, I've got some lint in my pocket, but I can't promise it'll taste very good.

Shifter: What? What the hell does that have to do with anything?

Autumn: Nothing really. I was trying to stall to see if someone would come along to save me, but it looks like I'm pretty much screwed. Shrugs

Shifter: You're up? Like that?

Autumn: Well yeah. I know I could never measure up to you. You're awesome and I'm

Shifter: That is true. I am pretty awesome, aren't I?

Autumn: Yeah! I mean come on; I don't have the power to shape shift. That is an awesome thing to be able to do, and I wish I knew how to do it.

Shifter: Well, that's easy. All you really have to know is how to change the structure of your molecules. It was programmed into my body, but it can be learned.

Autumn: Really? I wish someone as low as me could learn it.

Shifter: Well, I guess I could take you on as an apprentice, but you will have to obey my every command.

Autumn: Oh, absolutely! You could destroy me if I didn't! I'm not stupid enough to go up against the Shifter!

Lyra: Whispers to Dyus Ahhhh...I see what she's doing.

Dyus: Whispers back What is she doing?

Lyra: Still whispering Stroking his ego. She's actually smarter than she seems at first. That's a pretty good move. With any luck she could get that remote from her and destroy it so she couldn't use it against her again.

Dyus: Mutters Writer’s convenience...

Lyra: Huh?

Dyus: Nothing.

Shifter: Glances back at the two of them What are you two babbling on about over there?

Dyus: Nothing really...just bull shit.

Autumn: Hello! Are you gonna turn the magnet off yet or not?!

Shifter: Of course, but I need to ensure that you won't betray me first. Takes something out of his pocket that looks like some kind of amulet without a chain

Autumn: Wh-what are you doing? What is that?

Shifter: Just a little extra precaution. I'm not an idiot you know.

Autumn: Thinks Shit! Does he know what I'm planning or is he just guessing? How can I tell damn it! I can't do anything that might be suspicious to him or he’ll kill me, and I don't know what that thing could be. What is he going to do with it?

Shifter: Smiles and places the object on the front of her throat. After speaking a word in an odd language, a metal band extends from either side of it and wraps around her throat, connecting smoothly in the back, looking as if it were only one piece to begin with. It tightens just to the shape of her throat, not tight enough to choke her but just tight enough to be somewhat annoying This device will allow me to punish you should you decide to betray me or disobey me at any time. If need be, I can kill you with it, but I don't think it will need to go that far if you just obey me from the beginning. Understand?

Autumn: Uh, yeah... Thinks Damn it all! He got me! I can't do anything in this position, and now I've just made myself worse off than I was in the first place. Maybe I can somehow have someone else kill him for me.

Shifter: Pushes the big red button on the remote to turn off the magnets Oh, and by the way...if I should somehow die, that device will kill you as well. I suggest you don't attempt hiring someone to kill me, unless you want to die yourself.

Autumn: Thinks Damn. He thought of everything. How smart is this man really? Can he read my mind, or am I really that predictable? Then again, if he could, he would know my exact thoughts and probably would have killed me by now. What is he planning, and how can I counter it if I don't figure it out before he does something horrible. I know he isn't here to take Geta to dinner. Wait...maybe that's it! Maybe he's come for revenge on the Oujis, but then why would he use me. I'm not all that close to any of them really. I mean, I'm friends with Geta, but when it comes down to it, Dragon-oid or human, self-preservation is always the first priority for anyone. What does he stand to gain? What does he want? If I can just get some inkling, maybe I can somehow let someone know. Someone needs to be warned that he's around, and Dyus and his group don't know just how dangerous this man really is. They know him by name only, and they aren't familiar with his reputation. What can I do?

Dramatic "dun dun dun" sound plays in the back ground

Shifter: What the hell?

Autumn: That was...weird. Even for me. Who the hell's writing this?!?

Shifter: What do you mean "Writing this"?

Autumn: This is a skit. Usually I'm the one writing them but it seems someone else is in control this time. I don't know who it is, but they'd better not make me do something stupid. Dances around like a chicken Damn it!

Shifter: Cut that out! You look like an idiot!

Autumn: I am an idiot! Starts trying to peck at the ground with her nose Gahhh! Didn't anyone read the second Tummy Wars? This is infuriating! Wait a minute! I know who's writing this now! I've just figured it out!

Shifter: And who is that?

Autumn: Candy! She must be the one behind this! I don't usually write in anything serious when it comes to these!

Shifter: seems I am at a disadvantage then. I shall take my leave for now, but rest assured that I will be back. Oh, and don't think I'm leaving you behind either. You're coming with me. Mysteriously disappears with Autumn, leaving not a trace behind

Candy: Suddenly appears Crap! I'm too late...if only I could've gotten here sooner.

Dyus: What the hell do you mean? They said you were writing this. You could have put down something about him deciding to leave on his own and not take her with him.

Candy: Yeah, but then I wouldn’t have been able to say that epic dramatic line.

Dyus: So you let your friend get kidnapped so you could say something dramatic? What the hell is wrong with you?

Candy: No, you don’t understand. It’s something I’ve always wanted to say.

Dyus: So what difference does that make?

Candy: A lot; you have no idea how hard it is to find the opportunities to say some of the things I’ve always wanted to say.

Dyus: I think you might be slightly retarded…

Candy: Oh really? Well I know that you’re wrong. In fact, I’m one of the smartest people around here.

Dyus: Wow; I’d hate to try to have a conversation with anyone else around here then.

Candy: Her jaw drops for a second and her fists clench up a moment later in anger You know what? If you’re going to be such a dick then I think I’ll go find some actual intelligent conversation. I don’t seem to be getting any here. Stalks away angrily

Paine: Wait bitch! I second that motion! Runs to catch up with her, her luscious breasts bouncing with every step

Lyra: Wait, I just remembered something! Get back here! Runs after the two

Dyus: Sighs The things I have to put up with… Runs after his comrades


Danny: Come on, Jordyn, just put them on!

Jordyn: But I don’t wanna!

Danny: Oh for Pete’s sake, just put them on! It won’t kill you! Holds up a pair of boxers in one hand and a pair of pants in the other

Jordyn: But you said I don’t have to wear clothes when we’re at home! Pouts

Danny: Yes, Jordyn, I did say that. But, I also said that when we’re in public you do have to wear them, and we are, in fact, going out into public.

Jordyn: Then I’ll put ‘em on when we go outside.

Danny: No, Jordyn. You’re going to put them on here and now or I’m going to call Connor again and make you put them on.

Jordyn: Whimpers in fear as he remembers the last time Danny had to call on Connor Okay, okay! Just…don’t call him. I’ll wear the stupid clothes. Grudgingly takes the pants and underwear from Danny and slips them on There…are you happy. Pouts

Danny: Oh Jordyn, I’m never happy making you do things you don’t want to do, but you need to learn that public nudity is against the law. As much as I like seeing you naked, Jordyn, we have to save that for our own home. Okay?

Jordyn: Potatoes!

Danny: …What?

Jordyn: What?

Danny: You…just said potatoes…

Jordyn: I did? Why, are we having potatoes?

Danny: No, Jordyn, we aren’t having potatoes.

Jordyn: But I like potatoes! At least…I think I do…

Danny: … Says nothing, but opens the door to go outside

Autumn: Ahhhhhhhhh! Runs naked by the doorway, being chased by the shifter in the form of naked Candy

Danny: Uhhh…wow. That was disturbing. Is Candy finally going to rape Autumn?

Jordyn: Pops up beside Danny in the doorway See, they’re running naked in public!

Danny: Ummmm…lets…stay inside for now… Goes inside and closes the door, and not even a minute later, a knock can be heard at the door Hold on! Answers the door

Paine: Hey, have you seen two naked chicks running by here?

Jordyn: Public nudity!

Danny: Shut up Jordyn! Yes, they went that way. Points to the left out the door

Paine: Thanks bitches! Strips down and runs the way Danny pointed

Danny: Well that was kind of…awkward…

Jordyn: Yes! Public nudity here I come! Runs out the door stark naked

Danny: Jordyn! No! Get back inside! Runs after him

Dyus: Just showed up as Danny ran away carrying a mountain of bags and boxes What the hell is going on? And where am I supposed to put all this crap?

Lyra: Don’t worry. I have a bag of holding.

Dyus: …How long have you had that?

Lyra: The whole time. I just enjoyed seeing you struggle carrying all that.

Dyus: You and your grandpa…

Lyra: Did you say something?

Dyus: Not a thing. Hey, hold that thing open, would you?

Candy: That’s what he said.

Dyus: Um…but I did just say that…

Candy: … Never mind.

Lyra: Holds the bag open Hellooooo? Circe to Dyus. Are you going to drop that stuff in here or not?

Dyus: Oh, yeah. Drops the packages into the small bag

Candy: Wow! How did you fit all that into that tiny little bag? Is it magic? It can’t be science. I’ve never been able to apply a vector trap to something like that. Is that leather? Wow! I need to study this! Can I borrow it for a few hours? I promise I’ll give it back in one piece…probably.

Lyra: Fine, just don’t tear a hole in it. Hands the bag over to her

Candy: Why?

Lyra: You’ll get sucked in and most likely die in there.

Candy: Interesting… Walks away studying the bag closely

Dyus: Did you just hand away all of my money?

Lyra: What do you mean?

Dyus: …My wallet’s empty. My poor, poor wallet. Pouts as he looks at his empty wallet

Lyra: Dyus! What the hell? Why did you spend all of our money!

Dyus: What do you mean?! YOU spent our money! That was all YOUR stuff that I was carrying!

Lyra: Oh, so who was the lingerie for, huh? I don’t wear that for myself you know!

Dyus: Well I’m not going to wear it.

Lyra: That wasn’t the point. I meant that I wear it for YOUR benefit.

Fred: Walks up to Dyus wearing a manthong Parlay!

Dyus: Damn it!

Lyra: Dyus…you aren’t a pirate.

Dyus: Oh, well then…go away, you.

Fred: Take me to your leada! Waves his hands up and down in front of Dyus’s face

Lyra: Oh, so this in a homosexual. I’ve never seen one up close before.

Dyus: Oh, so you’ve never seen Issac?

Lyra: … Smirks, trying not to burst out laughing

Lady Tazzin: Appears out of nowhere So this is where you’ve been hiding.

Fred: Huh? A blind chick? Was in the middle of trying to take Dyus’s clothes off without him noticing A hot blind chick! What’s up babe? Walks up to Lady Tazzin Hey. Wanna go have a good time?

Lady Tazzin: Move.

Fred: Huh?

Lady Tazzin: I refuse to repeat myself.

Fred: So…is that a yes?

Lyra: Bad idea. Bad idea.

Fred: Huh? Suddenly has a dagger made of light sticking out of his knee cap How did that get there? Suddenly has one in his shoulder as well What in the world is happening?!

Lady Tazzin: Need I continue? I promise the next one will be in an exponentially more painful place.

Fred: I think I got the hint. Grunts and limps away

Lady Tazzin: Now, for…where the hell did they go?

Dyus and Lyra are nowhere in sight

Lady Tazzin: Sighs How bothersome.

The shifter walks up to Lady Tazzin in a suit

Shifter: Excuse me? Have you seen this idiot? Holds up a picture of Autumn running naked and giving the camera a thumbs up

Lady Tazzin: Well, at least she’s not camera shy. And no, I haven’t.

Shifter: Damn it. I hoped it wouldn’t come to this. Pulls out the remote from earlier and pushes the button

Autumn: Can be heard in the distance Holy shit! Is the matrix happening again? Is pulled through a building Ow! Damn you modern construction! Is pulled to the center of the street and stops Gahh! Why didn’t you at least give me time to put some clothes on?!

Shifter: You were the one who stripped down naked in the first place.

Autumn: Excuse me, but you did too, and I was TRYING to do naked ballet, thank you very much!

Shifter: You…really are an idiot.

Autumn: Why thank you!

Shifter: That…was not a compliment.

Autumn: Oh really? Oh, hey. I didn’t notice you. Who is- OH MY GOD IT’S LADY TAZZIN!

Lady Tazzin: You know of me?

Autumn: You’re like one of my favorite people in the universe! Can I have your autograph? Will you stab me in the knee cap?

Lady Tazzin: Why would you want me to stab you in the knee cap?

Autumn: I thought it was your favorite place to stab people.

Lady Tazzin: No, I usually go for the quick finishing blows unless I intend to make them suffer.

Shifter: Well this seems to be getting interesting.

Autumn: It would be even more interesting if you would let me the FUCK free so I could put some clothes on! I’m embarrassing myself in front of a goddess!

Shifter: Correction, this is getting very interesting. A goddess who likes to make others suffer.

Lady Tazzin: Correction. A goddess of order. Most are too chaotic for their own good, and I take pleasure in remedying that.

Autumn: Oooo! Oooo! I’m chaotic! I made Fred choke on apple sauce! That’s chaotic!

Lady Tazzin: You aren’t even worth my time.

Autumn: But…but…I’m naked! I HAVE to be chaotic!

Jordyn: Runs by still naked PUBLIC NUDITY!

Danny: Oh Jordyn, get back here! Runs after him again

Autumn: So no one cares that I’m stuck NAKED in the middle of the street?!

Paine: Here you go. Hands her some clothes

Autumn: Oh, thanks. Ummm…where did you come from?

Paine: I walked through that big ass hole that you made in the building.

Autumn: Yes! My holes are good for something! Maybe they’ll even make it into the hall of holes!

Paine: The…hall of holes?

Autumn: It’s a museum of holes!

Paine: Huh? Oh, you lost me when you said museum.

Autumn: Wow! You have a shorter attention span than me! Lets be friends! Oooo, who is- OH MY GOD IT’S LADY TAZZIN! Can I have your autograph? Will you stab me in the knee cap?

Lady Tazzin: For the last time I do NOT stab people in the knee caps!

Paine: HOLY SHIT! It’s Lady Tazzin! Can I have your autograph!

Lady Tazzin: If I recall correctly, you were trying to kill me when last we met. Why the sudden change?

Paine: Oh really? I don’t remember that. So, will you stab me in the knee cap?

Lady Tazzin: …

Shifter: Now you see what I have to deal with every day of my life.

Lady Tazzin: I can see that I have a lot of work ahead of me here…

Shifter: Sounds interesting. May I join?

Lady Tazzin: If you are worthy. Tell me; what is it that you can do? I have seen you do nothing of worth so far. Come to think of it, I do not even know your name.

Shifter: Oh, forgive me my lady. I am the Shifter. I can shape shift into any form that pleases me.

Lady Tazzin: That doesn’t sound terribly impressive.

Shifter: Oh, it comes in handy more than you could know.

Autumn: Lies! All lies! Is mysteriously dressed even though she couldn’t have possibly lifted her legs to put on the pants

Shifter: Shut it, you.

Autumn: And what if I refuse?

Shifter: Whips the strip of cloth at her mouth again, covering it

Autumn: Mhhhhh! Mhhhh fmmmmm mhhhhhf! Mmmmm mmmmf mmmf!

Shifter: Finally. Sighs

Lady Tazzin: I thank you for that. She was becoming…quite annoying to say the least.

Shifter: Sighs again Tell me about it. Be thankful you don’t have to LIVE in this world.

Lady Tazzin: I already am. I see that this world could use a goddess’s touch. This should be entertaining to say the least.

Shifter: Well in that case, I think I’ll join you. Causing a little mayhem should be good for me after all of this idiocy.

Autumn: Mhhhhhhh! Mhhhhhh mffffff!

The Shifter and Lady Tazzin leave

Autumn: Sweat drops and thinks Oh great. Now what am I supposed to do?

Dyus shows up again with Lyra in tow

Dyus: Now, as I was about to do before all this happened… Cracks his knuckles

Autumn: Thinks Oh crap…

Lyra: Dyus. Must you? I thought you were past this by now.

Dyus: Not even close.

Lyra: Sighs If you must.

Autumn: Looks alarmed Mhhhhhh! Thinks Nooo! I need to get out of this! Starts to try to get free and fails

Paine: Appears out of nowhere again Hey! No! Bad Dyus! Bad Dyus! You can’t hurt her! She’s my friend now!

Dyus: Sighs Really?

Paine: Yes!

Dyus: Sighs again Seriously?

Paine: Yeeees! Now help me pull her off of this. She promised to buy my drinks tonight so I need the bitch to be there!

Autumn: Hhhhhhhm! Ghh ghh ahh!

Paine: Rips the cloth off of Autumn’s mouth What now?

Autumn: Owwwwwwwch! Damn it you bitch, that hurt! And thanks. It’s weird though. I thought maybe it had a spell on it. Like, maybe you’d need magic to remove it. Apparently not though.

Paine: Well, people always say I have a magic tongue. Licks her lips suggestively

Dyus: Stares dumbfounded for a minute N-No they don’t! Besides, that has nothing to do with anything!

Autumn: Oooooh, someone’s getting flustered! Narrows her eyes at him I know what your thinking pal. You aren’t touching my lemonade buddy. And that’s final!

Dyus: Stops what he’s doing What?

Paine: Come on damn it all! Pulls on Autumn but doesn’t succeed COOOOME LOOOOSE! I want to go drink for free damn it!

A voice rings from the sky

Voice: Trumpets Fear not, dear citizens. By my name, I swear you shall have your alcohol! By the power vested in me by an insane blithering idiot, I now pronounce you unstuck from the ground.

Autumn: Comes unstuck and falls toward Paine as she yanks on her with the wrong timing Ahhh! They fall together and when Autumn faces up, she finds her face full of cleavage muffled Now, while this isn’t the worst place to be, I’d rather get a few drinks right now so I can chill out. Stands up and helps Paine up

Paine: Woooooooo! Lets go! Grabs Autumn’s hand and runs off toward the bar, leaving Dyus in a cloud of dust

Dyus: Coughs and steps out of the dust cloud How in the hell…?!? This is a paved road!!! Looks around to find no one Aaaaand I’m talking to myself. Sighs I knew it would come to this! I knew they would eventually drive me insane! I just didn’t think it would be this soon! Lahara, what have I done, bringing my crew to this world? And worse yet, Lady Tazzin followed us here and there’s neither hide nor tail of her now! There is no telling what evils her treachery have wrought by now! What is going on!?! Why are you taunting me this way?!? Show me a sign! ANYTHING!!! Kneels on the ground, reaching toward the heavens

Lyra: Mysteriously reappears Dyus…I’m gone for five minutes and this is what you’re reduced to already? Sighs Jeeze. You really need to lighten up! Stop assuming the worst, okay? Take a look at this brochure.

Dyus: Takes it Lady Tazzin?! …She works fast…

Lyra: Yeah, but look at the name of the foundation. It’s a charity! Why in the hell would Lady Tazzin decide to fund a charity?!

Dyus: I can only guess at the specifics right now, but essentially, it is evil. It is something to further herself, as is anything else she deems worth doing. We need to take a different approach to this. Murder is bad anywhere, as is fighting in this world, so we need to have some kind of plan to go about this. I think we may need to ask that Candy woman if she can better equip us. She seems like the type who could make weapons.

Lyra: Glares at Dyus Why did you automatically jump to her, huh?

Dyus: …Sighs This has nothing to do with her personally. I’ll pay her for the weapons. I would just like to be better equipped for the upcoming confrontation.

Lyra: Sighs I see your point…Grumbles I guess…

Dyus: Okay, then let’s go find her. She said something about her shift so she has to work somewhere around here. Let’s check around. Starts heading down the street next to Lyra

Autumn and Paine: Sing together Weeeeeeee’re off to see the wizard, the wonderful wizard of fudge! We feel he is the wiz of a wiz, if ever a wiz there was! If ever so wonderful fudge there was, then why did they hire another guy, because because because because because, because they couldn’t afford to pay him anymore! Da na na na na na na na na, na! We’re off to see the wizard, the wonderful wizard of fudge!

Everyone else: Ignores, watching the strippers dance on the poles

Autumn: Woo! I haven’t had this much fun in…I can’t remember!

Paine: That long?!

Autumn: No, I just don’t remember most of the parties I’ve been to because it’s only a good night if you can’t remember it the next day…okay….most of the time…

Paine: Oh Lahara! It’s like we’re sisters! Drunk, horny sisters…Smiles

Candy: Walks over, having just gotten off stage Is that anything I can help with, sexy? Smiles charmingly at Paine

Paine: Oh hell yes! Bring any well endowed friends you have too, if you don’t mind. Men or women! Smiles at the prospect

Autumn: OH YEAH! Pizza party!

Candy and Paine: ??? Sweatdrop

Autumn: Hmmmm…I wonder if I should bring some ice cream?

Candy: To Paine Wanna go without her? Points at Autumn

Paine: Yeah. I think maybe she’s too drunk. Ha!

Candy: Okay. Leads the way out the door, the well-endowed neko right behind her

Autumn: Huh? Where’d they go? Oh well. I’ll just go have fun on my own then. Leaves


Candy: Oh my god, that was the best 2 hours of my life!

Paine: Laughs Yeah, I get that a lot. You were pretty good yourself. Smiles

Candy: Oh, it’s your move.

Paine: Oh, right. Um… *Moves her pawn diagonally across the board and takes out the knight.

Candy: You can’t do that! A pawn can’t move like that.

Paine: Yes it can! In our world’s rules the pawn can move anywhere and anytime it wants.

Candy: Liar. Just because the world is different, doesn’t mean the rules are! I take it back. Those last two hours sucked! Who plays one game of chess for two hours anyway?!

Paine: Hey, that was a very awesome game of chess thank you very much! I sunk every one of your battle ships!

Candy: …I thought it wasn’t possible, but it seems I’ve found someone more stupid than Autumn and Jordyn combined… Sighs And it’s a shame too, because you’re still so damned hot.

Autumn: Bursts in, out of breath Candy…you…have…to…see…this… Gasps for air Follow me!

Candy and Paine: Follow Autumn halfway across town

Autumn: Points at the UNICEFF building Look!

Lady Tazzin and the Shifter: Handing out UNICEFF pamphlets

Candy and Paine: Jaws drop

Candy: But…isn’t that…?

Paine: Lady Tazzin?! Why the hell is she working for a charity?!

Candy: And the Shifter too…this is just too weird!

Autumn: I TOLD YOU! Why in the hell would two super villains be working for a charity?! What in the hell is going on here?!

Dyus: Appears out of nowhere Exactly what I was thinking. Candy; can you make weapons? We might need something more powerful for this occasion.

Autumn: What the hell?! Where did you come from?! Only I can appear out of nowhere!

Lyra: Appears out of nowhere Apparently not.

Autumn: Ahhhhhh! Nooooo! Why does this keep happening?! I’m supposed to be writing this God damn it! Why are people suddenly popping up like sibamen?!

Dyus: Like what?

Candy: Disregard her. She’s just angry because this isn’t going the way she wants. And yes, I can make weapons. However, I already have plenty of weapons made. You and your team can follow me to my lab and you can take what you need. Autumn, you come too. All of this is your fault in the first place, so you’re going to help fix it weather you want to or not.

Autumn: But…they’re just handing out pamphlets. They aren’t actually doing anything wrong.

Candy: Yes, but they’re also both super villains and can’t be trusted not to do something eventually.

Autumn: So now the new policy is to take someone out before they do anything wrong? Somehow, that sounds wrong.

Candy: We aren’t arguing about right and wrong here! They’ve both killed thousands of people each! This isn’t about prosecuting someone who might be innocent! Neither of them are even close to innocent! They are evil! Unredeemable! We need to take them out before they kill again!

Autumn: …Point taken. But my point is, they’re working for a charity. Even if we wanted to do this, there are too many people around. A frontal assault won’t work if we want to prevent unnecessary death. Not only could people accidentally get mixed up in this, but if they saw us coming, do you think they’d have any qualms about using innocents as shields to take the advantage? This is going to be a life and death struggle no matter how we do it, so I just think that we need to have a better plan of attack than just beating the hell out of them with advanced weaponry. We need to get them somewhere else so they can’t use people as shields.

Candy: …Well; for once you actually know what you’re talking about.

Autumn: Sighs I would retort, but the situation right now is too serious to get angry. We need a plan of action soon if we’re going to do this.

The End!

Autumn: Stop it!

Mysterious voice: No!


Autumn: You can’t do that! Looks scandalized

Mysterious voice: Well I just did. Puts hands on hips

Autumn: Hey, I’m controlling this little show and I say you can’t, so shoo! Begone!

Candy: Sighs Can we get back on track here, or would you rather I went home?

Autumn: What now? I forgot what we were doing. Grins sheepishly

Candy: Stares for a second, then shakes her head You know what? Good luck. That is about the only thing I have to say to you at this point. Pats Autumn’s shoulder Have a good life. I’m going to sleep. Wake me if you ever find a purpose in life. Walks off

Mysterious voice: Will do!

Autumn: Scowls I was gonna say that! She’s my best friend! Stop stealing my thunder!

Mysterious voice: Picks Autumn’s pocket and steals a can of liquid thunder What now? Oh, thunder, right. Hides the can in his pocket

Dyus: Do voices even have pockets?

Lyra: Dyus!

Dyus: What?

Lyra: Stop breaking the fourth wall!

Dyus: But Paine does it all the time!

Paine: I do NOT!

Dyus: Do TOO!

Paine: Do NOT!

Lyra: Dyus, Paine, stop it right now! Do I have to put you two in a corner again?

Dyus and Paine: Scowl and turn away from each other, crossing their arms

Autumn: Again? They’ve done this before?

Lyra: Oh yeah. You should have seen the last time we were traveling through an asteroid field! The most dangerous time to do anything but breathe and try to steer your ship and they’re fighting over who ate the last loaf of bread! Can you believe it?

Dyus: Yeah, really. I mean, who needs to eat a whole loaf of bread! It’s for multiple people!

Paine: What? That wasn’t even a snack!

Dyus: See! Points at her accusingly I KNEW she ate it!

Lyra: Sighs and covers her face with a hand That isn’t the issue here. Both of you, quiet!

Autumn: Wow, I see what you mean. It must be like living with children. How can you stand it?

Lyra: With a lot of patience and my best friend, Captain Morgan.

Autumn: Blinks Well, I happen to know exactly where this captain friend of yours is if you want to go and see him.

Lyra: Smiles Well, in that case, lead the way. Dyus, Paine, go find that Candy woman and do whatever it is you do when I’m not around.

Autumn: Walks away, toward the bar This way. Oh, and the apartment building is over that way. Points West without looking back at the two Candy lives in apartment 304 B. Have fun!

Lyra: Follows Autumn without looking back See you later. I have an appointment with the captain. Grins

Dyus: Looks at Paine and shrugs Might as well.

Paine: Looks back, looking confused Okay, but um…

Dyus: What?

Paine: Who is Captain Morgan? I’ve never seen Lyra with anyone called that.

Dyus: Facepalms and sighs Never mind, Paine. Let’s go. Walks the way Autumn pointed

Paine: Shrugs Fine. Follows Dyus

The End (For real this time, but only until next time…beware!)
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