Categories > Celebrities > My Chemical Romance > Secrets of the heart
I sit on the edge of my camp bed in the horribly white and unnaturally clean waiting room of the intensive care unit of whatever hospital we were in. I look at the clock which reads 4:30am in the morning and I haven’t been able to get any sleep at all, I’ve been waiting for news about my Frank.
I stand up and begin to pace the room, past the snoring Ray, sleep talking Brian and the passed out Bob. Gerard couldn’t sleep either, if there is one person that Gerard is closest to in the whole world other than me, its Frank. So he went to get us some coffee- not the bitter de caffeinated coffee from the hospital cafeteria- from the Starbucks down the road.
“Hey, Mikey.” Gerard said quietly as he walked into the room, handing me my coffee and sitting down on my bed.
“Thanks bro.” I mumbled, not really caring for the coffee but grateful for the energetic buzz it provided me with from the very first sip.
“It’s okay Mikes. How are you holding up?” He asked, concern swirling in his thick accented voice though he kept it quiet as to not wake the other sleeping men in the room. Just like Frank, they needed their rest.
“Not very well.” I admitted, sitting down next to him and shuffling back so I leant against the wall, leaning my head back and letting out a heavy sigh. “I know that the doctors said he’d be okay, but I just feel so nervous, they said he’d be okay last time and then look what happened! He had a damn aftershock! I’m just so scared for him, Gerard. I can’t lose him.” I whimpered, annoyed at myself that I couldn’t at least be strong for Frank.
“Mikey, he’s going to be fine. We just need to be there for him and to be here when he wakes up from whatever drugs they gave him to help his body cope after the aftershock.” Gerard said, pulling me close to him in a tight brotherly hug.
“I know, I know. I’m just so damned worried for him.” I sighed, leaning my head on my older brothers shoulder.
“When Frank gets out of here, are you going to look after him at your place or are you going to move back in with me and Mom for a while and we can all do it together?” Gerard asked.
“I don’t know, I think probably bring him home to you and Mom, seeing as Ray and Bob live there too I think that would be best if we can all take care of him together, just till he’s a little stronger.” I said, thinking through the benefits of Ray and Bob being around, which were a lot. He’d have all his friends, my Mom’s amazing cooking, me and he’d always have something to do with all of us around and there’d always be someone there with him.”
“That sounds like a good idea… do you even remember why Ray and Bob moved into our attic?” Gerard asked, seemingly confused.
“Well, up there is two bedrooms and a bathroom and it’s a pretty big loft so it’s like a mini sort of apartment and Ray’s mom and Bob’s dad got together and moved to Spain and left them here.” I remembered.
“That’s right, they had nowhere else to go so Mom offered them a place with us.” He recalled, letting a small smile play around his lips. “She just likes the house being full of family.”
“She does and I love her for it. She must get so lonely when we’re on tour though, in that big house all alone.” I mused.
“I don’t think so, but she does miss having you at home.” He told me and I rolled my eyes.
“Gerard, I live half an hour away.” I pointed out.
“Try telling her that.” He smirked but I knew it was right.
“Why don’t Ray and Bob move into the other two rooms on the second floor, instead of the attic?” I asked.
“Because the one room is your room and the big room is a studio, if you remember.” He said.
“Oh yeah! Fair play though, living in an attic is far cooler than the second floor.”
“Nowhere near as cool as the basement though!” Gerard countered and I nodded, chuckling slightly.
“True that, Gee.” I agreed, his bedroom was admittedly cool, I spent so much time in there as a kid!
“Frank is going to be okay, you know.” Gerard told me and I smiled at him sombrely.
“I know that he’s going to live. The only thing that I’m scared of is that he’ll retreat back into old habits, I just hope he’s strong enough to beat that.” I sighed, slumping against the cool hospital wall.
“He will Mikes, I’m sure he will. Why wouldn’t he?” He asked but I knew the answer all to well.
“Frank blames himself for everything, he always beats himself up about it too. When you were…drunk… he was always really worried about you and about me and somehow he kept finding ways to blame himself for what was happening.” I explained and Gerard looked taken aback.
“I never even knew that. I guess I was too messed up to notice. But how would Frank blame himself for this?” He asked me, voice tinged with guilt and slight desperation as he frowned.
“He’d think it was his fault that he got sick because his immune system couldn’t fight off whatever it was, he’d blame himself for worrying us, for having to cancel shows, for making our relationship come out to you before either of us were ready and for making us cry and panic.” I blurted, burying my head in my hands as I processed the information and things that had happened over the past day or so.
1. Me and Frank had finally got together.
2. Gerard had dumped Bert which upset him.
3. Frank got sick
4. Frank died and then got brought back
5. We found out about Frank’s hopefully past insecurities.
6. The tour got cancelled.
7. Me and Frank were found out by our best friends as a couple.
Hell, that’s a lot to happen in a month, let alone just a bit over a day.
“I never thought that Frank could bend stuff like that.” Gerard said and I looked up, giggling slightly at the gay reference he hadn’t noticed.
“Yup, Frankie can bend everything in his direction.” I smirked.
“He shouldn’t do that to himself though.” Gerard said, still not noticing the gay references we had both just brought up.
“I know, but he does. We just have to hold his hand and help him through it.” I said.
“He’ll be strong Mikey. He’ll be strong for you, before he didn’t have your love, now he does.” Gerard said.
“I just hope that love will be enough for him.” I mumbled, “I’m going to go and see how he’s doing.” I said, downing the last of my coffee and standing up, making my way to the hospital room and looking briefly though the window before entering. Frank lay on the hospital bed, looking ill and broken though he was peacefully sleeping. His skin was a pale colour, not the usual healthy olive, but pale, as pale as Gee’s complexion even- possibly even paler. The IV penetrated his arms that were decorated in the works of art I adored, his ebony hair was falling in front of his closed left eye as his chest rose and fell in a finally even pattern. I sat down in the chair next to the bed and squeezed his hand gently, when there was no response I felt my heart sink a little more even though I knew it was most probably just the drugs that the doctor gave him to help him sleep that hadn’t worn off yet. I vaguely remember that the nurse said to talk to him, whether he was awake or asleep so that he’d find some comfort in our voices letting him know that we were there. What do you say to a unconscious person though?
“Hey Frank, you gave us a scare there.” I said, my eyes locked on his face as my fingers grasped his limp hand. There was no response, not a twitch or a beep of his heart monitor.
“You can go home in a week.” I said and his eyebrows twitched as if into a frown.
“You’re coming home with me, to live with me, Gerard, Ray, Bob and mama Donna just for a little while and then I’ll take you home and look after you, okay?” I told him, my eyes scanning and ears straining for any response from him at all.
“W-What about the tour?” He croaked, opening his eyes slightly.
“We cancelled the tour to look after you.” I told him, smiling broadly as he squeezed my hand a little.
“You shouldn’t have done that just for me.” He mumbled, the drugs still affecting his speech though it was becoming clearer with any letter.
“We did though because we love you.” I said quietly.
“Thank you. I wouldn’t trust myself on my own.” He admitted and I frowned slightly.
“Why?” I asked.
“The nurse told you why.” He sighed, squeezing his eyes shut and then opening them again, his expression apologetic as he turned his head to face me properly.
“Why didn’t you tell us in the first place?” I asked him.
“I didn’t want you to worry about me anymore than you already did, what with me being sick and all.” He said and I sighed.
“Frank, we would have wanted to help, don’t worry about it. We want to be there for you and help you, me especially.” I said and he smiled softly at me.
“Thank you Mikey, I love you.” He said and my heart swelled when his eyes lit up with the three words he spoke to me.
“I love you too.” I said, kissing his hand softly and smiling up at him from the small chair.
“Oh thank God he’s awake.” Gerard said, practically running to Franks other side as the ill man smiled at him.
“Hi Gee. You smell of coffee.” Frank commented and I giggled.
“Yeah, he went to Starbucks for me.” I said.
“You’re a good brother Gee.” Frank said, a glimmer of his cheeky smirk finding its way onto his paled face.
“I suppose so. I broke up with Bert after Mikey talked to me.” Gerard said and Frank sighed in relief.
“Good. You’re a brother to me Gerard and I wouldn’t want him dragging you down to his scummy level, you can do so much better than that lump of dung.” Frank stated plainly and Gerard blushed slightly and nodded, sitting in the chair on the other side of the bed.
“I hope the IV doesn’t ruin my tattoo’s.” Frank sighed.
“I’m sure it won’t, I don’t think the needles big enough to do that.” I reassured, if there’s one thing Frank cares about that concerns himself at all is his tattoos. They really are works of art that all the artists are incredibly proud of, just as Frankie is.
“Oh God!” I gasped, face palming.
“What?!” Gerard and Frank asked in chorus, looking worried.
“I need to phone Mom and ask her if it’s alright for Frankie to stay over and do we tell her that we’re together? How will she take it if she knows I’m gay? Gay with my child hood best friend? Oh God!” I exclaimed, blowing everything out of proportion and burying my face in the hand that wasn’t holding Franks.
“Mikey, it’s okay trust me. Mom’s cool with all that sort of stuff and I already phoned her, she’s stocking up on veggie burgers and all Frankie’s favourite food already. You know she loves having him over, he’s practically lived there for most of his life.” Gerard pointed out calmly and I breathed deep.
“Thanks Gee. I just panicked a bit, I’m still processing all of this. It’s just happened much too fast.” I breathed, my anxiety levels rising, God, I haven’t had any pills in twenty four hours!
“Sorry.” Frank whispered, biting his lip.
“What? There’s nothing to be sorry for Frank, this isn’t your fault.” I told him, my voice calm and soothing.
“Yes it is. It’s my fault that we got together, it’s my fault I got sick, it’s my fault we’re all stuck in this hospital for the next stupid week, that you are going to be burdened with looking after me because I can’t look after myself and it’s my fault that the guys found out about us too early for you to cope with! It’s just all my fault, I’m so sorry.” Frank gabbled apologetically, tearing up and looking at me with sorrowful eyes.
“Frank…do you…regret, that we got together?” I asked nervously. If it’s his ‘fault’ we’re together, that implies he regrets it, right?
“No, no! Not at all Mikey, it’s the most wonderful thing that’s happened to me, but I can see that it’s all too much for you.” He said, the first few tears sliding down his fragile features. I leaned forward and wiped them away with my thumb.
“Frankie, none of this is your fault and it’s not too much for me at all. Nothing will ever be too much as long as I have you. I love you.” I said, cupping his cool tear stained cheek with my one hand and kissing his chapped lips softly.
“I love you too Mikey.” He said, a small smile placed gently on his beautiful face.
This is NOT the end, don't worry, there's loads more to come of this fic!
Rate and Review?? Please??
I'll update soon
Jackie
xxx
I stand up and begin to pace the room, past the snoring Ray, sleep talking Brian and the passed out Bob. Gerard couldn’t sleep either, if there is one person that Gerard is closest to in the whole world other than me, its Frank. So he went to get us some coffee- not the bitter de caffeinated coffee from the hospital cafeteria- from the Starbucks down the road.
“Hey, Mikey.” Gerard said quietly as he walked into the room, handing me my coffee and sitting down on my bed.
“Thanks bro.” I mumbled, not really caring for the coffee but grateful for the energetic buzz it provided me with from the very first sip.
“It’s okay Mikes. How are you holding up?” He asked, concern swirling in his thick accented voice though he kept it quiet as to not wake the other sleeping men in the room. Just like Frank, they needed their rest.
“Not very well.” I admitted, sitting down next to him and shuffling back so I leant against the wall, leaning my head back and letting out a heavy sigh. “I know that the doctors said he’d be okay, but I just feel so nervous, they said he’d be okay last time and then look what happened! He had a damn aftershock! I’m just so scared for him, Gerard. I can’t lose him.” I whimpered, annoyed at myself that I couldn’t at least be strong for Frank.
“Mikey, he’s going to be fine. We just need to be there for him and to be here when he wakes up from whatever drugs they gave him to help his body cope after the aftershock.” Gerard said, pulling me close to him in a tight brotherly hug.
“I know, I know. I’m just so damned worried for him.” I sighed, leaning my head on my older brothers shoulder.
“When Frank gets out of here, are you going to look after him at your place or are you going to move back in with me and Mom for a while and we can all do it together?” Gerard asked.
“I don’t know, I think probably bring him home to you and Mom, seeing as Ray and Bob live there too I think that would be best if we can all take care of him together, just till he’s a little stronger.” I said, thinking through the benefits of Ray and Bob being around, which were a lot. He’d have all his friends, my Mom’s amazing cooking, me and he’d always have something to do with all of us around and there’d always be someone there with him.”
“That sounds like a good idea… do you even remember why Ray and Bob moved into our attic?” Gerard asked, seemingly confused.
“Well, up there is two bedrooms and a bathroom and it’s a pretty big loft so it’s like a mini sort of apartment and Ray’s mom and Bob’s dad got together and moved to Spain and left them here.” I remembered.
“That’s right, they had nowhere else to go so Mom offered them a place with us.” He recalled, letting a small smile play around his lips. “She just likes the house being full of family.”
“She does and I love her for it. She must get so lonely when we’re on tour though, in that big house all alone.” I mused.
“I don’t think so, but she does miss having you at home.” He told me and I rolled my eyes.
“Gerard, I live half an hour away.” I pointed out.
“Try telling her that.” He smirked but I knew it was right.
“Why don’t Ray and Bob move into the other two rooms on the second floor, instead of the attic?” I asked.
“Because the one room is your room and the big room is a studio, if you remember.” He said.
“Oh yeah! Fair play though, living in an attic is far cooler than the second floor.”
“Nowhere near as cool as the basement though!” Gerard countered and I nodded, chuckling slightly.
“True that, Gee.” I agreed, his bedroom was admittedly cool, I spent so much time in there as a kid!
“Frank is going to be okay, you know.” Gerard told me and I smiled at him sombrely.
“I know that he’s going to live. The only thing that I’m scared of is that he’ll retreat back into old habits, I just hope he’s strong enough to beat that.” I sighed, slumping against the cool hospital wall.
“He will Mikes, I’m sure he will. Why wouldn’t he?” He asked but I knew the answer all to well.
“Frank blames himself for everything, he always beats himself up about it too. When you were…drunk… he was always really worried about you and about me and somehow he kept finding ways to blame himself for what was happening.” I explained and Gerard looked taken aback.
“I never even knew that. I guess I was too messed up to notice. But how would Frank blame himself for this?” He asked me, voice tinged with guilt and slight desperation as he frowned.
“He’d think it was his fault that he got sick because his immune system couldn’t fight off whatever it was, he’d blame himself for worrying us, for having to cancel shows, for making our relationship come out to you before either of us were ready and for making us cry and panic.” I blurted, burying my head in my hands as I processed the information and things that had happened over the past day or so.
1. Me and Frank had finally got together.
2. Gerard had dumped Bert which upset him.
3. Frank got sick
4. Frank died and then got brought back
5. We found out about Frank’s hopefully past insecurities.
6. The tour got cancelled.
7. Me and Frank were found out by our best friends as a couple.
Hell, that’s a lot to happen in a month, let alone just a bit over a day.
“I never thought that Frank could bend stuff like that.” Gerard said and I looked up, giggling slightly at the gay reference he hadn’t noticed.
“Yup, Frankie can bend everything in his direction.” I smirked.
“He shouldn’t do that to himself though.” Gerard said, still not noticing the gay references we had both just brought up.
“I know, but he does. We just have to hold his hand and help him through it.” I said.
“He’ll be strong Mikey. He’ll be strong for you, before he didn’t have your love, now he does.” Gerard said.
“I just hope that love will be enough for him.” I mumbled, “I’m going to go and see how he’s doing.” I said, downing the last of my coffee and standing up, making my way to the hospital room and looking briefly though the window before entering. Frank lay on the hospital bed, looking ill and broken though he was peacefully sleeping. His skin was a pale colour, not the usual healthy olive, but pale, as pale as Gee’s complexion even- possibly even paler. The IV penetrated his arms that were decorated in the works of art I adored, his ebony hair was falling in front of his closed left eye as his chest rose and fell in a finally even pattern. I sat down in the chair next to the bed and squeezed his hand gently, when there was no response I felt my heart sink a little more even though I knew it was most probably just the drugs that the doctor gave him to help him sleep that hadn’t worn off yet. I vaguely remember that the nurse said to talk to him, whether he was awake or asleep so that he’d find some comfort in our voices letting him know that we were there. What do you say to a unconscious person though?
“Hey Frank, you gave us a scare there.” I said, my eyes locked on his face as my fingers grasped his limp hand. There was no response, not a twitch or a beep of his heart monitor.
“You can go home in a week.” I said and his eyebrows twitched as if into a frown.
“You’re coming home with me, to live with me, Gerard, Ray, Bob and mama Donna just for a little while and then I’ll take you home and look after you, okay?” I told him, my eyes scanning and ears straining for any response from him at all.
“W-What about the tour?” He croaked, opening his eyes slightly.
“We cancelled the tour to look after you.” I told him, smiling broadly as he squeezed my hand a little.
“You shouldn’t have done that just for me.” He mumbled, the drugs still affecting his speech though it was becoming clearer with any letter.
“We did though because we love you.” I said quietly.
“Thank you. I wouldn’t trust myself on my own.” He admitted and I frowned slightly.
“Why?” I asked.
“The nurse told you why.” He sighed, squeezing his eyes shut and then opening them again, his expression apologetic as he turned his head to face me properly.
“Why didn’t you tell us in the first place?” I asked him.
“I didn’t want you to worry about me anymore than you already did, what with me being sick and all.” He said and I sighed.
“Frank, we would have wanted to help, don’t worry about it. We want to be there for you and help you, me especially.” I said and he smiled softly at me.
“Thank you Mikey, I love you.” He said and my heart swelled when his eyes lit up with the three words he spoke to me.
“I love you too.” I said, kissing his hand softly and smiling up at him from the small chair.
“Oh thank God he’s awake.” Gerard said, practically running to Franks other side as the ill man smiled at him.
“Hi Gee. You smell of coffee.” Frank commented and I giggled.
“Yeah, he went to Starbucks for me.” I said.
“You’re a good brother Gee.” Frank said, a glimmer of his cheeky smirk finding its way onto his paled face.
“I suppose so. I broke up with Bert after Mikey talked to me.” Gerard said and Frank sighed in relief.
“Good. You’re a brother to me Gerard and I wouldn’t want him dragging you down to his scummy level, you can do so much better than that lump of dung.” Frank stated plainly and Gerard blushed slightly and nodded, sitting in the chair on the other side of the bed.
“I hope the IV doesn’t ruin my tattoo’s.” Frank sighed.
“I’m sure it won’t, I don’t think the needles big enough to do that.” I reassured, if there’s one thing Frank cares about that concerns himself at all is his tattoos. They really are works of art that all the artists are incredibly proud of, just as Frankie is.
“Oh God!” I gasped, face palming.
“What?!” Gerard and Frank asked in chorus, looking worried.
“I need to phone Mom and ask her if it’s alright for Frankie to stay over and do we tell her that we’re together? How will she take it if she knows I’m gay? Gay with my child hood best friend? Oh God!” I exclaimed, blowing everything out of proportion and burying my face in the hand that wasn’t holding Franks.
“Mikey, it’s okay trust me. Mom’s cool with all that sort of stuff and I already phoned her, she’s stocking up on veggie burgers and all Frankie’s favourite food already. You know she loves having him over, he’s practically lived there for most of his life.” Gerard pointed out calmly and I breathed deep.
“Thanks Gee. I just panicked a bit, I’m still processing all of this. It’s just happened much too fast.” I breathed, my anxiety levels rising, God, I haven’t had any pills in twenty four hours!
“Sorry.” Frank whispered, biting his lip.
“What? There’s nothing to be sorry for Frank, this isn’t your fault.” I told him, my voice calm and soothing.
“Yes it is. It’s my fault that we got together, it’s my fault I got sick, it’s my fault we’re all stuck in this hospital for the next stupid week, that you are going to be burdened with looking after me because I can’t look after myself and it’s my fault that the guys found out about us too early for you to cope with! It’s just all my fault, I’m so sorry.” Frank gabbled apologetically, tearing up and looking at me with sorrowful eyes.
“Frank…do you…regret, that we got together?” I asked nervously. If it’s his ‘fault’ we’re together, that implies he regrets it, right?
“No, no! Not at all Mikey, it’s the most wonderful thing that’s happened to me, but I can see that it’s all too much for you.” He said, the first few tears sliding down his fragile features. I leaned forward and wiped them away with my thumb.
“Frankie, none of this is your fault and it’s not too much for me at all. Nothing will ever be too much as long as I have you. I love you.” I said, cupping his cool tear stained cheek with my one hand and kissing his chapped lips softly.
“I love you too Mikey.” He said, a small smile placed gently on his beautiful face.
This is NOT the end, don't worry, there's loads more to come of this fic!
Rate and Review?? Please??
I'll update soon
Jackie
xxx
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