Categories > Celebrities > My Chemical Romance > Goodbye And Goodluck
A/N
Hey you guys! This is the final chapter in this story. I know, I know, now before you get too upset remember that I'm writing two more having to do with Gerard and Desole. I've already started working on the first one so look out for that very soon. Thank you for all the love and support, the reviews and the ratings. You guys have truly made writing worth while for me. Can't wait to see you again!
DESOLE
It was like learning to live again. It was like having to retrain yourself to do everything. It took so much effort just to pull myself out of bed and function like a normal human being. I was hurting, physically and emotionally. My ribs ached from crying so hard all the time. My eyes were sore and dry. I couldn’t eat and keep anything down. My brain was a scattered and confused messed. Everything seemed so difficult, so forced without Gerard by my side or on my mind.
Not that he wasn’t on my mind though, because he was, all the time. And it was killing me. I couldn’t forget his face or his touch or his lips. I’d gone through this love-withdrawal before with him and I knew that the first few days were the hardest. It was when I craved him like a drug addict would cocaine. But I knew that if I stuck it out for a few weeks I would start to go numb to everything. Pretty soon I would blink and realize that another five years without him had gone by without feeling a single thing.
But it hadn’t been five years yet, it had been two days and they were very rough on me. Milo was taking good care of me. He woke me up, forced me to eat three times a day, made sure I was clean. Most nights he would snuggle up with me and stay with me until I fell asleep, then he went out and took the couch. He basically came in and mothered me. This also happened last time I left Gerard. I didn’t know what I would do without Milo and I was more than thankful to have such a loving, caring friend.
“Do you want some breakfast sugar?” Milo tried tempting me with food. I sat on the couch, staring out my window at the rainy clouds in the sky, reflecting what was going on inside my head and my heart.
“No.” I said blankly, not looking up at him.
“You haven’t eaten since yesterday afternoon Des. At least give it a try.” Milo encouraged. I shook my head again.
“No, Milo. If I eat I’ll just throw it up later anyway so there’s no point in it.” I said sourly. Milo sighed and put away the cooking utensils before sitting next to me on the couch.
“How are you feeling today? Any better?” Milo asked, putting his arm around my shoulder.
“Its only been two days, Milo. I’m not feeling anything but a big hole in my stomach.” I grumbled. He sighed again and kissed my hair before getting up to go do something. I went into my bathroom and locked the door. I took a good hard look at myself in the mirror.
Slut. Skank. Home wrecker. Whore. Loose.
I shuddered slightly. Every time I saw myself those words among many others flashed through my mind. I had single handedly ruined a marriage. It was all my fault. Milo tried to make me feel better with the fact that Gerard had lied to both of us but it was no use. If I wasn’t such a god damn flirt this would’ve never happened. I wondered if I would ever see myself as a regular human being again. Doubtful.
But for some stupid, idiotic, childish reason I still felt some sort of glimmer of hope in my broken heart. Maybe Lindsey had been lying. Maybe Gerard was telling the truth. After he said he’d conjured up our little plan the day he found out we would be touring together…
He’d said a lot of things though. And a lot of those things were probably just apart of his ruse for sex. Classic male behavior at its finest. But I’d never pegged Gerard as the classic male. He’d always been something different and special to me.
It was so weird to think of all the stupid frilly little things that bound us together. Like the fact that he had my virginity under his belt. That probably hurt the most. My first lover, Leah, who was a seventeen year old I’d met at the strip club told me to hold onto my virginity with an iron fist. It was strange to think that Gerard was the one holding my last shred of innocence.
Leah had been a dream though. She taught me how to dance, how to sing, how to perform and live on my own. She was like a weird mix of mother and sex goddess all wrapped up into one. She taught me that it was okay to love somebody of the same gender, though our relationship was never really official. I wanted to loose my virginity to her, but she insisted that there would be somebody out there that was more special than her.
So much for that dream.
“Hey, what do you think you’re doing here! You need to get out and get lost!” I heard Milo shouting, awaking me from my thoughts. I jumped a little bit and felt my stomach drop.
“Please, please I just have to see her! You don’t understand, I just have to see her.” I heard his voice. I covered my hands with my ears. No, no, no, no! This couldn’t be happening. This could not be happening!
“I understand completely, NOW GET LOST.” Milo bellowed. I felt my knees hit the cold tile of the bathroom but didn’t remember dropping to them.
“Fuck this! DESOLE! DES!” I heard Gerard shouting. I pressed my hands harder to my ear and screamed bloody murder to block out the sound of his voice.
I heard what sounded like a brief scuffle and then foot steps racing toward the bathroom where I was hiding. My screaming was leading him right to me. I prayed that it was Milo, but knew in my heart that it wasn’t. I heard a body hit the bathroom door; it was still locked. I was still screaming, I couldn’t seem to stop. There was a pause and then the door burst open and Gerard was standing there. I screamed louder and more high pitched.
“Desolé! Des, its me. I’m here.” Gerard said, swooping down and cupping me in his arms on the floor. He took my face in his hands and ceased my ear splitting cries.
“I know its you!” I said, my voice tweaking from all the yelling I had just done. “Get off me! Get out of here!” I snapped, pushing him away and scrambling to my feet. For a second he just looked confused. I could barely stand to look at his face without wanting to punch him in his pretty mouth.
“GET OUT GERARD! I SAID GET OUT!” I wailed, feeling the tears starting to come. I couldn’t take this. It was just too much. He was just to much.
“No, Desolé. I am not leaving until we talk about what happened.” Gerard said firmly, getting up and standing in front of me.
“Milo! Milo help!” I called out, walking away into the bedroom.
“I locked him out of the house. I wanted to talk to you alone.” Gerard said guiltily. I felt my weeping eyes widen with fury.
“RAPE! RAPE! RAPE!” I started shrieking out like a bat out of hell. It seemed like the only thing to yell that would get somebody’s attention. I just wanted Gerard to leave. It was physically hurting me to see him in front of me.
“Des! Stop it!” Gerard snapped loudly at me. I shut my mouth quickly even though I wanted to keep screaming. This was a nightmare. Maybe if I kept screaming I would wake up.
“Des, let me just talk to you.” Gerard begged hopelessly.
“No, get out!” I demanded. He stayed right where he was.
“No, I’m not going to just get out! I let you get away from me before and I am not intending for it to happen again!” He yelled. I was silenced for a second; what was he talking about and why did he sound so damn sincere?
“Desolé, you don’t understand. Lindsey was lying to you because she was mad. She was lying! Nothing she said was true. I could never use you like that! You know I’m not that kind of guy.” Gerard began. I wasn’t quite sure what to make of the situation at this point.
“Really? You did a hell of a job explaining yourself the other day.” I retorted. Gerard looked very pained for a second.
“I was panicking, okay? I was afraid you wouldn’t believe me.” He explained. I rolled my eyes despite the fact that I was still crying.
“Well I don’t.” I wept through a hiccup. “Gerard, please just go. A relationship is like a vase. If you break it, you can put the pieces back together, but they won’t match up the same way, they never do. We can only put ourselves back together so many times before the vase becomes just a lump of fucking pottery.” I blurted out. I felt very wise for a moment there.
“I know, I know. But you don’t understand Desolé. I could never purposely hurt you. I don’t know what to say or do to make you come back. I know you probably won’t but I figured it was at least worth a try. You’re the only women I ever really loved enough, Des.” he pleaded. His eyes became glassier and glassier with every blink and every word. I felt my heart begin to swell and the tears came harder and faster now.
“You can’t even begin to fathom how much I love you, how much I’ve always loved you. I want to be with you, forever. I want the chance to be your husband Des. I want to make for all the wrong I’ve done to you, make you proud.” Gerard said. His voice cracked and then before I knew it I saw tears starting to flow from his eyes.
“God, I probably look like an idiot. Do you see it now that I’m fucking crying? Do you see how much I can’t live without you?” Gerard said through a sob. Every bit of logic was screaming in my head for me to just turn and walk away from him. But my heart had something much different in mind.
“Y’know what I see Gerard?” I asked through my heavy tears. Gerard sniffed and wiped his leaking eyes. “I see somebody that I love. Some body I will never stop loving.” I admitted rather woefully. There was no use fighting my feelings for him. They would never fade away, they would never die down. They would only grow stronger and bolder as time went on. I knew we were meant to be together and that nothing could hold us back.
For a second Gerard stopped in his tracks, probably unable to believe what I had just said. But then we collided against each other like two magnets. Out lips clashed and our tongues intertwined. His fingers pulled through my hair and my hands gripped his jaw bone.
Gerard was my reason, and the only one I needed.
Hey you guys! This is the final chapter in this story. I know, I know, now before you get too upset remember that I'm writing two more having to do with Gerard and Desole. I've already started working on the first one so look out for that very soon. Thank you for all the love and support, the reviews and the ratings. You guys have truly made writing worth while for me. Can't wait to see you again!
DESOLE
It was like learning to live again. It was like having to retrain yourself to do everything. It took so much effort just to pull myself out of bed and function like a normal human being. I was hurting, physically and emotionally. My ribs ached from crying so hard all the time. My eyes were sore and dry. I couldn’t eat and keep anything down. My brain was a scattered and confused messed. Everything seemed so difficult, so forced without Gerard by my side or on my mind.
Not that he wasn’t on my mind though, because he was, all the time. And it was killing me. I couldn’t forget his face or his touch or his lips. I’d gone through this love-withdrawal before with him and I knew that the first few days were the hardest. It was when I craved him like a drug addict would cocaine. But I knew that if I stuck it out for a few weeks I would start to go numb to everything. Pretty soon I would blink and realize that another five years without him had gone by without feeling a single thing.
But it hadn’t been five years yet, it had been two days and they were very rough on me. Milo was taking good care of me. He woke me up, forced me to eat three times a day, made sure I was clean. Most nights he would snuggle up with me and stay with me until I fell asleep, then he went out and took the couch. He basically came in and mothered me. This also happened last time I left Gerard. I didn’t know what I would do without Milo and I was more than thankful to have such a loving, caring friend.
“Do you want some breakfast sugar?” Milo tried tempting me with food. I sat on the couch, staring out my window at the rainy clouds in the sky, reflecting what was going on inside my head and my heart.
“No.” I said blankly, not looking up at him.
“You haven’t eaten since yesterday afternoon Des. At least give it a try.” Milo encouraged. I shook my head again.
“No, Milo. If I eat I’ll just throw it up later anyway so there’s no point in it.” I said sourly. Milo sighed and put away the cooking utensils before sitting next to me on the couch.
“How are you feeling today? Any better?” Milo asked, putting his arm around my shoulder.
“Its only been two days, Milo. I’m not feeling anything but a big hole in my stomach.” I grumbled. He sighed again and kissed my hair before getting up to go do something. I went into my bathroom and locked the door. I took a good hard look at myself in the mirror.
Slut. Skank. Home wrecker. Whore. Loose.
I shuddered slightly. Every time I saw myself those words among many others flashed through my mind. I had single handedly ruined a marriage. It was all my fault. Milo tried to make me feel better with the fact that Gerard had lied to both of us but it was no use. If I wasn’t such a god damn flirt this would’ve never happened. I wondered if I would ever see myself as a regular human being again. Doubtful.
But for some stupid, idiotic, childish reason I still felt some sort of glimmer of hope in my broken heart. Maybe Lindsey had been lying. Maybe Gerard was telling the truth. After he said he’d conjured up our little plan the day he found out we would be touring together…
He’d said a lot of things though. And a lot of those things were probably just apart of his ruse for sex. Classic male behavior at its finest. But I’d never pegged Gerard as the classic male. He’d always been something different and special to me.
It was so weird to think of all the stupid frilly little things that bound us together. Like the fact that he had my virginity under his belt. That probably hurt the most. My first lover, Leah, who was a seventeen year old I’d met at the strip club told me to hold onto my virginity with an iron fist. It was strange to think that Gerard was the one holding my last shred of innocence.
Leah had been a dream though. She taught me how to dance, how to sing, how to perform and live on my own. She was like a weird mix of mother and sex goddess all wrapped up into one. She taught me that it was okay to love somebody of the same gender, though our relationship was never really official. I wanted to loose my virginity to her, but she insisted that there would be somebody out there that was more special than her.
So much for that dream.
“Hey, what do you think you’re doing here! You need to get out and get lost!” I heard Milo shouting, awaking me from my thoughts. I jumped a little bit and felt my stomach drop.
“Please, please I just have to see her! You don’t understand, I just have to see her.” I heard his voice. I covered my hands with my ears. No, no, no, no! This couldn’t be happening. This could not be happening!
“I understand completely, NOW GET LOST.” Milo bellowed. I felt my knees hit the cold tile of the bathroom but didn’t remember dropping to them.
“Fuck this! DESOLE! DES!” I heard Gerard shouting. I pressed my hands harder to my ear and screamed bloody murder to block out the sound of his voice.
I heard what sounded like a brief scuffle and then foot steps racing toward the bathroom where I was hiding. My screaming was leading him right to me. I prayed that it was Milo, but knew in my heart that it wasn’t. I heard a body hit the bathroom door; it was still locked. I was still screaming, I couldn’t seem to stop. There was a pause and then the door burst open and Gerard was standing there. I screamed louder and more high pitched.
“Desolé! Des, its me. I’m here.” Gerard said, swooping down and cupping me in his arms on the floor. He took my face in his hands and ceased my ear splitting cries.
“I know its you!” I said, my voice tweaking from all the yelling I had just done. “Get off me! Get out of here!” I snapped, pushing him away and scrambling to my feet. For a second he just looked confused. I could barely stand to look at his face without wanting to punch him in his pretty mouth.
“GET OUT GERARD! I SAID GET OUT!” I wailed, feeling the tears starting to come. I couldn’t take this. It was just too much. He was just to much.
“No, Desolé. I am not leaving until we talk about what happened.” Gerard said firmly, getting up and standing in front of me.
“Milo! Milo help!” I called out, walking away into the bedroom.
“I locked him out of the house. I wanted to talk to you alone.” Gerard said guiltily. I felt my weeping eyes widen with fury.
“RAPE! RAPE! RAPE!” I started shrieking out like a bat out of hell. It seemed like the only thing to yell that would get somebody’s attention. I just wanted Gerard to leave. It was physically hurting me to see him in front of me.
“Des! Stop it!” Gerard snapped loudly at me. I shut my mouth quickly even though I wanted to keep screaming. This was a nightmare. Maybe if I kept screaming I would wake up.
“Des, let me just talk to you.” Gerard begged hopelessly.
“No, get out!” I demanded. He stayed right where he was.
“No, I’m not going to just get out! I let you get away from me before and I am not intending for it to happen again!” He yelled. I was silenced for a second; what was he talking about and why did he sound so damn sincere?
“Desolé, you don’t understand. Lindsey was lying to you because she was mad. She was lying! Nothing she said was true. I could never use you like that! You know I’m not that kind of guy.” Gerard began. I wasn’t quite sure what to make of the situation at this point.
“Really? You did a hell of a job explaining yourself the other day.” I retorted. Gerard looked very pained for a second.
“I was panicking, okay? I was afraid you wouldn’t believe me.” He explained. I rolled my eyes despite the fact that I was still crying.
“Well I don’t.” I wept through a hiccup. “Gerard, please just go. A relationship is like a vase. If you break it, you can put the pieces back together, but they won’t match up the same way, they never do. We can only put ourselves back together so many times before the vase becomes just a lump of fucking pottery.” I blurted out. I felt very wise for a moment there.
“I know, I know. But you don’t understand Desolé. I could never purposely hurt you. I don’t know what to say or do to make you come back. I know you probably won’t but I figured it was at least worth a try. You’re the only women I ever really loved enough, Des.” he pleaded. His eyes became glassier and glassier with every blink and every word. I felt my heart begin to swell and the tears came harder and faster now.
“You can’t even begin to fathom how much I love you, how much I’ve always loved you. I want to be with you, forever. I want the chance to be your husband Des. I want to make for all the wrong I’ve done to you, make you proud.” Gerard said. His voice cracked and then before I knew it I saw tears starting to flow from his eyes.
“God, I probably look like an idiot. Do you see it now that I’m fucking crying? Do you see how much I can’t live without you?” Gerard said through a sob. Every bit of logic was screaming in my head for me to just turn and walk away from him. But my heart had something much different in mind.
“Y’know what I see Gerard?” I asked through my heavy tears. Gerard sniffed and wiped his leaking eyes. “I see somebody that I love. Some body I will never stop loving.” I admitted rather woefully. There was no use fighting my feelings for him. They would never fade away, they would never die down. They would only grow stronger and bolder as time went on. I knew we were meant to be together and that nothing could hold us back.
For a second Gerard stopped in his tracks, probably unable to believe what I had just said. But then we collided against each other like two magnets. Out lips clashed and our tongues intertwined. His fingers pulled through my hair and my hands gripped his jaw bone.
Gerard was my reason, and the only one I needed.
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