FicWad

FLASH BACK

GERARD
The first thing I remembered about that morning was the feeling of Desolé’s soft and sensuous lips gently caressing mine. I wanted to moan in pleasure as I awoke, feeling her cool bare skin pressed up against mine in the tight space that my bunk provided. Memories of last nights steamy and intimate events pressed in my mind. I leaned forward to kiss her sweet face back and let her know that I was up now. I opened my eyes to see that smile that I adored so much gracing that pretty face of hers.

“Good morning beautiful.” I greeted her happily, the tips of our noses touching. She yawned and stretched like a little house cat and I smiled widely at her.

But then her grin faltered and she looked confused for a minute. Suddenly, she sat up and swung her feet over the side of the bunk, her back to me. I sat up next to her and put my rough hands on her soft pale shoulders. I looked down and I saw what she held in her hands. It was my razor and my mirror that I had used to snort coke before shows. In my haste last night I merely stuffed it under my pillow instead of actually hiding it.

“Gerard…what is this?” She asked, her voice and fingers shaking in time with each other. My stomach dropped like a stone to the bottom of a river. I could tell she already knew by her tone. I looked away and hung my head low.

“I was gonna tell you babe, I was.” I sad gruffly, my voice cracking with shame. I felt her stiffen next to me.

“Tell me what? That you’ve been snorting coke?!” she yelled. I couldn’t bare to look at her and to see the pain in her face. God what had I done? I rubbed my temples furiously as I tried to think of a way that I would bend myself out of this one. When I didn’t answer her she threw the mirror and razor to the ground, send broken shards of glass cascading around my feet.

“I only use it before shows. To get pumped up y’know?” I said, trying to keep my voice from shaking. I looked her in the eyes and suddenly wanted to take back what I had said.

“Who gave it to you?” her voice was thick with rage. I mumbled Bert’s name but she probably didn’t hear it. “WHO GAVE IT TO YOU?” She shrieked as she stood up, her voice becoming so loud and piercing it made me cringe.

“It was Bert! Bert sold it to me!” I gave in, standing up next to her. She looked for a moment like she was going to be sick everywhere. I held my breath.

“I’m going to kill him. I am going to kill him!” She yelled out, storming off toward the tour bus door. Seeing how upset she was, I wouldn’t have put it past her to kill Bert. I latched onto her wrist and pulled her back toward me but in one swift movement she snatched an unopened bottle of champagne from on top of the micro wave and threw it to the floor. Alcohol gushed and bubbled from the broken glass and the splash left the bottoms of my pants soaking wet. We took a second to realize what had just happened.

Desolé looked like she was about to completely break down. Her eyes were watering and her lower lip was trembling. What had I done to her? How badly had I fucked up this time? I saw now how young she really was. She didn’t know what to do with a wreck like me. She didn’t know what to say or even think. She was a nineteen year old who I’d fucked and been sucked by. A nineteen year old! She let out a sob, and then another and another and soon they were just pouring out of her. Suddenly I felt tears twinging in my eyes as well.

“Babe, don’t cry. Come on. Come here, let me fix this.” I begged her, trying to swallow the lump in my throat. I felt like some sort of sick-o rapist at this point. I’d plucked this pretty young thing from what could’ve been a well respected life and I forced her to grow up and robbed her of her last bits of innocence.

She didn’t come to me. She didn’t collapse in my arms and let me kiss the tears off her cheeks. Instead, she stood there for a second. Then she started to pull off her engagement ring. It didn’t hit me at first what she was doing, so I asked her.

“What are you doing?” I mumbled hopelessly. She finally got the ring off with one final tug.

“What does it look like?! I’m leavin’ you!” she snapped through her crocodile tears. I felt a sharp pain in my chest. Was it my heart breaking? “Take your st-stupid ring back!” she cried, slamming it down on the counter beside her. I felt lost for a second started to move toward her. I just wanted to hold her, I loved her so much. God, she didn’t even know how much.

“You made your choice. I don’t need some drugged up husband.” she said, her voice as frigid as the champagne I was shuffling through. That stopped me in my tracks right there.

She was right. She didn’t need some fucked up druggie like me. She was going to make it very, very far in life and all I was going to do at this point was hold her back and weigh her down. Desolé didn’t even spare me a passing glance before darting out the door.

I followed her outside into the pouring rain. I stood there and watched helplessly as a yellow cab took the only girl I’d ever loved away from me. My shoulders shook with something-was it tears? I couldn’t even tell because of the rain. Quickly I wiped my face. Yes, I was crying. But I didn’t know that these would not be the last tears I cried for her…

PRESENT
After explaining to the police what had happened, they let me go. We got kicked out of the hotel and it was just me and Lindsey outside in the parking lot.

My head was spinning. My mind was racing. My heart was aching. This all felt like a bitter nightmare, so familiar because it had happened before. I spun around in circles in the parking lot, trying to think of which way that cab she got in had went. I felt the lightness of her ring in my fist as I searched hopelessly for something that wasn’t there.

“Looks like we’re even now.” Lindsey said spitefully. I forgot that she was there. I turned to her to see her stand with her hip cocked and her black hair blowing wildly in the wind. Never had I ever remembered wanting to hit a girl so hard in my life.

“Even! EVEN! You lying piece of shit bitch! You fucking liar! God damn you Lindsey!” I cursed at her, my way over. She just smirked at me. “You fucking cunt!” I screamed hopelessly even though my words had no affect of her what so ever.

“Call me whatever you like Gerard, it isn’t going to get that little skank of yours back.” she chimed brightly. I wanted to slap the smile off of her face but I held back and kicked the curb instead.

“She is not a skank!” I shouted over the wind. Lindsey rolled her eyes. “Oh god what am I going to do? What am I going to say?” I mumbled to myself, taking a seat on the curb and putting my head in my hands. I wanted to break down and cry but I didn’t because Lindsey would’ve only taken more pleasure in that.

“Well whatever you do, sitting on your ass isn’t going to help.” She said before getting in her car. I glared at her as she drove away.

Not knowing what else to do, I hailed a cab back to the tour venue. Maybe by some far off chance Milo would know where she was or something. I could only hope at this point. While I walked around frantically searching for somebody who could give me an answer. I ran into Mikey.

“Hey Gee, what’s up? Where’s Des?” He asked when he laid eyes of me. I practically roared with anger.

“Like you don’t know!” I shouted at him, not caring if everybody stopped to stare at us. Mikey just looked dumbstruck for a second. “YOU TOLD LINDSEY WHERE WE WERE!” I bellowed. Frank and Ray stepped forward but didn’t get too close.

“Woah, calm down! What happened?” he asked. I felt the tears break in my eyes as I went to tell and had to take a second to try and collect myself.

“What do you think happened?! She walked in on me and Des and started telling all these lies! And then Des left Mikey! She left!” I shouted. By the time I finished talking my voice was reduced to a hoarse yell. Mikey took it what I had said.

“Gee, I had no idea that that was gonna happen…I’m so sorry.” He said quietly.

“Oh, you had no idea? What did you think was gonna happen! Why did you tell Lindsey?” I shouted, feeling my eyes start to boil over. He opened his mouth to speak but I held up my hand. “God, did you ever fucking think about how happy she made me? Did you ever think that oh, y’know I LOVED HER?” I snapped.

“And you! What about you?! Where you in on it?” I yelled, turning to Ray and Frank. They said nothing and I impatiently wiped my eyes. “Well like it or not, I do love her and she has made me happier than any other girl on the planet okay.”

“You’re going to go get her back?” Frank asked, sounding shocked. I rolled my eyes.

“Yes! I let her get away once and I am never letting it happen.” I said firmly. There was a silence, and then they all nodded as if they were agreeing with me.

“Go get her.” Ray encouraged. “We’ll make sure everything around here is sane.” I shot him a thankful smile.

“Do you guys know where I could find her?” I asked through a hoarse voice as I wiped my desperate eyes again.

“No, we haven’t seen her since you guys left.” Frank shrugged. I felt a wave of frustration shoot through me.

“Hey, you!” I burst out. I saw the guitarist in Desolé’s band walk by. Maybe they knew where she was. “Where’s Desolé?” I called out to her.

“Oh, she left the tour with Milo today. I heard him say something about Los Angeles.” she explained.

Desolé was going home! Why didn’t I think of that before? Now all I had to do was book the next flight to L.A and track her down! But until that happened, all I could do now was wait…