Categories > Celebrities > My Chemical Romance > Goodbye And Goodluck
DESOLE
When Milo came and picked me up from the train station I was an aching, shaking and mentally breaking mess of a girl. I couldn’t stand up on my own, I couldn’t talk, I couldn’t even cry for god’s sake. It felt like I had to puke but nothing would come up. That entire event felt like one big blur. Milo put his arm around me and walked me to the cab he’d gotten. I sat in his lap all curled up in fetal position, saying nothing. My eyes were wide open and staring off into space, seeing nothing and everything at the same time. I think at one point the cab driver asked Milo if I was okay and if I need to see a doctor and Milo told him to just take us to the air port. He had already gotten us two plane tickets back to Los Angeles so that we could get back home by tomorrow.
I felt utterly numb to everything around me. I was in a catatonic state of confusion and sadness. My brain couldn’t wrap itself around what it happened so I guessed it just shut down all systems and tried to reboot. It was such a morose situation, so ridiculous in its apathy. I couldn’t comprehend as I watched it unfold in my head like a movie on repeat playing over and over and over again.
“Des, honey bunny are you going to be alright? You haven’t said anything in hours baby. I’m worried about you.” Milo said softly, tucking a stand of my hair behind my eyes as the plane took off. I shook my head very slowly, still staring out into space.
“You should be.” my voice was cracked and jagged from not being used in so long. Milo frowned and bit his lip before tucking me back under his arm and holding me close and tight.
Thankfully, I fell asleep during the plane ride. It was then that I realized how amazing sleep was. I didn’t feel any pain or sickness or sadness. Sleep was like a cure all. It was the type of deep, heavy slumber where I knew that I wasn’t conscious and I honestly didn’t care. I just wanted to stay that way for as long as possible so that I wouldn’t have to wake up and face the facts.
But all too soon I did have to wake up. We had gotten to Los Angeles at about three thirty in the morning. On the cab ride back to my house Milo called Fred and told him to cancel us from the rest of the tour.
“But Milo, we’ll have to refund thousands of dollars!” I heard Fred protest over the phone.
“Then don’t refund the money Fred! I don’t care! But Desolé cannot do any shows right now. She doesn’t have it in her.” Milo snapped at him. I felt so grateful to have Milo sticking up for me when I was in such a vulnerable state. I knew he would defend me and never let anybody take advantage of me,
“Is she hurt? Is she sick? Oh god don’t tell me she’s pregnant!” I heard Fred say, his distress very apparent. I watched as Milo rolled his eyes.
“She is none of the above Fred. She just can’t right now, okay? Tell the rest of the band to go home. Tell the fans we’re sorry. We might be able to make some of the later dates but for now just cancel anything within this month, okay?” Milo said sternly. They agreed and hung up.
“Come on pigeon, we’re home.” Milo said, patting my shoulder when we reached my condo. It was so dark outside it didn’t even look like my house. I didn’t make any movements toward the cab door. Milo sighed before getting out on his side, walking around toward mine, scooping me out and carried me wedding-style through to the front door.
“Thank you Milo.” I mumbled, burying my face in his shoulder as I realized that it was raining heavily outside. Milo muttered something I couldn’t really hear and opened the front door. He carried me inside and back into my bedroom where he tucked me under the covers. I listened to the rain drops hitting my window and tried not to think about how much pain I was in.
“You gonna talk to me or what pumpkin?” Milo asked, snuggling in bed next to me. I sighed; I still hadn’t told him what happened this morning.
“Milo, I’m really tired. Can I please just wait until tomorrow?” I begged, my voice and lower lip trembling as I reached tears. Milo gave me “that look” and I knew I had to tell him.
“Gerard lied to me! He used me for sex! He never really loved me or wanted me back! He just wanted my body.” I wailed as I fell into a thousand pieces right before him.
“What? What happened?!” he asked, his eyebrows up so high they were almost lost in his hair.
“Lindsey found us and she started yelling about how she had been holding out on him and shit. And that means that when we got together he was only in it for the sex. I bet he was doing it with her every other night while we were together.” I cried bitterly. Milo cooed sympathetically and hugged me.
“Well honey, he is a man.” Milo reminded me.
“Yeah but you’re a man and you would never do something so awful to somebody.” I piped up. Milo shrugged and nodded.
“I’m so stupid! I can’t believe I didn’t see it. I worshipped the ground he walked on. I believed every trick in the book and I did whatever he asked me too.” I said hopelessly. Never had I ever felt like more of a failure.
“You were blinded by love. It happens to us all darling.” Milo assured me.
I couldn’t even talk anymore. I was too choked up and too disappointed in myself. I clamped my eyes shut and tried to focus on the sounds of the rain, tried to make my mind off the pain I was in. I tried and I tried, but nothing would do the trick.
When Milo came and picked me up from the train station I was an aching, shaking and mentally breaking mess of a girl. I couldn’t stand up on my own, I couldn’t talk, I couldn’t even cry for god’s sake. It felt like I had to puke but nothing would come up. That entire event felt like one big blur. Milo put his arm around me and walked me to the cab he’d gotten. I sat in his lap all curled up in fetal position, saying nothing. My eyes were wide open and staring off into space, seeing nothing and everything at the same time. I think at one point the cab driver asked Milo if I was okay and if I need to see a doctor and Milo told him to just take us to the air port. He had already gotten us two plane tickets back to Los Angeles so that we could get back home by tomorrow.
I felt utterly numb to everything around me. I was in a catatonic state of confusion and sadness. My brain couldn’t wrap itself around what it happened so I guessed it just shut down all systems and tried to reboot. It was such a morose situation, so ridiculous in its apathy. I couldn’t comprehend as I watched it unfold in my head like a movie on repeat playing over and over and over again.
“Des, honey bunny are you going to be alright? You haven’t said anything in hours baby. I’m worried about you.” Milo said softly, tucking a stand of my hair behind my eyes as the plane took off. I shook my head very slowly, still staring out into space.
“You should be.” my voice was cracked and jagged from not being used in so long. Milo frowned and bit his lip before tucking me back under his arm and holding me close and tight.
Thankfully, I fell asleep during the plane ride. It was then that I realized how amazing sleep was. I didn’t feel any pain or sickness or sadness. Sleep was like a cure all. It was the type of deep, heavy slumber where I knew that I wasn’t conscious and I honestly didn’t care. I just wanted to stay that way for as long as possible so that I wouldn’t have to wake up and face the facts.
But all too soon I did have to wake up. We had gotten to Los Angeles at about three thirty in the morning. On the cab ride back to my house Milo called Fred and told him to cancel us from the rest of the tour.
“But Milo, we’ll have to refund thousands of dollars!” I heard Fred protest over the phone.
“Then don’t refund the money Fred! I don’t care! But Desolé cannot do any shows right now. She doesn’t have it in her.” Milo snapped at him. I felt so grateful to have Milo sticking up for me when I was in such a vulnerable state. I knew he would defend me and never let anybody take advantage of me,
“Is she hurt? Is she sick? Oh god don’t tell me she’s pregnant!” I heard Fred say, his distress very apparent. I watched as Milo rolled his eyes.
“She is none of the above Fred. She just can’t right now, okay? Tell the rest of the band to go home. Tell the fans we’re sorry. We might be able to make some of the later dates but for now just cancel anything within this month, okay?” Milo said sternly. They agreed and hung up.
“Come on pigeon, we’re home.” Milo said, patting my shoulder when we reached my condo. It was so dark outside it didn’t even look like my house. I didn’t make any movements toward the cab door. Milo sighed before getting out on his side, walking around toward mine, scooping me out and carried me wedding-style through to the front door.
“Thank you Milo.” I mumbled, burying my face in his shoulder as I realized that it was raining heavily outside. Milo muttered something I couldn’t really hear and opened the front door. He carried me inside and back into my bedroom where he tucked me under the covers. I listened to the rain drops hitting my window and tried not to think about how much pain I was in.
“You gonna talk to me or what pumpkin?” Milo asked, snuggling in bed next to me. I sighed; I still hadn’t told him what happened this morning.
“Milo, I’m really tired. Can I please just wait until tomorrow?” I begged, my voice and lower lip trembling as I reached tears. Milo gave me “that look” and I knew I had to tell him.
“Gerard lied to me! He used me for sex! He never really loved me or wanted me back! He just wanted my body.” I wailed as I fell into a thousand pieces right before him.
“What? What happened?!” he asked, his eyebrows up so high they were almost lost in his hair.
“Lindsey found us and she started yelling about how she had been holding out on him and shit. And that means that when we got together he was only in it for the sex. I bet he was doing it with her every other night while we were together.” I cried bitterly. Milo cooed sympathetically and hugged me.
“Well honey, he is a man.” Milo reminded me.
“Yeah but you’re a man and you would never do something so awful to somebody.” I piped up. Milo shrugged and nodded.
“I’m so stupid! I can’t believe I didn’t see it. I worshipped the ground he walked on. I believed every trick in the book and I did whatever he asked me too.” I said hopelessly. Never had I ever felt like more of a failure.
“You were blinded by love. It happens to us all darling.” Milo assured me.
I couldn’t even talk anymore. I was too choked up and too disappointed in myself. I clamped my eyes shut and tried to focus on the sounds of the rain, tried to make my mind off the pain I was in. I tried and I tried, but nothing would do the trick.
Sign up to rate and review this story