Categories > Celebrities > My Chemical Romance > Goodbye And Goodluck
DESOLE
My dreams were sweet little nothings that night, but I was excited for morning to come so that I could face the dawn that would be our first time free of our worries. The first thing I realized when I felt sunlight pouring over my closed eyes was that Gerard was next to me and that last night was the first night we slept together in five years. This made me so happy I wanted to cry. Our entire relationship I always wished he could spend the night and that I could wake up next to him. And now, for the first time in too long it was actually happening, my wish was coming true.
In fact, a lot of my wishes come true over the past months. I got my one and only back and was able to keep my friends in the process. Well, most of them anyway. Nobody found out that wasn’t supposed to find out. Lindsey and Gerard were officially done. And that meant that Gerard and I could pick up right where we left off; at our engagement.
I held on to that thought for a moment before I decided to open my eyes. I blinked a few times because we forgot to close the curtains last night and the sun light was pouring in. I noticed that Gerard was still asleep right in front of me, his face inches from mine. He was sleeping the I always remembered him sleeping; mouth open slightly, eyes shut tight and snoring very softly. I smiled at the fact that I now look back at all these memories and not feel bitter or lonely or regretful because I knew that we would be making even more happy memories together.
I watched Gerard sleep for a while, counting his breaths. Inhale, exhale, inhale, exhale. I reached out a little and very, very gently brushed the tip of my finger against the wispy little ends of his black eyelashes. I gingerly traced my way down his nose until I reached his Cupid’s bow. Then I outlined his lips, which had always seemed to be perpetually chapped. I rested my fingertip on the center of his lower lip and then out of nowhere he bit my finger. I yelped and laughed, realizing that he had been awake the entire time. He laughed too and pulled me into a tight embrace. He looked just as ecstatic as I felt.
We didn’t say anything for a long time. We didn’t need to say anything. When you love somebody, I mean really love somebody, with all the capacity your heart has to love then you can just lay next to each other, silent and still. You can be completely mute, but still be expressing your love them. Sometimes the biggest of moments are shared without any words at all. I was sure that this was one of them. You don’t need words to tell somebody that you love them.
We laid there for hours, occasionally mumbling sweet nothings in each other’s ears and dozing in and out of sleepy day dreams. There have only been three times in my life when I felt this happy. The first was before my father died, the second was when I first laid eyes on Gerard and the third was right now. I was a screw up, I’ll admit. I’ve done a lot of bad and a lot of stupid things. But right now I felt like the most beautiful girl in the world. I felt like a fucking queen. I felt like I was a success.
“This feels like the happiest day of my life.” I said sleepily, opening and shutting my eyes slowly.
“No, the happiest day of your life will be the day when we get married. And that won’t be too far off.” Gerard smiled. I felt my heart light up inside and shine even brighter than it already was. Out of the blue I heard my stomach growl like a rabid wolf and I realized how hungry I was.
“We should go get something to eat. This place has a breakfast buffet downstairs.” Gerard suggested, obviously hearing my stomach growl too. I smiled and nodded, but we were both reluctant to leave the warmth and comfort of the surprisingly cozy hotel bed.
But we did end up getting up. Gerard put on his usually street clothes; black jeans that were way too tight and an Iron Maiden shirt. I put on my mini skirt and a lot cut shirt, feeling flirty and fun and care free for the first time in a long time. Gerard and I walked through the hotel hand in hand, both of us beaming happily and proudly as we showed each other off to everybody around us. We looked like your typical happy couple, only maybe a little creepier because we were smiling so much. The only time we dropped hands was to get our breakfast. I picked up a bagel and Gerard just grabbed a handful of grapes and we went back to our room to eat.
“Hey, before we eat I want to give you something.” Gerard said as I sat on the bed. I raised an eyebrow as he went digging in his pants pocket and laughed a bit as he struggled due to the tightness of said pants.
Finally, he pulled out a little black box. I felt my eyes light up as he approached me and got down on one knee. He opened the tiny box to reveal something I didn’t expect; it was my original engagement ring, the one he had given me the night he proposed five years ago. My heart melted and my eyes started to water. I couldn’t believe he’d kept it all this time. The joy of seeing that ring again and the joy I felt simply because we were together mounted into an unshakable feeling of exuberance that sent the happy tears streaming like small turrets down my cheeks.
“Des, will you marry me?” he asked. I bit my lip and nodded fervently, my throat too choked up to even speak correctly. He smiled and took the ring out of the box and I continued to sob happily.
“Don’t cry.” Gerard laughed a little, slipping the pretty little ring onto its rightful place on my finger. I wiped my eyes with my other hand and laughed a little too.
“I just can’t believe you kept it all these years. I thought you would’ve sold it or something.” I beamed, unable to take my eyes off of it as it glimmered and sparkled on my hand. It felt so good to have it back where it belonged.
“Well, actually I kept it and forgot about it. But when I heard that your band was going to be touring with mine again I searched and found it again. I knew from the moment I found out I would see you again that I wanted to get you back somehow.” Gerard explained, getting off his knee and sitting next to me on the bed. He lifted his wedding ring from around my neck and took it off the chain before placing it back on his finger.
We sat cross-legged on the bed in front of each other, eating and smiling. Gerard was one of the only guys I felt comfortable eating front of because most of the time I looked like a freaking hog when I ate. But he loved me regardless of my messy eating and all my other flaws. I was eye-balling the ring, unable to believe I was actually wearing it when suddenly, I felt something cold and kind of wet hit me in the boob. I looked up to see that Gerard was aiming grapes and attempting to land them in my cleavage. We made eye contact and both burst out laughing.
Then in the mist of our laughter, he scooped me up and sat me in his lap. Gerard was strong, always able to throw me over his shoulder and carry me and pick me up. But then again I weighed practically nothing despite my rabid eating habits and I was very short compared to him. I felt like a child being cradled as he looked over me. He tapped his finger on the tip of nose and I bit my lower lip, smiling up at him. He leaned down and kissed me very gently. This is how love is supposed to feel.
“I feel like I should feed you a grape or something.” Gerard said rather awkwardly. I laughed at his shyness.
“You are so cheesy!” I snickered.
Gerard laughed a little too and then leaned down to kiss me again, only slower and more romantically. He shifted us so that I was laying underneath him. Carefully, he pinned me by my wrists above my head. His eyes were locked on mine and with one hand he reached down slowly and coiled his fingers and palm around my throat, his hand so loose that it was just resting on my neck. I let out a tiny little gasp as I felt his grip tighten in the very slightest. He carefully pressed his lips to mine again and held a little firmer around my neck, actually having a hold of it now. A soft moan passed through my lips into Gerard’s as I felt his lips part and his tongue began to venture into my mouth.
He let go of my wrist and my throat and took my face in his hands, lifting me up a bit so that we were half laying down, half sitting up. He was straddling me at first, but then he sat on his knees and I pulled myself on top of them, wrapping my legs around his waist. I ran my fingers through his knotted hair. It was like we were fighting with our lips; one minute he would forcing me backward and then the next I would be practically of top of him. Gerard was such a passionate kisser, and I loved every second of it. We were locked in tight embrace, a kiss that felt like it would go on into infinity and I would’ve been fine with that.
“WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON HERE?” shrieked a voice so shrill and full of hate it sounding like metal being shredded. Gerard and I whipped our heads around to see the one person we were expecting least; Lindsey and she looked absolutely livid. Her hair was a mess, she was in the same clothes she was wearing yesterday and I saw a fiery hatred in her eyes that I had never felt before in my life. Her gaze was so heated and manic it burned me when her eyes fell from Gerard to me.
“What is this?!” She said, still screaming at the top of her lungs. Gerard snapped out of his little trance and stood up. I sat transfixed and in shock of what was happening. It was so horrible that it hadn’t even registered in my brain yet.
“Lindsey what are you doing here? How did you find us?” Gerard asked, the worry in his voice awakening me from my thoughts. I blinked a few times to make sure the disaster I was seeing in front of me was real; it was.
“I got off the plane as soon as you hung up so we could talk this out but you were already gone! Mikey told me where you were but what he failed to mention was that you were shacking up with that little slut!” She screeched. She sounded like a crazed bat out of hell and I was honestly scared of her at this point.
“Hey, watch it!” Gerard barked at her. She was unfazed by it entirely.
“So she’s the reason you decided to leave me? I’m not the type of girl you just break up with over the phone! Is this because I was holding out from you?” Lindsey spat at him. Wait, holding out on him? What was this?
“Gerard what is she talking about?” I asked, reaching out and touching his arm carefully. He pushed me back gently.
“Don’t listen to her Des. She’s lying.” he said. Lindsey let out a wicked cackle that caused me to jump.
“Oh I’m the liar now? Didn’t he tell you sweetheart? Or did he just happen to forget to mention it?” She taunted, turning her attention me. Her words cut me like a diamond and she shimmered as I bled. I felt the wheels in my head start to turning as I put two and two together.
“Des, don’t listen to her!” Gerard exclaimed, only making Lindsey laugh harder and more manically than before.
“Gerard’s he was holding out on you when we got together?” I asked, feeling my heart that had up until now been soaring, sink to the bottom of my chest.
“No, I told you. She’s lying.” Gerard urged me. I didn’t know what to say or do at this point, but my suspicions where rising with every passing moment.
“But that would mean…” my voice trailed off. I couldn’t even say it for fear that I would break down.
“That’s right honey, he was only using you for sex! Just like me!” she laughed at me. I was mortified. “I can’t believe you Gerard!” she shouted, turning back to him. “ ‘She’s just some ex of mine, she’s not even cute!’” she said, imitating his voice meanly. “Well you were certainly right about one thing!” she snapped, slapping him across the face.
“You said that Gerard?” I gaped, my hurt feelings showing through my cracking voice.
“No, I never said that!” Gerard said quickly, rubbing his reddening cheek.
“Yes he did! You fucking whore!” Lindsey retorted. I didn’t know who or what to believe anymore. I felt lost in this terrible and messy situation. But suddenly Lindsey charged and tried to pummel me but Gerard stepped in between us, barely being able to hold her back. He threw Lindsey back and she grabbed his left wrist, looking down and seeing the ring.
“YOU BASTARD YOU TOLD ME YOU LOST IT!” Lindsey shrieked, screaming like some kind of crazy bitch harpie. I got off the bed and started to gather my things from the corner of the room.
“Des, wait what are you doing? Where are you going?” Gerard asked, totally ignoring Lindsey and turning to me. I scooped my clothes into my arms and headed for the door.
“You lied to me Gerard! You lied to me!” I shouted. Gerard followed me and I backed away, feeling my vision going fuzzy with tears.
“Des, just let me explain. You have to let me explain.” He said desperately. I couldn’t take it. I couldn’t handle this inevitable truth being laid out in front of me.
“YOU USED ME!” I yelled through my tears. “Take your fucking ring and your fucking wedding!” I said, pulling the ring off my finger and throwing it at him. Then I turned on my heel and left, not even looking to see if he caught it or not.
Gerard followed me out of the room so I started running down the hall. I could hear him running after me and I wasn’t sure if Lindsey was following or not. All I knew was that I had to get away from here, from him and from everything. Gerard caught up to me in the lobby where they had two police men standing there. We must’ve been making such a racket that they called in the cops. Gerard grabbed my wrist right before I was about to make it out the door and yanked me backwards. I screamed bloody murder and the two cops pounced on him, leaving me to escape.
Once outside I hailed a taxi. One came by right as one of the cops started to jog after me. I got in it as fast as I could and slammed the door.
“Where to lady?” asked the scruffy voice of the driver.
“Anywhere! Anywhere but here! Just hurry!” I rushed him. He noticed the cop and put the pedal to the metal. As we drove away I kept looking back until I was sure that the police weren’t following me.
“Hey, could you take me to the train station?” I asked once we turned our third corner.
“Sure thing lady.” the cab driver said.
I rested my head on the back of the seat to help the tears from pouring out of my eyes. Here I was, running away again. Running away from the one who loved me, the one I thought loved me. I felt stupid. I felt like a total idiot. How could I have not known this? The only reason men cheat on women is for sex. But no, I believed everything he ever told me and did whatever he wanted. God I was so stupid! I couldn’t believe I let myself drift into this elicit affair. I didn’t even feel bad about Lindsey anymore, after all it wasn’t my fault that Gerard cheated because he had lied to me about it too.
I pulled out my phone and called Milo. He picked up on the second ring.
“So chica, how was your night? I saw you and Gerard swapping spit at the air port.” he said right when he answered. I let out a big sob.
“Milo, please don’t say ‘I don’t you so’.”
A/N
This is not the end...
My dreams were sweet little nothings that night, but I was excited for morning to come so that I could face the dawn that would be our first time free of our worries. The first thing I realized when I felt sunlight pouring over my closed eyes was that Gerard was next to me and that last night was the first night we slept together in five years. This made me so happy I wanted to cry. Our entire relationship I always wished he could spend the night and that I could wake up next to him. And now, for the first time in too long it was actually happening, my wish was coming true.
In fact, a lot of my wishes come true over the past months. I got my one and only back and was able to keep my friends in the process. Well, most of them anyway. Nobody found out that wasn’t supposed to find out. Lindsey and Gerard were officially done. And that meant that Gerard and I could pick up right where we left off; at our engagement.
I held on to that thought for a moment before I decided to open my eyes. I blinked a few times because we forgot to close the curtains last night and the sun light was pouring in. I noticed that Gerard was still asleep right in front of me, his face inches from mine. He was sleeping the I always remembered him sleeping; mouth open slightly, eyes shut tight and snoring very softly. I smiled at the fact that I now look back at all these memories and not feel bitter or lonely or regretful because I knew that we would be making even more happy memories together.
I watched Gerard sleep for a while, counting his breaths. Inhale, exhale, inhale, exhale. I reached out a little and very, very gently brushed the tip of my finger against the wispy little ends of his black eyelashes. I gingerly traced my way down his nose until I reached his Cupid’s bow. Then I outlined his lips, which had always seemed to be perpetually chapped. I rested my fingertip on the center of his lower lip and then out of nowhere he bit my finger. I yelped and laughed, realizing that he had been awake the entire time. He laughed too and pulled me into a tight embrace. He looked just as ecstatic as I felt.
We didn’t say anything for a long time. We didn’t need to say anything. When you love somebody, I mean really love somebody, with all the capacity your heart has to love then you can just lay next to each other, silent and still. You can be completely mute, but still be expressing your love them. Sometimes the biggest of moments are shared without any words at all. I was sure that this was one of them. You don’t need words to tell somebody that you love them.
We laid there for hours, occasionally mumbling sweet nothings in each other’s ears and dozing in and out of sleepy day dreams. There have only been three times in my life when I felt this happy. The first was before my father died, the second was when I first laid eyes on Gerard and the third was right now. I was a screw up, I’ll admit. I’ve done a lot of bad and a lot of stupid things. But right now I felt like the most beautiful girl in the world. I felt like a fucking queen. I felt like I was a success.
“This feels like the happiest day of my life.” I said sleepily, opening and shutting my eyes slowly.
“No, the happiest day of your life will be the day when we get married. And that won’t be too far off.” Gerard smiled. I felt my heart light up inside and shine even brighter than it already was. Out of the blue I heard my stomach growl like a rabid wolf and I realized how hungry I was.
“We should go get something to eat. This place has a breakfast buffet downstairs.” Gerard suggested, obviously hearing my stomach growl too. I smiled and nodded, but we were both reluctant to leave the warmth and comfort of the surprisingly cozy hotel bed.
But we did end up getting up. Gerard put on his usually street clothes; black jeans that were way too tight and an Iron Maiden shirt. I put on my mini skirt and a lot cut shirt, feeling flirty and fun and care free for the first time in a long time. Gerard and I walked through the hotel hand in hand, both of us beaming happily and proudly as we showed each other off to everybody around us. We looked like your typical happy couple, only maybe a little creepier because we were smiling so much. The only time we dropped hands was to get our breakfast. I picked up a bagel and Gerard just grabbed a handful of grapes and we went back to our room to eat.
“Hey, before we eat I want to give you something.” Gerard said as I sat on the bed. I raised an eyebrow as he went digging in his pants pocket and laughed a bit as he struggled due to the tightness of said pants.
Finally, he pulled out a little black box. I felt my eyes light up as he approached me and got down on one knee. He opened the tiny box to reveal something I didn’t expect; it was my original engagement ring, the one he had given me the night he proposed five years ago. My heart melted and my eyes started to water. I couldn’t believe he’d kept it all this time. The joy of seeing that ring again and the joy I felt simply because we were together mounted into an unshakable feeling of exuberance that sent the happy tears streaming like small turrets down my cheeks.
“Des, will you marry me?” he asked. I bit my lip and nodded fervently, my throat too choked up to even speak correctly. He smiled and took the ring out of the box and I continued to sob happily.
“Don’t cry.” Gerard laughed a little, slipping the pretty little ring onto its rightful place on my finger. I wiped my eyes with my other hand and laughed a little too.
“I just can’t believe you kept it all these years. I thought you would’ve sold it or something.” I beamed, unable to take my eyes off of it as it glimmered and sparkled on my hand. It felt so good to have it back where it belonged.
“Well, actually I kept it and forgot about it. But when I heard that your band was going to be touring with mine again I searched and found it again. I knew from the moment I found out I would see you again that I wanted to get you back somehow.” Gerard explained, getting off his knee and sitting next to me on the bed. He lifted his wedding ring from around my neck and took it off the chain before placing it back on his finger.
We sat cross-legged on the bed in front of each other, eating and smiling. Gerard was one of the only guys I felt comfortable eating front of because most of the time I looked like a freaking hog when I ate. But he loved me regardless of my messy eating and all my other flaws. I was eye-balling the ring, unable to believe I was actually wearing it when suddenly, I felt something cold and kind of wet hit me in the boob. I looked up to see that Gerard was aiming grapes and attempting to land them in my cleavage. We made eye contact and both burst out laughing.
Then in the mist of our laughter, he scooped me up and sat me in his lap. Gerard was strong, always able to throw me over his shoulder and carry me and pick me up. But then again I weighed practically nothing despite my rabid eating habits and I was very short compared to him. I felt like a child being cradled as he looked over me. He tapped his finger on the tip of nose and I bit my lower lip, smiling up at him. He leaned down and kissed me very gently. This is how love is supposed to feel.
“I feel like I should feed you a grape or something.” Gerard said rather awkwardly. I laughed at his shyness.
“You are so cheesy!” I snickered.
Gerard laughed a little too and then leaned down to kiss me again, only slower and more romantically. He shifted us so that I was laying underneath him. Carefully, he pinned me by my wrists above my head. His eyes were locked on mine and with one hand he reached down slowly and coiled his fingers and palm around my throat, his hand so loose that it was just resting on my neck. I let out a tiny little gasp as I felt his grip tighten in the very slightest. He carefully pressed his lips to mine again and held a little firmer around my neck, actually having a hold of it now. A soft moan passed through my lips into Gerard’s as I felt his lips part and his tongue began to venture into my mouth.
He let go of my wrist and my throat and took my face in his hands, lifting me up a bit so that we were half laying down, half sitting up. He was straddling me at first, but then he sat on his knees and I pulled myself on top of them, wrapping my legs around his waist. I ran my fingers through his knotted hair. It was like we were fighting with our lips; one minute he would forcing me backward and then the next I would be practically of top of him. Gerard was such a passionate kisser, and I loved every second of it. We were locked in tight embrace, a kiss that felt like it would go on into infinity and I would’ve been fine with that.
“WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON HERE?” shrieked a voice so shrill and full of hate it sounding like metal being shredded. Gerard and I whipped our heads around to see the one person we were expecting least; Lindsey and she looked absolutely livid. Her hair was a mess, she was in the same clothes she was wearing yesterday and I saw a fiery hatred in her eyes that I had never felt before in my life. Her gaze was so heated and manic it burned me when her eyes fell from Gerard to me.
“What is this?!” She said, still screaming at the top of her lungs. Gerard snapped out of his little trance and stood up. I sat transfixed and in shock of what was happening. It was so horrible that it hadn’t even registered in my brain yet.
“Lindsey what are you doing here? How did you find us?” Gerard asked, the worry in his voice awakening me from my thoughts. I blinked a few times to make sure the disaster I was seeing in front of me was real; it was.
“I got off the plane as soon as you hung up so we could talk this out but you were already gone! Mikey told me where you were but what he failed to mention was that you were shacking up with that little slut!” She screeched. She sounded like a crazed bat out of hell and I was honestly scared of her at this point.
“Hey, watch it!” Gerard barked at her. She was unfazed by it entirely.
“So she’s the reason you decided to leave me? I’m not the type of girl you just break up with over the phone! Is this because I was holding out from you?” Lindsey spat at him. Wait, holding out on him? What was this?
“Gerard what is she talking about?” I asked, reaching out and touching his arm carefully. He pushed me back gently.
“Don’t listen to her Des. She’s lying.” he said. Lindsey let out a wicked cackle that caused me to jump.
“Oh I’m the liar now? Didn’t he tell you sweetheart? Or did he just happen to forget to mention it?” She taunted, turning her attention me. Her words cut me like a diamond and she shimmered as I bled. I felt the wheels in my head start to turning as I put two and two together.
“Des, don’t listen to her!” Gerard exclaimed, only making Lindsey laugh harder and more manically than before.
“Gerard’s he was holding out on you when we got together?” I asked, feeling my heart that had up until now been soaring, sink to the bottom of my chest.
“No, I told you. She’s lying.” Gerard urged me. I didn’t know what to say or do at this point, but my suspicions where rising with every passing moment.
“But that would mean…” my voice trailed off. I couldn’t even say it for fear that I would break down.
“That’s right honey, he was only using you for sex! Just like me!” she laughed at me. I was mortified. “I can’t believe you Gerard!” she shouted, turning back to him. “ ‘She’s just some ex of mine, she’s not even cute!’” she said, imitating his voice meanly. “Well you were certainly right about one thing!” she snapped, slapping him across the face.
“You said that Gerard?” I gaped, my hurt feelings showing through my cracking voice.
“No, I never said that!” Gerard said quickly, rubbing his reddening cheek.
“Yes he did! You fucking whore!” Lindsey retorted. I didn’t know who or what to believe anymore. I felt lost in this terrible and messy situation. But suddenly Lindsey charged and tried to pummel me but Gerard stepped in between us, barely being able to hold her back. He threw Lindsey back and she grabbed his left wrist, looking down and seeing the ring.
“YOU BASTARD YOU TOLD ME YOU LOST IT!” Lindsey shrieked, screaming like some kind of crazy bitch harpie. I got off the bed and started to gather my things from the corner of the room.
“Des, wait what are you doing? Where are you going?” Gerard asked, totally ignoring Lindsey and turning to me. I scooped my clothes into my arms and headed for the door.
“You lied to me Gerard! You lied to me!” I shouted. Gerard followed me and I backed away, feeling my vision going fuzzy with tears.
“Des, just let me explain. You have to let me explain.” He said desperately. I couldn’t take it. I couldn’t handle this inevitable truth being laid out in front of me.
“YOU USED ME!” I yelled through my tears. “Take your fucking ring and your fucking wedding!” I said, pulling the ring off my finger and throwing it at him. Then I turned on my heel and left, not even looking to see if he caught it or not.
Gerard followed me out of the room so I started running down the hall. I could hear him running after me and I wasn’t sure if Lindsey was following or not. All I knew was that I had to get away from here, from him and from everything. Gerard caught up to me in the lobby where they had two police men standing there. We must’ve been making such a racket that they called in the cops. Gerard grabbed my wrist right before I was about to make it out the door and yanked me backwards. I screamed bloody murder and the two cops pounced on him, leaving me to escape.
Once outside I hailed a taxi. One came by right as one of the cops started to jog after me. I got in it as fast as I could and slammed the door.
“Where to lady?” asked the scruffy voice of the driver.
“Anywhere! Anywhere but here! Just hurry!” I rushed him. He noticed the cop and put the pedal to the metal. As we drove away I kept looking back until I was sure that the police weren’t following me.
“Hey, could you take me to the train station?” I asked once we turned our third corner.
“Sure thing lady.” the cab driver said.
I rested my head on the back of the seat to help the tears from pouring out of my eyes. Here I was, running away again. Running away from the one who loved me, the one I thought loved me. I felt stupid. I felt like a total idiot. How could I have not known this? The only reason men cheat on women is for sex. But no, I believed everything he ever told me and did whatever he wanted. God I was so stupid! I couldn’t believe I let myself drift into this elicit affair. I didn’t even feel bad about Lindsey anymore, after all it wasn’t my fault that Gerard cheated because he had lied to me about it too.
I pulled out my phone and called Milo. He picked up on the second ring.
“So chica, how was your night? I saw you and Gerard swapping spit at the air port.” he said right when he answered. I let out a big sob.
“Milo, please don’t say ‘I don’t you so’.”
A/N
This is not the end...
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