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He was dreaming again. In his dream he was laying in bed with El. None of this hit him as odd. It felt good to be able to lie close to someone, listen to the beating of their heart and know that if you relaxed they wouldn't kill you.

Sheldon sat up suddenly. It was dark (as it always was); he could hear a gentle murmur in his ear, a hand in his hair and a familiar cologne in his nose. He was unsure as to when he became so comfortable. He wasn't sure that this was a safe thing to do.

El watched the other man. He had been a musician before he became an assassin. He was a bit more sensitive to the needs and body languages of other people then the average person. That's how; even without looking at Sheldon's face he could tell that Sands was having an inner struggle. "What is it?"

Sands snuggled closer despite the alarm bells going off in his head. "Ajedrez hurt me, betrayed me and so I killed her. Jena had said she loved me but once I was," he waved a hand in front of his face, "mutilated I was no longer worth her time. Now where do I stand? I can't be what I was. The man that I had been is dead. Why are you here?"

El shrugged. "I originally came here to see if you were okay. Now… I don't know."

There was an eerie silence Sands was unsure what to do with the feelings that he was having. This man, who he lay beside, had in fact fucked him and yet he didn't want him to leave. "Fuck it." He had never been good with feelings or anything emotional. "Stay, leave or go back to Guitar Town. It doesn't matter."

El nodded. He had expected that something like this would happen. Sands didn't hit him as the type of guy to be able to be emotionally open. "What do you want?"

"Revenge."

El snickered. If there was one thing he knew, it was that getting revenge never solved anything. He had killed Bucho because of his girlfriend being shot and because he had been shot in the hand. Bucho had been his brother. That hadn't solved anything or magically made better. He and Carolina had still had their lives ripped apart. General Marquez had seen to that.

Then Sands had presented him with an opportunity that he hadn't believed he would get. Sands gave him the chance to kill Marquez and against his better judgment he had done it. He should have listened to the voice in his head but he didn't.

In the end, revenge got them both. He had made his kill and now he had nothing. Sands had gone against the grain, attempted the impossible and now he was blind—forever. Just as El was alone forever. Was Sands the missing piece of his heart? He hoped not.

El lifted Sands' chin up and looked into the dark abyss. Sands was shaking slightly but he was desperately trying not to let it show.

"El?"

El gently ran his fingers through Sheldon's hair. "What will revenge give you? Will you magically be able to see again?"

Sheldon pulled El's hand away. He buried his face in the Mexican's chest. "No."

"Then why got after it? And besides that most of the Cartel members are dead anyway. Even if you did manage to find them and kill them, then what?"

Sands just shook his head. He hated that El made sense. "What now then? The life that I thought I had to come back to is gone. I'm stuck in this shit-hole of a town that I thought I had left for good years ago. What do I do now?"

El lifted Sands' hand to his lips. At first Sheldon had no idea what El was doing, then he realized, the fucker was smiling and he wanted him to know that. "Okay so you find the situation hilarious."

"You must be blind. I'm here for you and you can't even see that."

Sands was quiet. He hadn't seen that coming either. Last time he hadn't seen something it had cost him. Everything around him was telling him that this was a trap. He felt helpless. He hated feeling helpless.

El immediately picked up on the cues Sands' body was sending him. Sheldon's body temperature visibly dropped, his breathing had sped up and all the muscles in his body had gone rigid. "Sands?" He was frightened when he got no response.

Sands didn't respond because he was trapped inside his head. The memory was hazy at best. His father holding his hand leading him into a mostly dark room. He was young, five at the most. He remembered sitting on the bed and then there was pain, like a hot light all around him. His father telling him that it was all right and that he shouldn't cry. Then nothing.

"Sands." El was drawing soothing patterns on the back of one of Sands' hands with his index finger.

Sands shook his head to clear it. "El. What to you want from me?" He was terrified of the answer. He didn't know what he'd do if El wanted that.

"Companionship."

Sands shook his head. "You bastard. I can't be the person that you want. I'm weak."

El noticed that there was blood starting to drip from Sheldon's palm. He gently over-turned Sheldon's palm and opened his hand. He knew, without looking up that Sands wasn't facing him anymore, he was shaking and that usually meant that he was crying. El put his hand against the side of Sheldon's face. He shifted so that he was lying next to Sheldon, holding his face and whispering in his ear. "You are not weak. I know what the Cartel did to you and you're still here."

Sands pulled away from El's touch (not showing on his face how much he didn't want to). "This isn't about Mexico, not everything was."

El pulled Sands closer to him and gently rubbed his back. "Whatever it is, you can tell me."

Sands shook his head. "You'll just use it against me."

El held him tighter. He knew that if he could get Sands to open up to him that maybe he'd be able to understand why the man was the way he was. "I wouldn't come all the way over here just to backstab you." As he rubbed Sands' back he was amazed at how quickly Sheldon calmed down and relaxed.

"It's nothing. I barely remember it."

El shook his head. "No. Obviously it does bother you, enough to give you nightmares." He was stroking the side of Sands' face. He knew he must have been doing something because Sands was leaning into his touch.

"It's blurred. I'm pretty sure that my psyche has blocked most things out but I'm positive that my father; Jeffrey Sands hurt me. I'm certain my mother found out and that was why they divorced. The only thing that I do remember is that there were people in the room and I was almost always in pain. I haven't had dreams about it in years. They only seemed to have resurfaced since I moved back here."

El knew what he wanted to ask Sands but didn't know if he should. It was clear that Sands didn't trust him. It was also obvious that his nightmares weren't going to stop until he moved. "Sands?"

"Hmm?" Sheldon was positive that El was going to ask him to move. He didn't want to. He liked the feeling of another person being this close to him. Most of his brain was relaxed but the CIA-trained portion was screaming at him to get up and run.

"Come away with me." El scrunched his nose at the way that that came out. It had sounded much better in his head. He had never had this problem with Carolina; words with her were always easy. Sands was difficult.

Sands eyebrows rose from the edge of his glasses. "You're serious?"

El nodded. "Si. You aren't doing well here and I don't do well alone. Do you want some time to think about it?"

"Last time I trusted someone," He took off his glasses, "we all know what happened."

El kissed his forehead. He did it to shock Sands into shutting up. He did it because he wanted to. It did shut Sheldon up, briefly.

Sheldon reached up and returned the kiss, but on El's mouth rather than his forehead. The kiss left the both of them breathless.

"If we don't stop now," El panted. "I'll want you out of your clothes."

Sands kissed him again. "And we can't have that now, can we?