Categories > Books > Harry Potter > Gene-Spliced Harry

Chapter 4

by Cypher3au 8 reviews

Alternate Order of the Phoenix. Harry is, quite naturally, a little ticked off at his friends and the Headmaster. Muggle science has developed a way to splice animal DNA into humans. Fawkes has ...

Category: Harry Potter - Rating: PG-13 - Genres: Sci-fi - Characters: Fleur, Harry, Tonks - Warnings: [!] - Published: 2006-05-26 - Updated: 2006-05-26 - 3257 words

Chapter 4 was a little short, so I'm jamming Chapter 5 onto the end.

*Knock-Knock-Knock!* "Potter! Black! Get your arses downstairs!"

Eased gently back into the waking world by the loud knocking and harsh growl of Mad-Eye Moody, Harry regained his senses in time to hear the ex-Auror stomping back down the hall, down the stairs, and out the front door on his wooden leg. Glancing tiredly around, he found himself sprawled face-down on the bed of a dingy bedroom, one vast red and gold wing covering the still-snoozing and whimpering canine form of Sirius Black. Folding his wings against his back, he not-so-gently nudged his Godfather with a bare foot. "Oi, Snuffles! Get up!"

Grumbling sleepily at the sudden loss of warmth, Sirius whimpered and kicked the air before settling back to full sleep.

Smirking to himself, Harry slowly slid one wing under the large dog, grinning as the canine rolled onto the warm appendage, then grunted with the effort it took to flip the poor bastard off of the bed like a furry oversized pancake.


It was a highly disoriented and confused Sirius Black who shifted back to human form and stumbled to his feet. He got his bearings soon enough when he found his Godson laughing his arse off. "What the hell was that for!?"

Wiping the tears from his eyes, Harry took a deep breath before answering. "I just felt like it, really." He noticed the clock on the wall, and blinked in surprise. "Besides, it's noon; I think we've slept in long enough." Rolling off the bed, the part-phoenix picked his new shirt up from where it was dumped on a desk and pulled it on, buttoning it up the front before doing up the buttons above his wings. "Hmm, I need to get more clothes; I can't just wear this one shirt for the rest of the year."

Sirius shrugged, rummaging around in a trunk at the foot of the bed. "I don't see why not; I wore a single pair of boxers non-stop almost three years straight without washing them."


The animagus glanced up at the silence and caught the grossed-out look on his Godson's face. "What? They were lucky!"

Despite himself, Harry was curious. "Did they work?"

"You bet! Say what you will about Snivellus, but the prick can mix a potion; Felix Felicis is no easy brew."

"Felix Felicis?"

The escapee nodded. "Good luck in a cauldron. Works like nothing else, but is a nightmare to mix. Snape made up a batch in his seventh year - Merlin only knows how he got the ingredients and the time - and it was damn near perfect right up until the end."

"What happened?"

Sirius snickered. "I dumped my undies in there. Buggered up the potion something horrendous, that did."

Yawning, Harry dropped himself into a chair at the dining room table and waved casually to the rest of the group as Sirius sat across from him. "G'morning... afternoon... whatever."

"Bloody Hell!" Ah Ronald; as articulate and softly-spoken as always.

Next to Harry, Hermione stared at his new wings in awe. "Merlin...Remus told us about your wings last night, but I didn't think... how on Earth did muggles do this?"

The owner of said wings shrugged. "Science has come a long way. You know what else they invented?"

Hermione shook her head. "No, what?"


The muggle-born Gryffindor winced, wringing her hands nervously while most of the other people seated at the table shifted nervously. "I know you must be angry with us, Harry-"

Harry cut her off. "No, not really. Just very, very disappointed. Pass the sandwiches, will you?"


"Sandwiches. I crave sustainance." Taking the tray that Remus silently handed him, Harry decided to just leave it in front of himself, rather than take a few and pass the tray on. "Bursting all over the country burns up a lot of energy, if you'll pardon the pun." Stuffing the sandwich quarter in his mouth, he studied the rest of the people at the table as he chewed, and spoke up after he swallowed. "So we've got Sirius, Remus, Hermione, Ron, Ginny, Fred, George, and Mrs Weasley, plus one pink-haired hottie who I still haven't had the pleasure of being introduced to."

Mrs Weasley, Hermione and Ginny huffed and Ron hunched over his plate, his ears going red, while Fred and George cheered and exchanged high fives, marching around the table and grabbing Harry in a two-man headlock. "Our ickle Harrikins is growing up-"

"-and noticing the ladies!"

"Good taste, too-"

"-even if he does seem to have an eye for the older babes."

"First Cho-"

"-and now Tonks!"

Molly scowled at the identical duo. "Fred! George! Stop that!"

Slipping out of the head-lock, Harry decided to add a little fuel to the fire. "You forgot that hot cat-girl I snogged at the Splicing Centre last night."

There was a brief pause as this new information was assimilated, but the Weasley twins came back with a vengeance. "HA! Looks like the canary got the cat for a change!"

"D'ya think the cat got his tongue?"

Sirius added his thoughts with a wide grin. "A bit early for her to get the 'cream', don't you think?"

The twins roared with laughter, but the vulgarity was just a little too much for Molly. "SIRIUS! Stop encouraging them! Fred, George, sit down and eat your lunch; you've got work to do!"

Ron looked up from his plate. "But Mum, we've got catching up to do with Harry!"

Molly wasn't swayed in the least. "You can talk while you work, now eat up!"

After ten years and several summers at the Dursley's, Harry wasn't even remotely interested in wasting any more of his free time on housework. "I can wait until the others are done for the day. Anyway, I've got to go shopping for new clothes; all I've got that actually fits is what I'm wearing now."

Mrs. Weasley frowned. "If you didn't have those silly wings it wouldn't be a problem, but I suppose I could find something around here to modify to fit you."

Ignoring her, Harry turned to Tonks. "You look like you've got some fashion sense. Up to helping me find a new wardrobe... Tonks, was it?"

The young woman grinned. "That's my name, and as long as you promise not to call me anything else I'll be happy to give you a hand."

The Boy-Who-Lived cocked his head to the side, curious. "What else would I call you?"

The young Auror scowled. "Never you mind!"

Remus, trying to succeed where Molly failed, spoke up. "Harry, I really think it would be best if you stayed here for the time being..."

Apparently still suffering from selective deafness, Harry turned to Sirius. "You want to come with?"

The dog-man shook his head. "Nah, I think I'll go back to bed; I'm not as young as I used to be, after all. Just look after my cousin's daughter, will you?"

Harry's eyebrows rose at the relation revelation, but his hormones were undeterred. "I'll be keeping a very close eye on her, that's for sure."

"...for the sake of my sanity, I'm just going to assume that that comment was entirely innocent."

The phoenix/panther man shrugged dismissively, picking up another sandwich. "Whatever helps you get to sleep."

Exploding from the fireplace of the Leaky Cauldron, Harry had just enough time to taste exactly how dirty the floor of the pub was before the breath was blown out of his lungs by the perky, green-haired Auror who'd followed him through the Floo network and belly-flopped onto his back.

Pushing herself up into a sitting position on the gasping wizard's back, Tonks chuckled to herself. "Heh...looks like we both suck at that, huh Harry?"

Coughing a few more times, Harry groaned and lifted himelf up - ignoring the squawking sound the witch made as she fell off his back - and brushed himself off. "With the possible exception of broomsticks, I really don't seem to have much luck with wizarding transportation."

Tonks frowned from her place on the floor. "Broomsticks? But Sirius and Remus are always talking about what an excellent flier you are..."

"Yeah, and I play Quidditch..." He held out his hand and helped Tonks to her feet before continuing. "...which means I run into little things like Bludgers, other players, the ground, and Dementors."


By now, Tom, the toothless bartender, had walked out from behind the bar to greet the two after their rather spectacularly fucked-up arrival. "Good afternoon Sir, Ma'am. Can I set up a table for two, or would you like a private dining area?"

A smooth, dangerous voice cut in before the two could answer. "Potter and this little trollop won't be dining here; they'll be coming with me."

As Tonks growled and palmed her wand in a white-knuckle grip, Harry turned and arched an eyebrow at the Potion Master's announcement. "I would have thought that last night would have taught you to keep your big nose out of other people's business, Snivellus."

Snarling at the utterence of his much-loathed childhood nickname, Snape leaned in real close, his afforementioned big nose almost touching Harry's, and his black eyes glittering malevolently. "You are coming with me, Potter; The Headmaster and I need to have a very long discussion about your behaviour last night, as well as the kind of behaviour we expect from you throughout the rest of the year."

Blinking away the faint pressure he felt on his eyes, and pondering the flicker of surprise he saw in the older man's eyes, Harry's reply could have been considered somewhat childish, despite it's effectiveness. "For Merlin's sake, remove that god-damned rod from your arse already! Your breath is really starting to suffer for it!"

Grabbing at Harry's neck, Snape was completely unprepared by Harry's counter, as the young wizard slipped around the grab and caught Snape's wrist, yanking him forward while simultaneously clipping the teacher's ankles with his feet, sending the Death Eater flying into a heavily beer-laden table occupied by a number of dwarves. Alcohol went everywhere, and the quartet of considerably-plastered subterranean beings roared in anger at the wasted booze.

A little more than half as tall and twice as wide as the Potions Master, the dwarves made efficient use of meaty fists and sturdy steins, battering the hook-nosed bastard into unconciousness in record time, before turning to Harry with murder in their eyes.

Unperturbed, Harry turned to Tom. "Could you put the next three rounds for these fine gentlemen on my tab?"

Sneaking a quick glance at a much more cheerful hoard of dwarves, Tom nodded quickly, motioning for a waiter to attend to the bearded folk. "Er, of course, of course." Clearing his throat, the bartender staightened up into a more professional posture. "So, table for two?"

Harry shook his head. "I'm afraid not. We're just heading to Gringotts, then muggle London for some clothes shopping. I've had a bit of a growth spurt, and I need to get something that I can pull on around these." He flexed his wings slightly, drawing the attention of several of the bar's patrons who had, up until now, been studiously ignoring the floor show.

Tom eyed the two appendages curiously. "Magical accident?"

"Nope, deliberate muggle procedure."

Blinking in surprise, the bartender eventually just shrugged, half-accepting, half-doubting the story. "In any case, it's a good look for you. In fact, I honestly didn't recognise you without those horrid glasses and baggy clothes."

Tonks poked Harry and tapped her watch meaningfully. "You'll have to excuse us, Tom. We've got a lot of shopping to do, and only about six hours to do it in."

The Boy-Who-Lived frowned. "How long could it possibly take to buy a couple of sets of clothes?"

The metamorph just snickered, grabbing Harry by the arm and dragged him out the back of the bar, just as the dwarves got their hands on their fresh drinks and burst into raucous song...


If Tonks had been snickering as she dragged Harry out of the pub, then she was falling all over herself with laughter as Harry dragged her into Diagon Alley and tapped the brick that reassembled the brick wall, cutting of the third round of 'Harry's Valentine'. "I knew I recognised those bloody dwarves!"

This only served to kick off another round of hysterics from his companion. She fell against him, wrapping her arms around his neck and burying her face in the crook of his neck as she shook with laughter. It took a couple of minutes for the witch to calm down, but once she did, she took a step away from her miffed support, giggling and wiping the tears from her eyes. "Merlin, I haven't laughed that hard in years."

"And it was at my expense, too. I'm honored."

Hooking Harry's arm with her own, Tonks led him through the bustling crowd towards their destination, sighing whistfully. "Don't feel too bad; my love life is a bit of a laughing stock, too."

Harry's eyebrows rose. "I find that a little hard to believe."

The metamorph nodded somewhat depressingly. "You'd be surprised. Take just recently for an example; I meet this nice guy; kinda cute in a scruffy way, and I'm interested. I talk to him, find out what he likes, and we share a couple of interests, so I start a little flirting and putting out the signals. What do I get for it? Nothing! I even asked him out to dinner and he still wasn't interested!"

Intrigued by this unexpected glimpse into the workings of the female mind, Harry wisely remained silent and let the Auror get her problems off of her chest.

Tonks was on a roll. "I mean, not to brag or anything, but I'm a hell of a catch! I'm a fun-loving, athletic Auror, with a pretty face, a decent handful out front, and a killer arse! And to top it all off, I can change my body all kinds of ways with just a little effort, and I don't mind experimenting a bit in or out of the bedroom. Why the hell won't that bloody wolf take the bait?!"

Tonks had just become the most fascinating creature in Harry's world. She'd also grabbed the attention of a few nearby wizards, who were currently checking the validity of Tonks' self-appraisal, aided by her entirely muggle clothing. Harry glared viciously at an elderly wizard who'd been leering and smoothing out his beard, and wrapped an arm companionably around the witch's shoulders. "To be honest, I always kinda figured Remus was...y'" He thought it over for a bit. "Or at least asexual."

The Auror's head whipped around, and she stared at Harry hard. "What makes you think that he's gay?"

Harry shrugged. "Well, the moustache is a big part of it, and I saw Sinestra chatting him up once or twice in my third year, but he never took the bait there, either. And last night while we were out bonding, Sirius told me that Remus was never particularly interested in girls when the two of them were still going to Hogwarts, or afterwards, for that matter."

The Auror studied his face shrewdly. "...did Sirius actually say that, or are you just trying to stake a claim on me for yourself?"

Harry looked shocked that she would even ask such a thing. "Of course Sirius said that! You can ask him yourself if you like." He bit his lip for a second before admitting. "And I might be putting the moves on you a little, too."

Chuckling, Tonks shook her head at his audacity. "I'm about seven years older than you, Harry. Isn't there someone in your own age bracket..." She scrunched her face up as the hypocrisy of her argument occured to her. "Ok, let me rephrase that. Isn't there someone still at Hogwarts that you wouldn't mind sharing a broom closet with?"

Going through what he knew of the hotties of Hogwarts, Harry couldn't really think of any females he'd actually have a chance of tongue-wrestling with. Cho was currently in a can of worms, locked in a massive vault, and buried six feet under in the recesses of his mind. The Gryffindor Chasers probably wouldn't be interested in helping him fulfill the extremely perverted fantasies he'd had once or twice over the years, though he made a note to borrow a bottle of, 'liquid Gryffindor spirit', so he could ask them anyway. The Patil Twins were tempting, but it would take an unbelievable amount of grovelling and smooth talking for that little daydream to come to pass, especially considering the way he and Ron had treated them during the Yule Ball. "Well, since Fleur left at the end of the tournament, I guess I would have to say 'no'."

" aim high, don't you?"

"I'm aiming for you, aren't I?"

Given the recent battering her self-image had received from the numerous rebuffs of a certain werewolf, Tonks was more appreciative of the compliment than she would have otherwise been, even if it was from a minor. Still... "You're fifteen. It would border on illegal, even if we didn't fool around, and you've still got two years of Hogwarts ahead of you. I, for one, am not overly interested in having a boyfriend I could only see on Hogsmead visits."

The part-animal shrugged, unconcerned. "I guess that gives me a little under two years to warm you up to the idea."

The witch eyed him imperiously through narrowed eyes. "And what makes you think you can 'warm me up'?"

Harry stopped and stepped off of the main strip into a small alley between two stores, gently yanking Tonks closer so they were face-to-face before he enfolded her firm body in his wings, holding her to him. "I'm a phoenix, dear. Warming is what I do."

Despite herself, Tonks decided to give the matter some serious thought. "...alright then, cutey; if I'm not in a relationship the day you get off the Hogwarts Express after your seventh year, you can take me out for a night on the town."

Harry grinned eagerly. "Promise?"

The green-haired woman nodded resolutely. "Promise. I've got this slinky little dress in mind, too. You'll love it."

"I already do." Unwrapping the Auror (and grinning like a maniac internally when he realised she was looking a tad disappointed) Harry took her by the hand and set the two back on the path to Gringotts. "I hope you realise that I'm not going to stop flirting with you."

Squeezing his hand slightly, Tonks smiled cheerfully. "I can live with that."

The two walked in silence for a small while, weaving through the numerous shoppers, until Harry spoke up again. "...hypothetically speaking, if there was this girl I really liked, what kind of gift should I send her to encourage her to like me too?"

Now grinning, Tonks shook her head at the deliberately blunt, transparent tactic. "I like Weird Sisters music, and I'm practically addicted to chocolate frogs."

Glancing down at the flat tummy shown off by her midriff top, Harry shook his head in mock wonder. "With a trim, sexy body like that, I'd never have known."

Tonks pouted. "Hmph. You keep that up, and you'll have me eating out of your hand in no time."

Chapter...uh...4. Check it, yo!

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