Categories > Celebrities > My Chemical Romance > For the Last Night I Lie, Could I Lie with You?
Due to the reviews from you guys telling me to keep going, I am! So here is the next chapter! I would just like to really thank all of you for your kind words and encouragement, even though for some reason this story has horrible ratings... But if you all like it then I will keep writing! You are the best readers ever! And lets fix those crappy ratings, but rating well! Enjoy and I adore you all (:
Chapter 20: Forgiveness?
Paige's POV
I had no idea what was about to happen, I mean I knew everyone wanted Gee and I to work things out, but what were Ray and Frank doing here with their guitars. I just looked around absent mindedly; apparently I had the right idea because that is exactly what everyone else was doing. Gee finally broke the awkward silence when he told me to sit because he wrote something for me. At first I thought about protesting, because why the fuck should I do ANYTHING that he says after this morning. But when I looked into his eyes I could see the seriousness, I knew if I even tried to protest it wouldn't get me anywhere. Because the look in his eyes was saying, he was going to get what he wanted. Even though I absolutely, kind of, despised him at the moment, when I saw that look in his eyes I could help but...get turned on. I always loved whenever Gerard would be forceful about something, it was just plain sexy. But enough of that, I can't be marveling over his intoxicating smirks and looks right now! I am mad at him! But he is so damn hot! Ahh Paige shut up your at war with your own thoughts...AGAIN! When I finally snapped back into reality I could hear the haunting melody of two guitars. Ray had played lead guitar in a couple of bands and Frank was a rhythm guitarist, but when they got together and wrote something...it was amazing. I could hear the chords soaring higher and then plunging lower at the perfect times. Then Gerard's angelic voice started to fill the downstairs. I listened carefully to each word; I started crying because I could just feel how much thought he had put into this. His voice was making leaps and bounds, sounding more incredible with each verse, and then when the last part of the song arrived he sang his heart out. I watched him close his hazel eyes and get lost in the melody and the lyrics. He really did care about me, this song proved it, but I never really doubted that. My biggest problem was I didn't know if I could let this whole thing with Rebecca go. How could I trust him again? I didn't even wanna think about it right now. I kind of just wanted to enjoy the fact that Gerard wrote me a song. I could feel tears of joy falling down my face. I was still in shock, but Gerard was finished. He was starring deeply into my eyes, desperate for me to say something, anything. I could tell he was nervous his knees were shaking, and his face was painting itself pinkish. I sat there for a little while longer until I told everyone to leave. I wanted to talk to Gee alone, I arose from my chair and walked towards him. I didn't look him in the eyes at first; I just looked straight forward at his slender ivory neck, trying to collect my thoughts to form a sentence. I finally was ready to speak to him. I looked up into his hazel eyes which had light splashes of green and yellow within them. I brushed a single strand of his ebony hair out of his face. I took a deep breath and spoke.
"Gerard...I.... I don't know what to say..." is what managed to stumble out of my mouth. Really Paige that's the best you can do.
"I forgive you would be great..." I muttered with hope in his eyes.
"I agree it would, but... I just can't, not yet." I said suddenly feeling the pain that was like a dagger twisting into my heart again.
"Paige you have to believe me I didn't want her in my house, my room, or even on my fucking property. She just came over and was crying and I had no idea what to do, so I tried to comfort her, and then she was all over me. But, it's my entire fault because I became for weak for one second, and all I want is to go back and take that moment back. Because, everything we were building was amazing. We didn't need sex and we never had to struggle to start conversation. I realize we weren't even girlfriend and boyfriend for more than 13 hours, but I can already tell you are the best girlfriend I have or will ever have. I care so much about you, and I am deeply sorry that I hurt you, you have to believe that it wasn't what I wanted." He had spewed out his minute monologue quickly, by the time he had finished he was gasping to regain air in his lungs.
His face was painted with worry and anticipation for what I would say and embarrassment for his previous actions. I knew he was sorry, I could see it. But a part of me just wouldn't let me give in this time, I had to be strong, so I wouldn't be walked over. Even though it was accident it doesn't change the fact that it was cheating. He was looking at me yearning for me to speak. His ebony hair was all over the place, and his hazel eyes were piercing me for a response. I looked at him from head to toe, examining whether I could truly trust him or whether this was all bullshit. Ah fuck, I didn't know what to do. I did want him back I did! But he ruined my ability to trust him.
"Gee, I wish I could just forgive you. I really wish it could be as easy as a snap of my fucking fingers. But its not..." I said sadly, connecting my eyes with his. I knew I had to do the logical thing. It was time to follow my head, not my heart. "Sadly, you cheated, and even though it was an accident, mistake, whatever the fuck you wanna call it. It STILL happened. I care about you, I really do but... I don't think we---"
Gerard grabbed my waist and pulled me into him, he brushed the hair that always seemed to find way into my face away, like he always did. He was staring deeply into my eyes; hurt swam throughout his sea of brownish green eyes, because he knew what I was going to say.
"Before you even finish your sentence... let me see if I can changed your mind." He said, in his voice I could tell he knew this was his last chance to convince me.
"No, Gerard, don't kiss me." I pushed him away; I never thought I would push him away. "I think you should go..." I said as tears made their way to the surface of my eyes, I turned my back to him so he couldn't see me about to cry.
I could not cry in front him anymore, it was weakness, and I couldn't be weak around Gerard. I needed my wall up, to repel him at any cost. I started to walk when he grabbed my hand and pulled it so I spun into him. Our eyes connected and I felt safe, even though he had cheated, I felt safe in the warmth of his arms and the glance of his eyes. I wanted to get away, but I was frozen.
"Now let's try this again." he said determined, like I said before when Gerard wanted something...he got it.
He grasped the back of my hair and pulled me into him. Our lips were inches apart; I could feel them about to touch. But they never did, he was teasing me, trying to see if I would kiss him first, to see if I wanted him more than he wanted me. I wasn't going to cave, and I didn't need to because within a minute Gerard rested his hand on my chin and pulled me in the rest of the way. Our lips collided; I could feel myself wanting to pull away. But I couldn't resist, before I knew it the soft meaningless kiss turned into a firery passionate make out. Our tongues gently grazing one another's, the feeling of it made my goose bumps emerge from underneath my skin. Fireworks were flying around in my head, making it hard for me to see straight. I started to push him away, but before I knew it I was pulling him towards the black leather couch in the living room, I was stumbling backwards. I was afraid of falling but I knew I wouldn't because Gerard had his arms around my waist. We were almost to the couch when Gerard pushed up against the wall, I could feel his hands sliver up my body, underneath my shirt in serpent like pattern. He pushed his hands up against my breasts and gently squeezed them. I couldn't let this happen was all I could think, if I gave myself to Gerard now... what would have I accomplished, he wouldn't have learned anything. I pushed his lips off mine.
"No--" I tired to mutter out, but my protest quickly turned into a moan of satisfaction when he moved his succulent lips to my bare neck. He gently kissed it, and then started sucking and nibbling. "Gerard" I moaned out.
No, no, Paige! Come on stand the fuck up for yourself, do not let him control. IF, and I mean IF I forgive him it can't be this way. We need to talk more, figure things out. Not just fuck, and pretend like it didn't happen. Finally feeling like I had built up the strength to deny him I did. I put my arms against his firm pecks and pushed him off of me. OOnce again he looked confused as to why I would deny him, when the opportunity was perfect to him.
"Stop, just stop. We can't do this!" I said, my mind was racing. I could even see straight. I had no idea what to do.
" Paige, you have to know, it was a mistake with Rebecca, and I don't want her. I want you, all of you. All day and all night. I want to be the only person on your mind, because you are the only one on mine. Please tell me what I have to do to fix this." he spoke his words softly each one hitting me hard, making me want him even more than I did.
"I honestly don't know. I just feel like we can't fix it like this, we can't just have sex because we are in the moment and we think it'll fix everything. It won't, and I do not want to pretend like what you did never happened...because it did." I said to him, with really no feeling at all. I knew eventually I would take him back, but I just wanted him to show me I could trust him again.
"Yeah, I agree completely. I would never want you to be forced into something you didn't want, because I really do care about you. I feel like I love you, and I would never want to lose you. So whatever I have to do I will." he turned his back to me and sat down on the black leather couch, naturally I followed.
I could tell he was hurt, and once again I was the cause of his pain, and it killed me. I watch him as he sunk himself down into the ebony couch.
"Listen" I said as I rested my hand on his knee, I felt terrible, but he should not have done what he did. "I am not saying we won't be together again. If it's supposed to happen it will. But I think right now... I need to be alone, just so I can think. I also think you need to do the same thing. I do love you Gerard, I always have. But I am not going to work for your love. You need to feel it on your own. In order for me to forgive you I have to know how you feel is real" I started to move my hand off his knee, but he grabbed it. His hands were cold and soft.
He placed my hand on his cheek, and moved it up and down with his. "You feel this, this is real." he said softly as my hand grazed his soft supple skin. Then he pulled my hand away from his face and moved it down to where his heart was located. He pressed my hand against his chest, his heart was beating so fast, I thought it would explode out of his chest. "Do you feel that? That is real. Whenever I am around you my heart wants to beat out of my chest. You make me feel like I never have before, and I know its real because whenever I see, think, or talk about you my heart jolts into a thumping frenzy" he let my hand free, and looked deeply into my eyes.I wanted him back so bad, but I knew I had to be on my own for a little to really sort things out.
"I'm sorry, I have to go. I'll let you know how I feel in a couple of days." I said calmly.
I left Gerard on the couch, just left him, while I went upstairs and grabbed my shit. When I came back down I saw him just sitting there with his head hiding between his knees. I quickly snuck out the back door to my car and left. I know it seemed rather bitchy and cold hearted of me. Because any other girl would have jumped into his arms back there. But I had no idea how to react with what had just happened, it was the rawest I had ever seen Gerard. I didn't know what to do, so I did what I did best. .. I ran away.
Chapter 20: Forgiveness?
Paige's POV
I had no idea what was about to happen, I mean I knew everyone wanted Gee and I to work things out, but what were Ray and Frank doing here with their guitars. I just looked around absent mindedly; apparently I had the right idea because that is exactly what everyone else was doing. Gee finally broke the awkward silence when he told me to sit because he wrote something for me. At first I thought about protesting, because why the fuck should I do ANYTHING that he says after this morning. But when I looked into his eyes I could see the seriousness, I knew if I even tried to protest it wouldn't get me anywhere. Because the look in his eyes was saying, he was going to get what he wanted. Even though I absolutely, kind of, despised him at the moment, when I saw that look in his eyes I could help but...get turned on. I always loved whenever Gerard would be forceful about something, it was just plain sexy. But enough of that, I can't be marveling over his intoxicating smirks and looks right now! I am mad at him! But he is so damn hot! Ahh Paige shut up your at war with your own thoughts...AGAIN! When I finally snapped back into reality I could hear the haunting melody of two guitars. Ray had played lead guitar in a couple of bands and Frank was a rhythm guitarist, but when they got together and wrote something...it was amazing. I could hear the chords soaring higher and then plunging lower at the perfect times. Then Gerard's angelic voice started to fill the downstairs. I listened carefully to each word; I started crying because I could just feel how much thought he had put into this. His voice was making leaps and bounds, sounding more incredible with each verse, and then when the last part of the song arrived he sang his heart out. I watched him close his hazel eyes and get lost in the melody and the lyrics. He really did care about me, this song proved it, but I never really doubted that. My biggest problem was I didn't know if I could let this whole thing with Rebecca go. How could I trust him again? I didn't even wanna think about it right now. I kind of just wanted to enjoy the fact that Gerard wrote me a song. I could feel tears of joy falling down my face. I was still in shock, but Gerard was finished. He was starring deeply into my eyes, desperate for me to say something, anything. I could tell he was nervous his knees were shaking, and his face was painting itself pinkish. I sat there for a little while longer until I told everyone to leave. I wanted to talk to Gee alone, I arose from my chair and walked towards him. I didn't look him in the eyes at first; I just looked straight forward at his slender ivory neck, trying to collect my thoughts to form a sentence. I finally was ready to speak to him. I looked up into his hazel eyes which had light splashes of green and yellow within them. I brushed a single strand of his ebony hair out of his face. I took a deep breath and spoke.
"Gerard...I.... I don't know what to say..." is what managed to stumble out of my mouth. Really Paige that's the best you can do.
"I forgive you would be great..." I muttered with hope in his eyes.
"I agree it would, but... I just can't, not yet." I said suddenly feeling the pain that was like a dagger twisting into my heart again.
"Paige you have to believe me I didn't want her in my house, my room, or even on my fucking property. She just came over and was crying and I had no idea what to do, so I tried to comfort her, and then she was all over me. But, it's my entire fault because I became for weak for one second, and all I want is to go back and take that moment back. Because, everything we were building was amazing. We didn't need sex and we never had to struggle to start conversation. I realize we weren't even girlfriend and boyfriend for more than 13 hours, but I can already tell you are the best girlfriend I have or will ever have. I care so much about you, and I am deeply sorry that I hurt you, you have to believe that it wasn't what I wanted." He had spewed out his minute monologue quickly, by the time he had finished he was gasping to regain air in his lungs.
His face was painted with worry and anticipation for what I would say and embarrassment for his previous actions. I knew he was sorry, I could see it. But a part of me just wouldn't let me give in this time, I had to be strong, so I wouldn't be walked over. Even though it was accident it doesn't change the fact that it was cheating. He was looking at me yearning for me to speak. His ebony hair was all over the place, and his hazel eyes were piercing me for a response. I looked at him from head to toe, examining whether I could truly trust him or whether this was all bullshit. Ah fuck, I didn't know what to do. I did want him back I did! But he ruined my ability to trust him.
"Gee, I wish I could just forgive you. I really wish it could be as easy as a snap of my fucking fingers. But its not..." I said sadly, connecting my eyes with his. I knew I had to do the logical thing. It was time to follow my head, not my heart. "Sadly, you cheated, and even though it was an accident, mistake, whatever the fuck you wanna call it. It STILL happened. I care about you, I really do but... I don't think we---"
Gerard grabbed my waist and pulled me into him, he brushed the hair that always seemed to find way into my face away, like he always did. He was staring deeply into my eyes; hurt swam throughout his sea of brownish green eyes, because he knew what I was going to say.
"Before you even finish your sentence... let me see if I can changed your mind." He said, in his voice I could tell he knew this was his last chance to convince me.
"No, Gerard, don't kiss me." I pushed him away; I never thought I would push him away. "I think you should go..." I said as tears made their way to the surface of my eyes, I turned my back to him so he couldn't see me about to cry.
I could not cry in front him anymore, it was weakness, and I couldn't be weak around Gerard. I needed my wall up, to repel him at any cost. I started to walk when he grabbed my hand and pulled it so I spun into him. Our eyes connected and I felt safe, even though he had cheated, I felt safe in the warmth of his arms and the glance of his eyes. I wanted to get away, but I was frozen.
"Now let's try this again." he said determined, like I said before when Gerard wanted something...he got it.
He grasped the back of my hair and pulled me into him. Our lips were inches apart; I could feel them about to touch. But they never did, he was teasing me, trying to see if I would kiss him first, to see if I wanted him more than he wanted me. I wasn't going to cave, and I didn't need to because within a minute Gerard rested his hand on my chin and pulled me in the rest of the way. Our lips collided; I could feel myself wanting to pull away. But I couldn't resist, before I knew it the soft meaningless kiss turned into a firery passionate make out. Our tongues gently grazing one another's, the feeling of it made my goose bumps emerge from underneath my skin. Fireworks were flying around in my head, making it hard for me to see straight. I started to push him away, but before I knew it I was pulling him towards the black leather couch in the living room, I was stumbling backwards. I was afraid of falling but I knew I wouldn't because Gerard had his arms around my waist. We were almost to the couch when Gerard pushed up against the wall, I could feel his hands sliver up my body, underneath my shirt in serpent like pattern. He pushed his hands up against my breasts and gently squeezed them. I couldn't let this happen was all I could think, if I gave myself to Gerard now... what would have I accomplished, he wouldn't have learned anything. I pushed his lips off mine.
"No--" I tired to mutter out, but my protest quickly turned into a moan of satisfaction when he moved his succulent lips to my bare neck. He gently kissed it, and then started sucking and nibbling. "Gerard" I moaned out.
No, no, Paige! Come on stand the fuck up for yourself, do not let him control. IF, and I mean IF I forgive him it can't be this way. We need to talk more, figure things out. Not just fuck, and pretend like it didn't happen. Finally feeling like I had built up the strength to deny him I did. I put my arms against his firm pecks and pushed him off of me. OOnce again he looked confused as to why I would deny him, when the opportunity was perfect to him.
"Stop, just stop. We can't do this!" I said, my mind was racing. I could even see straight. I had no idea what to do.
" Paige, you have to know, it was a mistake with Rebecca, and I don't want her. I want you, all of you. All day and all night. I want to be the only person on your mind, because you are the only one on mine. Please tell me what I have to do to fix this." he spoke his words softly each one hitting me hard, making me want him even more than I did.
"I honestly don't know. I just feel like we can't fix it like this, we can't just have sex because we are in the moment and we think it'll fix everything. It won't, and I do not want to pretend like what you did never happened...because it did." I said to him, with really no feeling at all. I knew eventually I would take him back, but I just wanted him to show me I could trust him again.
"Yeah, I agree completely. I would never want you to be forced into something you didn't want, because I really do care about you. I feel like I love you, and I would never want to lose you. So whatever I have to do I will." he turned his back to me and sat down on the black leather couch, naturally I followed.
I could tell he was hurt, and once again I was the cause of his pain, and it killed me. I watch him as he sunk himself down into the ebony couch.
"Listen" I said as I rested my hand on his knee, I felt terrible, but he should not have done what he did. "I am not saying we won't be together again. If it's supposed to happen it will. But I think right now... I need to be alone, just so I can think. I also think you need to do the same thing. I do love you Gerard, I always have. But I am not going to work for your love. You need to feel it on your own. In order for me to forgive you I have to know how you feel is real" I started to move my hand off his knee, but he grabbed it. His hands were cold and soft.
He placed my hand on his cheek, and moved it up and down with his. "You feel this, this is real." he said softly as my hand grazed his soft supple skin. Then he pulled my hand away from his face and moved it down to where his heart was located. He pressed my hand against his chest, his heart was beating so fast, I thought it would explode out of his chest. "Do you feel that? That is real. Whenever I am around you my heart wants to beat out of my chest. You make me feel like I never have before, and I know its real because whenever I see, think, or talk about you my heart jolts into a thumping frenzy" he let my hand free, and looked deeply into my eyes.I wanted him back so bad, but I knew I had to be on my own for a little to really sort things out.
"I'm sorry, I have to go. I'll let you know how I feel in a couple of days." I said calmly.
I left Gerard on the couch, just left him, while I went upstairs and grabbed my shit. When I came back down I saw him just sitting there with his head hiding between his knees. I quickly snuck out the back door to my car and left. I know it seemed rather bitchy and cold hearted of me. Because any other girl would have jumped into his arms back there. But I had no idea how to react with what had just happened, it was the rawest I had ever seen Gerard. I didn't know what to do, so I did what I did best. .. I ran away.
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