FicWad

I began to put my stupid, short and pathetic plan together. It only took me a couple of hours on Photoshop and a lot of guts to finally approach Jasmine at school.
I didn’t do it while Gerard was there obviously. I waited until Gerard had walked off for his singing lessons and Jasmine was walking off to meet up with her other friends.
I tried to play it cool. I walked over to her with an apologetic look on my face. Jasmine saw me and tried to make conversation with me. Jazz was under the strange impression that if she made friends with me that hers and Gerard’s relationship would be even stronger.
Finally I managed to get a word out and I said “Umm Jasmine, I actually came over here for a reason. I saw Gerard in the park last night. And… He was kissing this other girl.”
“Do you really expect me to believe this?” Jasmine asked, getting pissed off straight away.
I pulled the photo out of my jeans pocket and handed it to her “I took a photo because I felt you needed to see what was really going on in your relationship.”
Jasmine stared down at the photo I had managed to edit to a pretty respectable standard. But I still shook as she stared down at it, scared that she’d know it was photo shopped.
But instead, tears welled in her eyes “That’s his ex-girlfriend Tammy. I’d blame it on being an old picture… But he dyed his hair red just last week.” Tears started falling down her cheeks.
I stood there awkwardly “Yeah, well… Jasmine I was wondering if you could possibly, you know, not tell Gerard that I told you all this please… It’s just we’re good friends and I only told you because you did deserve to know.”
Jasmine nodded “I won’t tell him who told me. But I’ll tell you this now Frank… I’m breaking up with him.” She shook her head furiously “Nobody messes with me like that Frank, I won’t allow it.”
“Thanks for your support Jasmine. Sorry about Gerard though.” I sighed “I wish things could’ve worked out.”
“Me too,” Jasmine whispered, continuing to cry “I thought he was a nice guy Frank! I told him what happened with my other boyfriend! I thought he’d understand!”
I stood there for a second before asking “Just out of curiosity, what happened with your last boyfriend?”
“Exactly this,” Jasmine told me “He cheated on me; he told me he loved me… And he didn’t mean it for a second. And it’s exactly the same with Gerard!”
I stood there feeling a tiny bit guilty for one second. Then I remembered why I had done this in the first place.
And that’s when I realised that it didn’t make me feel any better.
I tried to make excuses for myself ‘Once you’re with Gerard, you’ll feel much better Frank… You can forget all about Jasmine and her trouble with boyfriends. You’ll have your one true love after all.’
Jasmine waved goodbye and then walked off. I felt a little sorry for Gerard as well. The next time he saw Jasmine, he was in for it.

That night there was a knock at my front door. I ran downstairs to answer it. It was Gerard and he looked terrible. Somehow his red hair had turned greasy although it had been quite clean that morning, his eyes were red as though he had been crying for hours and his expression was blank.
I invited him upstairs to my bedroom “You told Mikey I was gay.” He muttered.
I stared at him like he was a madman “Is that why you’re so upset?” I asked, trying to hide the surprise in my voice.
He shook his head “I just wish you hadn’t.” He looked down “I mean, it’s true and everything but I wish you hadn’t told him so soon. I wanted to be the one to tell him.”
“Well he didn’t believe me,” I muttered “So I guess you still can. What are you so upset about then Gerard?”
“Jasmine broke up with me.” Gerard sniffed, wiping away a tear “She said I’d been cheating on her. I tried to deny it but she showed me a photo…”
“Were you cheating on her?”
“No! I would never do that, she told me about her ex-boyfriend who cheated on her… I didn’t want to be like him. I wouldn’t hurt Jasmine or anybody like that.”
“Then where’d she get a photo from?”
“I don’t know and to top it off she wouldn’t tell me who’d given it to her.”
“What a bitch.” I said, placing a hand on his shoulder “I’m so sorry things didn’t work out Gerard. But… Maybe she wasn’t the one?”
He leaned his head on my chest “Well… Frank… I never even actually loved her…” He sniffed “Don’t get me wrong Frank, I liked her and I wanted to treat her right. But I never loved her. Not the way I loved you.”
“Then why were you treating me like I was insane?” I asked, stroking his hair.
He was silent for a second before admitting “I wanted to pretend to be straight Frank. I already confessed everything I could to you the day that I told you I love you. That definitely happened by the way. I just want to be straight really bad because so many things set me apart already, I didn’t want to add another one to the list.”
“Gerard, people have accepted me as much as they can.” I told him “When we’re together, they don’t try to hurt us. It’s when we’re alone that they know we’re vulnerable.”
“Frankie… I want to be your boyfriend, okay?” These were the words I was dying to hear. So why didn’t it feel lovely? Why did I feel so terrible? “But… I’m not ready for that to be public yet, okay?”
“I understand Gerard.” I told him “So what are we, secret boyfriend and girlfriend?”
“No,” Gerard whispered “We’re secret boyfriend and boyfriend.”
I laughed and Gerard sat back up, wrapping his arms round me now. He leaned his forehead against mine before kissing me gently.
This should be the most magical moment of my life. I’ve been waiting for it long enough. But it’s not magical, it’s horrible.
I should’ve let Gerard finish with Jasmine and come to me when he was ready. Not when I was ready.
When we were both ready.