Categories > Celebrities > My Chemical Romance > Without a sound he took me down
Gerard’s P.O.V
„Please, Gee, open the door!” Mikey begged.
I just walked out of the shower, almost slipping on the dark red blood that was running down my legs and dripping on the floor. After Frank had rejected me, I’d been so ashamed and sick of being myself. I’d felt dirty and just wrong and when I was in the shower, water just didn’t seem to wash all the guilt away. So I’d used a sponge to scrub the guilt off. I guess I’d scrubbed a bit too hard.
“I swear if you don’t open the door immediately I’m gonna kick your fucking ass!” he said but his voice didn’t sound as strong and forceful as it should have.
Though hearing him curse made me nervous because he never, ever did that. I guess he was really worried. My eyes scanned the floor, looking for the clothes I had thrown to the ground earlier. When I found my black jeans and the Misfits hoodie I’d been looking for, I grabbed them off the floor and put them on quickly. Soft sobs reached my ears and normally I would have felt sorry for making Mikey cry. But now I felt nothing. Nothing at all. I guess after crying for so long, all the emotions had been washed away and all the pain had faded. All that was left now was a big, black hole inside of me that devoured everything. I ruffled my hair one last time and felt new tears run down my cheeks. I didn’t know why I couldn’t stop crying.
“Gerard Arthur Way if you don’t open-“ he started but stopped when I slowly unlocked the door and exited my room.
He looked at me, tears in his beautiful hazel eyes, and pulled me into a hug. He looked at me with this concerned look that I knew too well from my mum. She used to look at me like that when my seventeen-year-old self told her that I was going to the library but instead went to the nearest bar and came home drunk at 3 am. Nobody ever understood why I did that. I didn’t even understand it sometimes.
“What happened, big brother? I was so worried!” he said and I pushed him away softly.
“Please, just leave me alone…”
He took my hand to stop me and I turned around.
“Let me help you!” he pleaded, his voice hardly more than a whisper now.
I thought about that for a moment while I looked into his hopeful eyes. But I didn’t want his help. I just wanted to be left alone forever.
“No” I simply said.
The hope in his eyes died and left nothing but sadness. I turned around again and went downstairs. There I took my phone, a pack of cigarettes and some money and left the house without caring about the cries I heard from upstairs. It was already getting dark outside, rainclouds were cloaking the sun that was sinking slowly. The sky was a cold grey. Actually everything seemed grey to me now. The cold wind blew through my hair and I imagined that it was Frank running through it with his fingers. Then I remembered I’d never feel his touch again and sighed heavily. As I walked down the long and lonely street people glared at me, disgust reflecting on their faces. I probably looked like a fucking creep with dark rings under my puffy, red eyes. But my appearance didn’t matter to me now that I had lost Frank, I just wanted to get away from this place because everything here reminded me of him. My lost soulmate. Thinking of it, it’s really weird how you can love someone so much and deeply without even knowing them. I mean, I had had lots of boyfriends in the past but it never felt quiet like this. This was so much more intense and I had thought that it could last forever. Well, I guess I was a dreamer. A stupid, super romantic, lovesick dreamer. I probably didn’t describe the whole “a hole inside off me that kills all my emotions”- thing right because as I stood there I actually felt a few emotions. Pain, hopelessness, fear. I wanted to die. I wanted to die so I didn’t have to feel all this pain anymore. All of a sudden, cold raindrops started to drop on my face and hair. I closed my eyes and enjoyed the feeling of the cleaning water that touched my skin softly and ran down my neck. At least no-one could see my tears now. When I opened my eyes again, I had already made my decision.
Frank’s P.O.V
The ringing of my phone woke me up. I felt for it without opening my eyes. When I found it, I answered it with a croaked “Hello?”.
“HOLY FUCK, FRANK!” a relieved sounding voice shouted through the phone. “I need your help! Gerard… he…”
When I heard his name, I sat upright and opened my eyes immediately. Suddenly I was wide awake.
“Listen, I don’t know what happened between you two but you need to find him! He behaved so… weird when he left the house. I heard him cry for so long and then he suddenly stormed outside and now I’m afraid that he… he could do something to himself. Please, you’re the only one who can maybe find him and talk him out of this1” Mikey begged.
“I’m gonna look for him. Don’t worry, I’ll find your brother” I replied, my voice strong and certain.
I hung up and jumped out of the bed. Then I quickly put the first things on I found on the floor and rushed outside.
*******
I had been looking for him for about an hour now and I got more and more nervous with every minute. It rained heavily and the mist didn’t really make it easier for me to find Gerard. I walked down every street, soaking wet and panting and I couldn’t stop thinking about the time when Gerard had disappeared from the hospital. I guess he often didn’t tell people where he was going. Maybe he wanted to be some kind of rebel. I shook my head and tried to concentrate on what I had to do. I called him again, probably for the 100th time by now but once more he didn’t answer his phone. Damn! When I walked down a big bridge, I saw someone standing on the very edge of it. I looked closer and recognized the way he stood, the way his hair fell on his shoulders and how his chest rose and lowered itself when he inhaled and exhaled. It was Gerard. Then I started running. The closer I came, the more I recognized. His eyes were closed, he didn’t wear shoes and he really didn’t look like he was about to jump. Actually he looked really peaceful like he was sleeping. Little raindrops caught in his eyelashes and he didn’t even shiver because of the damp cold. Pain stroke through me when I thought about how much I wanted him to feel better now. How I wanted to hold him in my arms and tell him that everything would be alright. It broke my heart to see him like that though he still was the most beautiful thing I had ever seen.
“Gerard!” I said when I was behind him.
He startled though I was sure he’d heard my footsteps.
“Please, get away from that brink!” I shouted. “Please, don’t!”
“Just go away” he said sternly.
“NO! I won’t let you die!”
“You left me. You did this to me. I love you but obviously you don’t love me” he said, still not turning around but now he stared down into the water.
My heart broke. Literally. I could feel it break. I fell onto my knees and covered my face with my hands. Then the tears started flowing.
“I do love you, I just can’t…” I said.
Finally he turned around and looked at me. He was broken. All the light that normally shone in his eyes had disappeared.
“Then tell me-“ he started but suddenly he looked like he was in a lot of pain.
He fell onto the ground and put his hands on his chest.
“It… it hurts so much” he whispered.
I took my phone and called the ambulance.
**********
“Mr. Way?” a voice asked and when I looked up I saw the doctor I’d called a moron some weeks ago.
Mikey jumped out of his seat and I did the same thing.
“Your brother is now awake if you want to talk to him. He had internal bleedings and we had to stitch his wounds again. He’ll be okay but we will have to keep him here for the next two days to see if the healing process goes well. And when he gets home he will have to stay in bed for another week. Please be careful that he doesn’t drink or smoke in the next two weeks and don’t put him under a lot of pressure” the doctor informed us and Mikey nodded.
“Now if you want to you can go in” he added.
Then he turned to me. “Not you, Mr. Iero. You’re not a family member, I’m sorry. Please sit down and wait here” he said and it sounded more like an order than a plea.
Now I regretted being mean to him. He went away with a satisfied smile on his face. After about ten minutes Mikey exited the room again. He walked up to me and told me that Gerard wanted to see me. I swallowed hard because I was really nervous but at the same time I was so happy I could finally talk to him again. Now it was my turn to walk past everyone with a satisfied smile on my face. When I entered the room, I saw him lying on this bed again. It looked exactly like the first time but Gerard looked really exhausted and sad this time. He told me to sit down and then he asked me the one question I had been afraid of.
“Tell me why you’re so scared of loving me.”
A/N: So umm yeah... i feel like this chapter is kind of crap :/ I'm sorry if it is. But the next chapter is going to be very interesting and i wanted to try something.... The more reviews i get on this chapter, the sooner i will update ;) So please, rate and review xx
„Please, Gee, open the door!” Mikey begged.
I just walked out of the shower, almost slipping on the dark red blood that was running down my legs and dripping on the floor. After Frank had rejected me, I’d been so ashamed and sick of being myself. I’d felt dirty and just wrong and when I was in the shower, water just didn’t seem to wash all the guilt away. So I’d used a sponge to scrub the guilt off. I guess I’d scrubbed a bit too hard.
“I swear if you don’t open the door immediately I’m gonna kick your fucking ass!” he said but his voice didn’t sound as strong and forceful as it should have.
Though hearing him curse made me nervous because he never, ever did that. I guess he was really worried. My eyes scanned the floor, looking for the clothes I had thrown to the ground earlier. When I found my black jeans and the Misfits hoodie I’d been looking for, I grabbed them off the floor and put them on quickly. Soft sobs reached my ears and normally I would have felt sorry for making Mikey cry. But now I felt nothing. Nothing at all. I guess after crying for so long, all the emotions had been washed away and all the pain had faded. All that was left now was a big, black hole inside of me that devoured everything. I ruffled my hair one last time and felt new tears run down my cheeks. I didn’t know why I couldn’t stop crying.
“Gerard Arthur Way if you don’t open-“ he started but stopped when I slowly unlocked the door and exited my room.
He looked at me, tears in his beautiful hazel eyes, and pulled me into a hug. He looked at me with this concerned look that I knew too well from my mum. She used to look at me like that when my seventeen-year-old self told her that I was going to the library but instead went to the nearest bar and came home drunk at 3 am. Nobody ever understood why I did that. I didn’t even understand it sometimes.
“What happened, big brother? I was so worried!” he said and I pushed him away softly.
“Please, just leave me alone…”
He took my hand to stop me and I turned around.
“Let me help you!” he pleaded, his voice hardly more than a whisper now.
I thought about that for a moment while I looked into his hopeful eyes. But I didn’t want his help. I just wanted to be left alone forever.
“No” I simply said.
The hope in his eyes died and left nothing but sadness. I turned around again and went downstairs. There I took my phone, a pack of cigarettes and some money and left the house without caring about the cries I heard from upstairs. It was already getting dark outside, rainclouds were cloaking the sun that was sinking slowly. The sky was a cold grey. Actually everything seemed grey to me now. The cold wind blew through my hair and I imagined that it was Frank running through it with his fingers. Then I remembered I’d never feel his touch again and sighed heavily. As I walked down the long and lonely street people glared at me, disgust reflecting on their faces. I probably looked like a fucking creep with dark rings under my puffy, red eyes. But my appearance didn’t matter to me now that I had lost Frank, I just wanted to get away from this place because everything here reminded me of him. My lost soulmate. Thinking of it, it’s really weird how you can love someone so much and deeply without even knowing them. I mean, I had had lots of boyfriends in the past but it never felt quiet like this. This was so much more intense and I had thought that it could last forever. Well, I guess I was a dreamer. A stupid, super romantic, lovesick dreamer. I probably didn’t describe the whole “a hole inside off me that kills all my emotions”- thing right because as I stood there I actually felt a few emotions. Pain, hopelessness, fear. I wanted to die. I wanted to die so I didn’t have to feel all this pain anymore. All of a sudden, cold raindrops started to drop on my face and hair. I closed my eyes and enjoyed the feeling of the cleaning water that touched my skin softly and ran down my neck. At least no-one could see my tears now. When I opened my eyes again, I had already made my decision.
Frank’s P.O.V
The ringing of my phone woke me up. I felt for it without opening my eyes. When I found it, I answered it with a croaked “Hello?”.
“HOLY FUCK, FRANK!” a relieved sounding voice shouted through the phone. “I need your help! Gerard… he…”
When I heard his name, I sat upright and opened my eyes immediately. Suddenly I was wide awake.
“Listen, I don’t know what happened between you two but you need to find him! He behaved so… weird when he left the house. I heard him cry for so long and then he suddenly stormed outside and now I’m afraid that he… he could do something to himself. Please, you’re the only one who can maybe find him and talk him out of this1” Mikey begged.
“I’m gonna look for him. Don’t worry, I’ll find your brother” I replied, my voice strong and certain.
I hung up and jumped out of the bed. Then I quickly put the first things on I found on the floor and rushed outside.
*******
I had been looking for him for about an hour now and I got more and more nervous with every minute. It rained heavily and the mist didn’t really make it easier for me to find Gerard. I walked down every street, soaking wet and panting and I couldn’t stop thinking about the time when Gerard had disappeared from the hospital. I guess he often didn’t tell people where he was going. Maybe he wanted to be some kind of rebel. I shook my head and tried to concentrate on what I had to do. I called him again, probably for the 100th time by now but once more he didn’t answer his phone. Damn! When I walked down a big bridge, I saw someone standing on the very edge of it. I looked closer and recognized the way he stood, the way his hair fell on his shoulders and how his chest rose and lowered itself when he inhaled and exhaled. It was Gerard. Then I started running. The closer I came, the more I recognized. His eyes were closed, he didn’t wear shoes and he really didn’t look like he was about to jump. Actually he looked really peaceful like he was sleeping. Little raindrops caught in his eyelashes and he didn’t even shiver because of the damp cold. Pain stroke through me when I thought about how much I wanted him to feel better now. How I wanted to hold him in my arms and tell him that everything would be alright. It broke my heart to see him like that though he still was the most beautiful thing I had ever seen.
“Gerard!” I said when I was behind him.
He startled though I was sure he’d heard my footsteps.
“Please, get away from that brink!” I shouted. “Please, don’t!”
“Just go away” he said sternly.
“NO! I won’t let you die!”
“You left me. You did this to me. I love you but obviously you don’t love me” he said, still not turning around but now he stared down into the water.
My heart broke. Literally. I could feel it break. I fell onto my knees and covered my face with my hands. Then the tears started flowing.
“I do love you, I just can’t…” I said.
Finally he turned around and looked at me. He was broken. All the light that normally shone in his eyes had disappeared.
“Then tell me-“ he started but suddenly he looked like he was in a lot of pain.
He fell onto the ground and put his hands on his chest.
“It… it hurts so much” he whispered.
I took my phone and called the ambulance.
**********
“Mr. Way?” a voice asked and when I looked up I saw the doctor I’d called a moron some weeks ago.
Mikey jumped out of his seat and I did the same thing.
“Your brother is now awake if you want to talk to him. He had internal bleedings and we had to stitch his wounds again. He’ll be okay but we will have to keep him here for the next two days to see if the healing process goes well. And when he gets home he will have to stay in bed for another week. Please be careful that he doesn’t drink or smoke in the next two weeks and don’t put him under a lot of pressure” the doctor informed us and Mikey nodded.
“Now if you want to you can go in” he added.
Then he turned to me. “Not you, Mr. Iero. You’re not a family member, I’m sorry. Please sit down and wait here” he said and it sounded more like an order than a plea.
Now I regretted being mean to him. He went away with a satisfied smile on his face. After about ten minutes Mikey exited the room again. He walked up to me and told me that Gerard wanted to see me. I swallowed hard because I was really nervous but at the same time I was so happy I could finally talk to him again. Now it was my turn to walk past everyone with a satisfied smile on my face. When I entered the room, I saw him lying on this bed again. It looked exactly like the first time but Gerard looked really exhausted and sad this time. He told me to sit down and then he asked me the one question I had been afraid of.
“Tell me why you’re so scared of loving me.”
A/N: So umm yeah... i feel like this chapter is kind of crap :/ I'm sorry if it is. But the next chapter is going to be very interesting and i wanted to try something.... The more reviews i get on this chapter, the sooner i will update ;) So please, rate and review xx
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