FicWad

 "Goodnight Mikes. Love ya." I mumbled as I closed my eyes and let myself  start to drift off.
 "G'night Alex, I love you too." I heard him reply gently as I fell asleep.


 It was black as pitch. I couldn't see. All of a sudden a bright flash exploded up into a bonfire in front of me. It was bigger than a bonfire though. It...it was completely engulfing a house...MY house. I tried to scream out for help but I couldn't make a sound. I saw my mom run out giggling like a maniac. She dropped a lighter and her hair was burnt.
 The baby. The baby! The baby's still in the house! I ran in towards the house as a beam fell next to me. The door was locked. It wouldn't budge. I heard screams and sobs from inside. A window exploded outwards and hungry flames leaped out and licked their way up the siding. White hot ashes flew out the window like snow flakes as I frantically pulled and pried at the door. Finally I moved over to a window and punched it in. I climbed in over the jagged glass, leaving long cuts down my legs and arms.
 I ran up the stair case toward the baby's room and neared the screaming which was turning quickly to shrieks of pain. I threw the door open as flames started licking up the crib, climbing quickly as the shrieks grew louder. I ran towards the crib, choking on the smoke when the crib became totally engulfed in flames. I grabbed the blanket and the fire seared my flesh and the blankets and my dead son turned to ash in my hands and sifted through my fingers leaving nothing but a charred skeleton.

 "AHHHHHHHH!" a blood curdling scream split the air as my eyes snapped open. "THE BABY!" I screamed. "AAAAHHHHHHHH!" I screamed again as something constricted around my waist.
 "Shhhhh, Alex. It's okay. Alex it's okay. Everything's fine. You're okay." Mikey softly whispered into my ear, sounding scared. "Everything's okay."
 "The baby, Mikes. The baby's dead! I-I didn't-I couldn't save him. It's all my fault."
 "Shhh, it's okay. I promise the baby's fine. No ones dead."
 "Mikes! The baby! Our beautiful baby! Our son! He's dead! It's all my fault. The baby's dead. The baby-" I broke down in sobs and buried my face in Mikey's  chest.
 "Alex Hun,  everything's fine. Alex you didn't let anyone die. No one's dead."
 "How can you say that? Our baby is dead! It's all my fault."
 "It was just a dream Alex. There aren't any dead babies. It's all okay. You're fine. You just had a bad dream. Remember, today you had the opening party? Your exhibit at the art gallery? Everything's fine. We-Alex we don't have a son."
 "What? What do you mean?"
 "Alex, you're a virgin. You don't have kids, I mean..."
 "I-I'm not a mom?"
 "Alex are you okay? It's okay. We...We can talk about it in the morning. It's okay." he started to softly sing to me.

"Some say, now suffer all the children 
And walk away a savior, 
Or a madman and polluted 
From gutter institutions. 
Don't you breathe for me, 
Undeserving of your sympathy, 
Cause there ain't no way that I'm sorry for what I did. 

And through it all 
How could you cry for me? 
Cause I don't feel bad about it. 
So shut your eyes, 
Kiss me goodbye, 
And sleep. 
Just sleep. 

The hardest part is letting go of 
Your dreams. 

A drink for the horror that I'm in, 
For the good guys, and the bad guys, 
For the monsters that I've been. 
Three cheers for tyranny, 
Unapologetic apathy, 
Cause there ain't no way that I'm coming back again. 

And through it all 
How could you cry for me? 
Cause I don't feel bad about it. 
So shut your eyes, 
Kiss me goodbye, 
And sleep. 
Just sleep. 

The hardest parts 
The awful things that I've seen. 

Just sleep. 
Just sleep. 
Just sleep..." and I faded off into the darkness.

My eyes snapped open. 
I was in Mikey's room, in Mikey's bed. 
I sat up suddenly. 
Mikey wasn't next to me. 
And it was morning. The sun was up. I had slept in. 
 I  laid back down and closed my eyes. What happened last night? Party, kissing, Mikes' house, Doctor Who on DVD, junk food, I feel asleep with Mikey, and...I knew I was forgetting something. My head hurt a bit. I decided to just lay there. I heard the door open and close and then I felt someone lay down next to me. Had to be  Mikey. He brushed the hair back from my face gently.
 "Alex, I wish you'd just tell me what's wrong." he mumbled quietly. What is he talking about? I opened my eyes.
 "Mikes?" I whispered. He looked concerned. I gave him a good morning kiss. 
 "Hi Honey, you hungry?" he asked as if he was talking to a sick person. In all honesty I wasn't hungry, but I didn't like that he seemed so concerned.
 "Not very, honestly sweetie. Can I have some coffee though?"
 "Yeah. I'll go get you some." He quickly left and came back with coffee on a saucer dish. "Here." he said, handing me the mug. I tried to think, what could've happened last night. Oh my god. Oh my god. We didn't...? Oh god oh god oh god oh god. Is that why he's being so overly nice and cautious? Oh no. I couldn't of-please tell me I didn't!
 "Mikey...uhhh...Well, umm...please tell me we didn't...?"
 "What?" he looked at me with his 'WTF?!?' face before a look of 'Ohhhhh, that's what you mean.' spread across his face. He quickly blushed. "Oh, uh, er, no we didn't." Soon his embarassed was replaced with his concerned look. "Alex, is everything okay? Are you stressed out about something, or upset."
 "Well, I'm a little stressed out that you seem so concerned about me. Other than that, not really." This didn't seem to calm him down at all.
 "Are you sure?" I nodded. "You can talk to me about anything, okay?"
 "I know." I took a sip of my coffee. It was delicious. "Hey Mikes, did you have any of this coffee? I think this is probably some of the best you've ever made. Easily tops Starbucks!"
 "Really?"
 "Yeah! Have a sip!" I brought the mug to his lips and he took a small sip.
 "Oh my God, I think you're right." he said sounding surprised. He went to go pour himself a mug and I wondered to myself, what am I going to do? I have to go back eventually, so what will I do? I just want to stay here forever. I mean I love the rest of the guys and my younger siblings and my Dad's side of the family in general, but I don't think I'd be able to go back to my mom's house. Ever. And eventually, she'll come. She'll steal me away for days and I won't be able to see any of them. I can't expect Mikey to keep protecting me. Calling in the middle of the night to talk with me, letting me sneak out with him and Gee. He always thinks he's being such a bother but really  him and the guys are my saviors. They give this unconditional love to me that I don't deserve, they're fun and make me forget the horrible things I know can happen, and honestly, I just love being around them. I closed my eyes and took a sip of my coffee and wished silently that this could last forever, and that I could forget all the horrors of the past.