FicWad

Hey guys OH MY GOD THAT IS SO GROSS
sorry I'm watching CSI:Crime Scene Investigation,and they just showed this body full of maggots and I screamed.
(What makes the thing so much better was I had a mouth full of spaghetti at the time.Uh-huh,fabulous.)
So,I figured just because it would be handy,I might do a key of slang.I know it's weird but I just wanna make things clear.I do not agree with any of the sentiments expressed here,I am not a bigot and hate people who are,but hey,war is a dirty business.
Gook:a term used by American soldiers to describe the Enemy;normally of Asian origin-e.g. North Korean,Chinese,Vietnamese.
Bum Fuck Nowhere(BFN):middle of nowhere,like East Jesus Nowhere.
Charlie:the Enemy.
Five o' clock air raid:a regular air raid taking place weekly or even daily.
Bug out:to move camp to a specific area.
Camel jockey:pejorative term for an Arab
Pinko/red/Commie:slang for a Communist
Cigarette soup:referring to the poor quality of food served
Tan:extremely offensive term for a Protestant
PDQ:Pretty Damn Quick
Death technician:a soldier
Shrapnel sponge:also a soldier
The Mess:dining hall
A Jimmy:a jeep
"The Front":the trenches
Dicktrap:mouth
DNKH:Damn Near Killed Him/Herself
Chopper:helicopter
FI;DO:Fuck It,Drive On-like the Army's version of TL;DR
Septic:CRS for septic tank-Yank,offensive term for Americans
FUBAR:Fucked Up Beyond All Recognition/Repair
Pump and Dump:gay sex with another soldier
Screwed,blued and tattooed:to get in big trouble
Shit hot:really awesome
SJWAC:Since Jesus Was A Corporal i.e. for a very long time
Snot locker:nose
Tango Yankee:Thank You
there ya go :D my cousin was in the US Army for like five years so thanks for telling some of them to me Tadgh! also some of them I just knew from watching MAS*H and Dad's Army...and from growing up in a divided country...
...cue awkward silence
anyway,you're welcome for mah weirdness and enjoy more Frerardness in war time!:D
why in God's name do I know this shit,
xo lauren.
btw;if anyone has seen MAS*H,I kinda picture Mikey as Radar XD y'know,geeky,innocent,eats anything in sight...
btw,look up at the genre's...yup,it's gonna be a good chapter :D
3rd btw,if you want to hear my favourite song-of the moment-listen to North American Scum by LCD Soundsystem O.o that song is like earfucking


"Hey Gee,pass the ketchup?"
Pass the ketchup.Thirteen men from our platoon were killed today,including our best friend,and Mikey wants me to pass the goddamn ketchup.
"Gee?Ketchup?"
I grunt in irritation and slide it across the table.It's dinnertime,me and the ever-appropriate Michael James Way are having a late meal alone.Ray is writing a letter to his girlfriend and Frank is curled up in his bunk,upset about Bob.
I drag my gaze to Mikey,who i shoving his face full of French fries.
"You okay?"He opens his mouth long enough to ask me the tri-syllabic sentence."Haven't touched any of your food."
I glance down at the "food" in front of me.I look at the yolk of my egg.
And I swear to freakin God,something looks back.
"Chicken's actually pretty good."He points to the greasy brown lump in front of him.
"Is that what it is?Chicken?"
"Yuh-huh."
Jesus,that boy could win this war for us.He could just eat the Khmer Rouge.Or Cambodia.
"Not hungry,"I shrug,pushing the tray away.
"Can I have it?"
"Yeah,"I mutter,getting up from the bench."Imma head to the Hole."
That's what we decided to call our tent,Bob came up with it before...it's the five-four of us,just basically four bunks and a distillery-notice how this is getting more and more like MAS*H-that we're not meant to have,but hey,you're not meant to shoot people and then get a medal for it.
WE ARE NORTH AMERICAN SCUM-sorry I'm listening to it on my iPod and it's just so goddamn good
Oh yeah,and the rat under my bunk that uses my shoeslaces as dental floss is now my pet.His name is Jerry and he lives there with his wife and two sons.
Uh huh.I'm going slowly insane.
I leave the Mess and head over to our tent.The lights are out and the still is tinkling softly,the soft drip of the do it fluid hitting the glass with a plonk.
"Toro?"
"Frankie,it's me."
I make my way over to his bunk-which is next to mine-and sit my ass down.
Except my ass lands on a caged,ridged object that nearly sodomizes me.
"Holy shit!"
"Oh yeah,Mikey bought a chicken down at the local morning market,"Frank informs me,still curled in a ball,arms around his knees."He missed Bunny so much he got one."
Are you serious?Not only do I have to sleep next to Mikey and His Twelve Dancing Sinuses,heavy artillery and general warfare,now there will be a chicken clucking next to me.
"Does it have a name?"
"Yeah.Dexter."
What is with Mikey and picking out shit names for household pets?
"Oh."I shift myself gently from the chicken cage to my bed.The firmness and the feeling of rats rustling around beneath me reassures me I am back.
"Frankie?"
Sniff."Yeah?"
Someone outside has opened a door,sending a pool of light our way.In the whiteness I see Frankie is clutching something with such sheer intensity that his knuckles are bright with tightness.I see the triangular stripe and immediately recognize it as Bob's fatigues (clean ones,hopefully.)
"I'm sorry."
"What are you sorry for?"Another sniff.
I did technically kill the man,Frank
Gerard.Come on now.He's just a kid.
"Do you want to come over to my bunk?"
Wow you don't sound like a pedophile at all
"Okay."
He crawls over to my bunk,scrabbling and bumping around in the dark.Hot damn,in the dark I can't fucking see anything.Then something lands on me,a pleasant weight on my upper thighs.It causes an immediate tingling sensation in my lower stomach that makes me bite my lip and groan slightly.Then I hear Frank giggling feebly in the darkness.
"What's so funny?"
"I...uh...I'm..."another giggle,"I'm straddling you."
Ah,shit.You freaking serious?I'm horny for my sixteen-year-old best friend.Wonderful.
And'y'know,he's only wearing his boxers,which,y'know,is just great.
He begins to laugh harder,which only compels the feeling to swell and pulsate.
"Should I get off?"
"No,"I gabble too quickly,gripping his bare thigh.Then:"Please."
"Gerard?"He sounds confused,and slightly worried."What's wrong?"
"Frank,"I mummer,lightly caressing up and down his leg,making him tense and flinch,"do something for me."
I hear him squeak slightly.I'll take that as a yes.
"Lean forward for me."
He does.
I push my hand up to his head of chocolate hair,latching my lips onto his.I work mine against his hungrily,working my reasons for breaking up with my previous girlfriend into it as much as I can.It occurs to me subconsciously that Frank is frozen;not moving;perfectly still;this worries me until I hear a hoarse moan leak from his mouth.I smirk against his lips.
"Come on Frank,put in some goddamn effort,"I growl into his mouth,"it's like kissing a goddamn wall."
Okay so now I'm listening to Fire by Kasabian because it's sexy and stuff...why am I writing this
"Shut up,"he replies,kneeing me in the crotch and pressing his chest to mine,chuckling lightly.
"Iero,you little shit!You do not fucking disrespect me like that!"
"What,kicking you in the balls?Oh,I'm sorry princess,you wanna hustle?"
Jesus,are we middle-aged lower-class Chicago gangsters now?
"Hustle?With who?You and your five foot Army?"
"Fuck you!"
I'M ON FIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIRE OH MY GOD COULD THIS HAVE COME AT A BETTER TIME
He presses his lips to mine again,but more gently then my attempt,his breathing unsteady and irregular.I slide my tongue on his bottom lip,and he parts his lips.I take the chance and dart in first chance.
"You're a bit of a man-whore,Gerard,"he mumbles breathlessly.
"How are you one to talk,you've never fucked a thing in your life,"I tease,tugging on his lip ring so that he groans and gasps,"you couldn't score in a brothel,Frankie boy."
"Being a ho you'd know,right?"
"Right,"I snarl,sliding a hand up his shirt and pinching his nipple,"I'm the biggest man slut in this place."
hmm now it's John Lennon's Imagine....this is a bit weird better change
"Well,to be fair,"Frank moans,snatching gulps of air every so often,"you don't have much of a competition,it's basically you and the rats who have a regular sex life."
oh Plug in Baby much better
"Yeah,but those rats are randy,I heard em getting it on last night."
"Gerard!"Frank says,hastily withdrawing from me-although my hand is still up his chest,feeling the fleeting beat behind his ribs-"Really now,did you have to fucking say that?!Now I've got a mental image of like a fucking rat giving head."He groans-not sexually-and claps his hands over his face.
"Baby,rats aren't the only ones..."I purr seductively as a pisstake into his ear.
He's blank.
"Frank,I'm offering you fellatio."
a trouser-friendly kiss XD
Realization flickers across his face.
"Gerard Arthur Way,you are a fucking sick and vulgar individual,"he declares,"but I do happen to like you a lot,so I guess I have to take your crude sexual jibes."
"Like me a lot?Honey,"like a lot" means holding hands.Calling me a man-whore and sticking your tongue down my throat and gossiping about rat's sex lives constitutes as love."
"You're so weird."
I lean up and wrap my arms around him,inhaling his sweet scent.
okay I'm sorry about this but why is my iPod playing the most sentimental stuff at the moment?I'm trying to write some guy-on-guy foreplay here,Steve Jobs,and playing Yellow by Coldplay is not helping the situation whatsoever.
Neither is Beautiful Day,guys.
Okay,Icky Thump I can deal with.
After a few moments of silence-OKAY I'M SORRY WHY THE FUCK IS KE$HA ON MY IPOD WHAT THE FUCK
"JANE!"
"What?"
"Did you put Ke$ha on my iPod?!"
"No."
Hmm.Must've been Dad.
After a few moments of silence,some creakingensues from beneath my bunk.
"Don't tell me-"
"I think it is."
"Oooh!"
Frank stares at me.
"Please tell me that you or Dexter made that noise,Gerard.For the sake of my sanity."
"Nope."
The noise occurs again,and Frank just screams
"FOR FUCK'S SAKE GO ORGASM IN MIKEY'S BUNK!"