Categories > Celebrities > My Chemical Romance > Holiday in Cambodia
So.I think you guys need a little filling in.
This is not Katherine writing this,because yesterday Kath broke her arm while challenging her younger brother to a game of "X-TREME TRAMPOLINING".
That is when you jump on a trampoline whilst someone else is hurling random shite-e.g. shoes,books assorted pets or younger family members at said jumper.Yesterday Kathy was doing it and because she is simply the smartest person ever,she jumped up to say "HEY,MIKEY,YOU CAN'T FUCKING THROW SHARP OBJECTS!" and then her brother said "You swore,I'm gonna go tell Dad!" and then he ran off,and then Katherine jumped off the trampoline to try and catch him and she landed on her arm.
I was there when it happened,and I can assure you that it was as funny as it sounds.(Bear in mind this is someone who is presently doing the equivalent to the SATS at the moment-and that she also received a scholarship to Yale recently.)
So,hello,my name is Jennifer,and I'm one of Lorna's best friends.I notice now-I am not on FicWad-that after reading several of her stories,Lorna has mentioned me several times,most notably for my pole dancing skills and my inability to hold alcohol.
I'm sixteen,and I'm not quite as strange/interesting/funny as Lorna.I do sorta like My Chemical Romance,but not nearly as much as her.I actually love classical music XD Handel and shit.
And now you're thinking "just shut the fuck up..."
So,yes,Katherine is now indisposed for several weeks to come,so I will be providing you with all of your Holiday in Cambodia needs.Lorna always talked about you guys,and I've seen how nice you guys are and stuff,so this is kinda cool.
Would you like to say anything,Kathy?
Katherine:They way prefer me,Jen,don't even try to combat my awesomeness.
K,you don't fucking write it.We are completely meaningless.Lorna writes it.We're just like literary whores or something.
Katherine:Shut up.You're stupid.
You're the one whose nickname is "Pizza."
Katherine:Bitch.
Oh yeah,I went there.I went there.
Katherine is now not speaking to me.We're in Lorna's living room and she's just staring intently at the blank TV screen,muttering,"I should be putting it up.Lorna told me to fucking put it up.Stupid fucking trampoline."
Jennifer.
Holiday in Cambodia
Chapter Four:Private
"Here's your gun."
"No thank you,I don't like guns."
Narrowing of the eyes.That's just great.
"Whaddaya fucking expect to shoot em with?Your molfuckin' eyes,pretty boy?"
First off;you cannot kill people with your eyes.Unless you're fucking Superman or something.
Secondly;I'm pretty sure "pretty boy" is the term people reserve for only two types of individuals-the gay guy in a boy band and someone's whose about to get jumped.
"No."
"Exactly."A sigh."So grab your fuckin gun,nimrod."
"Right."I slowly pick up the weapon,hating the cool metal lump in my hand.
"And hey,dipshit?"
Presuming that's me.
"It's Gerard.But go on."
"Don't forget to put the safety on,or you'll blow your bollocks off."A twinkle in those hazy eyes."And then you'll be more of a Geraldine!"
He splutters with laughter.
"That's nonsensical.
"Come again,pretty boy."
Every time he says that,my ass has a heart attack.
"My name's Gerard,not Gerald."
Another narrowing of the eyes.
"Shut up and stand over there.Lieutenant Walkers will be meeting your gay ass squadron in just a moment."
Excuse me,but how can a squadron be gay?I mean-
Oh.Like this.
I walk over to where Mister Congeniality pointed to.All the men that surround me could not be more stereotypical if they fucking tried.It's like they sorted you according to your personal appearence and care for musicals.
"And then I was like,no honey,you look great,it's just that red simply isn't your colour!"
"I saw these cuff links to die for,Jules,you just can't imagine-"
"Which was a complete lie anyway,that girl wouldn't look good in a potato sack-"
"Do you think these outfits come in a lighter colour?These green does nothing for my hips."
Uh-huh.That great.
"Gerard!"Comes a please voice from behind me."Yay!We're in the same thingy!"
Frankie grasps me in a brief one-armed hug."Can you believe these guys?Swear to God,the amount of hand waving going on here is criminal."
"Why are we here?It's not like we're gay or anything."
"Because we associate with Mikey."He jerks his head toward my younger sibling,who is currently hugging a unicorn to his chest."And that means instant disqualification from anything to do with heterosexuality."
"Amen to that.So,Mikey in our group?"
"Yeah,so's Bob and Ray."
"He still shaken?"
"Yeah,poor guy.This morning I walked in on him kissing his comb."
"Jesus-"
"ALRIGHT,LADIES,WE ARE NOW GOING ON ENEMY PATROL,"a boom from above informs us,"ANYONE WHO FALLS BEHIND IS LEFT BEHIND.AND REMEMBER;SHOOT ANYTHING THAT MOVES,LESS'N IT IS IN YOUR OWN OUTFIT.SHOOT A GODDAMN DOG IF YOU HAVE TO."
"No!"Frankie squeaks next to me.I rub his shoulder in comfort.
"ALRIGHT THEN,LET'S MOOOOOOOOOOVE OUT!"
The thudding of forty two pairs of heavy combat boots fills the hollow hall we are encased in.We flew out here three hours ago,then it was straight to supply and weaponry.We were stripped,searched and showered,and then sent off to get our guns and belts.
I'm surrounded by hundreds of men,and I've never felt more alone in my life.
X X X
I'm gonna be honest;I don't pride myself on my geography.Hell,I barely fucking know where goddamn Nebraska is.So my knowledge on the whereabouts of remote villages in eastern Cambodia ain't gonna be godfuck good.
But,in the last two and a half hours we have been walking,I have learned the following two things about the Kingdom of Cambodia:
1.Cambodia is goddamn hot.
2.Cambodia is goddamn big.
I also do not consider myself a people person;but in the last two hours I have learned the following two things about my squadron in the Kingdom of Cambodia::
1.Adam is obsessed with Liam but Liam just doesn't feel that way about him
2.James is bulimic,despite being "the perfect size,honey,the perfect size"
Cambodia is goddamn noisy as well;shouting and shots and shells ricochet through the air,and every time a noise is made,whether that be a bomb or a rabbit taking a shit five miles away,the guy next to me,Watson-we're in alphabetical order,yeah,you have to be in alphabetical order to walk some dirt path and get shot at-just goes:
"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH I AM DYING OIHOEIUB"
I am sandwiched between him and Mikey,so it's just great news there.
(If you're wondering what I am trying and failing to describe,you know the bit in Forrest Gump,where they're in Vietnam,and Forrest is describing Tex and Dallas and stuff?Yeah,it's exactly like that-LNI)
"Gerard?"
"Mikey."
"You got your iPod on you?"
"iPod's haven't been invented yet,Mikes."
"Oh yeah.Lorna must have forgotten that."
Two things I have learned about Lieutenant Walker in the past two hours:
1.we should "GET DOWN!"
2.and we should "SHUT UP!"
"GET DOWN!SHUT UP!"
(yes I got that line from Forrest Gump XD)
We do.
"Gerard?"
"Mikey."
"Do you-"
"Mikey,he told us to sit down and shut up,I'd advise that you comply."
"What does comply mean?"
"Go along,to do something."
Up ahead,Bob lets out an utterly terrifying sneeze.
""AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH I AM DYING OIHOEIUB"
What did I tell you?
"WATSON,SHUT THE HELL UP!"
We remain crouched-(keep picturing that FG scene in your mind,that's it)-until Walker declares:
"ALRIGHT,SEE THAT JUNGLE UP THE ROAD?WE ARE GOING TO INFILTRATE.GO ON YOUR OWN.THAT WAY,IF YOU GET KILLED,A BUNCH OF YOU WON'T DIE AT THE SAME TIME."
His sensitivity is touching.
"NOW MOVE OUT."
I'm guessing that means we don't have to go alphabetically,so I grab Mikey and run up to the front.On our way,I spot Ray.
"Ray,dude?You doing okay,buddy?"
He looks at me,a glaze shining from his pupils.To my delight,he speaks.
"Yeah...I'm...fine,Gerard.Want to be left alone for a while,if that's okay."He places a hand on his helmet covered head.
"Sure,man.Take all the time you need."
Mikey and I make our way to Bob and Frank.
"Hey guys."
"Hey Gee,hey Mikes."
"Man,did you hear that guy behind us?Adam,or something?Talk about painfu-"
BOOM.
What I can only guess is a bomb falls from what seems to be the sky,and lands on ground with a deafening blow.Cries of agony and screams erupt from our platoon.
"GET DOWN!EVERY SINGLE MOTHERFUCKER GET DOWN BEFORE I MAKE YOU!"
I throw myself at the ground,as does everyone else.Another ear-shattering blast occurs within about thirty second of the previous.
"EVERYONE MAKE YOUR WAY TO THE JUNGLE STAT!"
"But sir,what about the injured?"
"WHAT ABOUT THEM?"
I don't stick around.Instead I run faster than I have ever run in my goddamn life.A large tree is right in front of me,and I fall behind it.
"Gerard...help..."
Bob?
"Bob?"
I turn around,and see my best friend lying on the ground.That's not all though-his stomach is open.Blood spurts from his guts and his hand is thrown across it nonchalantly.
"Oh,Bob,"I breathe,moving his hand to inspect the damage.Bad move,Gerard,bad move-I can see through to his organs.His insides.
Fuck,I'm gonna fucking hurl.
"Be honest,Gerard,"his baby blue eyes lock with mine,"is it bad?"
Lie,Gerard,lie.Spare him.No one wants to be told that they're gonna die from their best friend.
"Well...I...don't really-"
"Oh God Gerard,"he croaks,his eyes welling up,"I'm gonna die,amn't I?"
"No,don't say that,Bob-"
"Yeah,I am."Tears run down his filthy,blood stained face."I can it in you eyes.I'm gonna fucking die.Oh fuck!"
He begins to sob now,which obviously upsets his stomach.Every time he breathes in he then screams in pain.
"GERARD!"He shrieks,"ANYBODY!SOMEBODY FUCKING SAVE ME!"
"Bob!"I hear an alarmed cry."What's wrong?"
"I'M FUCKING DYING HERE,FRANK!GODDAMIT!"He clutches his non existent stomach.
Frank kneels next to me,his skinny form burning from the heat.Tears seep from his ducts and he begins to shake slightly.
Bob fumbles for his gun,finds it,and then slides it across to Frank and I.
"There,"comes the split voice."Frank,shoot me."
Frankie's eyes grow wide.
Please no,Bob,he's fucking sixteen,don't make him kill you,he fucking adores you
"Bob,no,"Frank whispers,"I can't do that.You'll be fine,you'll see-"
"DON'T BULLSHIT ME,FRANK!"He roars."Fine."
"Gerard,you do it."
"Gee,don't listen to him,"Frank begs,"please,say he'll get better,right?"His puppy dog eyes search my face."Because he's gonna be fine?"His voice cracks.
I turn to Bob."You sure about this?"
"Gerard,no!"groans Frank,pressing his face to my shoulder,"Please don't,please don't,please don't-"
"Frank,he's gonna do it,and if you don't like it,go away while he does,"Bob grunts.He then nods at me.
"Come on,Gerard.Do it.Between the eyebrows."
Frank lets out a little sob and goes to sit behind a tree.I take Bob's standard and cock the trigger.
"Full magazine?"
"How the hell should I know?I ain't a fucking gun expert."
"Have you fired it yet?"
"No."
"Then it's fine."I raise my hand to his head,my sweaty finger poised between barrel and trigger."I'm so sorry,Bob.I love you,man."
"Goodbye,Gerard,"he says gruffly,"thank you for doing this,man.And tell Frank-"
I pull,and suddenly Bob stops.
I hear muffled crying from the distance.
"Frankie?"I say softly."I'm done."
When I say the word "done",he bursts into fresh sobbing.
"Come here,"I coo,wrapping my arms around him,tucking him under my chin.
"I hate this.I wish I was at home.I hate this."
"I know,honey,"I press my cheek to his,"goddamnit,I know it."
This is not Katherine writing this,because yesterday Kath broke her arm while challenging her younger brother to a game of "X-TREME TRAMPOLINING".
That is when you jump on a trampoline whilst someone else is hurling random shite-e.g. shoes,books assorted pets or younger family members at said jumper.Yesterday Kathy was doing it and because she is simply the smartest person ever,she jumped up to say "HEY,MIKEY,YOU CAN'T FUCKING THROW SHARP OBJECTS!" and then her brother said "You swore,I'm gonna go tell Dad!" and then he ran off,and then Katherine jumped off the trampoline to try and catch him and she landed on her arm.
I was there when it happened,and I can assure you that it was as funny as it sounds.(Bear in mind this is someone who is presently doing the equivalent to the SATS at the moment-and that she also received a scholarship to Yale recently.)
So,hello,my name is Jennifer,and I'm one of Lorna's best friends.I notice now-I am not on FicWad-that after reading several of her stories,Lorna has mentioned me several times,most notably for my pole dancing skills and my inability to hold alcohol.
I'm sixteen,and I'm not quite as strange/interesting/funny as Lorna.I do sorta like My Chemical Romance,but not nearly as much as her.I actually love classical music XD Handel and shit.
And now you're thinking "just shut the fuck up..."
So,yes,Katherine is now indisposed for several weeks to come,so I will be providing you with all of your Holiday in Cambodia needs.Lorna always talked about you guys,and I've seen how nice you guys are and stuff,so this is kinda cool.
Would you like to say anything,Kathy?
Katherine:They way prefer me,Jen,don't even try to combat my awesomeness.
K,you don't fucking write it.We are completely meaningless.Lorna writes it.We're just like literary whores or something.
Katherine:Shut up.You're stupid.
You're the one whose nickname is "Pizza."
Katherine:Bitch.
Oh yeah,I went there.I went there.
Katherine is now not speaking to me.We're in Lorna's living room and she's just staring intently at the blank TV screen,muttering,"I should be putting it up.Lorna told me to fucking put it up.Stupid fucking trampoline."
Jennifer.
Holiday in Cambodia
Chapter Four:Private
"Here's your gun."
"No thank you,I don't like guns."
Narrowing of the eyes.That's just great.
"Whaddaya fucking expect to shoot em with?Your molfuckin' eyes,pretty boy?"
First off;you cannot kill people with your eyes.Unless you're fucking Superman or something.
Secondly;I'm pretty sure "pretty boy" is the term people reserve for only two types of individuals-the gay guy in a boy band and someone's whose about to get jumped.
"No."
"Exactly."A sigh."So grab your fuckin gun,nimrod."
"Right."I slowly pick up the weapon,hating the cool metal lump in my hand.
"And hey,dipshit?"
Presuming that's me.
"It's Gerard.But go on."
"Don't forget to put the safety on,or you'll blow your bollocks off."A twinkle in those hazy eyes."And then you'll be more of a Geraldine!"
He splutters with laughter.
"That's nonsensical.
"Come again,pretty boy."
Every time he says that,my ass has a heart attack.
"My name's Gerard,not Gerald."
Another narrowing of the eyes.
"Shut up and stand over there.Lieutenant Walkers will be meeting your gay ass squadron in just a moment."
Excuse me,but how can a squadron be gay?I mean-
Oh.Like this.
I walk over to where Mister Congeniality pointed to.All the men that surround me could not be more stereotypical if they fucking tried.It's like they sorted you according to your personal appearence and care for musicals.
"And then I was like,no honey,you look great,it's just that red simply isn't your colour!"
"I saw these cuff links to die for,Jules,you just can't imagine-"
"Which was a complete lie anyway,that girl wouldn't look good in a potato sack-"
"Do you think these outfits come in a lighter colour?These green does nothing for my hips."
Uh-huh.That great.
"Gerard!"Comes a please voice from behind me."Yay!We're in the same thingy!"
Frankie grasps me in a brief one-armed hug."Can you believe these guys?Swear to God,the amount of hand waving going on here is criminal."
"Why are we here?It's not like we're gay or anything."
"Because we associate with Mikey."He jerks his head toward my younger sibling,who is currently hugging a unicorn to his chest."And that means instant disqualification from anything to do with heterosexuality."
"Amen to that.So,Mikey in our group?"
"Yeah,so's Bob and Ray."
"He still shaken?"
"Yeah,poor guy.This morning I walked in on him kissing his comb."
"Jesus-"
"ALRIGHT,LADIES,WE ARE NOW GOING ON ENEMY PATROL,"a boom from above informs us,"ANYONE WHO FALLS BEHIND IS LEFT BEHIND.AND REMEMBER;SHOOT ANYTHING THAT MOVES,LESS'N IT IS IN YOUR OWN OUTFIT.SHOOT A GODDAMN DOG IF YOU HAVE TO."
"No!"Frankie squeaks next to me.I rub his shoulder in comfort.
"ALRIGHT THEN,LET'S MOOOOOOOOOOVE OUT!"
The thudding of forty two pairs of heavy combat boots fills the hollow hall we are encased in.We flew out here three hours ago,then it was straight to supply and weaponry.We were stripped,searched and showered,and then sent off to get our guns and belts.
I'm surrounded by hundreds of men,and I've never felt more alone in my life.
X X X
I'm gonna be honest;I don't pride myself on my geography.Hell,I barely fucking know where goddamn Nebraska is.So my knowledge on the whereabouts of remote villages in eastern Cambodia ain't gonna be godfuck good.
But,in the last two and a half hours we have been walking,I have learned the following two things about the Kingdom of Cambodia:
1.Cambodia is goddamn hot.
2.Cambodia is goddamn big.
I also do not consider myself a people person;but in the last two hours I have learned the following two things about my squadron in the Kingdom of Cambodia::
1.Adam is obsessed with Liam but Liam just doesn't feel that way about him
2.James is bulimic,despite being "the perfect size,honey,the perfect size"
Cambodia is goddamn noisy as well;shouting and shots and shells ricochet through the air,and every time a noise is made,whether that be a bomb or a rabbit taking a shit five miles away,the guy next to me,Watson-we're in alphabetical order,yeah,you have to be in alphabetical order to walk some dirt path and get shot at-just goes:
"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH I AM DYING OIHOEIUB"
I am sandwiched between him and Mikey,so it's just great news there.
(If you're wondering what I am trying and failing to describe,you know the bit in Forrest Gump,where they're in Vietnam,and Forrest is describing Tex and Dallas and stuff?Yeah,it's exactly like that-LNI)
"Gerard?"
"Mikey."
"You got your iPod on you?"
"iPod's haven't been invented yet,Mikes."
"Oh yeah.Lorna must have forgotten that."
Two things I have learned about Lieutenant Walker in the past two hours:
1.we should "GET DOWN!"
2.and we should "SHUT UP!"
"GET DOWN!SHUT UP!"
(yes I got that line from Forrest Gump XD)
We do.
"Gerard?"
"Mikey."
"Do you-"
"Mikey,he told us to sit down and shut up,I'd advise that you comply."
"What does comply mean?"
"Go along,to do something."
Up ahead,Bob lets out an utterly terrifying sneeze.
""AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH I AM DYING OIHOEIUB"
What did I tell you?
"WATSON,SHUT THE HELL UP!"
We remain crouched-(keep picturing that FG scene in your mind,that's it)-until Walker declares:
"ALRIGHT,SEE THAT JUNGLE UP THE ROAD?WE ARE GOING TO INFILTRATE.GO ON YOUR OWN.THAT WAY,IF YOU GET KILLED,A BUNCH OF YOU WON'T DIE AT THE SAME TIME."
His sensitivity is touching.
"NOW MOVE OUT."
I'm guessing that means we don't have to go alphabetically,so I grab Mikey and run up to the front.On our way,I spot Ray.
"Ray,dude?You doing okay,buddy?"
He looks at me,a glaze shining from his pupils.To my delight,he speaks.
"Yeah...I'm...fine,Gerard.Want to be left alone for a while,if that's okay."He places a hand on his helmet covered head.
"Sure,man.Take all the time you need."
Mikey and I make our way to Bob and Frank.
"Hey guys."
"Hey Gee,hey Mikes."
"Man,did you hear that guy behind us?Adam,or something?Talk about painfu-"
BOOM.
What I can only guess is a bomb falls from what seems to be the sky,and lands on ground with a deafening blow.Cries of agony and screams erupt from our platoon.
"GET DOWN!EVERY SINGLE MOTHERFUCKER GET DOWN BEFORE I MAKE YOU!"
I throw myself at the ground,as does everyone else.Another ear-shattering blast occurs within about thirty second of the previous.
"EVERYONE MAKE YOUR WAY TO THE JUNGLE STAT!"
"But sir,what about the injured?"
"WHAT ABOUT THEM?"
I don't stick around.Instead I run faster than I have ever run in my goddamn life.A large tree is right in front of me,and I fall behind it.
"Gerard...help..."
Bob?
"Bob?"
I turn around,and see my best friend lying on the ground.That's not all though-his stomach is open.Blood spurts from his guts and his hand is thrown across it nonchalantly.
"Oh,Bob,"I breathe,moving his hand to inspect the damage.Bad move,Gerard,bad move-I can see through to his organs.His insides.
Fuck,I'm gonna fucking hurl.
"Be honest,Gerard,"his baby blue eyes lock with mine,"is it bad?"
Lie,Gerard,lie.Spare him.No one wants to be told that they're gonna die from their best friend.
"Well...I...don't really-"
"Oh God Gerard,"he croaks,his eyes welling up,"I'm gonna die,amn't I?"
"No,don't say that,Bob-"
"Yeah,I am."Tears run down his filthy,blood stained face."I can it in you eyes.I'm gonna fucking die.Oh fuck!"
He begins to sob now,which obviously upsets his stomach.Every time he breathes in he then screams in pain.
"GERARD!"He shrieks,"ANYBODY!SOMEBODY FUCKING SAVE ME!"
"Bob!"I hear an alarmed cry."What's wrong?"
"I'M FUCKING DYING HERE,FRANK!GODDAMIT!"He clutches his non existent stomach.
Frank kneels next to me,his skinny form burning from the heat.Tears seep from his ducts and he begins to shake slightly.
Bob fumbles for his gun,finds it,and then slides it across to Frank and I.
"There,"comes the split voice."Frank,shoot me."
Frankie's eyes grow wide.
Please no,Bob,he's fucking sixteen,don't make him kill you,he fucking adores you
"Bob,no,"Frank whispers,"I can't do that.You'll be fine,you'll see-"
"DON'T BULLSHIT ME,FRANK!"He roars."Fine."
"Gerard,you do it."
"Gee,don't listen to him,"Frank begs,"please,say he'll get better,right?"His puppy dog eyes search my face."Because he's gonna be fine?"His voice cracks.
I turn to Bob."You sure about this?"
"Gerard,no!"groans Frank,pressing his face to my shoulder,"Please don't,please don't,please don't-"
"Frank,he's gonna do it,and if you don't like it,go away while he does,"Bob grunts.He then nods at me.
"Come on,Gerard.Do it.Between the eyebrows."
Frank lets out a little sob and goes to sit behind a tree.I take Bob's standard and cock the trigger.
"Full magazine?"
"How the hell should I know?I ain't a fucking gun expert."
"Have you fired it yet?"
"No."
"Then it's fine."I raise my hand to his head,my sweaty finger poised between barrel and trigger."I'm so sorry,Bob.I love you,man."
"Goodbye,Gerard,"he says gruffly,"thank you for doing this,man.And tell Frank-"
I pull,and suddenly Bob stops.
I hear muffled crying from the distance.
"Frankie?"I say softly."I'm done."
When I say the word "done",he bursts into fresh sobbing.
"Come here,"I coo,wrapping my arms around him,tucking him under my chin.
"I hate this.I wish I was at home.I hate this."
"I know,honey,"I press my cheek to his,"goddamnit,I know it."
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