FicWad

I stood there, feeling slightly awkward. I didn’t know why but the knowledge that Gerard was looking at me, judging my new look made me feel a little uneasy.
“Well, I’m gonna put the kettle on. Coffee anyone?”, Sam burst out, looking from Me to Gerard.
“That’d be great.”, I smiled in response.
“Yeah, go for it.”, was Gerard’s reply.
Sam nodded and walked for the kitchen.
“Use any of my special coffee and you die!” , Mikey shouted out, walking quickly after her probably nervous about Sam’s evil laugh that came from the kitchen.
Don’t leave me guys!, I thought loudly in my head. I didn’t want to be alone with him, not after what almost happened the last time we were alone together. But they were gone. Damn. I turned back to Gerard who was looking at me thoughtfully with a little smile on his face. Why did he have to do that?! It was intoxicating and it made it hard to breathe let alone think.
“You look good.”, was all he said.
I touched my hair, looking down at my new ruby locks. They were so different from what I was used to but it was a change, a change I needed.
“Thanks, I like it anyway.” I said quietly, looking away. My new fringe was covering my eyes so I couldn’t really see where he was or what he was doing. I didn’t want to know where he was and focused on the mountain of bags.

“Well, I don’t know about you but I’m quite tired so I think I’ll have that coffee… but first… I’m going to put these bags somewhere- is there anywhere I could put these without killing someone?”, I was babbling but I didn’t care. I grabbed a bag and turned only to find Gerard standing right in front of me, inches from me. I took a sharp intake of breath. He leaned down so that he was level with me and looked right into my eyes.

“Whoa, Ellouise. Take a breath” , he told me quietly..
Take a breathe? Take a breathe?!, I thought. How am I supposed to take a breathe with him so close to me?! But, as instructed, I gulped in a huge amount of air.
He smiled broadly and pushed a long stand of hair away from my face and I smiled in response. He tucked it behind neatly behind my ear before leaning in- making my heart almost stop beating- and kissing me on the cheek. His lips were so soft that I found myself leaning into them a little. His hands traced up and down my tight fitting shirt making me shudder. He pulled back a little so he could see my face and stroked my cheek lightly, making my skin feel like it was on fire.
“You are so be-”, he began before being cut off.
“Coffee’s ready!”, Mikey bellowed from the kitchen, pulling me out of my trance. What was he going to say just there?!
“Coming!”, I shouted back before hastily pulling away from Gerard and walking quickly to the kitchen, trying not to look too flustered.

I couldn’t stop thinking about the way he touched me, the way he had looked right into my eyes like they were a novel waiting to be read. He made my skin tingle for his touch, longing to be wrapped in his arms, safe from harm’s way, speaking softly in my ear about how beautiful I was.
Which brought me to my next thing. What was he going to say to me before Mikey had shouted that coffee was ready? I was so what? Basic? Beautiful? Was he about to say beautiful? No, I was just dreaming. If he was going to say anything it most definitely wouldn’t be beautiful. I didn’t deserve that. I couldn’t understand how he could even like me. Yet he did. He seemed to understand me on a level no one else ever had. It was the strangest thing. I felt if I told him that the people hunting me were vampires he would actually listen to me. Even if he didn’t believe me, he would have at least listen and try to understand. That was what I was beginning to love about Gerard. He wouldn’t… didn’t judge me. He took in every word.

Even as I added all the pros to admitting I was indeed falling for him I knew I couldn’t pursue my feelings. I had to lock them away in the safe, kept right in my heart. A place only I had the key to. Somewhere no one got into. I would have to get over these feelings somehow. Any way possible. Something would come to me. I knew it.

My mind returned to reality as I walked into the kitchen, breathing in the delicious smell of freshly made coffee. Real coffee was the best. I hadn’t had a cup of real coffee in a while. Well, yesterday I had one in the café where I had met Gerard. But, being honest, I couldn’t really remember it. I sat down on the chair that no one else seemed to use, the one next to Gerard’s. As I sat down I skilfully slid it over a little so there would be no way our thighs could tough or that I could make any accidental contact that would send me into a frenzy. Same walked over with a cup and set it in front of me.
“There you go.” ,she smiled.
I brought it closer to me and looked up at her.
“Thanks.” ,I smiled back, taking a sip of the burning liquid. Holy crap that was good. I let it trickle down my throat, warming up my insides.
“Ooh, that’s good!” , I murmured into my cup.
“Isn’t it?! My baby makes the best coffee!” ,Sam exclaimed, kissing Mikey quickly, making him smile like an idiot but remain silent. I wasn’t sure if that was him silently agreeing or being modest. I had realized it was hard to tell with Mikey. He was silent most of the time. Sam sat down next to me which was actually a relief since it meant that a certain someone couldn’t sit there.
Speak of the devil, in walked Gerard silently. He picked up one of the coffees and left the room, slamming his room door yet again.

I couldn’t help but feel bad that he was thinking that I maybe didn’t like him. Or that I did like him and wouldn’t do anything about it. Or that- actually I had no idea.
I couldn’t even attempt to understand the male mind. People who say that they are simple LIE. I frowned down at my cup of coffee, wondering what to do about Gerard.
“Ellouise?”, Sam said softly.
I looked up at her.
“Yeah?” ,I tried to look as composed as I could.
“You okay?”
Oh what’s with that question?! I hated it! When you respond with yes or I’m fine you actually mean: No, I’m not fucking okay! Everything is fucked up and I don’t know what to do with my messed up life!

“Yeah, I’m fine.” ,I responded with the well practiced line, faking a smile.
No, I’m not okay!, I thought, I’m falling hopelessly for Gerard and there is NOTHING I can do about it!
But I was convinced my “I’m fine” smile would hide my almost panic.
“You sure? You seem quite… spooked or … worried almost.” ,Sam continued. I shook my head.
“No no, I’m fine… honestly.”
Sam sighed, obviously she didn’t believe me but I was determined not to tell her. I had spilled my guts to people enough for the time being.
“Where can I put my… sea of shopping bags?” ,I tactfully changed the subject, knowing Sam would have to think about that instead of me obviously not being alright. Sure enough, Sam seemed to switch from being suspicious to being thoughtful.
“Hmmm” , was all she started of with as she frowned and tugged a little on her bright purple locks.
“Well, we could put them in Gerard’s studio. The reason you weren’t in there last night was because it’s a total bombsite! Seriously! Paper, comics… paints, pencils… fucking everywhere!”
I laughed a little, nodding in agreement. I knew what she meant but I also understood why Gerard kept his studio a mess.

Back when I was a teenager- and not in Juvi- I had a passion for art. It was a dream of mine. Something I know I would never realize. My life got much more fucked up after that. But I had made my bed. Now I have to lie on it. I accepted that a long time ago. I still kept the odd sketchbook, it would act as my diary, my lifesaver. Something to keep me sane though everything. I had a lot when I was in prison. I could handle myself in there but you gotta have your own little but if sanity. But when I was young my room (that was also my art studio) was permanently a mess. Covered in paper, paint, pictures… everything. I sorta wanted to see what Gerard had his like. I didn’t even know he liked art. It was a pleasant surprise.

But my pessimistic side brought me back to reality with a bang.
That would mean I would have to actually talk to him again and unless necessary I didn’t really want to. I knew I would have to but I could at least try to hide my awkwardness from Sam and the others.
“Okay then.” ,I nodded again.
“You want to go ask him?” ,Sam asked making my eyes widen slightly.
“Uh… um… Why don’t you? I’ll sort the bags out. I’m pretty sure you have stuff mixed up in there as well.” ,I said, hoping that was a good enough excuse not to have to go back into his room.
Sam raised an eyebrow but nodded and walked over to Gerard’s door, walking in, not even bothering to knock. I smiled slightly, dumping the empty cups in the sink.
“You avoiding my brother or something?”
Mikey’s voice sounded from the other end of the room, making me squeal and wheel around to face him. I had almost forgot he was even in the same room as me.
“Sorry.” ,he half smiled, still waiting on an answer from me.
“Uh… that’s okay… eh… um… well… you know I’m gonna go sort out the bags.” ,I stuttered finally before dashing out the room to the bags by the door. All the while I could hear Mikey’s quiet, soft laughing from the kitchen.
Great, that wasn’t obvious Ellouise.”, I scolded myself as I began to look through the mountain of bags, sorting out what things were Sam’s.
I discovered how little of hers there was after trying to sort it into one bag. It only came half way up. A clear sign that the rest was, in fact, mine. I listened quietly to the sound of a muffled argument coming from Gerard’s room and frowned. I didn’t want them to fight over where my stuff was going to go. I know I should most likely leave but they had been so kind to me. Besides I had promised Gerard that I wouldn’t go. And I always kept my promises

Finally the door swung open revealing a very pissed off Gerard and a glaring Sam. Sam just stalked into the kitchen where Mikey still was with a really loud HONESTLY. I cringed a little before turning to where Gerard was. He didn’t say a word as he picked up just over half the bags and walked down the hall.
Pursing my lips I followed him with what bags were left. He was mad at me. I knew that much. And that admittedly upset me a little. I didn’t want it to but I couldn’t ignore that it did.
He opened the door at the end of the corridor that I hadn’t noticed before and walked in. I followed suit and watched as he cleared a space in the corner of his- indeed- messy studio.
I let my eyes wander around the small room. I really couldn’t believe how amazing some of the drawing were on the walls. Some sketches were scattered across the large wooden table and an easel was sitting in the corner but it was covered by a sheet. I was curious but I had a feeling that it was covered for a reason so I didn’t approach it.
“Put the bags just where I put the other ones.” ,Gerard’s voice penetrated the silence in the room. I did as he asked before looking back at him. He was brooding as he stood by the door but his features were still beautiful, his eyes still had a glint in them and his skin was perfectly clear. It made me want to stroke his cheek.
“Your stuff is amazing!” ,I said, not wanting to leave just yet. I felt like I was contradicting myself. One second I didn’t want to be near him and the next I didn’t want to be away from him. He just nodded in a thanks and put his hand on the door handle.
I clearly wasn’t wanted. I sighed
“Gerard…” ,I started, only to be cut off by him clicking the door closed properly.
“Ellouise… I just don’t get you.” ,he walked towards me, stopping a few inches in front of me.
“What do you mean?” ,I asked softly.
He sighed and looked around the room before running a hand through his raven locks. I felt my heart squeeze a little as he did it. He honest to god was one thee most handsome men I had ever seen in my life. Even more so than… him.
His pale skin contrasted so well with his black hair and his hazel eyes had green flecks glistening in them.
“One minute you’re talking happily to me, the next you don’t want to be near me at all. I just don’t understand what I’ve done to upset you.”
I shook my head severely.
“No, no! You haven’t done anything wrong!” ,I told him quickly. I glanced up at him to find him frowning down at me.
I couldn’t help what I was about to do. I reached up and delicately stroked the skin under his eye. Gerard’s frown softened almost instantly as I moved my hand up and pushed away some stray hair from his face. He lifted his hand and placed it on my cheek, he used his other one and put it on the small of my back, pulling me closer to him. He stoked my face.
“I was interrupted before. What I was going to say was: you are so beautiful.”
I smiled widely. I couldn’t quite believe he had actually said that.
“Really?” ,I asked quietly.
“More than you’ll ever realize.”
He pulled my even closer so that we were completely touching and leaned in.
“This was what I wanted to do the first time I met you.”
And with that he closed the gap and let our lips meet.

My first thought was to push him away and tell him not to try that again but after a split second I found my lips moving with his. My arms subconsciously went up, around his neck, pulling him even closer. Gerard’s hands moved all over my body as our kiss deepened and I tangled on of my hands in his hair. He pushed me back against the table for support and kept kissing me, only stopping at little intervals for breath. I don’t know how long we must have been kissing before I realized what I was doing.
“Gerard no!” ,I exclaimed pushing him away, “stop! Why did you do that?!”
“Because… I like you.” , was all he said.
“Well I don’t like you! Don’t you get that?! I. Don’t. Like. You. Just leave me alone!”
I was lying through my teeth. Of course I was but it was the only way to keep him away from me. To stop him liking me.
I dashed out the room and sprinted to the front door before running down the steps and into Jersey.

OMG! Guys I'm soooooo sorry this took so long to get out! I'm finally done with everything so fingers crossed that I'll get chapters out sooner! I hope this was worth it! As always R&R. :-)