FicWad

5 - And If You Carry On This Way

"When do you think Gerard's coming back?" Ray asked in a quiet voice as another loud crash sounded from behind the kitchen door?
He glanced nervously to the door as there was a resounding thud. Bob sighed heavily and shook his head while Frank ran a hand through his hair. There was a moment of silence and then the three of them jumped as the sound of breaking glass reached their ears, breaking the stillness in the air.
"That's it, I'm getting Mikey out of the kitchen."
Bob jumped to his feet and quickly pushed open the door. He halted in his steps as it swung shut behind him.
Broken glass was strewn across the floor, pieces of it still glittering in the light from the bulb. Pans and pots were thrown on the opposite side of the room from the cupboards they had previosly been in. The pantry doors were flung open, various cans knocked over and a few busted open on the floor. And on the floor in the midst of the mess, Mikey sat, his knees brought up to his chest and his face hidden behind his hands.
His shoulders shook gently before he raised his head and looked at the older man with pink shaded eyes. His light brown eyes that bordered on hazel seemed to be distant, almost as if he weren't seeing Bob standing a few feet in front of him.
"Mikey?" Bob said, in a whispery voice, kneeling down beside him.
"Is Gerard back?" He asked, a slight hint of hope slipping into his voice and his eyes widened the slightest bit.
Bob shook his head as Mikey covered his face again. Just as another tear slipped from his eye there was a loud banging.
In an instant Mikey was on his feet and rushing into the front room. Bob followed fast enough to see Mikey run forward and pull Gerard into a hug.
The elder of the brothers stumbled on his feet as the younger forcefully pulled him into a tight hug, refusing to let go.
"Mikes," Gerard managed to choke out, "Get off of me man."
The younger shook his head against his brothers shoulder, pulling him closer as more tears slipped past.
"We didn't know where you were," he whispered, his voice so quiet that Gerard strained to hear him.
"What the hell Mikey? Where would I go?" Gerard asked, finally managing to pull Mikey off his shoulder.
"We just...I couldn't...I," was all that Mikey could manage as he dropped his eyes to the floor. "I was worried for you."
"Yeah, well you don't need to be," Gerard said, a hint of anger in his tone. "I'm fine okay."
"Oh," the younger said, his voice dropping to a murmur, "I just thought that."
The older Way cut him off, "What did you think?" The irritation was evident in his voice. "You think I'd do something stupid?"
"No, Gee, I just.." He stopped in the middle of his sentence.
Gerard stared at his brother, the only emotion in his eyes, anger. Mikey stood on shaky legs, as Frank and Ray watched the exchange with wide eyes. Bob stood, leaning against the kitchen door with icy blue eyes that held no emotion but inside, his mind was racing.
"I know what the hell you were thinking!" Gerard's voice rose with fury. "I'm not an idiot Mikey!"
"I...I never...." Mikey stumbled over the words that felt thick in his mouth. "I never said that you were," he managed to get out.
"Gee," Frank spoke, still on the couch, his eyes watching them carefully. "Just stop."
"No! Frank you stop!" Gerard snapped, his gaze turning to the shortest of them. "Okay, stop acting like a shrink all the God damn time!"
Frank opened his mouth to argue back but Mikey stopped him. He shook his head gently and gave Frank a pleading look.
"It's just his way of mourning," Mikey murmured, only meaning for Frank to hear but the words had drifted over to Gerard.
"My way of mourning?" Gerard hissed, his voice sounding slightly hysterical as he tried to hold back tears. "At least I'm now walking around the house crying all day long!" Mikey lifted his gaze from the ground and watched as Gerard continued to yell. "Elena's gone Mikey! At least I can accept it!"
"That's just what you want us to think," Mikey whispered in a pained voice, trying to keep Gerard from seeing the agony he had caused him.
"She's dead Mikey! You have to deal with it instead of crying everytime you think of her! You need to grow up!"
The younger stumbled backwards, as if Gerard had physically shoved him. He fought tears from his eyes at the icy glare his brother gave him. His heart pounded in an unsteady beat as he watched his brother turn from him.
"Well maybe you need to grow up too." Mikey turned from Gerard with those words spilling from his mouth.
The younger walked slowly up the stairs, his legs threatening to give beneath him from the weight of his heavy heart.
Frank, Ray, and Bob followed Mikey's lead and left the room, instead spilling into the kitchen, trying to hush their racing thoughts.

Mikey pushed the door closed behind him, locking himself in his room. His sanctuary where he could let everything go.
Slowly, his years spilled forward.

Gerard stood alone in the front room. His mind bounded from one thought to the other. His mouth held a bitter taste at the words he had just spoken, just threw at his brother. But his eyes, they weren't alive with the bright hazel sparkle, the only glint they had was that of tears that flooded his eyes at the pain in his heart.
How could he have said those things, those horrible things.
Even now, the answer escaped him. It almost fled his mind completely as he stared out the window, watching the last hints of light fading in the distance. Now a pale light was flooding the room, the pale slivers of moonlight danced across the wall, slightly illuminating his face.
He turned away, thinking he didn't deserve to feel the wonderful light hit his face.
Now, in this moment, he didn't feel he deserved the kindness of his friends. Or the kindness of his brother.