Categories > Celebrities > My Chemical Romance > Without a sound he took me down
Frank took a deep breathe and started.
"4 years ago I met this girl. She was the most beautiful human being i had ever seen and she bought her coffee at the same coffee shop everyday at the same time. It was simply a coincidence that i was at that coffee shop and saw her that day. I knew the minute she entered it that i had fallen in love. When she walked past me, our eyes locked for one second. Her eyes were dark blue with a green circle around the iris. I had never seen eyes like that before.
Some might say the eyes are the doors to the soul but hers was locked deep down. And i wanted to find it. I couldn't take my eyes off her. She had long, brown hair and she wasn't really thin but she wasn't big either. She wore black boots, a black shirt and jeans. It's actually crazy that i remember what she was wearing. But she was perfect. When she left i felt such a strong longing and emptiness, i knew i had to see her again. So i waited for her the following day and the day after that day and so on. I really wanted to talk to her but I was too shy so i just watched her. But one day a miracle happened. I was outside and smoking a cigarrette when she suddenly came up to me and started talking. She told me that she had seen me there often and asked me if I wanted to drink a coffee with her. She asked ME. Of course i said yes and as we started talking we got to know each other better. Her name was Hannah. I found out that she liked all the stuff i liked. The Misfits, cigarrettes, comics. She even played the guitar and i asked her if we could someday meet again and jam with our instruments. After about two weeks we were a couple. I couldn't get enough of her and i still remember everything like it was yesterday. Everytime she kissed me i felt like i had died and gone to heaven, i always lay on her chest and listened to her breathing. Or i hugged her until she fell asleep and then watched her all night long. I promised her that she was the one and only for me. She could look at me with those amazing eyes and i would have done everything for her. And i can still smell her scent in my dreams sometimes. I don't want you to feel uncomfortable, Gee. I feel the same way about you."
Gerard blushed lightly.
"We were happy for 47 days. 47 days full of happiness, love, peace and harmony. 47 days of my life where i finally felt complete and accepted myself.Then we met Thomas. We were at a party and literally bumped into him. He bought us some drinks and he seemed like a pretty nice guy. Oh, i was so wrong. Soon we became friends. Best friends.
Meanwhile, Hannah became quieter everyday and she tried to avoid me. I didn't know what was wrong with her but i was really worried. I started going to parties with Thomas to stop myself from thinking about her. One day we were out again and he told me that he wanted more from me than just friendship. I pushed him away; I didn't want to talk to him every again. I told Hannah about it but she didn't seem to care at all. The only thing she said was that i shouldn't overreact because a guy had fallen in love with me. When i asked her what that was supposed to mean, she said that i looked so stunning that everyone would feel attracted to me. That was one of the few moments where i still recognized my old Hannah. The Hannah i had fallen in love with. I tried to avoid Thomas the following days but sometimes he waited in front of my apartment until i came home from work and then he told me how sorry he was and that he had been drunk at that party and he didn't even know why he said stuff like that. But i knew he was lying. Somehow i knew he wanted me. And i wasn't homophobic or something, i just didn't know how to handle the situation back then. Soon i stopped talking to both of them, though i tried calling Hannah everyday.
Then after about a week, i came home to a horrible scene. Thomas and Hannah were laying on the couch making out. She looked more alive than she had looked the last couple of weeks. My heart stopped beating for a momnet and i gasped so loudly that they both turned to look at me. But i didn't see the apologetic, shocked expressions i had expected. No, they both smiled at me."
***
Frank had left the room to get some coffee for them both. Gerard lay in bed, nibbling on his lip nervously. He looked around the cold, white walls, trying to overthink everything Frank had told him so far. It must have taken him alot of strength to talk about it. Gerard couldn't believe someone could have hurt Frank like that. He wanted to kill those fucking bitches. Now he understood why Frank was afraid of loving or even trusting a person. Maybe, he thought, he should leave Frank alone because he didn't want to make him feel uncomfortable, let alone hurt him. Wait, no! Of course, he shouldn't leave Frank now. That would only make him even unhappier than he already was; he had realised that on the bridge. He had to be there for Frank. But it was 4 years ago now. Shouldn't he be over it by now? Or was there something else Gerard just didn't know about yet? Gerard's brain was about to explode when Frank entered the room again. He held two steaming cups of coffee in his hand and gave one to Gerard who thankfully took it.
"Mikey's kinda upset because you wouldn't talk to him but to me" Frank said before sitting down again.
"Oh damn!" Gerard whispered. "I forgot about him. Shit, how could i forget about my own brother?! What's wrong with me?! I've been such a selfish dickhead lately, I've treated him like shit and he still wants to talk to me. I don't deserve him or his love."
"Gerard, he needs you. And i don't think he could ever stop loving you, even if you were the biggest asshole on this planet. And i'm pretty sure you're a better brother than you think you are. You've just been really confused and alone these days. He will understand, believe me.But you need to talk to him later on."
"Are you sure he'll forgive me?" Gerard whispered.
He looked as innocent and helpless as a little child right now but at the same time he looked as though he was a broken man.
"Yes" Frank nodded and took a sip of his coffee.
He wondered how such an innocent person could be so sexy and seductively sometimes.
"Thank you."
There was an awkward silence for about 10 seconds while Frank and Gerard both tried to sort out their thoughts.
Both thinking about the future, their future.
Then Frank continued.
"So i was standing there and i was so upset and angry but i couldn't move. I just stared at them, trying to take in what i was seeing. Then Thomas got up and walked around me. He took my arms and pinned them on my back. He whispered into my ear that they had planned all this for months. They had planned to destroy me. I broke down crying and screamed at Hannah how she could do this to me and that i loved her with all my heart. That was when she stood up too, kneeled down in front of me and told me with a smile that it was all just a big lie.That was the moment i died inside. I replayed all the memories, all the jokes, all the might we had spent together and i just couldn't believe it.
It was all just a big lie; it was all just a big lie.
This sentence echoed in my head again and again and i thought it would drive me insane.I heard them whisper, then a door was opened and closed and it was silent again. I got pulled to my feet and then someone pressed me against a wall. Thomas whispered that i was all his now and then he pulled down my pants. When i realised what he wanted to do i tried to push him away, i tried to kick him in the balls or free my hand or something but... He was so strong. He told me that he had waited for this moment for so long and then he... he raped me. The pain caused me to shriek but he just laughed and kept going. It became more and more painful with every minute. I just wanted to run, run away from these feeling and my life. Run away from all those lies, run away from myself. But soon i didn't even have the power to struggle against his grip on my wrists anymore. I remember almost fainting a few times but feeling him inside of my and his sticky breathe on my cheek made me stay conscious. But the physical pain was nothing compaired to the pain i felt inside. Everything i had lived for, everything that had meant something to me had broken down in less than 10 minutes.
I was nothing now, my life was meaningless.
After what seemed like eternity he... finished. I fell to the floor and then i finally fainted and hoped i wouldn't wake up again."
Frank closed his eyes and stopped talking. When he opened them again, they were full of tears and he desperately tried to hold them back.
"Frank, you... you don't have to continue if it's too hard for you... I heard enough now and..." Gerard said but Frank softly put a finger on his lips to silence him.
"Oh Gee, you haven't even heard the worst part yet" he laughed but it was a bitter, cold laugh.
Gerard frowned. What could be worse than getting raped and betrayed by the two people you once trusted the most? He waited for Frank to continue.
"When i woke up again, Hannah stood over me with a knife in her hand. She took my arm and cut into my skin deeply. She seemed to enjoy it so she did it again. I couldn't move, my lids were heavy and my palms sweaty so i guess they had put me on drugs while i was unconscious. I didn't even notice the blood pouring out of my wounds and i didn't feel the pain because i couldn't stop looking at her. I could finally see the real Hannah. I had finally found the keys to her soul and i hated what i saw. A cruel, sadistic person who had torn my heart out of my chest and thrown it into the trash. When i saw her draw another line with the knife, I finally managed to sit up and push her away. I was still in my living room but i couldn't see Thomas anywhere. She looked surprised but not intimidated. Suddenly i felt an anger building up inside off me, i hadn't even known existed. I jumped up and pushed her against the wall. Then i took the knife and held it in front of her chest. Now she looked intimidated. I wanted to kill her, kill this monster that had nourished my grilfriend and my perfect life. But i couldn't. My hand started shaking and she knew she had won. She grinned at me and i let go off her wrists and headed for the door. But she tried to attack me from the behind and when i turned around again she... she ran into the knife, Gee. I killed her... The look in her eyes... those beautiful eyes... it was..." His voice broke.
His tears flowed freely now and he pulled his knees up to his chest and hugged them. Gerard sat upright and softly petted his head. Then he pulled him into a hug. Frank didn't shy away and Gerard guessed that was a good sign so he stayed like that for several minutes.
"Sssh, come here" Gerard said and moved a bit so Frank could lay next to him.
Frank looked at him witha horrified look on his face and Gerard knew he'd made a mistake.
"No, no. I just want you to lie next to me, i swear" he said but Frank still didn't move.
Gerard sighed, put his hand on Frank's cheek and looked into his eyes.
"Look at me" he said. "I would never ever do anything to hurt you. I would never force you to do something you don't want to do. And i would never judge you. It wasn't your fault, she was the one who ruined your life and she was the one who ran into the knife. Now if you want to you can come and lie next to me. Just lying, nothing else. I won't even hug you if you don't want that. But please, don't blame yourself for something you haven't done. It hurts me so much to see you like this. I just want you to be happy; whatever it takes me to do."
He then lay back down. Frank hesitated for a few more moments but then finally crawled under the sheets next to Gerard. Suddenly Gerard noticed how tired he actually was and Frank too was really exhausted after remembering everything he had tried to forget for years now. When Gerard was already half asleep he heard a soft whisper.
"Gee?"
"Yes?"
"Could you please hug me now?"
"Of course" Gerard said smiling and wrapped his arms around Frank's body.
Then they both drifted off into dreamland and to their surprise both of them had wonderful dreams because they shooed the nightmares away together.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Authors note: Here it finally is! Sorry for all the spelling mistakes but i had to type it all up on my phone and it's really hard to find all the mistakes. I'll try and correct them as soon as possible. So yeah, i know it's really different from the other chapters because i wrote it in the 3rd person but it knida felt like it needed to be this way because there's so many emotions in it and it would have beenreally difficult to express all this in 1st person. And i hope you don't mind the cheesy ending but i thought after such an upsetting chapter, a happy ending would be great :) Please, please tell me what you think guys! I worked so hard on this chapter and i really wanna know your opinion about it. Love you xx
"4 years ago I met this girl. She was the most beautiful human being i had ever seen and she bought her coffee at the same coffee shop everyday at the same time. It was simply a coincidence that i was at that coffee shop and saw her that day. I knew the minute she entered it that i had fallen in love. When she walked past me, our eyes locked for one second. Her eyes were dark blue with a green circle around the iris. I had never seen eyes like that before.
Some might say the eyes are the doors to the soul but hers was locked deep down. And i wanted to find it. I couldn't take my eyes off her. She had long, brown hair and she wasn't really thin but she wasn't big either. She wore black boots, a black shirt and jeans. It's actually crazy that i remember what she was wearing. But she was perfect. When she left i felt such a strong longing and emptiness, i knew i had to see her again. So i waited for her the following day and the day after that day and so on. I really wanted to talk to her but I was too shy so i just watched her. But one day a miracle happened. I was outside and smoking a cigarrette when she suddenly came up to me and started talking. She told me that she had seen me there often and asked me if I wanted to drink a coffee with her. She asked ME. Of course i said yes and as we started talking we got to know each other better. Her name was Hannah. I found out that she liked all the stuff i liked. The Misfits, cigarrettes, comics. She even played the guitar and i asked her if we could someday meet again and jam with our instruments. After about two weeks we were a couple. I couldn't get enough of her and i still remember everything like it was yesterday. Everytime she kissed me i felt like i had died and gone to heaven, i always lay on her chest and listened to her breathing. Or i hugged her until she fell asleep and then watched her all night long. I promised her that she was the one and only for me. She could look at me with those amazing eyes and i would have done everything for her. And i can still smell her scent in my dreams sometimes. I don't want you to feel uncomfortable, Gee. I feel the same way about you."
Gerard blushed lightly.
"We were happy for 47 days. 47 days full of happiness, love, peace and harmony. 47 days of my life where i finally felt complete and accepted myself.Then we met Thomas. We were at a party and literally bumped into him. He bought us some drinks and he seemed like a pretty nice guy. Oh, i was so wrong. Soon we became friends. Best friends.
Meanwhile, Hannah became quieter everyday and she tried to avoid me. I didn't know what was wrong with her but i was really worried. I started going to parties with Thomas to stop myself from thinking about her. One day we were out again and he told me that he wanted more from me than just friendship. I pushed him away; I didn't want to talk to him every again. I told Hannah about it but she didn't seem to care at all. The only thing she said was that i shouldn't overreact because a guy had fallen in love with me. When i asked her what that was supposed to mean, she said that i looked so stunning that everyone would feel attracted to me. That was one of the few moments where i still recognized my old Hannah. The Hannah i had fallen in love with. I tried to avoid Thomas the following days but sometimes he waited in front of my apartment until i came home from work and then he told me how sorry he was and that he had been drunk at that party and he didn't even know why he said stuff like that. But i knew he was lying. Somehow i knew he wanted me. And i wasn't homophobic or something, i just didn't know how to handle the situation back then. Soon i stopped talking to both of them, though i tried calling Hannah everyday.
Then after about a week, i came home to a horrible scene. Thomas and Hannah were laying on the couch making out. She looked more alive than she had looked the last couple of weeks. My heart stopped beating for a momnet and i gasped so loudly that they both turned to look at me. But i didn't see the apologetic, shocked expressions i had expected. No, they both smiled at me."
***
Frank had left the room to get some coffee for them both. Gerard lay in bed, nibbling on his lip nervously. He looked around the cold, white walls, trying to overthink everything Frank had told him so far. It must have taken him alot of strength to talk about it. Gerard couldn't believe someone could have hurt Frank like that. He wanted to kill those fucking bitches. Now he understood why Frank was afraid of loving or even trusting a person. Maybe, he thought, he should leave Frank alone because he didn't want to make him feel uncomfortable, let alone hurt him. Wait, no! Of course, he shouldn't leave Frank now. That would only make him even unhappier than he already was; he had realised that on the bridge. He had to be there for Frank. But it was 4 years ago now. Shouldn't he be over it by now? Or was there something else Gerard just didn't know about yet? Gerard's brain was about to explode when Frank entered the room again. He held two steaming cups of coffee in his hand and gave one to Gerard who thankfully took it.
"Mikey's kinda upset because you wouldn't talk to him but to me" Frank said before sitting down again.
"Oh damn!" Gerard whispered. "I forgot about him. Shit, how could i forget about my own brother?! What's wrong with me?! I've been such a selfish dickhead lately, I've treated him like shit and he still wants to talk to me. I don't deserve him or his love."
"Gerard, he needs you. And i don't think he could ever stop loving you, even if you were the biggest asshole on this planet. And i'm pretty sure you're a better brother than you think you are. You've just been really confused and alone these days. He will understand, believe me.But you need to talk to him later on."
"Are you sure he'll forgive me?" Gerard whispered.
He looked as innocent and helpless as a little child right now but at the same time he looked as though he was a broken man.
"Yes" Frank nodded and took a sip of his coffee.
He wondered how such an innocent person could be so sexy and seductively sometimes.
"Thank you."
There was an awkward silence for about 10 seconds while Frank and Gerard both tried to sort out their thoughts.
Both thinking about the future, their future.
Then Frank continued.
"So i was standing there and i was so upset and angry but i couldn't move. I just stared at them, trying to take in what i was seeing. Then Thomas got up and walked around me. He took my arms and pinned them on my back. He whispered into my ear that they had planned all this for months. They had planned to destroy me. I broke down crying and screamed at Hannah how she could do this to me and that i loved her with all my heart. That was when she stood up too, kneeled down in front of me and told me with a smile that it was all just a big lie.That was the moment i died inside. I replayed all the memories, all the jokes, all the might we had spent together and i just couldn't believe it.
It was all just a big lie; it was all just a big lie.
This sentence echoed in my head again and again and i thought it would drive me insane.I heard them whisper, then a door was opened and closed and it was silent again. I got pulled to my feet and then someone pressed me against a wall. Thomas whispered that i was all his now and then he pulled down my pants. When i realised what he wanted to do i tried to push him away, i tried to kick him in the balls or free my hand or something but... He was so strong. He told me that he had waited for this moment for so long and then he... he raped me. The pain caused me to shriek but he just laughed and kept going. It became more and more painful with every minute. I just wanted to run, run away from these feeling and my life. Run away from all those lies, run away from myself. But soon i didn't even have the power to struggle against his grip on my wrists anymore. I remember almost fainting a few times but feeling him inside of my and his sticky breathe on my cheek made me stay conscious. But the physical pain was nothing compaired to the pain i felt inside. Everything i had lived for, everything that had meant something to me had broken down in less than 10 minutes.
I was nothing now, my life was meaningless.
After what seemed like eternity he... finished. I fell to the floor and then i finally fainted and hoped i wouldn't wake up again."
Frank closed his eyes and stopped talking. When he opened them again, they were full of tears and he desperately tried to hold them back.
"Frank, you... you don't have to continue if it's too hard for you... I heard enough now and..." Gerard said but Frank softly put a finger on his lips to silence him.
"Oh Gee, you haven't even heard the worst part yet" he laughed but it was a bitter, cold laugh.
Gerard frowned. What could be worse than getting raped and betrayed by the two people you once trusted the most? He waited for Frank to continue.
"When i woke up again, Hannah stood over me with a knife in her hand. She took my arm and cut into my skin deeply. She seemed to enjoy it so she did it again. I couldn't move, my lids were heavy and my palms sweaty so i guess they had put me on drugs while i was unconscious. I didn't even notice the blood pouring out of my wounds and i didn't feel the pain because i couldn't stop looking at her. I could finally see the real Hannah. I had finally found the keys to her soul and i hated what i saw. A cruel, sadistic person who had torn my heart out of my chest and thrown it into the trash. When i saw her draw another line with the knife, I finally managed to sit up and push her away. I was still in my living room but i couldn't see Thomas anywhere. She looked surprised but not intimidated. Suddenly i felt an anger building up inside off me, i hadn't even known existed. I jumped up and pushed her against the wall. Then i took the knife and held it in front of her chest. Now she looked intimidated. I wanted to kill her, kill this monster that had nourished my grilfriend and my perfect life. But i couldn't. My hand started shaking and she knew she had won. She grinned at me and i let go off her wrists and headed for the door. But she tried to attack me from the behind and when i turned around again she... she ran into the knife, Gee. I killed her... The look in her eyes... those beautiful eyes... it was..." His voice broke.
His tears flowed freely now and he pulled his knees up to his chest and hugged them. Gerard sat upright and softly petted his head. Then he pulled him into a hug. Frank didn't shy away and Gerard guessed that was a good sign so he stayed like that for several minutes.
"Sssh, come here" Gerard said and moved a bit so Frank could lay next to him.
Frank looked at him witha horrified look on his face and Gerard knew he'd made a mistake.
"No, no. I just want you to lie next to me, i swear" he said but Frank still didn't move.
Gerard sighed, put his hand on Frank's cheek and looked into his eyes.
"Look at me" he said. "I would never ever do anything to hurt you. I would never force you to do something you don't want to do. And i would never judge you. It wasn't your fault, she was the one who ruined your life and she was the one who ran into the knife. Now if you want to you can come and lie next to me. Just lying, nothing else. I won't even hug you if you don't want that. But please, don't blame yourself for something you haven't done. It hurts me so much to see you like this. I just want you to be happy; whatever it takes me to do."
He then lay back down. Frank hesitated for a few more moments but then finally crawled under the sheets next to Gerard. Suddenly Gerard noticed how tired he actually was and Frank too was really exhausted after remembering everything he had tried to forget for years now. When Gerard was already half asleep he heard a soft whisper.
"Gee?"
"Yes?"
"Could you please hug me now?"
"Of course" Gerard said smiling and wrapped his arms around Frank's body.
Then they both drifted off into dreamland and to their surprise both of them had wonderful dreams because they shooed the nightmares away together.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Authors note: Here it finally is! Sorry for all the spelling mistakes but i had to type it all up on my phone and it's really hard to find all the mistakes. I'll try and correct them as soon as possible. So yeah, i know it's really different from the other chapters because i wrote it in the 3rd person but it knida felt like it needed to be this way because there's so many emotions in it and it would have beenreally difficult to express all this in 1st person. And i hope you don't mind the cheesy ending but i thought after such an upsetting chapter, a happy ending would be great :) Please, please tell me what you think guys! I worked so hard on this chapter and i really wanna know your opinion about it. Love you xx
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