FicWad

Gerard's P.O.V
I opened my eyes and felt how my dream faded away. It had been a wonderful dream. Frank and I were taking a walk in a magic forest and we found a meadow with all kinds of flowers; red, green, blue and even golden ones where there. So we decided to just lay down on the wet grass, I think it was raining but it was only a soft drizzle, and I played with his hair while he told me stories about his childhood. But I realised now that I was awake that there had always been a dark shadow hiding behind the trees, eavesdropping on us. And the air smelt like danger but I didn't realise it because i was so distracted by Frank's stories.
I decided that this was not important now because it had just been a dream. My eyes moved to the window and I saw that the sun was just coming up behind the clouds that covered the sky. When I heard soft snoring I looked down to see Frank's head resting on my chest, just like it had been in my dream. A smile appeared on my face and grew even wider when I noticed that his hand rested in mine. I bend down to kiss his forehead though my lung protested and sent a wave of pain through me. I heard a knock on the door so I lifted my head and looked at a woren-out Mikey who had dark rings under his eyes.

"Oh sorry, I didn't want to..." he whispered.

"No, no, wait. It's okay. I'll just..."

I gently slid Frank's head onto the pillow next to me and released his hand, carfully trying not to wake him up. Then I silently got up, put on the coat Mikey had brought for me and walked out of the room. After a few steps I gasped out loud because the pain overwhelmed me. But when I looked at Mikey who looked worried and guilty I just reminded myself that I had to act strong in front of him. I didn't want him to be worried about me. I started walking again, reassuring Mikey that everything was fine.

"So where are we going?" I asked.

"Well, I thought you might be hungry and the doctor said it's okay that we eat something together if we just stay in the hospital. So do you want to go to the cafeteria?"

"Yes, little brother, I'd love to eat some stale, disgusting hospital cafeteria food" I said sarcastically and put my arm on his shoulders.

We both laughed for a little while, walking past doctors, nurses and sick or injured people. Then we entered the small cafeteria where a few doctors were sat at the white tables, eating their breakfast or discussing their patient's symptoms. I sat down on one of the plastic chairs and Mikey took the seat on the other side of the table. I was still slightly embarrassed that he'd seen me with Frank so I just stared down at my hands and waited for him to talk.

"So he's your boyfriend now?" he asked me.

I refused to look up. "Why do you think so?" I asked in a hushed voice because my throat was sore. Okay, maybe that was just an excuse. Maybe I was ashamed because there were people around us who could overhear our conversation.

"Oh come on, Gee, do you think I'm blind?" he suddenly groaned. "I saw how you both hugged each other, the way you both have been acting around each other lately and the way you look at each other when you think nobody notices. And what do you think did I think when he ran out of the house crying and you stormed after him half-naked?"

The memory of that day that seemed so far away but wasn't even one week ago made my heart stop for a second but then I recalled my dream and how I woke up. Now I looked up and blushed.

"I-I didn't know that you..."

"Are you ashamed? Why would you be? I know that you're gay since 7 years, I probably knew it before you did. There's nothing wrong with it. You know that I accept you the way you are. And if you love Frank I'm perfectly fine with that. I just... I would like if you talked to me about stuff like that. I mean I don't know you anymore..." his voice trailed off and he looked into the distance.

He looked so damn pitiful I couldn't take it any longer. I took his hand in mine and looked deeply into his eyes.

"Mikey. I'm so sorry that I hurt you. I was a fucking asshole lately and you deserve better than that. You deserve a nice, caring big brother who watches over you and helps you when you need help. And takes your help when you offer it. And I will try to be that brother for you. I know you probably don't believe me but I really want to change. I know there's no excuse for my behaviour. But I love you and I hope you can forgive me."

After the last sentence I felt relieved and grown-up because it had been really hard for me to acknowledge my faults. I know that's hard for everyone but after all the shit I'd done and caused it was extremly hard. But I knew it had been the right thing to do. Mikey's voice yanked me out of my thoughts.
"I can't forgive you if I'm not mad at you" he said smiling.

"Now go and get me some food and when you get back I'll tell you everything about me and Frank."

"Oh please not everything" he laughed and winked at me.

He got up and walked to the counter and I decided that I had to go to the restroom so I stood up too. I walked towards the door with the little figure on the front that told me it was the men's restroom and entered it. Then I got into one of the small cubicles and did what I came for. I heard someone enter the room and when I exited the cubicle I saw someone i hadn't thought of since the last couple of weeks. A tall, dark-haired man with broad shoulders and dark brown eyes. Peter. He was washing his hands at the sink.

"Hey" I said and turned on the tap.

He startled and turned to look at me. When he recognized me he started smiling and hit my back cheerfully. "Hey Gerard. Why are you here again?" he asked.

"Could ask you the same."

I was ashamed that i wanted to kill myself and I didn't want this guy to think I was a loser. We could become friends and I didn't want to ruin that now.

"If you don't wanna tell me that's alright. I mean we all have our secrets, right? So how are you, dude? I guess not so good otherwise you wouldn't be here" he laughed.

"I'm okay. I'm gonna go home soon anyway."

He smiled while looking at his reflection in the mirror.

"Oh maybe you wanna come to my party?"

I dried my hands with some toilet paper and leaned against the sink.

"What party?"

"Just some people having some fun at my place at the weekend. There will be alcohol and snacks and music and hot guys" he winked at me.

"How do you know...?"

He shrugged. "I heard you and your brother talk about your boyfriend. Frank, right? If you want to he can come too."

I sighed and ran my hand through my hair. "Dude, I don't think they will allow me to go to a party shortly after I've been out of the hospital."

He started laughing and the walls echoed his laughter. "You're a grown-up man. You can do whatever you want."

"I-I know I am. I just don't... don't want them to worry" I stuttered.

"Just think about it, dude. Here's my adress if you wanna come." He handed me a little card and walked out.

I sighed again and closed my eyes. I needed a cigarette now but knew I couldn't smoke. So I just splashed some cold water on my face and walked out too.

Frank's P.O.V
My hand moved around searching for a chest, a hand or just a breathing person. Instead it found cold, rumpled bed covers. Panic took over me and I opened my eyes scanning the room for someone. But I was alone. I pulled the blanket over my head to protect me from the sunlight that fell into the room and tried to fall asleep again. Then I heard the door open and close and someone sat down on the bed next to me.

"Frankie. Wake up, sweetheart."

I pulled the blanket away and smiled at Gerard who held a steaming cup of coffee in his hand.

"Good morning" I whispered and cuddled up to him.

He placed a kiss on my forehead and handed me the coffee which I thankfully took. Without at least one cup in the morning I'm obnoxious.

"Where were you and why didn't you take me with you?" I asked.

"I just talked to Mikey and ate some breakfast. Oh and I met this guy again who helped me the last time I was in hospital. He... he asked me if I wanted to go to his party at the weekend..."

"What?" I sat up and looked at him sternly. "You don't seriously think about going there, do you?"

"Maybe it would be fun..."

"You need rest and peace and silence! Not loud music and lots of people and... and alcohol!" I protested.

"Please, Frank!" Gerard pleaded. "I swear I'm not gonna drink anything. I'm just gonnna talk to some people or dance a little but nothing more. Pleeeeease!"

I looked into his puppy eyes and thought about it. On the one hand he should definitely not go out until he recovered again. Until his body worked properly again. But on the other hand he probably needed something to distract him from all this shit. The pain, the suicide attempt, the loneliness and the alcohol addiction. Maybe it would be good for him to make friends.

"Fine. But Mikey, Ray and I will come with you. And you have to promise me that you won't drink just one drop of alcohol."

"Thank you, Frankie" he smiled and hugged me tighly.

I smiled back though i had a bad feeling about this party.