Categories > Celebrities > My Chemical Romance > Perfection
I'm so happy...No idea why. So what do i do? I write this. Yeah i'm fucked up ;)
Ugly He stared at himself in the mirror, eyes glazed over with unshed tears. He could see how pale and unhuman his skin was. It stretched over his pointy bones which now jutted out at odd angles. He could see every one of his ribs in clear detail, his cheekbones were noticeably more defined than they had been a few months (maybe even weeks)ago.
He had no regrets though. Well he had one. He wished he hadn't gotten angry at the scales last week and thrown them out of the moving tour bus. That hadn't been his fault though. They were lying to him. The numbers were all wrong...way too high.
But thats not what he needed right now, he didn't need regret. All he wanted was recognition. Recognition from a that oh so familiar spinning needle that determined whether he would have to purge himself once again.
He sighed, defeated. He really didn't want to taste the sour in his mouth again, or have that disgusting smell of bile lingering on him all day. His knee's were now bruised from leaning over the toilet more than four times a day. It felt horrible when he had to stick his finger down his throat, shoving it as far as it had to go before he would gag.
It came up cold, it usually did. He continued dry heaving over the bowl till the content of his stomach had been emptied completely. Not that there was much of course. He had almost completely avoided eating up until now. The throwing up was just to make sure.
He gripped the rim of the sink and slowly pulled himself up. His eyes avoided contact with the mirror. He let his head hang forward. Ugly, Unwanted, Pathetic He let these negative thoughts wash over him, engulf him, drown him.
''GERARD WE'VE STOPPED FOR LUNCH''
The sound of Bob's voice snapped him out of his trance. He deeply exhaled, mentally preparing himself for the interrogation that would take place when he stepped out of the bus bathroom. The same almost everyday; why had he been in the bathroom so long? it was a question he'd been faced with many times, but his usual answer of 'nothing' or 'Upset stomach' were beginning to wear thin. He quickly brushed his teeth, ridding his mouth of the taste and smell of what he considered to be evil. He didn't dare look at his reflection as he left.
The jolt of the bus stopping nearly toppled Gerard to the floor as he walked past the bunk area of the bus. He felt himself being flung forward but suddenly caught by a pair of tattooed hands. Gerard turned round to see a worried yet smiling Frank.
''Hey be careful man, we can't go up and play if your in a wheelchair'' The young guitarist joked, picking his friend off the floor. Gerard dusted himself down and plastered a smile on his gaunt face.
''Well you could but i don't think it would be a very good show''
''Ahh true'' Frank grinned, obviously sensing the tension between them. ''Sooo we're gonna grab a pizza, you want some?''
''No i'm fine really just not hungry'' Gerard silently prayed Frank would leave it at that.
Frank frowned.
''Gee, please eat something'' He sighed in desperation. ''You think we're stupid? This has been going on for far too long''
''You wouldn't understand'' Gerard said in a hushed tone.
''Why? You think your fat? ugly? I hear you mutter to yourself at night and breaks my heart and Mikey's to know that you can't talk to us. Please Gee, your so beautiful, it kills me to see you waste away.'' Frank cried, as tears ran down his flushed cheeks. Gerard had backed up against the wall, with his head hanging in shame.
''P-please Frankie you don't understand... i-i'm not.'' Gerard choked back tears of his own. ''Your so so perfect and I'm just fat and worthless ''
''OH MY GOD GERARD your not'' Frank yanked up his top to reveal Gerard's beyond skinny frame.
''Please Gee, i-i can see a-all your bones''
Gerard pulled his top back down and broke his gaze from Franks. The distraught singer scamped off the bus, wiping away his falling tears. He could hear Rays voice calling him from across the parking lot. He just didn't care. He could never be as perfect as Frank.
Ugly He stared at himself in the mirror, eyes glazed over with unshed tears. He could see how pale and unhuman his skin was. It stretched over his pointy bones which now jutted out at odd angles. He could see every one of his ribs in clear detail, his cheekbones were noticeably more defined than they had been a few months (maybe even weeks)ago.
He had no regrets though. Well he had one. He wished he hadn't gotten angry at the scales last week and thrown them out of the moving tour bus. That hadn't been his fault though. They were lying to him. The numbers were all wrong...way too high.
But thats not what he needed right now, he didn't need regret. All he wanted was recognition. Recognition from a that oh so familiar spinning needle that determined whether he would have to purge himself once again.
He sighed, defeated. He really didn't want to taste the sour in his mouth again, or have that disgusting smell of bile lingering on him all day. His knee's were now bruised from leaning over the toilet more than four times a day. It felt horrible when he had to stick his finger down his throat, shoving it as far as it had to go before he would gag.
It came up cold, it usually did. He continued dry heaving over the bowl till the content of his stomach had been emptied completely. Not that there was much of course. He had almost completely avoided eating up until now. The throwing up was just to make sure.
He gripped the rim of the sink and slowly pulled himself up. His eyes avoided contact with the mirror. He let his head hang forward. Ugly, Unwanted, Pathetic He let these negative thoughts wash over him, engulf him, drown him.
''GERARD WE'VE STOPPED FOR LUNCH''
The sound of Bob's voice snapped him out of his trance. He deeply exhaled, mentally preparing himself for the interrogation that would take place when he stepped out of the bus bathroom. The same almost everyday; why had he been in the bathroom so long? it was a question he'd been faced with many times, but his usual answer of 'nothing' or 'Upset stomach' were beginning to wear thin. He quickly brushed his teeth, ridding his mouth of the taste and smell of what he considered to be evil. He didn't dare look at his reflection as he left.
The jolt of the bus stopping nearly toppled Gerard to the floor as he walked past the bunk area of the bus. He felt himself being flung forward but suddenly caught by a pair of tattooed hands. Gerard turned round to see a worried yet smiling Frank.
''Hey be careful man, we can't go up and play if your in a wheelchair'' The young guitarist joked, picking his friend off the floor. Gerard dusted himself down and plastered a smile on his gaunt face.
''Well you could but i don't think it would be a very good show''
''Ahh true'' Frank grinned, obviously sensing the tension between them. ''Sooo we're gonna grab a pizza, you want some?''
''No i'm fine really just not hungry'' Gerard silently prayed Frank would leave it at that.
Frank frowned.
''Gee, please eat something'' He sighed in desperation. ''You think we're stupid? This has been going on for far too long''
''You wouldn't understand'' Gerard said in a hushed tone.
''Why? You think your fat? ugly? I hear you mutter to yourself at night and breaks my heart and Mikey's to know that you can't talk to us. Please Gee, your so beautiful, it kills me to see you waste away.'' Frank cried, as tears ran down his flushed cheeks. Gerard had backed up against the wall, with his head hanging in shame.
''P-please Frankie you don't understand... i-i'm not.'' Gerard choked back tears of his own. ''Your so so perfect and I'm just fat and worthless ''
''OH MY GOD GERARD your not'' Frank yanked up his top to reveal Gerard's beyond skinny frame.
''Please Gee, i-i can see a-all your bones''
Gerard pulled his top back down and broke his gaze from Franks. The distraught singer scamped off the bus, wiping away his falling tears. He could hear Rays voice calling him from across the parking lot. He just didn't care. He could never be as perfect as Frank.
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