FicWad

A/N: I got such good reviews (honestly, I didn't think I'd get any), that it encouraged me to post another update :) Currently I'm writing chapter 55 for this story so... It's no problem updating :) Thank you for the reviews.

Chapter 2: I live in a lie, and I’d do anything to keep it alive

After my mother’s death dad tried his best to make me feel better. But not once did I cry for her. Why should I have?

She wouldn’t have wanted me to cry. She would’ve told me to suck it up and go play.

Even when years passed I didn’t cry. Of course I missed her, but why would I have cried when everything was okay.

Alright, so I told a little white lie. Everything wasn’t okay. I had just become so passive that I simply stopped thinking about things, and therefore I didn’t acknowledge my feelings. Actually I just refused to acknowledge them. When I reached the age of fourteen, I was already practically dead inside. I knew all this, but I didn’t care. And I know my father knew it, too. He didn’t care either. It was easier to not deal than to face things. It worked.

The day on which we will begin this story, was just a Saturday. Like any other weekend, I was up in my room, doing my homework, because I hardly ever had anything better to do.

I loved my bedroom, it was my own sanctuary and no one else ever came there. I decorated it myself.

Three walls were white, but the fourth was light purple. The white bedpost with blue Christmas lights sneaking around it was against the purple wall. Besides the bed, the only furniture were a wardrobe and a desk with a large mirror. It wasn’t much, but it was mine. I was never exactly materialistic.

I heard my dad calling me from his room, so after I put away the finished biology homework, I went to see him.

“What is it?” I asked from the door, not daring to turn on the lights or open the door fully. Last night dad had came home late. I was already in bed but I wasn’t asleep. I had heard him talk, but I was sure he was alone. That was my first clue of what he had been doing.

“Be a good girl and run to Blake’s and come straight home”, he said. “There should be money on the counter.”

“Okay, I’ll be back soon”, I said quietly, closing the door.

Blake was a scary man. I had never liked him. But he was dad’s friend. Every now and then dad sent me to fetch something for him from Blake’s house. No one ever told me what was in that brown package, but I wasn’t stupid. Of course I knew that dad was a drug addict and an alcoholic. That’s why he acted so weird. That’s why he sometimes sent me to stay with grandma for weeks at a time. That’s where most of our money went to. No, we weren’t exactly struggling with money. He got enough of it to support us and to waste some on the stuff he obviously couldn’t live without.

As for his problems, I knew that I couldn’t help him get over it, so I didn’t even try. He would just get mad at me and say that I was against him, just like everybody else. That’s what he had said to uncle Mikey at least.

Blake didn’t live so far away. It was only a ten minute walk there. When I knocked on the door, Blake came to open it just in his jeans. I never needed to say a word; he knew what I was there for.

“Just a sec”, he muttered and disappeared into the house. Moments later he returned, ruffling his hair and carrying a brown bag. I gave him the money and ran back home as quickly as I could. Blake had never done anything to me, but he still scared me. People like him had that affect on me. Actually, people in general tended to make me nervous.

“Dad, I’m back”, I said quietly and went into his room. I still didn’t go far, just far enough so I could place the package on his table.

“Thanks”, he said, sitting up on his bed. It was still dark in the room; the curtains were pulled over the windows, and I was happy that I couldn’t see him. I could guess what he must look like. His eyes bloodshot and his skin pale, he always looked like a walking corpse after those nights that he spent out.

“Uncle Mikey called at nine o’clock”, I said.

“Alright.”

I checked the watch I had around my wrist. “It’s now one.”

“Okay.”

“He said that he’s coming over at three.”

“Right.”

“I have a piano lesson at two so I won’t be home then.”

“Okay.”

I just stood there for a moment. Then I turned around and left, closing the door behind me. This was just a day among others. I was just happy that he knew who I was today.

____________________________Gerard’s POV

Gia exited the room and the room got even darker when there was no more light coming through the door. I sighed in relief. The light hurt my eyes.

I was too tired to get up, so I just kicked the covers off of me and laid my head back on the pillow.

I felt like I had just fallen asleep when the door opened, slamming against the wall and the lights went on.

“Gerard”, said a sharp voice. I groaned, knowing that it was Mikey. The light was pure torture, so I just pulled the covers back on me and hid under them. “You have to get up.”

“Why?” I managed to ask.

“Because you have to get a shower. And we’re supposed to be starting a tour in almost two months.” While he spoke, Mikey went to the window and pulled open the curtains. The natural light was even worse. He sighed, looking outside for a moment. “Get up”, he said when he finally turned back to me.

“I can’t”, he mumbled. I wasn’t sure if he heard though.

“Gerard, I’m going to kick you if you don’t get up now!”

Normally that would’ve made me laugh but now I just groaned and sat up, rubbing my aching eyes with my hands before opening them. “Where’s Gia?” I asked.

“She has a piano lesson”, Mikey said. He leaned against the wall and sighed, looking at me. “Actually that’s why I came here. I want to talk to you about Gia.”

“What about her?”

“I was thinking that maybe she should stay with me and Alicia for a while.”

I just shrugged. She sometimes spent a few weeks with Mikey or me and Mikey’s mom. “Sure, whatever.”

“No, I mean... Not like before. Maybe she should live with me until you get better.”

Now I realized why he looked so nervous. I shook my head, glaring at him. “You’re not taking her away.”

“It’s just until you sober up, Gerard. Don’t get mad. You know that it’s killing her to be here and take care of you. She’s like a mother taking care of her sick child! She shouldn’t be the one with all this responsibility.”

Mikey was my brother so I had to like him, but right now he was really pissing me off. I guess he knew how I felt about what he said because he continued with a much calmer tone.

“I’m just thinking about what’s best for her. She’s only fourteen.”

“You can’t.”

“I’m picking her up from her piano lesson and I’ll talk to her about it. I don’t care what you say. You’ll thank me later, if you ever get enough sense into your head.” Mikey went to the door to leave, but before he left, he turned back to me and said: “You’re not the only one with problems, you know. Don’t be so selfish.”

It took a lot to make Mikey angry. So when he was angry, you know it’s something serious. For the first time I was worried that I might actually lose the only thing besides music that kept my life in one piece.

And seeing as the band was already not too happy with me, I couldn’t afford to lose my daughter, too.

____________________________Gia’s POV

Piano lesson was as boring as usual. I don’t know why I still bother. When I was five, I wanted a hobby, and I loved the sound of piano so it seemed like a natural choice. I didn’t even like to play it anymore. I just didn’t want to say anything to dad because when I first started the lessons, he was so happy. So now I’m stuck.

When Mikey had called in the morning he told me that he’ll pick me up from the lesson and we’ll go eat at McDonalds.

Twenty minutes after the piano lesson I was sitting in Mikey’s car, the hamburger, fries and coke on my lap. We usually just ate in the car since someone would bother Mikey if we ate inside. That’s the down point of being famous.

Mikey turned down the radio while I continued to eat.

“So how have you been doing?” he asked. “You look a bit tired.”

I shrugged. “I’m fine. It’s just school stuff that’s stressing me.”

“Right, of course.” A moment of silence. I could tell that he wanted to say something, just didn’t know how to say it. “So me and Alicia were talking yesterday”, he started. I glanced at him and took a sip of my coke. “We really think that your dad needs some time alone, you know so he can think things through and maybe get some help.”

“Go on”, I urged him to continue.

“Well, how would you like to stay with me and Alicia for a while? Until your dad gets better.”

I didn’t say anything for a while. Mikey stared at me, waiting for my response, so I put down my half eaten hamburger and sighed. “I think that I should stay home with dad.”

“But Gia, you don’t –“

“I know”, I interrupted him. “But he needs me. And in order to stay sane, I need to take care of him.”

“We could get him into rehab or something. Then he’ll –“

“Mikey. A few months, even a year in rehab wouldn’t be enough. He’s dead set on being depressed. He’s my father, I know that he’s never going to change. You just have to cope with his... situation.”

He was quiet for a moment. “But he’s my brother. I know him too. He needs help.”

I didn’t say anything after that. He was right, I knew he was, but I didn’t want him to be. As much as I wanted my father to get better, I hated the thought of him going away.

We ate in silence, then he drove me back home. When we got there, before I could get out of the car he said: “You know you can always change your mind, right? My door is always open.”

“I know. Thanks”, I answered, then got out of the car. I watched him drive off before I went into the house. I knew that dad won’t be home. It wasn’t that late yet, only six or seven or so, but he was never home at this hour.

But when I got inside, I was greeted by the noise coming from the TV. To my surprise, he was there sitting on the couch, his eyes fixed on the TV, watching cartoons.

“Dad?” I asked, but he didn’t even flinch. I knew he was flying far away from this world, so I didn’t bother trying to talk to him. I sighed and went up to my room, the one place where I, too, could get away for a moment.