FicWad

Chapter 3: Waiting for the sunrise

School days were always such a joyful experience. The only good thing about school was that it was easy. It was just something I had to get through in order to move on in my life. An obstacle. My way of viewing it was that stupider people than me have graduated and they turned our fine, so why would I stress about it? I didn’t need to get good grades, they won’t help me in the long run. I knew I would never get into a good college even if I tried. So simply I didn’t try.

I kind of liked being on the sidelines, just watching others. I hated it when the attention was on me. That’s why I never raised my hand in class and I only spoke when spoken to. That’s why I never got in trouble and did my homework on time.

Unfortunately, that’s also why I didn’t have any friends.

That day, during math class, I did something I had never would have done if I knew what it would bring. Attention.

I woke up with a start when I felt the book touch the back of my head.

“Miss Way, are my classes really that boring?” the teacher asked me with an amused expression when I looked up at her. The whole class was staring at me, whispering to each other and laughing. I had never been so uncomfortable in my life.

“Sorry”, I mumbled. “It won’t happen again.”

“Alright class, continue what you were doing”, the teacher said, but instead of going back to the front of the class, she put a piece of blue paper in front of me on my desk. She leaned closer and said with a quiet voice: “You can take the rest of the class off, go to the school nurse and show her this paper, okay?”

“Sure”, I said, gathering my stuff and leaving the classroom. I was a bit confused about why she asked me to do that, but I figured that I’ll find out.

The school nurse, Michelle, was a woman in her 30’s. She was incredibly friendly and probably one of the few people in the school’s staff that actually liked their job.

When I entered her office, she greeted me with a warm smile.

“Well hello. Gia Way, right?” Michelle knew nearly every student by name.

I nodded and gave her the paper the teacher had given me. I watched her expression turn from cheerful to worried, then back to happy. “Alright, why don’t you sit down, Gia. I’ll just get your file.”
While she went to rummage through the metallic closet, I sat down on one of those spinny chairs. I didn’t really like them, even though they were completely still, I could still imagine the movement and it made me nauseous. Same with rocking chairs.

Michelle came back with the file and sat down on another chair and gave me a smile before checking the file.

“Oh, it says here you haven’t missed a day of school since grade two”, she said.

I blushed and explained: “I had chicken pox.” I hated to be away from school because then I wouldn’t know what was going on. So even when I was sick, I learned to act completely healthy so I wouldn’t have to stay home. Unfortunately chicken pox was very difficult to hide.

“Well, how have you been doing then?”

I looked at my fingers when I spoke. I couldn’t stop wondering what was on that paper. “I’ve been fine.”

“And how are things at home?”

At this I raised my head and glanced at her. “Fine.”

Michelle took the paper into her hands again and looked at me worriedly. “You fell asleep at class.”

“Yeah but that’s nothing new, right? Students do it all the time.” I didn’t like the way this was going. The look in her eyes told me that this wasn’t just a little chat about the weather.

“Your grades have dropped a little, too. And this wasn’t the first time that you’ve been really tired at class”, she continued. I didn’t answer. “Aren’t you getting enough sleep at night?”

“Well, I... I think I sleep enough.” That right there was a lie. I hadn’t slept in days. I wasn’t sure why, but I just lay in bed through the night, my mind empty.

“I don’t think you do. If you have trouble getting sleep, you can try keeping the window open for a while before going to bed. And you know to avoid caffeine in the evenings. And if none of that works, come to talk to me and we’ll figure something out, okay?”

I nodded. After promising that I’ll try to sleep more, I was allowed to leave. Since I had gotten the rest of the class off and it was my last class, I left the school grounds.

When I got home, dad had closed himself into his room again. As soon as I got upstairs, he called me to go over to him.

“What is it?” I asked quietly, knowing that he most likely had a headache. He always had a headache when he was sober enough to actually recognize me.

“Will you bring me something to drink?” he asked. His voice was groggy and deeper than usually. No doubt he had been sleeping the whole day. I went back downstairs to the kitchen wondered what he’d want. Since I wasn’t sure, I took a full bottle of a clear liquid from one of the cupboards. Then I grabbed a few beers and carried all of it back to his room.

Dad had a relieved look on his face once he saw me come back. I put all the bottles and cans on his night table.

“Thanks”, he said and reached for the bottle.

However, I didn’t leave. I watched him open the bottle and take a large swig from it. “Dad?”

He looked up at me like he hadn’t realized I was still there. “Yeah?”

“Mikey and I talked today.”

“I figured.”

I was silent for a moment. “Do you want me to go stay with him?”

“Of course not. You like being home, don’t you? Mikey’s just paranoid, don’t mind him.”

While he drank some more from the bottle, I nodded and then slowly exited the room.

I’ve learned to hide and control my feelings. I could act like nothing was wrong because I convinced myself that it really was so. And why would I have wallowed in misery when I could be happy? Sure it was all faked but I didn’t mind. That was all I needed.

But despite how hard I tried, at night the demons came alive and haunted me. I hated the fact that I was so defenseless against my own mind, because at night I couldn’t block them. At night my mind started to wander.

What if my mother hadn’t died all those years ago? What drove her to take her own life in the first place? The only explanation I had been given was that my mother was tired, so very tired that she just had to go to sleep even though she couldn’t wake up from it. I liked to believe that she was in a better place, that she got what she wanted, but it also made me feel unwanted.

Was I really so bad of a person that even my mother would rather kill herself than take care of me?

And if mother hadn’t killed herself, would dad be like he is now? He and I never talked about it, so I didn’t know how he felt. I just assumed that he didn’t want to talk about it, period. Not that I had anything to say to him. I was so young and I wasn’t even sure what I was feeling, myself.

And there is the reason for not sleeping. If I managed to fall asleep, I would wake up really soon because of a nightmare that I could never remember.

So all night long I just lay on my bed, waiting for the sunrise to come.

A few days passed, and I was sent to the nurse’s office at school again. When I got there, Michelle, the nurse, looked at me worriedly.

“Here again, I see”, she said and motioned me to sit.

“Obviously”, I answered and forced myself not to yawn. I had fallen asleep in class again, this time history.

“The advice I gave you last time didn’t help?” Michelle asked.

Actually I hadn’t even tried. I knew it wouldn’t help. But of course I couldn’t tell her that, so I just shook my head.

“So maybe the reason you can’t sleep is psychological? Are you sure there’s nothing going on in your life that could make you not fall asleep?”

Oh, if she only knew. “I’m sure.”

“You know you can tell me anything, right?”

I nodded. “I know. And if there was something to tell, I would.”

“How long have you been unable to sleep?”

Shrugging, I answered: “For a while, I guess.”

“Gia, you do realize that you have exams coming up really soon and that you need to sleep in order to do your best on the exams, right?” Again, I nodded. Sighing, she looked at me thoughtfully. “Well... How about I get you a doctor’s appointment? I’ll have to phone your dad first though.”

I knew that my dad wouldn’t even know what was going on if Michelle told him, so I wasn’t bothered. I was allowed to leave soon after and I went back to my class.

____________________________Mikey’s POV

I had the key to Gerard and Gia’s house in case of an emergency, and it turned out to be really useful. I was back there to whine to my brother about putting himself together for the upcoming tour, and most importantly, for his daughter.

“Gerard, it’s time to get up”, was the first thing I said to him. “Rise and shine, beautiful.”

“Fuck off”, he mumbled and turned to face the other way on his bed. I was just about to tell him that he was acting like a teenager when the phone rang. Saved by the bell, for now. I left Gerard alone and went to answer the phone.

“Hello?”

“Good afternoon, may I speak with Gerard Way please?”

“Uh...” I glanced towards the open door of Gerard’s room. “Yeah this is him. Can I ask who’s calling?”

“Michelle Jones, I’m the nurse at your daughter’s school.”

Instantly I got worried. “Did something happen? Is something wrong with Gia?”

“I’m sure it’s nothing serious, but Gia’s been falling asleep in class a lot. Her grades have dropped and she just seems so much more... lifeless than usually. And I was wondering if you could think of any reason for that, so we could work on it and help Gia get some sleep?”

Sure, I could think of many reasons. Gerard being the way he was, it was no wonder Gia was having problems. “Well, I suppose I can think of a few reasons...”

“I think it’d be very helpful for Gia if you tried to talk to her about things.”

“Yeah I’ll definitely do that”, I promised.

She seemed to hesitate for a moment before she continued. “Also, if just talking doesn’t seem to help, I could get her a doctor’s appointment.”

“Alright. I’ll try to talk to her today. Can you call again tomorrow?”

She promised to call. After hanging up, I went back to Gerard’s room and glared at my brother. “Well I hope you’re happy”, I said to him.

“What the fuck did I do now?” he snapped, obviously getting annoyed by everyone nagging him.

I just shook my head. Gia couldn’t stay here. There was no way I’ll let him keep her here. For the sake of both of them. Maybe that way Gerard would see what consequences his actions have.