Categories > Original > Humor > The Sitcom Exchange Programme:"Glee" meets "Total Drama"
It's a rad,bad,tad sad, world
0 reviewsJust like Glee had tribute episodes to Madonna and Britney Spears,this crapfest of a fic also has one!Except the thing we're paying tribute to isn't a musician or a musical...
0Unrated
Author's note: Everything spoken or written in bold is absolutely and undeniably true. Everything spoken in italics may or may not be true. That said, you may proceed.
It was a hailing sunny day in McKinley High.The Total Drama teens were in the Glee club,where Mr. Schuester was giving them their final ASSignment:
-Okay gang,this is your final assignment.You know how we had tribute episoded to popular singer like Madonna and Britney Spears.Well,we're gonna have another one and--
-Ooh ooh,I hope it's Celine Dion! said Heather.
I am just DYING to sing My Heart Will Go On!
-No way,Heather! Courtney replied.
If anybody's gonna sing that song,it's gonna be me!
-Uh,no way,Cunt-ney!I am the most perfect person to sing that song!
-Excuse me,but is YOUR voice-actress a well known jazz-singer like MINE is?Didn't think so.
-Uh,guys. Gwen interrupted.
We could have a heavy metal episode!Yeah!The guys could sing Cannibal Corpse songs,while the girls could sing Arch Enemy songs!That would be so awesome!
-Girls,enough! Will exclaimed.
We're paying tribute to one of the Author's favorite musicians,and it's--
-Ooh,is it Ke$ha?? Lindsay interrupted.
Cuz I could totally sing Blow!
-No way,Princess Bubble-butt! Eva replied to Lindsa.
I am NOT singing Your Love Is My Drug!
-No,it's not Ke$ha. Will said.
-I know what it is. Noah said.
It's Beck.He's the Author' favorite.Either him or Weird Al Yankovic.The Author is crazy about them.
-As much the Author loves them,no. Will replied.
Izzy then said enthusiastically:
-I know!It's Lady Gaga!
-That's only his guilty pleasure.
-I know who it is. Alejandro said smugilly.
Sólo se puede Nelly Furtado o Shaina Twain.O ambos.El autor ha estado en amor con ellos desde que era un niño pequeño.
-No,Alejandro.They're not. Will said.
What you say IS true,aber es ist nicht einer von ihnen.Wir zahlen Tribut an--
-I know,I know! said Katie & Sadie in unison.
It's SHERYL CROW!!
-No. Will replied.
-Je sais qui elle est,eh. Ezekiel said.
C'est Kate Bush.Il aime beaucoup à elle,eh.
-Hayır öyle değil Kate Bush. Will said.
Sen salak yolumu kesip durdurmak istiyorsanız--
-It's Chipz! said Tyler.
Or maybe--
-ENOUGH! Will screamed.
We're paying tribute to--MadTV!!
-wHAT?? Heather said.
-Who?? Lindsa continued.
-Yes. Will cuntinued.
It's MadTV.A sketch show based on MAD Magazine that ran from 1995 to 2009.It's the second longest running comedy sketch show,right next to SNL.
-And we're making a tribute episode to THAT?! Sierra said.
-Yes.
-That would make sense. Luke spoke.
The Author loves MadTV even though he could've only seen it on his laptop,because they don't show it in his cuntry.
-But what does it have to do with music? Heather asked.
-Simple.MadTV has made less than 50 music video parodies in its 14-year run.
-And it's your job to sing those parodies at the right situation. Will said.
Everybody groaned.And with that,everybody except Katie and Sadie left the room.Katie said:
-Gosh,Sadie,how are we gonna complete this task?
-I know,it's virtually impossible. Sadie replied.
-Maybe we just need to find the right theme.Quick,find a topic!
-Uhhhh,I saw a really cool Haruhi Suzumiya AMV yesterday!
-Really?Omigosh,me too!I just love Haruhi Suzumiya!She's awesome!
-She's my first favorite Haruhi like evar!!My second is Haruhi from Ouran High School Host Club!
-I love high school anime and manga!My favorite is School Rumble!
-Mine is Peach Girl!
-Can't we just say we love anime and manga in general?
-I know it's sooooo awesome!Everything Japan makes is awesome!Except earthquakes and radiation.
-Don't worry.After the bombing of Hiroshima,Japan quickly came back on its feet,and soon became the most technologically advanced country in the world!Think how awesome they'll become after all of this!
-I love Japan!
-Me too!
And so they "started to sing:":http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WQp9PQm5Q3A
Sadie:
Yoo hoo, whee hoo
Yoo hoo, whee hoo
Katie:
Hey, look at me
I just bought a new flat screen TV
It was the biggest brightest picture that I've ever seen
And I love my green tea and my small bonsai tree and any movie that is made by Ang Lee
And my hybrid car that gets 35 mpg's
Both:
I love the Asian race
They're the smartest people in the world
Even though they give up newborn girls
They invented sake, and chicken teriyaki
So I'm asking now, aren't Asians great? (aren't Asians great, Asians great)
Sadie:
Sushi, egg roll
Sashimi, baseball
Katie:
They've always got something new
Like a robot that can put on your shoe
Karaoke, Connie Chung and kung-fu
They built a great Big Wall
But in their pants they're kind of small
Plus Buddha and Hello Kitty too! (aren't Asians great, Asians great)
Sadie:
Sour and sweet, bound feet
Ping pong, bang gong
Both:
I love the Asian race
They've done wonders with the automobile
But they're not so good behind the wheel
Some of them are commies
But they gave us origami
So I'm asking now, aren't Asians great? (Asians great, Asians great)
Sadie:
Yoo hoo, whee hoo
=Ha ha hah ha!That awesome! both said and left.
Meanwhile,Lindsa and Beth were outside discussing something while watching footbal practice.
-Ugh,this new iPhone 4 is stupid! said Lindsa.
I can barely listen to my songs without accidentally pausing and stopping!I hate touchscreen!
-Why don't you just get an iPod? Beth asked Linda.
-I did! Lina replied.
My dad bought the first iPod that ever came when I finished 8th grade..
-Oh,you passed with A's?
-No,I just passed,jeez! Lyna exclaimed.
Anyways,where were we?Oh yeah,so anyways,a few months later a NEW iPod came out,so i got that one.And then another came out,so I bought that one.And then thosr little teeny-weensy iPods came out...
-And you bough one?
-Yeah.And I lost it! Lynn said sadly.
-Don't worry,i'm sure they'll release a new type that won't make people angury.
-No way!Apple only screws over its users.Which "reminds me of a song...":http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eF-qX72om5w
1, 2, 3, 4, went down to the Apple store,
Got myself an iPod that I paid $400 for
And just after my purchase was done
Those Apple bastards introduced a new one
Oh, ohh - they keep changing the iPod
Oh, ohh - I keep blowing my wad
2, 4, 6, 8, iPods that are out of date
Sold them on an eBay store
Made $1.94,
Oh, ohh - they keep changing the iPod,
Oh, ohh - gonna kill someone, I swear to God!
3, 4, 5, 6, hundred bucks I laid down quick
Bought myself an iPhone
They dropped the price and I got boned!
Oh, ohh - they got my money and then
Ohh, they screwed me again!
They iScrewed me AGAIN!
A, B, C, D, I went and bought a plain PC
I know PCs are pretty lame
But at least they'll always stay the same.
Beth:
PCs. We don't keep changing our product, we always suck. And that's something you can count on.
Wow,that was so awesome and heartwrenching!
-Thanks,Beff. said Lyni.
They saw Azimio and Karofsky heading over to the boys' locker room and Lydia said to Bethany:
-Excuse me,I got some of my own screwing to do.
And with that Ladia went to the boys' locker room,leaving Beth alone.She said to herself:
-What about me?I want a threesome too!I wanna have sex with somebody!Why does everybody see me as a child?I AM NOT A CHILD!
And with that,she "started to sing:":http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=aMGu6457tFY
What did you think
Did you think I wasn't up here selling sex to you
I mean come on,
If my jeans were any lower
You could see my prize, Yeah
If you don't get it by this time
Let me make it perfectly clear
I'm Not a Child (I'm not a child)
It's Okay To Nail Me (It's okay to nail me)
I'm So Sick and Tired
Beating Around My Bush
Look at this blouse
God, these things are almost falling out of it
What More do you need
Do I have to stand here naked, with arrows pointing at my pubic bone
Throwing the metaphors at you
A snake and a pole and a hand
I'm Not a Child
You're watching porn right now, do you understand
It's Okay To Nail Me
If you don't get that you're an old and gay man
For you, I'm a slave
What I mean is a sex slave
Oops I will say it again
I'm Not a Child
Come on, let's do it
I'm Not a Child
Put me up and get to it
I'm Not a Child
Put your back into it
I'm not a child!! Uhh
------------------------------------------------------------------
Ezekiel was having lunch in the cafeteria,and Eva passed by him.Ezekeil felt Eva's nasueating smell,adn exclaimed:
-Ewww,what is that smell,eh?
-What did you say,hoomeschooled homosexual?! Eva asked menacingly.
-You stink!
-O RLY?
She then sniffed him like a dog and they continued:
-At least I don't smell like wheat and cow crap!
-Hey,I at least wash!
-In what,a bucket full of cold water?
-Well yeah!I DO live on a farm,y'know,we don't have indoor plumbing!
-Whatever.I work out a lot,so this is all natural smell.
-Yeah,but it's waste!Your body is secreting waste through your skin,eh!This basically means you're peeing through your whole body,and not just your va-jay-jay!
And with that,everybody lost their appetite and stopped eting.Eva said:
-Fine,I guess I could use some washing-up.
And with that,she left and went to the girls' shower room.As she was taking off her clothes,she "started to sing:":http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QDEPexjrh0o
How 'bout getting out spots and grape soda stains?
How 'bout washing out this grease and grime?
How 'bout cleaning them 'till no more dirt remains?
How 'bout a quarter for three nickels and a dime?
Wash my blue jeans,
Wash my underwear,
Wash me,
Wash me,
Wash me!
Wash off gravy,
Wash off kitty hair,
Wash me,
Wash me,
Wash me!
How 'bout crossword puzzles 'till the cycle's done?
How 'bout adding softener to the rinse?
How 'bout separating, so the colors don't run?
How 'bout cleaning dryer screens of lint?
Wash my greasy hair,
Wash my pretty face,
Wash me,
Wash me,
Wash me!
Wash my derriere,
Wash my no-no place,
Wash me,
Wash me,
Wash me!
Hey-yeah,
Huh-oh,
Oh-whoa!
Hey-yeah,
Y-yeah,
Oh-oh,
Oh-whoa!
Hey-yeah,
Y-yeah,
Oh-oh,
Oh-whoa!
Once she was done,Eva left the shower and saw somebody stole her clothes.She furiousishly stormed out of the showeer room and whispered:
-WHO STOLE MY SISERFUCKING CLOTHES?!?!?!
However,as soon as everybody saw Eva naked there,they all started screaming and panicking at the sight of her naked body.
Author' note:I just puked btw.
Everybody stabbed themselves in the eyes just so they wouldn't have to see Eva anymore and Principal Faggins said:
-THE HORROR!THE HORROR!
Eva simply shrugged and took an orange tracksuit from the Lost and Found.
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Meanwhile,Harold,Cody,Noah and Luke were at the video store,looking for videos.
-Gosh guys,we could get Star Wars:Revenge of the Shit! Harold said.
-No way,I want porn!! Cody said.
-Yeah,I want porn,too! Luke agreed.
-Fine,we'll get porn. Harold said.
How about Schindler's Fist?
-No,let's get Ava-tits!It's in 3D! Cody said.
-Heck no,I want Tits-anic! Luke continued.
Or maybe The Exhibitionism of Emily Rose?
-No,I'm more of a butt-man. Harod replied.
Which is why I want The Ass is the Color Purple.
-Well,I know what I want. Noah spoke.
I wanna watch Hairy Potter and the Studly Fellows.
-But,Noah,that's gay porn! Codein said.
-Yeah,so?
-Gush,guys look at this!
Harold pointed to a shelf categorised as CRAP.
-This where they put all the crappy films!There's Waterworld,Pluto Nash,Dylan Dog:Dead of Night,Steel Magnolias,...
-Basically,all the cinematic trash that can be. Luke said.
-I know. Harold sAIDS.
I blame 2004.That was a bad year for films,and ever since we've been getting crap after crap.
[beat]
-This makes me sing.
And with that,they "started to sing:":http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-yPix_2KVig
Harold:
There wasn't one good summer movie
They all pissed the shit outta me
Where am I ever gonna see
Anymore of this C.R.A.-
The pain of getting shot nine times doesnt equal
Than the pain from watching all these stupid ass sequels.
That Legally Blonde Ho should give back her diploma
The 2 Bad Boys should go back to Tacoma
2 Fast 2 Furious was a waste of 90 minutes
The only good thing was Vin Deasel wasnt in it,
Spy Kids just has to be stopped
The girl got boobies the boys balls have dropped,
Cody:
American Wedding really made my ass sick
How many places can that white boy put his dick?
Charlie's Angels 2, man them bitches really stunk
Demi Moore should stay retired cause we all just got Punk'd
Luke:
There wasnt one good summer movie
Except that about the fishes in the sea
Even Angelina Jolie
Was not a pile of C.R.A.P.
Harold:
Terminator 3 didnt get my vote,
Hope he gets beat by that kid from Diff'rent Strokes
Dumb and Dumberer was moved the moment it started
By the time it was through the audience was retarted.
Noah:
Jim Carey was to busy preaching Bruce Almighty
I'd like to yank the teeth out of cockle smiling whitey
And where he get the ho from Friends with the plastic rack
The only thing that was that god was black.
Cody:
... Jason vs. Freddy
I'd like to take that film and chop it up with Jay's machette
What was with Eddie Murphy trying to play a nanny?
Go back to whatcha know, go pick up a tranny.
I went to see Hulk and I felt like a chump
It looked like Ang Lee took a big green dump
Harold:
I saw Gigli or Gigli whatever the fuck you call it
I call it piece of crap cuz took 10 bucks from my wallet
Noah:
I mean seriously whatever happened to strong characters,believing in dialogue and following the 3- act story up?
Harold:
DAMN!
Luke:
There wasnt one good summer movie
Someone put another bullet in me
Better stay away from this marquee
Gonna stick with my MadTV!
So anyways,what's say we get The Boobs Guild of Evangelion:You Are (Hot) Alone?Or maybe The This-Ass-I-Will-Ram of Haruhi Seiko-miya?
------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
It was the end of the week.All the teens were in the auditoruim and Will said:
-Congratulations,teens!You have succesfully made it through this whole experinece!Now,as your final task,I demand you sing a song directed to ME!
-QUE?! everybody gasped.
-Yes!Do you think it's easy to run a Glee club full of unbearable stereotypes?It's devastating!And I only got recognition ONCE,and that was a freakin' Kelly Clarkson song!So,I demand you make a tribute to ME!
Everybody looked around.They were puzzled by this state of events,and didn't know what to do.Will contined:
-If you don't sing a song about me,I will rape all of you.
Finally,Bridgette whispered something into everybody's ears.They all nodded.
-OK Will,we're ready. said Birgitte.
Everybody went to the floor and "started singing to Will:":http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dhudMc0jfsc
All:
Sunny, yesterday my life was filled with rain.
Sunny, you smiled at me and really eased the pain.
Bridgette:
The dark days are gone, and the bright days are here
Gwen:
My Sunny one shines so sincere
All:
Sunny one so true, I love you.
Sunny, thank you for the sunshine bouquet.
Sunny, thank you for the love you brought my way.
Izzy:
You gave to me your all and all.
Lindsay:
Now I feel ten feet tall.
All:
Sunny one so true, I love you.
Sunny, thank you for the truth you let me see.
Sunny, thank you for the facts from A to Z.
Sierra:
My life was torn like a windblown sand
Heather:
And the rock was formed when you held my hands
All:
Sunny one so true, I love you.
Sunny
Sunny, thank you for the smile upon your face.
Sunny, thank for the Glee that shows its grace.
Luke:
You're my spark of nature's fire
Ezekiel:
You're my sweet complete desire
All:
Sunny one so true, I love you.
Sunny, yesterday my life was filled with rain.
Sunny, you smiled at me and really eased the pain.
Sadie:
The dark days are gone, and the bright days are here
Courtney:
My Sunny one shines so sincere
All:
Sunny one so true, I love you
I love you.
I love you.
I love you.
I love you.
I love you.
I love you.
Will crapped and cheered:
-Thank you,thank you!Thank you so much!Now get outta here,ya crazy hosers!Go back to Canada!
And with that,they all left.Will sat down for a few seconds and finally said:
-God,this fic sucks so very much.
It was a hailing sunny day in McKinley High.The Total Drama teens were in the Glee club,where Mr. Schuester was giving them their final ASSignment:
-Okay gang,this is your final assignment.You know how we had tribute episoded to popular singer like Madonna and Britney Spears.Well,we're gonna have another one and--
-Ooh ooh,I hope it's Celine Dion! said Heather.
I am just DYING to sing My Heart Will Go On!
-No way,Heather! Courtney replied.
If anybody's gonna sing that song,it's gonna be me!
-Uh,no way,Cunt-ney!I am the most perfect person to sing that song!
-Excuse me,but is YOUR voice-actress a well known jazz-singer like MINE is?Didn't think so.
-Uh,guys. Gwen interrupted.
We could have a heavy metal episode!Yeah!The guys could sing Cannibal Corpse songs,while the girls could sing Arch Enemy songs!That would be so awesome!
-Girls,enough! Will exclaimed.
We're paying tribute to one of the Author's favorite musicians,and it's--
-Ooh,is it Ke$ha?? Lindsay interrupted.
Cuz I could totally sing Blow!
-No way,Princess Bubble-butt! Eva replied to Lindsa.
I am NOT singing Your Love Is My Drug!
-No,it's not Ke$ha. Will said.
-I know what it is. Noah said.
It's Beck.He's the Author' favorite.Either him or Weird Al Yankovic.The Author is crazy about them.
-As much the Author loves them,no. Will replied.
Izzy then said enthusiastically:
-I know!It's Lady Gaga!
-That's only his guilty pleasure.
-I know who it is. Alejandro said smugilly.
Sólo se puede Nelly Furtado o Shaina Twain.O ambos.El autor ha estado en amor con ellos desde que era un niño pequeño.
-No,Alejandro.They're not. Will said.
What you say IS true,aber es ist nicht einer von ihnen.Wir zahlen Tribut an--
-I know,I know! said Katie & Sadie in unison.
It's SHERYL CROW!!
-No. Will replied.
-Je sais qui elle est,eh. Ezekiel said.
C'est Kate Bush.Il aime beaucoup à elle,eh.
-Hayır öyle değil Kate Bush. Will said.
Sen salak yolumu kesip durdurmak istiyorsanız--
-It's Chipz! said Tyler.
Or maybe--
-ENOUGH! Will screamed.
We're paying tribute to--MadTV!!
-wHAT?? Heather said.
-Who?? Lindsa continued.
-Yes. Will cuntinued.
It's MadTV.A sketch show based on MAD Magazine that ran from 1995 to 2009.It's the second longest running comedy sketch show,right next to SNL.
-And we're making a tribute episode to THAT?! Sierra said.
-Yes.
-That would make sense. Luke spoke.
The Author loves MadTV even though he could've only seen it on his laptop,because they don't show it in his cuntry.
-But what does it have to do with music? Heather asked.
-Simple.MadTV has made less than 50 music video parodies in its 14-year run.
-And it's your job to sing those parodies at the right situation. Will said.
Everybody groaned.And with that,everybody except Katie and Sadie left the room.Katie said:
-Gosh,Sadie,how are we gonna complete this task?
-I know,it's virtually impossible. Sadie replied.
-Maybe we just need to find the right theme.Quick,find a topic!
-Uhhhh,I saw a really cool Haruhi Suzumiya AMV yesterday!
-Really?Omigosh,me too!I just love Haruhi Suzumiya!She's awesome!
-She's my first favorite Haruhi like evar!!My second is Haruhi from Ouran High School Host Club!
-I love high school anime and manga!My favorite is School Rumble!
-Mine is Peach Girl!
-Can't we just say we love anime and manga in general?
-I know it's sooooo awesome!Everything Japan makes is awesome!Except earthquakes and radiation.
-Don't worry.After the bombing of Hiroshima,Japan quickly came back on its feet,and soon became the most technologically advanced country in the world!Think how awesome they'll become after all of this!
-I love Japan!
-Me too!
And so they "started to sing:":http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WQp9PQm5Q3A
Sadie:
Yoo hoo, whee hoo
Yoo hoo, whee hoo
Katie:
Hey, look at me
I just bought a new flat screen TV
It was the biggest brightest picture that I've ever seen
And I love my green tea and my small bonsai tree and any movie that is made by Ang Lee
And my hybrid car that gets 35 mpg's
Both:
I love the Asian race
They're the smartest people in the world
Even though they give up newborn girls
They invented sake, and chicken teriyaki
So I'm asking now, aren't Asians great? (aren't Asians great, Asians great)
Sadie:
Sushi, egg roll
Sashimi, baseball
Katie:
They've always got something new
Like a robot that can put on your shoe
Karaoke, Connie Chung and kung-fu
They built a great Big Wall
But in their pants they're kind of small
Plus Buddha and Hello Kitty too! (aren't Asians great, Asians great)
Sadie:
Sour and sweet, bound feet
Ping pong, bang gong
Both:
I love the Asian race
They've done wonders with the automobile
But they're not so good behind the wheel
Some of them are commies
But they gave us origami
So I'm asking now, aren't Asians great? (Asians great, Asians great)
Sadie:
Yoo hoo, whee hoo
=Ha ha hah ha!That awesome! both said and left.
Meanwhile,Lindsa and Beth were outside discussing something while watching footbal practice.
-Ugh,this new iPhone 4 is stupid! said Lindsa.
I can barely listen to my songs without accidentally pausing and stopping!I hate touchscreen!
-Why don't you just get an iPod? Beth asked Linda.
-I did! Lina replied.
My dad bought the first iPod that ever came when I finished 8th grade..
-Oh,you passed with A's?
-No,I just passed,jeez! Lyna exclaimed.
Anyways,where were we?Oh yeah,so anyways,a few months later a NEW iPod came out,so i got that one.And then another came out,so I bought that one.And then thosr little teeny-weensy iPods came out...
-And you bough one?
-Yeah.And I lost it! Lynn said sadly.
-Don't worry,i'm sure they'll release a new type that won't make people angury.
-No way!Apple only screws over its users.Which "reminds me of a song...":http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eF-qX72om5w
1, 2, 3, 4, went down to the Apple store,
Got myself an iPod that I paid $400 for
And just after my purchase was done
Those Apple bastards introduced a new one
Oh, ohh - they keep changing the iPod
Oh, ohh - I keep blowing my wad
2, 4, 6, 8, iPods that are out of date
Sold them on an eBay store
Made $1.94,
Oh, ohh - they keep changing the iPod,
Oh, ohh - gonna kill someone, I swear to God!
3, 4, 5, 6, hundred bucks I laid down quick
Bought myself an iPhone
They dropped the price and I got boned!
Oh, ohh - they got my money and then
Ohh, they screwed me again!
They iScrewed me AGAIN!
A, B, C, D, I went and bought a plain PC
I know PCs are pretty lame
But at least they'll always stay the same.
Beth:
PCs. We don't keep changing our product, we always suck. And that's something you can count on.
Wow,that was so awesome and heartwrenching!
-Thanks,Beff. said Lyni.
They saw Azimio and Karofsky heading over to the boys' locker room and Lydia said to Bethany:
-Excuse me,I got some of my own screwing to do.
And with that Ladia went to the boys' locker room,leaving Beth alone.She said to herself:
-What about me?I want a threesome too!I wanna have sex with somebody!Why does everybody see me as a child?I AM NOT A CHILD!
And with that,she "started to sing:":http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=aMGu6457tFY
What did you think
Did you think I wasn't up here selling sex to you
I mean come on,
If my jeans were any lower
You could see my prize, Yeah
If you don't get it by this time
Let me make it perfectly clear
I'm Not a Child (I'm not a child)
It's Okay To Nail Me (It's okay to nail me)
I'm So Sick and Tired
Beating Around My Bush
Look at this blouse
God, these things are almost falling out of it
What More do you need
Do I have to stand here naked, with arrows pointing at my pubic bone
Throwing the metaphors at you
A snake and a pole and a hand
I'm Not a Child
You're watching porn right now, do you understand
It's Okay To Nail Me
If you don't get that you're an old and gay man
For you, I'm a slave
What I mean is a sex slave
Oops I will say it again
I'm Not a Child
Come on, let's do it
I'm Not a Child
Put me up and get to it
I'm Not a Child
Put your back into it
I'm not a child!! Uhh
------------------------------------------------------------------
Ezekiel was having lunch in the cafeteria,and Eva passed by him.Ezekeil felt Eva's nasueating smell,adn exclaimed:
-Ewww,what is that smell,eh?
-What did you say,hoomeschooled homosexual?! Eva asked menacingly.
-You stink!
-O RLY?
She then sniffed him like a dog and they continued:
-At least I don't smell like wheat and cow crap!
-Hey,I at least wash!
-In what,a bucket full of cold water?
-Well yeah!I DO live on a farm,y'know,we don't have indoor plumbing!
-Whatever.I work out a lot,so this is all natural smell.
-Yeah,but it's waste!Your body is secreting waste through your skin,eh!This basically means you're peeing through your whole body,and not just your va-jay-jay!
And with that,everybody lost their appetite and stopped eting.Eva said:
-Fine,I guess I could use some washing-up.
And with that,she left and went to the girls' shower room.As she was taking off her clothes,she "started to sing:":http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QDEPexjrh0o
How 'bout getting out spots and grape soda stains?
How 'bout washing out this grease and grime?
How 'bout cleaning them 'till no more dirt remains?
How 'bout a quarter for three nickels and a dime?
Wash my blue jeans,
Wash my underwear,
Wash me,
Wash me,
Wash me!
Wash off gravy,
Wash off kitty hair,
Wash me,
Wash me,
Wash me!
How 'bout crossword puzzles 'till the cycle's done?
How 'bout adding softener to the rinse?
How 'bout separating, so the colors don't run?
How 'bout cleaning dryer screens of lint?
Wash my greasy hair,
Wash my pretty face,
Wash me,
Wash me,
Wash me!
Wash my derriere,
Wash my no-no place,
Wash me,
Wash me,
Wash me!
Hey-yeah,
Huh-oh,
Oh-whoa!
Hey-yeah,
Y-yeah,
Oh-oh,
Oh-whoa!
Hey-yeah,
Y-yeah,
Oh-oh,
Oh-whoa!
Once she was done,Eva left the shower and saw somebody stole her clothes.She furiousishly stormed out of the showeer room and whispered:
-WHO STOLE MY SISERFUCKING CLOTHES?!?!?!
However,as soon as everybody saw Eva naked there,they all started screaming and panicking at the sight of her naked body.
Author' note:I just puked btw.
Everybody stabbed themselves in the eyes just so they wouldn't have to see Eva anymore and Principal Faggins said:
-THE HORROR!THE HORROR!
Eva simply shrugged and took an orange tracksuit from the Lost and Found.
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Meanwhile,Harold,Cody,Noah and Luke were at the video store,looking for videos.
-Gosh guys,we could get Star Wars:Revenge of the Shit! Harold said.
-No way,I want porn!! Cody said.
-Yeah,I want porn,too! Luke agreed.
-Fine,we'll get porn. Harold said.
How about Schindler's Fist?
-No,let's get Ava-tits!It's in 3D! Cody said.
-Heck no,I want Tits-anic! Luke continued.
Or maybe The Exhibitionism of Emily Rose?
-No,I'm more of a butt-man. Harod replied.
Which is why I want The Ass is the Color Purple.
-Well,I know what I want. Noah spoke.
I wanna watch Hairy Potter and the Studly Fellows.
-But,Noah,that's gay porn! Codein said.
-Yeah,so?
-Gush,guys look at this!
Harold pointed to a shelf categorised as CRAP.
-This where they put all the crappy films!There's Waterworld,Pluto Nash,Dylan Dog:Dead of Night,Steel Magnolias,...
-Basically,all the cinematic trash that can be. Luke said.
-I know. Harold sAIDS.
I blame 2004.That was a bad year for films,and ever since we've been getting crap after crap.
[beat]
-This makes me sing.
And with that,they "started to sing:":http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-yPix_2KVig
Harold:
There wasn't one good summer movie
They all pissed the shit outta me
Where am I ever gonna see
Anymore of this C.R.A.-
The pain of getting shot nine times doesnt equal
Than the pain from watching all these stupid ass sequels.
That Legally Blonde Ho should give back her diploma
The 2 Bad Boys should go back to Tacoma
2 Fast 2 Furious was a waste of 90 minutes
The only good thing was Vin Deasel wasnt in it,
Spy Kids just has to be stopped
The girl got boobies the boys balls have dropped,
Cody:
American Wedding really made my ass sick
How many places can that white boy put his dick?
Charlie's Angels 2, man them bitches really stunk
Demi Moore should stay retired cause we all just got Punk'd
Luke:
There wasnt one good summer movie
Except that about the fishes in the sea
Even Angelina Jolie
Was not a pile of C.R.A.P.
Harold:
Terminator 3 didnt get my vote,
Hope he gets beat by that kid from Diff'rent Strokes
Dumb and Dumberer was moved the moment it started
By the time it was through the audience was retarted.
Noah:
Jim Carey was to busy preaching Bruce Almighty
I'd like to yank the teeth out of cockle smiling whitey
And where he get the ho from Friends with the plastic rack
The only thing that was that god was black.
Cody:
... Jason vs. Freddy
I'd like to take that film and chop it up with Jay's machette
What was with Eddie Murphy trying to play a nanny?
Go back to whatcha know, go pick up a tranny.
I went to see Hulk and I felt like a chump
It looked like Ang Lee took a big green dump
Harold:
I saw Gigli or Gigli whatever the fuck you call it
I call it piece of crap cuz took 10 bucks from my wallet
Noah:
I mean seriously whatever happened to strong characters,believing in dialogue and following the 3- act story up?
Harold:
DAMN!
Luke:
There wasnt one good summer movie
Someone put another bullet in me
Better stay away from this marquee
Gonna stick with my MadTV!
So anyways,what's say we get The Boobs Guild of Evangelion:You Are (Hot) Alone?Or maybe The This-Ass-I-Will-Ram of Haruhi Seiko-miya?
------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
It was the end of the week.All the teens were in the auditoruim and Will said:
-Congratulations,teens!You have succesfully made it through this whole experinece!Now,as your final task,I demand you sing a song directed to ME!
-QUE?! everybody gasped.
-Yes!Do you think it's easy to run a Glee club full of unbearable stereotypes?It's devastating!And I only got recognition ONCE,and that was a freakin' Kelly Clarkson song!So,I demand you make a tribute to ME!
Everybody looked around.They were puzzled by this state of events,and didn't know what to do.Will contined:
-If you don't sing a song about me,I will rape all of you.
Finally,Bridgette whispered something into everybody's ears.They all nodded.
-OK Will,we're ready. said Birgitte.
Everybody went to the floor and "started singing to Will:":http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dhudMc0jfsc
All:
Sunny, yesterday my life was filled with rain.
Sunny, you smiled at me and really eased the pain.
Bridgette:
The dark days are gone, and the bright days are here
Gwen:
My Sunny one shines so sincere
All:
Sunny one so true, I love you.
Sunny, thank you for the sunshine bouquet.
Sunny, thank you for the love you brought my way.
Izzy:
You gave to me your all and all.
Lindsay:
Now I feel ten feet tall.
All:
Sunny one so true, I love you.
Sunny, thank you for the truth you let me see.
Sunny, thank you for the facts from A to Z.
Sierra:
My life was torn like a windblown sand
Heather:
And the rock was formed when you held my hands
All:
Sunny one so true, I love you.
Sunny
Sunny, thank you for the smile upon your face.
Sunny, thank for the Glee that shows its grace.
Luke:
You're my spark of nature's fire
Ezekiel:
You're my sweet complete desire
All:
Sunny one so true, I love you.
Sunny, yesterday my life was filled with rain.
Sunny, you smiled at me and really eased the pain.
Sadie:
The dark days are gone, and the bright days are here
Courtney:
My Sunny one shines so sincere
All:
Sunny one so true, I love you
I love you.
I love you.
I love you.
I love you.
I love you.
I love you.
Will crapped and cheered:
-Thank you,thank you!Thank you so much!Now get outta here,ya crazy hosers!Go back to Canada!
And with that,they all left.Will sat down for a few seconds and finally said:
-God,this fic sucks so very much.
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