Categories > Celebrities > My Chemical Romance > I've Lost My Fear Of Falling
Kirrah's POV
“Shall we go to your room?” Frank asked, winking at me. I blushed like crazy and sighed.
“Fine. But I have to quickly do something first.” I said, before grabbing Meg’s arm and ran up the stairs. I shut the door behind me and turned to Meg.
“Okay, we need to quickly get rid of all the My Chem things before they come in,” I said as I began to put the CD’s into a drawer.
“Kirrah! Look around you, how are you going to get rid of it all. You’d have nothing on your walls, nothing on your desk and even nothing on your bed. Calm down, I don’t think they’ll mind.”
I took a deep breath. Meg was right. We went back and invited them in. I fidgeted as they walked around my room.
“Whoa, this My Chemical Romance band must be pretty awesome for them to be all over your walls.” Ray said, and I blushed. Frank started laughing and meg joined in until I glared at her. she tried to cover it up by coughing.
“Sore throat,” she said, and rubbed her throat, making Ray chuckle.
“Who are these kitty cats?” frank asked, holding up a picture of Meg and I at my last party.
“Us...” whispered Meg, as Mikey looked at the picture.
“What are you trying to do?” Mikey asked
“Being Catwoman…” I replied
“Of course,” smiled Mikey.
“Well… I think you look amazingly sexy,” said Frank, and I felt my face flare red and I tried to cover my face with my hair. Meg just started laughing hysterically. Everyone was looking at her funny, except Frank who was laughing with her. He had the cutest little giggle. It was adorable. After about 10 minutes, they finished laughing, but then every couple of seconds Meg would make a weird sound, as if she would start laughing again. Frank walked over to my CD case and put a disc in the stereo. ‘The Black Parade’. Then he walked into the spare room, Gerard following close behind him. I followed them in and they gasped.
“Do you play?” Gerard asked, gesturing towards the instruments that were in the room.
“Umm..” Meg said, a blush creeping along her face. it was obvious she was unable to say anything to Gerard, since she was basically in love with him, so I interrupted.
“Mayyybe…” I said
“Who plays what?” asked Mikey
“Well, I-“ I started to tell them but I was cut-off.
“I wanna guess!” Ray yelled.
“Umm, okay?” I replied.
“Meg plays bass guitar and Kirrah sings.” Ray guessed.
“Nope.” Meg said, grinning.
“Meg plays drums and does back-up singing. I play bass and sing.” I told him.
“Well, I got the singing part right.” I told them hopefully.
Meg and I burst out laughing but stopped when Mikey doubted out ability to play well.
“Bring it.” I said, as Meg got her drumsticks and twirled them in her hands. I went back to my room, turned off the stereo and started tuning up. We played ‘It’s Not A Fashion Statement, It’s A Death Wish’. As we were playing, I saw them watch in awe. I felt Frank’s eyes on me, which made me blush, so I tried to avoid any eye contact. I didn’t want to stuff up in front of them. We finished and I was still blushing.
“You guys are amazing!” Mikey said, and I blushed. I couldn’t believe Mikey FUCKING Way thought we were good!
“Awww thank Mikey!” Meg and I said, practically in sync. We ran up to Mikey and gave him a hug. All that was running through my head was ‘Oh my god, I’m hugging Mikey Way!’ I felt him look over my shoulder, then chuckle as we let go.
“DINNER!” Mum called, and we wandered down the stairs. ‘Thank god dad isn’t here,’ I thought to myself as we reached the table. Everyone sat down to several pizzas and chips. I mentally thanked mum for listening to me ranting about Frank, as she set sown a vegetarian pizza.
“Here, Frank, I made a vegetarian one for you,”
“Thanks! How did you know?” he said, though the look on his face told me he had a good guess. I looked at mum with a ‘Don’t you dare’ look.
“Kirrah doesn’t shut up about you guys. Especially you, Frank,” she said, looking at me and grinning. I felt my mouth drop and I just stared at her.
“Awesome,” Frank giggled and took a piece of pizza. I had never been more embarrassed. Ever.
“Uhh… excuse me…” I choked out, and practically ran up the stairs and into my room. I slammed my door and sank to the floor. I know it was crazy, and they didn’t seem to mind, but I felt horrible. It was the most embarrassing thing that could ever happen. Deep sobs rose in my chest as tears flowed from my eyes down my cheeks. Someone knocked on the door, and I suspected it was Meg. I opened the door and hugged her straight away, but I soon realised it wasn’t Meg. I felt whoever it was wrap their arms around me. I sobbed into their chest, and looked up. To my horror, I saw Frank looking down at me, his gorgeous eyes looking into mine.
“F-F-Frank! I’m s-s-so sorry…” I stuttered, and he put a finger to my lips to shush me.
“It’s okay! Why are you crying? You shouldn’t be embarrassed, I’ve seen much worse! At least your not licking my face or anything.” He chuckled.
“S-Someone did that?” I asked, and he nodded. I started to laugh, I couldn’t help it. he laughed along with me, until someone came into the room. It was mum.
“Frank? Kirrah? You’ve barely eaten anything,” said mum, “Nothing is going on here, is it?”
I froze. Is she serious?
“Why do you look so shocked?” she asked. I didn’t want Frank to hear what I was about to say, but at this stage I had forgotten he was here. I was about to rant.
“I don’t know. Maybe the fact that we are talking about the most amazing guy in the most amazing band ever! The most attractive guy I have ever seen in the history of the world?! The most inspirational, talented, awesome guy that has ever lived?! Someone that I could never ever get in a million years because I’m not any of that! I am just useless and nobody wants me and…and…” I couldn’t say anymore because there were tears blurring my vision and I had worked myself up so much I could hardly breathe. I fell to the floor and sobbed into the carpet. I hadn’t realised anyone had knelt down beside me until their arms were wrapped around me. I just stayed where I was until the tears had cleared up, and I realised that it was Frank, again! I had realised that he had heard everything I said,
“You must think I’m pathetic,” I said, laughing a little at my own stupidity.
“What? No. I’m just thinking… Have you not listened to anything we’ve said over the years?” he asked and I looked up at him, confused.
“What do you mean?” I asked.
“You shouldn’t hate yourself. You should love yourself. Everyone is unique and beautiful and you shouldn’t let anyone tell you otherwise.”
“Easy for you to say, you’re awesome.” I mumbled and Frank laughed at my choice of words.
“You think so, but there are a lot of people who don’t think that. As a band, we get all kinds of hate. But you just have to push through it. We do it for you guys, the fans, who actually enjoy what we do. The rest doesn’t even matter.”
“Okay, there is still one thing I don’t understand…” I said
“Shoot.”
“Why are you being this… kind… I mean. I’m just a crazy-“
“You’re not crazy!” he interrupted.
“Look around you,” I said as I rolled my eyes. He chuckled.
“You’re being silly. C’mon. They’ll be missing us downstairs.” He said, helping me up. I smiled and followed him downstairs.
~~
“When I was a young boy, my father took me into the city, to see a marching band. He said son when you grow up, would you be, the saviour of the broken, the beaten and the damned?”
We were all sitting on the three couches I had in my living room, and Gerard was singing ‘Welcome To The Black Parade’. I was sitting next to Frank, and I felt my eyes getting heavy. I rested my head on Frank’s shoulder. There was a loud thud and I jumped up, causing me to bang heads with Frank.
“Shit! I’m sorry!” I whispered, “Okay guys, to my room!”
“Huh? Why?” asked Frank.
“Shhh!! I’ll explain when you’re up there!” I said and everyone started walking up stairs.
“What are you doing?” yelled my father, as he walked through the door.
“Oh crap…” I whimpered. Frank stopped and looked at me.
“Kirrah? What’s going on..?” he asked.
“I told you I’d explain, but in my room. Now go before you get hurt.”
“Hurt?! Kirrah…”
“Just go!”
I walked back down the stairs to see my father downing a bottle of vodka.
“Hey…” I said, unsure of what to say to him.
“You. Are. In. So. Much. Trouble.” He said slowly, emphasising every word.
“Why?” I asked, and immediately regretted asking it. He walked over to me and slapped me so hard I fell to the ground. I clutched the side of my face and held in the tears that threatened to spill over.
He began to kick my sides until I couldn’t breathe properly.
"You think you can just leave the house whenever you want and not tell me where you are going?!" he yelled.
"Mum knew!" I protested. He laughed and went into his bedroom, probably to do the same thing to my mum. I stayed on the ground, calming down my breathing, then slowly got up and headed upstairs. Every movement I made hurt. I staggered into my room and collapsed onto the bed.
“KIRRAH!” exclaimed Meg, “He did it again, didn’t he?”
I nodded, and started crying into my pillow.
“Did what? What’s going on?” asked Gerard.
“Can I…?” asked Meg. I hesitated, before nodding. They might as well know.
“Uhh, well… Kirrah’s dad is very… violent… and he… uh….” Meg was trying to explain, but she was having lots of troubles.
“Meg, he doesn’t… hurt her… does he?” asked Mikey, and Meg just looked at him.
“Oh my god.”
“Shall we go to your room?” Frank asked, winking at me. I blushed like crazy and sighed.
“Fine. But I have to quickly do something first.” I said, before grabbing Meg’s arm and ran up the stairs. I shut the door behind me and turned to Meg.
“Okay, we need to quickly get rid of all the My Chem things before they come in,” I said as I began to put the CD’s into a drawer.
“Kirrah! Look around you, how are you going to get rid of it all. You’d have nothing on your walls, nothing on your desk and even nothing on your bed. Calm down, I don’t think they’ll mind.”
I took a deep breath. Meg was right. We went back and invited them in. I fidgeted as they walked around my room.
“Whoa, this My Chemical Romance band must be pretty awesome for them to be all over your walls.” Ray said, and I blushed. Frank started laughing and meg joined in until I glared at her. she tried to cover it up by coughing.
“Sore throat,” she said, and rubbed her throat, making Ray chuckle.
“Who are these kitty cats?” frank asked, holding up a picture of Meg and I at my last party.
“Us...” whispered Meg, as Mikey looked at the picture.
“What are you trying to do?” Mikey asked
“Being Catwoman…” I replied
“Of course,” smiled Mikey.
“Well… I think you look amazingly sexy,” said Frank, and I felt my face flare red and I tried to cover my face with my hair. Meg just started laughing hysterically. Everyone was looking at her funny, except Frank who was laughing with her. He had the cutest little giggle. It was adorable. After about 10 minutes, they finished laughing, but then every couple of seconds Meg would make a weird sound, as if she would start laughing again. Frank walked over to my CD case and put a disc in the stereo. ‘The Black Parade’. Then he walked into the spare room, Gerard following close behind him. I followed them in and they gasped.
“Do you play?” Gerard asked, gesturing towards the instruments that were in the room.
“Umm..” Meg said, a blush creeping along her face. it was obvious she was unable to say anything to Gerard, since she was basically in love with him, so I interrupted.
“Mayyybe…” I said
“Who plays what?” asked Mikey
“Well, I-“ I started to tell them but I was cut-off.
“I wanna guess!” Ray yelled.
“Umm, okay?” I replied.
“Meg plays bass guitar and Kirrah sings.” Ray guessed.
“Nope.” Meg said, grinning.
“Meg plays drums and does back-up singing. I play bass and sing.” I told him.
“Well, I got the singing part right.” I told them hopefully.
Meg and I burst out laughing but stopped when Mikey doubted out ability to play well.
“Bring it.” I said, as Meg got her drumsticks and twirled them in her hands. I went back to my room, turned off the stereo and started tuning up. We played ‘It’s Not A Fashion Statement, It’s A Death Wish’. As we were playing, I saw them watch in awe. I felt Frank’s eyes on me, which made me blush, so I tried to avoid any eye contact. I didn’t want to stuff up in front of them. We finished and I was still blushing.
“You guys are amazing!” Mikey said, and I blushed. I couldn’t believe Mikey FUCKING Way thought we were good!
“Awww thank Mikey!” Meg and I said, practically in sync. We ran up to Mikey and gave him a hug. All that was running through my head was ‘Oh my god, I’m hugging Mikey Way!’ I felt him look over my shoulder, then chuckle as we let go.
“DINNER!” Mum called, and we wandered down the stairs. ‘Thank god dad isn’t here,’ I thought to myself as we reached the table. Everyone sat down to several pizzas and chips. I mentally thanked mum for listening to me ranting about Frank, as she set sown a vegetarian pizza.
“Here, Frank, I made a vegetarian one for you,”
“Thanks! How did you know?” he said, though the look on his face told me he had a good guess. I looked at mum with a ‘Don’t you dare’ look.
“Kirrah doesn’t shut up about you guys. Especially you, Frank,” she said, looking at me and grinning. I felt my mouth drop and I just stared at her.
“Awesome,” Frank giggled and took a piece of pizza. I had never been more embarrassed. Ever.
“Uhh… excuse me…” I choked out, and practically ran up the stairs and into my room. I slammed my door and sank to the floor. I know it was crazy, and they didn’t seem to mind, but I felt horrible. It was the most embarrassing thing that could ever happen. Deep sobs rose in my chest as tears flowed from my eyes down my cheeks. Someone knocked on the door, and I suspected it was Meg. I opened the door and hugged her straight away, but I soon realised it wasn’t Meg. I felt whoever it was wrap their arms around me. I sobbed into their chest, and looked up. To my horror, I saw Frank looking down at me, his gorgeous eyes looking into mine.
“F-F-Frank! I’m s-s-so sorry…” I stuttered, and he put a finger to my lips to shush me.
“It’s okay! Why are you crying? You shouldn’t be embarrassed, I’ve seen much worse! At least your not licking my face or anything.” He chuckled.
“S-Someone did that?” I asked, and he nodded. I started to laugh, I couldn’t help it. he laughed along with me, until someone came into the room. It was mum.
“Frank? Kirrah? You’ve barely eaten anything,” said mum, “Nothing is going on here, is it?”
I froze. Is she serious?
“Why do you look so shocked?” she asked. I didn’t want Frank to hear what I was about to say, but at this stage I had forgotten he was here. I was about to rant.
“I don’t know. Maybe the fact that we are talking about the most amazing guy in the most amazing band ever! The most attractive guy I have ever seen in the history of the world?! The most inspirational, talented, awesome guy that has ever lived?! Someone that I could never ever get in a million years because I’m not any of that! I am just useless and nobody wants me and…and…” I couldn’t say anymore because there were tears blurring my vision and I had worked myself up so much I could hardly breathe. I fell to the floor and sobbed into the carpet. I hadn’t realised anyone had knelt down beside me until their arms were wrapped around me. I just stayed where I was until the tears had cleared up, and I realised that it was Frank, again! I had realised that he had heard everything I said,
“You must think I’m pathetic,” I said, laughing a little at my own stupidity.
“What? No. I’m just thinking… Have you not listened to anything we’ve said over the years?” he asked and I looked up at him, confused.
“What do you mean?” I asked.
“You shouldn’t hate yourself. You should love yourself. Everyone is unique and beautiful and you shouldn’t let anyone tell you otherwise.”
“Easy for you to say, you’re awesome.” I mumbled and Frank laughed at my choice of words.
“You think so, but there are a lot of people who don’t think that. As a band, we get all kinds of hate. But you just have to push through it. We do it for you guys, the fans, who actually enjoy what we do. The rest doesn’t even matter.”
“Okay, there is still one thing I don’t understand…” I said
“Shoot.”
“Why are you being this… kind… I mean. I’m just a crazy-“
“You’re not crazy!” he interrupted.
“Look around you,” I said as I rolled my eyes. He chuckled.
“You’re being silly. C’mon. They’ll be missing us downstairs.” He said, helping me up. I smiled and followed him downstairs.
~~
“When I was a young boy, my father took me into the city, to see a marching band. He said son when you grow up, would you be, the saviour of the broken, the beaten and the damned?”
We were all sitting on the three couches I had in my living room, and Gerard was singing ‘Welcome To The Black Parade’. I was sitting next to Frank, and I felt my eyes getting heavy. I rested my head on Frank’s shoulder. There was a loud thud and I jumped up, causing me to bang heads with Frank.
“Shit! I’m sorry!” I whispered, “Okay guys, to my room!”
“Huh? Why?” asked Frank.
“Shhh!! I’ll explain when you’re up there!” I said and everyone started walking up stairs.
“What are you doing?” yelled my father, as he walked through the door.
“Oh crap…” I whimpered. Frank stopped and looked at me.
“Kirrah? What’s going on..?” he asked.
“I told you I’d explain, but in my room. Now go before you get hurt.”
“Hurt?! Kirrah…”
“Just go!”
I walked back down the stairs to see my father downing a bottle of vodka.
“Hey…” I said, unsure of what to say to him.
“You. Are. In. So. Much. Trouble.” He said slowly, emphasising every word.
“Why?” I asked, and immediately regretted asking it. He walked over to me and slapped me so hard I fell to the ground. I clutched the side of my face and held in the tears that threatened to spill over.
He began to kick my sides until I couldn’t breathe properly.
"You think you can just leave the house whenever you want and not tell me where you are going?!" he yelled.
"Mum knew!" I protested. He laughed and went into his bedroom, probably to do the same thing to my mum. I stayed on the ground, calming down my breathing, then slowly got up and headed upstairs. Every movement I made hurt. I staggered into my room and collapsed onto the bed.
“KIRRAH!” exclaimed Meg, “He did it again, didn’t he?”
I nodded, and started crying into my pillow.
“Did what? What’s going on?” asked Gerard.
“Can I…?” asked Meg. I hesitated, before nodding. They might as well know.
“Uhh, well… Kirrah’s dad is very… violent… and he… uh….” Meg was trying to explain, but she was having lots of troubles.
“Meg, he doesn’t… hurt her… does he?” asked Mikey, and Meg just looked at him.
“Oh my god.”
it's a new chapter via me. sorry, it's super long and a tad depressing. ANYHOO! hope you like it, meg's chapter is next... this is unedited so any mistakes let me know yeah?
alright, lots of love
- kirrah xx
p.s. R&R :D
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