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"Here." Gerard's mother handed him his pills. 

He grumbled. "Do I still have to see that fat doctor guy? I've got my meds now and apparently I won't be randomly turning into different people, according to him."

"Only once a month from now on. Just to see how things are working out and to make sure that...it's not getting worse." Donna hesitated before saying the last bit. 

As Gerard trudged up the stairs to his room, he realized that his mother never called his disorder "that disease" or "the problem" or "your mental issue." She simply referred to it as, well, "it." Gerard didn't know if he was grateful for that or annoyed about it because in a way, it could mean that his mother disliked what he had become. He was no longer a normal human being; he was a freak, a misfit, a mental case, a monster. And now that he thought about it, he might be better off being stuck in an insane asylum than being tormented at school by the ruthless teens who were apparently perfect, flawless, incomparable, better-than-everyone-else. 

'But what about Mikey?' questioned a little voice in the back of his head. 

Hey, I thought the pills were supposed to make you go away.

'I'm your conscience, you tool. You wouldn't be hearing me if it was that identity thing you've got.'

The little voice in the back of Gerard's head - his conscience - had become more prominent in his thoughts lately. He assumed it was some sort of side effect of the medication he was now taking. It was as if every time he said something, his conscience wanted to have a conversation, or more specifically, an argument with him. 

Oh. Right.

'As I was saying, how do you think Mikey would feel if he had to start a new school all by himself while you were stuck in an asylum where you couldn't help him, let alone talk to him?'

I never said I wanted go where all the crazies go.

'Not out loud. But you were thinking about it.' 

If Gerard's conscience had a face, it probably would've been smirking rather smugly. If his conscience had a body, Gerard probably would've punched it by now. 

"Shut up."

'Make me!'

Gerard could just picture his conscience raising its eyebrows with a malicious grin plastered all over its face. 

"Gee?" Mikey poked his head through Gerard's bedroom door. 

"I told you to shut up." Gerard did not notice Mikey and thought his conscience was talking to him again. He also failed to notice that he had been talking out loud the past minute. 

"Gerard." Mikey pushed the door open completely and walked in. 

Gerard spun around in his seat by his desk in surprise. "Huh? What?"

"I can hear you talking to yourself from my room."

"Shit. Have I been really been talking out loud the whole time?"

"Not the whole time...well, I wouldn't really know but I started to hear you talk to yourself like a minute ago." Since a few days ago, after Gerard had received his medication, Mikey had been significantly less hesitant about talking to his brother due to the assurance that the pills kept him under control. 

Gerard suddenly let out a long, drawn out breath and put his head in his hands. 

"Is there something wrong?"

Gerard was not quite sure how to respond. "No...well, I don't know, it's just, the voice in the back of my head is really bothering me - I feel like it wants to argue with me every time I try to think…I don't know if that's, uh, normal for someone like me but then again I don't think anything about me is exactly normal anymore…" he made a brave attempt at a smile. 

"Oh." Mikey could tell that Gerard was very confused and still struggling to grasp the fact that he could unknowingly lash out and do something dangerous and possibly hurt himself or someone else. Mikey couldn't think of anything to say so he asked lamely, "So, um, how's your hand?"

Gerard grimaced and lifted his previously injured hand palm up so that Mikey could see it. "It's healed, but I've got a feeling this scar is gonna be staying for a while."

Mikey let out a deep breath not unlike Gerard's and sat down on Gerard's unmade bed. He felt like his life was getting a bit out of hand, and if he felt like things were getting chaotic, he couldn't imagine what Gerard was going through. "I don't want to go to that new school..." His voice was nearly a whisper. "It's probably no different from the one we used to go to. I don't care what Mom said, I feel like this is only making things harder."

"Mikey, you know that Mom knows what's best for us. I think this time it'll be different. Sure, you could say we'd probably still be the losers, but that doesn't mean we can't make new friends."

Mikey felt a slight twinge of guilt at the fact that his brother was mentally fucked up and yet he was comforting him while he whined about not wanting to go to school. 

"Would you shut the fuck up?!" Gerard was nearly yelling.  

Mikey jumped and looked up in shock. Did I…say something? he thought to himself. 

"Every time! It just finds a way to fucking piss me off every time I say something!"

Mikey finally realized what was going on. "Gerard, I-I know I probably sound stupid but couldn't you just try...ignoring it?"

"But Mikey, you don't get it. The thing is, it's me that keeps trying to argue! I'm the one arguing with myself! I couldn't just completely ignore myself - that'd be like forbidding myself to say anything, or even think about anything. It's like every time I say something, my mind talks back to me like I'm a total idiot and...i-it's just so..." Gerard fell silent, his shoulders slumping as tears slowly crawled their way down his pale cheeks. 

"Frustrating? Makes you feel hopeless?" Mikey suggested. 

Gerard simply nodded, his eyes on the floor. Mikey stood up and walked over to Gerard's desk where he was sitting and wrapped his arms around his brother, doing whatever simple things he could do to comfort him. Gerard hugged him back, his tears soaking the other's shirt. Mikey wished he could somehow take away Gerard's pain and make him better, make him happy again, and it broke his heart to know that was something he would never be able to do. 

"Hey Mikey?"

"Yeah?"

"I think this time, it will be different. I don't know if that's good or bad, but trust me, it's not going to be like before."

"Well, that's for sure. Look at everything that's just happened. Nothing is ever going to be the same…at least not for me. But…" Mikey hesitated. 

"But what?"

"What if you can't come to school with me? What am I going to do? It's not like anyone would want to be friends with me…" Mikey was amazed at how pathetic and bitchy he sounded. "If I didn't have any friends back home, why should it be any different here?"

"Mikey, stop talking about yourself like that. It's not your fault. It's everyone else's fault. It's just, well, it's like they never take the time to see what you're really like…it's like who you are doesn't even matter anymore…" Gerard looked like he was going to cry again. "I'm sorry…it's these kinds of things that really make me question everything, like what's the point? Why even bother?" 

Not being able to find anything to say, the two sat together silently for a while, just shifting their gaze from the poster covered walls to the window giving them a view of a dismally grey and cloudy winter sky. Mikey felt his eyes starting to get out of focus from staring when Gerard suddenly spoke up. 

"Hey…do you want to go check out that one music store we saw earlier in the week?"

"W-what?" Mikey stammered in surprise at the unexpected suggestion. "Gee, are you-"

Gerard realized how startling his thoughtless question might have been for Mikey. "Oh…no. No, Mikey, I'm still me, if that's what was scaring you. Sorry, I guess that was kinda random but I was just thinking we should go do something. I'm pretty sure nothing's gonna happen if we just sit here and er… complain about how fucked up everything is."

"Oh. Ok… It's not that long of a walk, right?"

"Nah, I think it's only like a block away from the school."

Mikey quickly went to his room to grab a hoodie and change into jeans while Gerard waited downstairs, having chosen to stay in his sweats. 

Gerard peeked into the kitchen. "Hey Mom, me and Mikey are gonna go to the music store across from the school."

Donna glanced at the clock. "It's gonna be getting dark soon so be quick. And be careful."

Gerard nodded and headed to the front door where Mikey was waiting for him. 


About ten minutes later, Gerard and Mikey found themselves gazing at their reflections in the glass door of Nicholson's music store. Their cheeks were flushed from the icy wind blowing the dead, rotten leaves all over the wet roads and sidewalks. Through the large glass window, they were able to see a small collection of guitars - mostly electrics, a number of basses, a couple of drum kits, various percussion paraphernalia, violins in four basic sizes, plenty of tablature books and piano method books, and various music related accessories. Gerard pulled the door open and heard a cheerful jingling sound. As he held the door open for Mikey a bitterly cold gust of wind blew into the shop, mixing with the warm, toasty indoor air. Gerard closed the door and saw the jingle bells hanging on the handle that rang whenever the door opened or closed. 

"Hello! May I help you?"
 
Gerard and Mikey turned around and were greeted by a smiling man with glasses who looked to be about in his sixties or seventies. He was balding and the little hair he still had was grey, with streaks of a lighter shade. His wrinkles were not like those of a grumpy old cat lady, but were rather more like the wrinkles of a kind old man who smiled a lot and laughed even at the corniest of jokes. The man appeared to have been reading a magazine at his stool behind the counter. 

"Er, we're just looking around. Thanks, though." Gerard muttered. He had never been very comfortable with talking to strangers. 

"No problem." the man smiled again, the corners of his eyes crinkling the slightest bit. "I don't think I've seen you boys around before."

This time, Mikey responded. "We're new here. We moved in just less than a week ago."

"Well then, welcome to your new home!" the man never seemed to stop smiling. 

"Thank you." Mikey and Gerard replied simultaneously. 

"I take it you are Mr Nicholson?" Mikey guessed. 

"Why, yes I am. And you are…?"

"I'm Mikey. This is my older brother, Gerard." Mikey motioned to Gerard, who managed a small smile. 

"Nice to meet you, Mikey and Gerard. I assume you'll be starting school next week when winter vacation ends?"

The two nodded. 

"Hmm…you know, I don't usually see kids your age in my shop anymore."

"I can see why." Gerard said softly. While he and Mikey were walking to the store, they had gotten a good idea of what the kids their age in their neighborhood were like. They were almost just like most of the teenagers back in their old city - girls with designer jeans, copious amounts of makeup, and not-so-subtly stuffed bras; guys with expensive looking shoes, pants an inch from completely falling down, and douchebag haircuts.

"What do you mean?" asked Mr. Nicholson. 

Gerard hesitated. "Well… I don't really think most kids my age are um, interested-"

"In quality music?" Mr. Nicholson finished for him. 

"Yeah…I guess you could put it that way." Gerard smiled sheepishly. 

"I know exactly what you mean." Mr. Nicholson said with yet another smile. "So what do you boys like to listen to?"

"Weeell…" said Gerard. "I like the Misfits, Iron Maiden, Black Flag, I think you get the idea."

"What about you, Mikey?"

"I like Anthrax." he said with a small shrug. "But I listen to pretty much everything else he does, I guess."

Mr. Nicholson nodded in approval. "Do you boys play any instruments?"

Gerard and Mikey looked at each other and shook their heads. 

"None?!"

"Well, I sing a little, if that counts as anything." Gerard said. 

"Hm. I suppose that's better than nothing…Well, would you like to learn?"

"I suppose I could try playing the guitar…" Gerard said slowly. 

"I'd be more than happy to teach you. You can try it out and if you don't like it, then you can just let me know. I can teach you whenever you've got time to stop by and I won't ask for anything in return. I'm just glad that there's still kids that have an interest for music!"

"Thanks, Mr. Nicholson. That would be awesome." Gerard was beginning to feel like he'd been friends with this man for a long time even though they'd just met ten minutes ago. 

"My pleasure. How 'bout you, Mikey?" 
FUCKING READY! Sorry. I had to do that. If you don't get it then you seriously need to go see a doctor or something.

"Umm…I'm not really sure… I'll let you know if I think of something." Mikey smiled politely. 

"That's perfectly fine." 

Gerard, wishing to get to know things better, decided to ask Mr. Nicholson some questions instead. "I think you said earlier that you don't have many teenagers come in. Are there any others besides us?"

"Very few, very few. There's a boy that comes in once in a while, He might be your age, Gerard. I think he might go to your school, too. The name is Raymond, I believe. Excellent guitarist. I think he can really get somewhere with talent like he has. Oh, and there's that other boy, the one with the strange last name…" Mr. Nicholson put his finger to his temple, as if he could extract a silver thread of memory to put in a Pensieve. 

Harry Potter, anyone? No? Am I the only one here obsessed with hot blond Slytherins and a poor dead house elf named Dobby? Damn... 

"Let's see…ah, yes, I believe it was Iero. Unusual last name…" he chuckled. "He also plays the guitar, but his style of playing is quite a bit different from the other boy, Raymond. He's around your age, Mikey. But if I'm not mistaken, he goes to the Catholic school on the other side of town." 

Ha, my brother went to Catholic school before we moved from Sacramento to Folsom when I was like, one year old. See bottom for more details if my rambling interest you. I highly doubt it.

Suddenly, Mr. Nicholson exclaimed, "Dear Lord, look at the time!"

Mikey and Gerard both looked up at the clock hanging on the wall behind the counter. Over an hour had already passed since they'd left home. 

Gerard looked out the window and noticed it had started to get dark. "We'd better get home soon, Mikey. It's already getting darker." he turned to Mr. Nicholson. "We're gonna head home now, Mr. Nicholson. We don't want Mom to freak out."

"Alright boys. It was a pleasure talkin to ya. And be careful, you never know what could happen when night's fallin."

"Thanks, Mr. Nicholson." Gerard and Mikey said at the same time. 

"My pleasure. And boys, you can just call me David." he said with a wink and of course, a smile. 

The boys smiled back. "Thanks, David."



Random A/N
ok what I was gonna say was you guys probably think Folsom's like a dingy old prison town or something cause of a certain someone named Johnny Cash thanks a lot, Mr. Cash but actually, it's quite the opposite. The only part that's actually dingy and old is when you're literally across the fence from the prison. Do not walk there at night. But the rest of the city is really nice. Too nice, actually. To the point where the most exciting thing you'll see is a dumbass falling off his bike cause he was too busy reading a book. Wtf. But yeaaaah... If you get up high enough in the right place you can get a nice view of Folsom Lake. If you look outside my window at the wrong time you can get a terrible view of the fat hairy guy across the street going jogging only wearing shorts that are too short. It's quite disturbing. I'll shut up about that now. So, do any of you guys watch Criminal Minds? I'm obsessed with that show…Lorna apparently watched it too…too bad I can't talk to her about it :( But you should see me practically drool just looking at Matthew Gray Gubler ohmyfuckinggod that man is just, gah, I don't even know. He's so fucking adorable it burns my eyes and it doesn't help that he's a total nerd - sorta like Brendon Urie, except he's actually smart. HAHAHA JK! I have to say though, he's the best looking man on the show. Shemar Moore comes in second. I need to shut the fuck up. Last thing - there is a music store about a five minute drive away from my house called Nicholson's and there are jingle bells hanging on the door. I have no idea who the actual Nicholson is or if his name is David. I made that part up.

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