FicWad

"Gerard?" I gentally knocked on his door. It was dark now, but too early for him to have gone to bed, he said he has trouble sleeping anyway so I doubt he would be.
He didn't reply. I slowly creaked the door open, it was dark in his room; no lights were on and the only light provided was the hall light streaming in past my shoulder. It was silent in his room. I crept down the small staircase and stopped when I reached the bottom. I fumbled around the wall trying to find the switch. When I did I flicked it on and to my great surprise the room was empty. Gerard was nowhere around. I scanned the room slowly, thinking I might of missed him sitting hidden in a corner, but all were empty. It was strange, Gerard had only left me for about five minutes at the most, I heard him leave into his bedroom and i didn't hear him come out. I would have seen him if he had.
I turned to walk back up the stairs, turning the light off as I went. I closed his door behind me and walked down the hall back towards the living room.
"Gerard!?" I called. No reply.
I frowned, why would he leave me. He knows better than to walk out on a time like this, we both need eachother, despite the lack of response Gerard is showing to our loss.
"Gerard!?" I tried again. Nothing.
I walked into the living room and looked out the window that showed the street outside. The dark moonlight cascaded across the empty road which was also being brightened by the flickering street lights that were being held above. I sighed as I became mesmorised by the moon's reflecting light. I couldn't help feeling more lonely than ever. Looking up at the moon reminded me how small I was. Compared to this world, I'm nothing more than one boy. One boy.. One speck from the moon's point of view.. Just another face in the crowd. I frowned once more and divereted my eyes from the moon's light.
"Gerard!?" I tried once more for the final time, this time sounding annoyed.
"What?" He replied, sounding just as pissed as I did.
I walked briskly to the direction of where his voice was coming from, he was standing at the front door, looking mildly surprised by my outburst.
"W-What do you mean what! Where have you been?!"
"Calm the fuck down Mikey. I was just getting some air."
"And you didn't hear me yelling out to you?"
"No, I didn't."
"..Well, how did you get outside with out walking past me?"
"I did walk past you, Mikey. And I went out the door, you just didn't notice."
I frowned at him, there was no way of him slipping past me, I know it. He wasn't telling the truth.
"Gerard.. Y-You're keeping something from me. I know we've kind of drifted apart but you can still tell me everything, you know"
"There is nothing, Mikey." He said calmly.
"There is. I know there is."
He sighed, "Mikey, we've been through this so so many times, we really don't need to go over it again."
"We have not. Tell me what's wrong."
He looked me in the eye for a long time before sighing, "There is nothing that you need to be worrying about Mikey."
I opened my mouth to debate but the look of Gerard and the tone of his voice told me that that was the end of our conversation.
He raised his eyebrows slightly and nodded before leaving to his room, I watched carefully this time only removing my eyes from his closed door after I heard his feet reach the foot of the stairs.
I walked down the hall, past Gerard's room and into my own where I promptly got changed and settled myself in the uncomfortable bed, trying to relax but the atempt seemed pointless. There wasn't much I could do now. Now I felt like just an empty shell, like my soul had been ripped from me.
I drifted into an uneasy sleep.

I woke a few hours later to the sound of my phone buzzing. I got up and flipped it open.
"Hello" I said, sleepily.
"Hey Mikes, it's Frank."
A weak smile played across my lips as I heard my best friends voice.
"Frank." I breathed, he was the first dose of realality that I've recieved in what felt like a very long time.
"H-How are you feeling? I heard about your mom, I'm so so sorry Mikey."
I swallowed heavily and drew a shaky breath.
"I-I.... I don't actually know how I feel yet. It's all kind of a blur at the moment.."
He gave a sympathetic sigh, "I can only imagin.. Where are you staying?" he asked.
"My brother's house." I said blankly.
"You don't sound to happy about that."
"That's because I'm not."
"You're welcome at mine anytime, you know."
"Thanks Frank, but I'll be fine." Mikey barely convinced himself even.
"C..Can I see you? Only when you're up to it of course."
"I think it'll be good for me to see you, Frank. You've always managed to make me happy before. I hope you can this time, even if it's just a tiny amount."
"You sure?"
"You're the one doing me the favour, Frank."
He gave a small laugh, "Well how about today then, it'sup to you, I really don't mind at al-"
"Today would be good,"
"Where?"
"The park, at twelve."
"Okay, see you then Mikes."
I hung up the phone, feelin a very small amount of weight lift off my chest. Frank was the one person I really wanted to see, he knew what to say and what to do everytime. And I can only hope that he won't fail me now.

I walked down the hall into the kitchen where Gerard was sitting at the table, sipping coffee.
"There's cereal in the cupboard, I'm not letting you out of the house until you've eaten." He said.
"How did you know I was even going to leave."
"I heard you talking to your friend" Gerard smiled.
I nodded,
"Are you sure you're up to it?"
"It'll be fine. I think it'll help me.. you know.. feel better."
Gerard nodded slowly, looking into my eyes again like he did, really looking into what felt like my soul.
"How do you do it, Gerard?"
He looked at me and gave a puzzled frown. "How do I do what?"
"How are you.. okay." I breathed slowly.
Gerard's expression didn't change, but he look even stronger into my eyes.
"Well.. I just.. I barely know what's real anymore. You have to move on"
"M-Move on? It's not that easy, Gerar-"
"I'm not telling you it's going to be easy," He cut in, "I'm telling you it's going to be worth it. Once you get through, nothing will block you ever again. Move on."
I narrowed my eyes at him.
"Its hard to forget someone who's given you so much to remeber." I whispered.
"I did it." He said even quieter, staring blankly ahead.
"Well you ran out on us a long time ago, didn't you? You've had time to fucking get over it. It's so hard and you couldn't care less!" I felt my blood start boiling as I looked fiercly at Gerard, who continued his gazing into nothing, I visablely saw him draw in a deep breath, still not looking at me.
"You know what hurts?" He whispered. I could tell he was trying to keep his voice steady and not to raise it. "What hurts is throwing away memories as if they meant nothing at all." He swallowed before continuing "Tossing them around like it didn't mean anything to you when really it hurts so much to let go." He had kept his voice a mild whisper.
"In the end, all we really have a memories." He said a little louder and turned to face me again. "Those memories will destroy us.. We cannot let them linger."
I looked at my brother and sighed.
"I wish you'd tell me more.. I'm still so confused about you. Why did you leave Gerard?"
He smiled a small smile. "The less you reveal the more people can wonder."
We stayed quiet for a long time before Gerard spoke again,
"You know, a part of me always missed you." He whispered.
I smiled, a full, proper smile. The first smile that had played across my lips in what felt like years.

Gerard stood up and patted me reasurringly on the shoulder.
"Be thankful for what you have,you'll end up having more. If you concerntrate on what you don't have you'll never have enough."
I nodded and looked up at him.
He gave a tiny smile, and left back to his room.
I looked at the time, it was nearly twelve.
I walked down the hall, opened Gerard's door and walked down the stairs.
"I'm going to met my friend in the park."
Gerard was sitting at his desk, sketching on a pad of paper. He didn't look up, but nodded.
"When will you be back?"
"I don't know. A few hours maybe."
He nodded again. "You sure you want to leave the house?"
"Yes. It'll be good for me, wouldn't it?"
He shrugged, "See how you feel once you're actually outside."
"What;s that meant to mean?"
"Nothing, just that once you get outside you might realise that your not actually ready to be there."
"I'll be fine. I want to see Frank."
"If you insist."
"Goodbye, Gerard."
"Bye Mikey." I heard, to my surprise, a hint of concern in his voice as he leant over his work.
I left him and went back upstairs, down the hall and stopped once I reached the front door.
I turned the knob and opened the door wide. A strong breath of crisp air whipped past me. I inhaled it and the fresh oxygen filled my lungs in a way that felt strangely uncomfortable.
I stepped out onto the front step and made my way to the end of the path when suddenly my legs froze. I stopped so suddenly that my brain hadn't had time to figure out why I stopped in the first place. I looked back at the house, then back to the road which I was a few meters away from. What was happening, it all seemed... frightening. The road.. The road of which was just like the one my mother died on, the cars passing by, anyone of them could hit me.. like one had hit my mother. This whole world was a death trap. I felt my throat become incredibly dry and my head become lite. Everything started to spin. It's like my mind's unweaving. I struggled to stay on my own two feet, but i still couldn't move. I started to panic, I didn't know which was was left, right, up or down. I started to sway of the spot, white lights flashed before me.
Two hands gripped my arms tightly.
"Mikey?" I heard someone whisper before I colasped and everything went black.